Really Bad Jokes

[Kukakkau]

I'm gonna post the one my friend tell everyone and it's severely not funny after hearing him tell the 50th dam person.

What do gay horses eat?
*stereotypical gay voice* HAAAAAAYYYYY

I used to be a soap addict, but now im clean.

I like this one xD

One of my friends recently spilled a glass of water on his lunch and was heard to remark "Oh crap, now my food looks like Japan!"

I laughed, then hated myself.

Similar one I heard recently

(While playing a game on her phone) "God! Apparently a Japanese guy can do this is 7 seconds!"
"No he can't. He's underwater"

 

[finecrazydud]

"Hey! I thought you said you had diarrhea."
"I did. But now it's...

Spoiler: Wait for it...

...GONE-rrhea."

dont know if you got it from there but i saw that on sanity not included

 

[finecrazydud]

a man was murdered while taken care of his chickens, it was a crime most fowl

 

[Sir-jackington]

knock knock.
who's there?
to.
to who?
to whom

 

[Brian Hendershot]

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: An obscure number you probably have never heard of.

 

[messy]

In the world of chemicals, a constant battle rages between the chemical supervillains and the chemical secret agents. The most esteemed of these is one (OO)7, international dyeing agent of mystery. On one particularly hairy mission, he finds himself pitted against the evil genius of lore, Dr. Nitrogen Monoxide, who has set a devious trap in the form of an ordinary piece of white cloth. After falling through a cleverly placed mechanosensitive membrane protein, (OO)7 is shocked to find himself soaking in to a tightly bound mesh of cotton fibers. (He is, after all, a dyeing agent.) In desperation, he calls to his nemesis, "Do you expect me to talk, NO?" The villain only chuckles maniacally.

"No Mr. Dye, I expect you to bond."

 

[Brutal Peanut]

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?

Spoiler

It's ass

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

knock knock.
who's there?
to.
to who?
to whom

that's amazing good sir.

ok this one is a dirty joke to end all dirty jokes. so if you have an uneasy stomach or anything, DO NOT READ!!!


There was this beautiful young woman riding her white horse around in a field....
AND THEN THEY FELL IN THE MUD!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahhahhaahhaahhaahaahaahaahaahaaahaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

He's married.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Is it okay to make a joke about Japan or is it still too Soon-ami?

 

[wynnsora]

Some scientists in the UK were testing some drug out on some monkey's. They gave them their first dose, and left for the night. They came back and found that the monkey's had exploded overnight. I feel bad for the Janitor who had to pick up the Reese's pieces.

I'm sorry it's so bad and I feel bad for posting it.

 

[Corkydog]

If a hipster falls in the forest but no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?

Yeah, but you probably haven't heard of it.

 

[Goofguy]

A guy goes to see his doctor to get his yearly medical.

The doctor says: "You're going to have to stop masturbating"

The guy asks: "Why is that?"

The doctor replies: "Because I'm trying to give you a medical"

 

[Luke5515]

How long is a chinaman's name

Spoiler

How long is a chinaman's name

Spoiler

How long is a chinaman's name

Spoiler

How long is a chinaman's name

Spoiler

How long is a chinaman's name

Spoiler

What do you not get about this? Hoowlong IS the name of a chinaman.

 

[finecrazydud]

doctor says i have onomatopoeia, when i asked him what that is he said "its exactly what it sounds like"

 

[Sion_Barzahd]

Heres a few from the top of my head:

Apple Innovate.

What goes plink plink fizz? Two babies in an acid bath.

Hedgehogs should learn to share hedges.

A rhino, a giraffe and a crocodile stop a man in the street. The crocodile produces a police badge and says "Sir we have reason to believe you are carrying hallucigenic substances."

How many eels does it take to change a lightbulb? A SHOCKING AMOUNT!

What does a texas tornado and an alabama divorce have in common? Either way someone is going to lose a trailer.

I wanted to be an astronaut but they said i was too down to earth.

 

[red the fister]

http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/longest-joke-ever.html

oh, FFS....
who ever the hell came up with that tells a hell of a story...

 

[Singularly Datarific]

In the world of chemicals, a constant battle rages between the chemical supervillains and the chemical secret agents. The most esteemed of these is one (OO)7, international dyeing agent of mystery. On one particularly hairy mission, he finds himself pitted against the evil genius of lore, Dr. Nitrogen Monoxide, who has set a devious trap in the form of an ordinary piece of white cloth. After falling through a cleverly placed mechanosensitive membrane protein, (OO)7 is shocked to find himself soaking in to a tightly bound mesh of cotton fibers. (He is, after all, a dyeing agent.) In desperation, he calls to his nemesis, "Do you expect me to talk, NO?" The villain only chuckles maniacally.

"No Mr. Dye, I expect you to bond."

That's quotable stuff there. I'll just use this, if you don't mind...

 

[Evilbunny]

hey, you know who's still together despite all the shit that's gone on between them? Your butt cheeks!