REPORT: Vaccines Cause Cancer

[PsychicTaco115]

[Img_Inline width="250" height="300" Caption="An example of historical liberal indoctrination"]http://i.imgur.com/ldRWTBd.jpg
[/Img_Inline]

A medical report issued by the Vaccine Resistance Movement has shown a link between people who get vaccinated and people who have cancer. At a time with differing viewpoints on the subject of vaccination, any new revelation about the spooky medicine people is treated as fact and without question/

"This research shows without a doubt that vaccinations are indeed the worst thing made by human beings they're essentially cancer-sticks! Not only do the pharmaceutical companies make money off this but the federal government also has its dirty hands on it too! As a strong supporter of the freedom of expression, you can't tell me what I can just because I might make some people sick" said Andrew Wakefield, a prominent anti-vaccination proponent.

When asked whether or not the report can be trusted, Wakefield responded.

"I firmly believe that anyone who has their child vaccinated actually wants them to die. It'd be a kinder mercy just to let them play in the traffic. We gotta toughen them up the old fashioned way, not with this medicine crap shoved down our throats by the government. Jonas Salk was a goddamn terrorist!"

"By the way, my book was totally right after all. My only flaw was linking autism with the vaccines while I should have claimed it was cancer! I can totally cash on this and make mad money. I may be a doctor but doctors still have to eat too" said Wakefield.

Some parents were overjoyed to hear this news.

"I always had a distrust of modern medicine and the government so I didn't have my lovely little girl vaccinated. I always thought that great people like FDR, Arthur Clarke and Neil Young had polio so I wanted some of that greatness to infect her. Now, I have more reasons not to do it. Thanks, science" said local mother Carol Estrada.

At the continuing rate of preventable diseases being spread, UN relief efforts may be needed.

Source

-TACO News: Spreading the Disease Known as Knowledge

<color=darkred>Older News: <url=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.870398-REPORT-Evolve-2-Announced-Pre-Order-DLC-and-Season-Pass-Planned>Evolve 2 Announced, Pre-Order DLC and Season Pass Planned

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[Mutant1988]

I checked your source and after reading two words I had to stop because I was afraid the stupid would be contagious.

Good write up anyway, very entertaining and depressingly informative of how stupid some people are.

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

I checked your source and after reading two words I had to stop because I was afraid the stupid would be contagious.

Good write up anyway, very entertaining and depressingly informative of how stupid some people are.

Uggh. I read a couple of paragraphs and can understand why you stopped when you did.

However, stupid is not contagious. After all, I read a bit more than you and barble barble glinseed flaxwine offenhauser absolutely no effect on me.

 

[Erttheking]

*Reads source* Also makes your dick fly off and explode...this I've gotta see.

 

[Gameguy20100]

Honestly people.

I am really scared how much of a rare resource Intelligence is these days.

It's harder to find than gold encrusted energon.

 

[keniakittykat]

I flagged this on the ground of dangerous stupidity. If you rally for not vaccinating then, indirectly, you are killing people. I don't care if I get a strike for doing so, but spreading unfounded bullshit like this is dangerous.

Children that are not vaccinated are dying for completely preventable diseases. Adults are dying from these diseases because they never got the chance to make antibodies when they were vaccinated as kids. Mumps, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Pneumonia, Meningitis, Whooping cough, Rubella, Smallpox, Cervical cancer, these are serious diseases and should be prevented.

Please stop spreading this uninformed nonsense.

 

[Mezahmay]

I made it to the fourth paragraph in the source where they still claimed vaccines caused ADD and ADHD AS WELL AS autism. I'm quite ambivalent toward the whole thing: it was hilarious to read until I remember that actual people wrote and believe it.

 

[Lilani]

-video snip-

Honestly people.

I am really scared how much of a rare resource Intelligence is these days.

It's harder to find than gold encrusted energon.

