Rejection by women
- Thread starter Spacelord
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Wow, lots of cynicism and hurt people in here 
I might note that every instance of the words 'women' and 'girls' in here can people replaced with 'people' - people are hard to read, people are bastards/bitches/horrible.
This isn't always the case - sometimes you do fall in with a genuinely nasty person - but often people give odd reasons for rejecting you because they've been taken by surprise or they're not sure how they feel or they just plain unable to handle the situation. Often you psyche yourself up to asking someone you really like and you forget that they're not perfect either.
I might note that every instance of the words 'women' and 'girls' in here can people replaced with 'people' - people are hard to read, people are bastards/bitches/horrible.This isn't always the case - sometimes you do fall in with a genuinely nasty person - but often people give odd reasons for rejecting you because they've been taken by surprise or they're not sure how they feel or they just plain unable to handle the situation. Often you psyche yourself up to asking someone you really like and you forget that they're not perfect either.
i've never asked a guy out.. they always ask me and rejecting them is hard.. i sometimes say yes cuz i feel like i *****.. well in the end i feel more of a ***** so i often avoid guys i wouldn't wanna date. i usually gravitate towards the one's i do wanna date soooo it all works out i suppose... and for those i do wanna stay friends wit i have the good old excuse of umm i have a boyfriend... even if i didn't lol or a good one is i'm a lesbian i like that one (i am bi-curious so it works out) oh and i do have a boyfriend whom is the one that got me into this site haha anyhow i digress.. just flirt lot's, know how to treat that person, have same interests of course and just let everything happen on it's own.
The Escapist: A wretched hive of scum and misogyny...
Personally, and I can't tell if this will work or even be reasonable advice for you, but I find that directly asking the person you find attractive to become involved with you has a startlingly low success rate. All the relationships I've been involved in that have lasted considerable amounts of time, have been with people that I took a month or two to properly get to know as friends. If things progressed from there into a romantic relationship, it happened naturally and without any abrupt propositioning. This way also has the added bonus that if things go badly in the relationship, you will often end up still being actual friends (not we just broke up and I don't want things to be more awkward friends).
Sure, the "friendzone" exists, but is it an impenetrable prison that arbitrarily locks you inside for no discernible reason? Don't be stupid. You're in there for one of two good reasons: Your prospective romantic interest thinks you're more valuable as a friend (and yes this is possible), or they believe romantic entanglements really wouldn't work out between the two of you.
Personally, and I can't tell if this will work or even be reasonable advice for you, but I find that directly asking the person you find attractive to become involved with you has a startlingly low success rate. All the relationships I've been involved in that have lasted considerable amounts of time, have been with people that I took a month or two to properly get to know as friends. If things progressed from there into a romantic relationship, it happened naturally and without any abrupt propositioning. This way also has the added bonus that if things go badly in the relationship, you will often end up still being actual friends (not we just broke up and I don't want things to be more awkward friends).
Sure, the "friendzone" exists, but is it an impenetrable prison that arbitrarily locks you inside for no discernible reason? Don't be stupid. You're in there for one of two good reasons: Your prospective romantic interest thinks you're more valuable as a friend (and yes this is possible), or they believe romantic entanglements really wouldn't work out between the two of you.
Heh smart man^, if you really want a decent relationship get to know someone for a while, hit on her occasionally just to feel things out. Being in the "friend zone" is a pretty good thing, if it doesnt go further its because she doesn't like you romantically. Plus if your friends with one, she has friends....... and you've just broadened your selection.Epicurus said:
Aaaah the friend zone...The part where all men wish they weren't in. The thing about the friend zone is they just don't see that "je ne sais quoi" in you. They have no interest and you're a blimp in their eyes.
I got rejected multiple times. The official excuse was : I already have a boyfriend. However, one in particular was different.
It was a girl i've been trying to get with for a month. Things were going great. Dates, a kiss and even had a conversation with her parents......Then that douche came. He was a guy who was just interested in sex. He saw women like a pair of underwear....He basicly seduced her while she was drunk. They made out. They went out for two weeks. Then he left her because she wasn't interested in sex.
