REPORT: Giant Enemy Crabs Behind #GamerGate

[PsychicTaco115]

[Img_Inline width="300" height="240" Caption="They invaded Twitter, now they attack Japan!"]http://i.imgur.com/e8ajAeb.jpg
[/Img_Inline]

In a stunning development, it seems that giant enemy crabs have become the main culprit in spreading the viral gaming journalism campaign now called GamerGate.

"I've never seen a bigger outrage against gaming journalism in my time working with this industry. Something had to be controlling things at the top and I found the answer: giant enemy crabs controlling Twitter through hashtag campaigns" said an inside source.

When asked how gamers should take this news, various journalists responded.

"We OBVIOUSLY meant the crabs were causing the term 'gamer' to disappear, not gamers themselves. Hopefully they see the folly of their ways and we can all get in one big group hug" said Devin Faraci.

At TACO News, we take both sides of the issue. We sat down with an enemy crab to get their side of the debacle.

"Click click click. Click click? Click click click click click click" said one crab through e-mail.

The overall effects of such a reveal are still unknown but we promise to keep an eye out for any new updates on this surprising revelation.

UPDATE: It now seems that instead of giant enemy crabs, supposed Zoë-cuddler Nathan Grayson just has crabs. We apologize for the awesome conspiracy and promise to actually research what's happening in future issues. Please ignore the giant crabs.

-TACO NEWS: Doesn't Harass Others on Twitter
<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.859866-EDITORIAL-Stop-Liking-What-I-Dont>Stop Liking What I Don't!

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[Barbas]

That makes sense...they could have been buried underground all this time, under our streets and our homes...waiting for their moment to strike with their giant snippy claws. Yes. Yes, I see...

 

[Thaluikhain]

There is no such thing as Macra men. No such thing as Macra men. No such thing as Macra men...

 

[Hoplon]

Those side walking bastard... I'll get you yet you shelled bottom feeders!

 

[Darks63]

So the first wave of clickers isnt a massive land invasion of giant crabs but a heated internet debate in which jimmies get rustled.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

So it was the crabs all along. Damn! I was so sure the reverse vampires where behind it all.

 

[Movitz]

Of course! CRABS!

It's so obvious, and still no one figured it out!

HOW LONG HAVE THIS BEEN GOING ON?!

 

[000Ronald]

Damn. That's harsh.

You know pubic lice are going extinct? The government may make that poor bastard keep his pubic lice.

No one deserves that...

 

[Soviet Heavy]

Craaab people, craab people, craaab people, craaab people.

*Taste like crab!* TALK LIKE PEOPLE.

 

[Sleepy Sol]

Hey now, not all giant bloodthirsty crabs are bad.


*this message paid for by giant bloodthirsty crabs

 

[Barbas]

Those side walking bastard... I'll get you yet you shelled bottom feeders!

"Dad, what's wrong?! You're walking forwards!"

"Shut up, I'm pissed."

 

[Neverhoodian]

I know just the individual to deal with this situation...

Spoiler

Yes, there's an entire subgenre in brony fanart of "Rarity vs. giant crab." No, I have no idea why.

 

[Foolery]

I fucking knew it! We should prepare garlic butter, and boiling pots of water!

 

[EternallyBored]

I know just the individual to deal with this situation...

Spoiler

Yes, there's an entire subgenre in brony fanart of "Rarity vs. giant crab." No, I have no idea why.

As far as I know, it was some guy who commissioned a couple artists as an in-joke and the pictures circulated to places like EQD where other artists decided the idea was random and funny enough to turn into a meme and then started running with it.

OT: Damnit, people have already used all of the jokes and references I could think of, I'm all tapped out here. I was getting hungry for some actual crap and garlic butter until I saw the update, now all I can think about are giant enemy pubic crabs.

 

[Reincarnatedwolfgod]

the giant enemy crabs must be defeated. we have to attack it's weak points for massive damage.

 

[LostCrusader]

Damnit Taco, you need to thoroughly research before you report on these issues. This is how wars get started and could have led to the extermination of all the noble and innocent giant enemy crabs.

 

[Wolf In A Bear Suit]

Well it just so happens
*Inserts cigar into mouth and pumps shotgun*
I'm hungry for crabcakes, and my gun can move sideways faster than you can.

 

[Stuntcrab]

Oh no, I've been found out!

 

[Padwolf]

Well, it all makes sense now. I knew something smelled crabby about the whole situation. It all makes sense.

But I ask: If they are behind GamerGate, what else are they behind?!

WHEN WILL IT END?!

 

[themilo504]

Yes giant enemy crabs are behind it all, gamergate is not a complot by lizard people to distract you while we take over your government, nope it?s all just giant enemy crabs.

ALL HAIL TO THE LIZARD EMPERSSS.