FYI, Psychic Taco is the Escapist's resident unofficial satire reporter. A few days ago they posted a thread in R&P titled "REPORT: Republicans Nominate God for 2016 US Election." So worry not, like articles from the Onion this was not meant to be taken seriously (though sadly it looks like the source does take it seriously, but I doubt anybody here would be convinced to take their side).

I think this one only could have been a bit funnier if it just narrowed it to the Ebola vaccine rather than all vaccines. Apart from the lives it could save in Africa, I'm also excited about an Ebola vaccine just to see if anti-vaxxers dare to campaign against it as well, or if their fear of a pandemic exceeds their fear of autism. One thing which I'm not sure they consciously realize is that by choosing to not vaccinate their children, they are taking a risk which they will not personally suffer the consequences of. While they themselves were likely vaccinated as a child for measles they couldn't have been vaccinated for Ebola, which means by not getting vaccinated for that they are putting themselves in the line of fire, and in a way which living "crunchy" has not been proven to have an effect on.

 

[Zontar]

*Reads source* Also makes your dick fly off and explode...this I've gotta see.

Ask and ye shall receive.


On a sidenote: this was hilarious as always Taco, I almost thought it came from a real nutter website and Taco News really should be a thing.

 

[KyuubiNoKitsune-Hime]

The interesting thing is that as a public health based idea, vaccines prevent contagious and deadly diseases, usually viral ones. The crux of this is you have no constitutional right (if you're a U.S. Citizen) to stand on to avoid getting any vaccine the Government deems necessary for public health. The thought being that if you refuse, you're endangering other peoples lives, not just your own. Which also means that if you give else say measles because neither of you were vaccinated, if you're an adult, you could be held legally liable for negligent homicide, if the other person dies. The only way you can legally avoid a mandated vaccine is on religious grounds, but they'd better be good ones... Like if you're a Christian Scientist.

On this topic at hand, and the posts above... This is panic mongering, this is what gets organizations like this grant money. Because there is always someone in every government who will believe studies like this. Though I'm hoping I'm wrong and that this is just a big teasing of the people who do believe vaccines do bad things... Like cause autism. Because if they honestly believe what they're saying... Then I'm starting humanity has reached an intellectual dead end and we're seeing the start of the end of our species because we've flipped off evolution/natural selection too much.

 

[Erttheking]

*Reads source* Also makes your dick fly off and explode...this I've gotta see.

Ask and ye shall receive.


On a sidenote: this was hilarious as always Taco, I almost thought it came from a real nutter website and Taco News really should be a thing.

Not gonna lie, had that exact episode in mind when I typed out that comment.

 

[Haerthan]

I flagged this on the ground of dangerous stupidity. If you rally for not vaccinating then, indirectly, you are killing people. I don't care if I get a strike for doing so, but spreading unfounded bullshit like this is dangerous.

Children that are not vaccinated are dying for completely preventable diseases. Adults are dying from these diseases because they never got the chance to make antibodies when they were vaccinated as kids. Mumps, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Pneumonia, Meningitis, Whooping cough, Rubella, Smallpox, Cervical cancer, these are serious diseases and should be prevented.

Please stop spreading this uninformed nonsense.

Dude Taco is a joke reporter. He makes shit up. Than he posts it under the guise of reporting. Check his thread history. You will see what I mean. Seriously, once you see his name as the OP you know you are in for a good laugh.

 

[Godhead]

I knew it, those godless lefties and they're damned science. What'll they think up next? Some sort of flying machine?

 

[NeutralDrow]

I flagged this on the ground of dangerous stupidity. If you rally for not vaccinating then, indirectly, you are killing people. I don't care if I get a strike for doing so, but spreading unfounded bullshit like this is dangerous.

Children that are not vaccinated are dying for completely preventable diseases. Adults are dying from these diseases because they never got the chance to make antibodies when they were vaccinated as kids. Mumps, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Pneumonia, Meningitis, Whooping cough, Rubella, Smallpox, Cervical cancer, these are serious diseases and should be prevented.

Please stop spreading this uninformed nonsense.

