If it's any consolation, you probably wouldn't have. That's your answer to your second question right there. People with regrets tend to assume things would have been better if they'd done things otherwise, but can you honestly not imagine yourself in a similar situation at your old school, wishing you had taken the opportunity to move. I realised that no matter what I did I would regret it, because the moment something goes wrong you tend to assume the choice you made was the wrong one, but honestly it probably would have turned out horribly anyway, so don't fret.Astoria said:
If I thought something through, and at the time it was what I wanted to do and I thought it was the best option, I don't regret it, because I couldn't have known. It's only when I do something spontaneous or stupid that I regret not thinking first. Except perhaps...
My biggest regret is probably the result of the first time my mother's boyfriend raged at me, when I was nine or ten. He started screaming and swearing at me because I didn't respond to something he said to me, because I was in shock that my mother had just announced they were going out, and I didn't want him to be my dad. I thought he was just a family friend. He said that I was a fucking stupid piece of shit who was spoiled and had no fucking respect for others, and if I was his kid he would beat the fucking shit out of me, all right in front of my mother. It was extremely intimidating and I was absolutely terrified. Afterwards I was traumatised and crying my eyes out and I begged my mum to break up with him. She also started crying, and said I don't know how it feels to be alone. I felt guilty, and dropped it.
I like to imagine that if I had pushed the matter while the relationship was in its early stages she would have gotten rid of him, but in hindsight if seeing a grown man absolutely lose his shit and threaten your kid in front of you, all for virtually no reason, wasn't enough to convince her to break up with him I don't know what I could possibly have said. He moved in with us and the situation didn't improve. As you can imagine I wasn't over-enthusiatic towards him after that initial incident, and the tiniest things he could percieve as "disrespect", such as my not saying "good morning" to him when he walked in the room, he blew his shit over. Mother acted like everything was my fault and I should just apologise and act how he wants me to. Apparently he fed her some shit about getting upset because he really wants to be accepted... And that resulted in seven years of misery.
He's in my house right now, which is pretty shit because I think I have post-traumatic reactions every time I see him. All my muscles tense and I feel like vomitting, but I don't want to start the shit that defined my teenage life all over again, so I force myself to respond to his cheerful 'hellos' like nothing ever happened.
So it turns out she was wrong. I do know how it feels to be alone. I know exactly how it feels.
The End. Yay for spilling your guts on the internet.
I like to imagine that if I had pushed the matter while the relationship was in its early stages she would have gotten rid of him, but in hindsight if seeing a grown man absolutely lose his shit and threaten your kid in front of you, all for virtually no reason, wasn't enough to convince her to break up with him I don't know what I could possibly have said. He moved in with us and the situation didn't improve. As you can imagine I wasn't over-enthusiatic towards him after that initial incident, and the tiniest things he could percieve as "disrespect", such as my not saying "good morning" to him when he walked in the room, he blew his shit over. Mother acted like everything was my fault and I should just apologise and act how he wants me to. Apparently he fed her some shit about getting upset because he really wants to be accepted... And that resulted in seven years of misery.
He's in my house right now, which is pretty shit because I think I have post-traumatic reactions every time I see him. All my muscles tense and I feel like vomitting, but I don't want to start the shit that defined my teenage life all over again, so I force myself to respond to his cheerful 'hellos' like nothing ever happened.
So it turns out she was wrong. I do know how it feels to be alone. I know exactly how it feels.
The End. Yay for spilling your guts on the internet.
Hope you feel better soon.