Thing is, I tried to win her back. She said that didn't want to do anything with dating for a while... 2 months later, she got a new boyfriend and told me: I got a boyfriend. After that, she's gave me the cold shoulder...
I got rejected multiple times. The official excuse was : I already have a boyfriend. However, one in particular was different.
It was a girl i've been trying to get with for a month. Things were going great. Dates, a kiss and even had a conversation with her parents......Then that douche came. He was a guy who was just interested in sex. He saw women like a pair of underwear....He basicly seduced her while she was drunk. They made out. They went out for two weeks. Then he left her because she wasn't interested in sex.
Thing is, I tried to win her back. She said that didn't want to do anything with dating for a while... 2 months later, she got a new boyfriend and told me: I got a boyfriend. After that, she's gave me the cold shoulder...
Sure. Just gotta get to it. It gets easier over time.Spleenbag said:
Especially when one uses the bs detector to pick up a bs kind of girl beforehand. It ain't easy, but it's possible.
The friend zone isn't inescapable and is not even as precisely drawn out as people like to put it. Nothing about people is that easily definable.
Once you realize there are other people out there, rejection isn't that much of a big deal. You might even have escaped some bad relationships in those "no"s you had to hear. At the end of the day, you gave it a shot and it's always worth it. You don't have to wonder anymore.
I just hope to see the day when lots of girls take that scary first step that we guys are socially obliged to. Then they will understand how refreshing it is to hear an honest refusal then some weak made-up excuse.
Having to hear over the phone that she "actually couldn't go out today because she got in the wrong bus coming from the airport" only made me realize that I was calling the wrong girl. =]
That's a pretty insightful comment. it's just that girls are usually better than guys at hiding it. Which makes it all the more fun to notice the tiny little signals.crape said:
I've never been "shot down" as you so bluntly put it, but then again, I don't chase girls, if they want to start something, they're free to try. Don't think that women can't ask, because a few have already have asked me out (and one of them even liked chivalry and all that crap). Just hang out with them and get to know them a bit; if they like you, they'll most likely ask.
I haven't asked a girl out yet. Not that I'm a pathetic loser who can't talk to girls or anything! They just don't meet my standards! [sub]Yeah, that's believeable. DrDeath is smoooooooooth[/sub]
Despite having been married twice (one formerly, one currently) I couldn't begin to tell you how it is I got these women to marry me. Never had much luck with women otherwise, I'm way too uncomfortable talking to women in that capacity, which, I guess, has self-shielded me from being outright rejected.
I suppose this is where the "fall off the horse, get right back on" pep-talk is supposed to come into play. At least you got the "friend" speech instead of a hard burn that could leave lasting scars.
Now get back up on that horse!
I suppose this is where the "fall off the horse, get right back on" pep-talk is supposed to come into play. At least you got the "friend" speech instead of a hard burn that could leave lasting scars.
Now get back up on that horse!
Hooooh boy, where to start... Well, lets begin with my first major crush back in high school, which was the usual "only like you as a friend" situation, but me, in my idiotic teenage-ness, accompanied by a crippling social handicap, made things even worse and... lets just say I'm still ashamed of how things went down.
Next crush, a few years later, who in retrospect couldnt have thought less of me, but again, I didnt know when to quit, and one slap in the face later, iI'm back where I started.
I'm pretty sure I made a fool of myself with a few others I've met at some parties, but since I never asked them out, I dont really count those.
Mind you, I dont blame the women for this, just my own complete social retardation and inability to read people
Next crush, a few years later, who in retrospect couldnt have thought less of me, but again, I didnt know when to quit, and one slap in the face later, iI'm back where I started.
I'm pretty sure I made a fool of myself with a few others I've met at some parties, but since I never asked them out, I dont really count those.
Mind you, I dont blame the women for this, just my own complete social retardation and inability to read people
One of three actually. In many cases it can amount to the fear of uncertainty in that if the relationship were to sour, a friendship afterwards would be impossible. I suppose you could in some capacity attribute this to "more valuable as a friend" however I believe it deserves a separate category.Epicurus said:
when they break up with you don't hang with them for a bit to let some tension die down cause my ex is using me cause i have a car. I'm telling her off tomorrow