Dude Taco is a joke reporter. He makes shit up. Than he posts it under the guise of reporting. Check his thread history. You will see what I mean. Seriously, once you see his name as the OP you know you are in for a good laugh.

That only works if it's actually funny.

This is just played too straight, and I've read too many similar things elsewhere that were completely sincere and twice as stupid, so it runs smack into Poe's Law.

 

[The Bucket]

I dont know where this sudden surge of snark at anti-vaxxers that swept the internet over the last few weeks came from. Dont get me wrong, i'm totally in favor of more moves to ensure the entire eligible population is vaccinated (perhaps even legal methods). But if you actually care about increasing adoption rates, surely the way to do it is with persuasion and facts, not mockery that only results in people who already agree with each other patting each other on the back. Nobody ever changes their opinion after being called a dangerous moron, it just makes them dig their heels in further


EDIT:

I flagged this on the ground of dangerous stupidity. If you rally for not vaccinating then, indirectly, you are killing people. I don't care if I get a strike for doing so, but spreading unfounded bullshit like this is dangerous.

Children that are not vaccinated are dying for completely preventable diseases. Adults are dying from these diseases because they never got the chance to make antibodies when they were vaccinated as kids. Mumps, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Pneumonia, Meningitis, Whooping cough, Rubella, Smallpox, Cervical cancer, these are serious diseases and should be prevented.

Please stop spreading this uninformed nonsense.

Dude Taco is a joke reporter. He makes shit up. Than he posts it under the guise of reporting. Check his thread history. You will see what I mean. Seriously, once you see his name as the OP you know you are in for a good laugh.

That only works if it's actually funny.

This is just played too straight, and I've read too many similar things elsewhere that were completely sincere and twice as stupid, so it runs smack into Poe's Law.

By the way, my book was totally right after all. My only flaw was linking autism with the vaccines while I should have claimed it was cancer! I can totally cash on this and make mad money. I may be a doctor but doctors still have to eat too" said Wakefield.

I really doubt you've read this other places

 

[HardkorSB]

Good thing I've got some anti-virus software because the source link wanted to infect my PC.
Maybe that website needs... a vaccine.

 

[Barbas]

Please stop spreading this uninformed nonsense.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.870398-REPORT-Evolve-2-Announced-Pre-Order-DLC-and-Season-Pass-Planned#21809778
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/528.870355-REPORT-Congress-Trying-to-Appeal-to-Younger-Generation-with-Memes#21806096
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/528.870130-REPORT-Republicans-Nominate-God-for-2016-US-Election#21801180

OT: Thank you for this uninformed nonsense. I look forward to more in the days to come. The anti-vaccine movement may be making great strides in solving the population problem.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

... I wonder if this is how it feels to read comments on the Onion.

A little disheartened. Wanting to back out and fill my head with something else..

 

[Haerthan]

I flagged this on the ground of dangerous stupidity. If you rally for not vaccinating then, indirectly, you are killing people. I don't care if I get a strike for doing so, but spreading unfounded bullshit like this is dangerous.

Children that are not vaccinated are dying for completely preventable diseases. Adults are dying from these diseases because they never got the chance to make antibodies when they were vaccinated as kids. Mumps, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Pneumonia, Meningitis, Whooping cough, Rubella, Smallpox, Cervical cancer, these are serious diseases and should be prevented.

Please stop spreading this uninformed nonsense.

Dude Taco is a joke reporter. He makes shit up. Than he posts it under the guise of reporting. Check his thread history. You will see what I mean. Seriously, once you see his name as the OP you know you are in for a good laugh.

That only works if it's actually funny.

This is just played too straight, and I've read too many similar things elsewhere that were completely sincere and twice as stupid, so it runs smack into Poe's Law.

It is quite clear that you haven't read his other pieces. Check the links above this reply. Seriously the guy is highly active on off topic. Poe's Law counts for shit when you know the person.

Captcha: on-off. Yea that is my relationship with you Captcha. Come here so I can bury you

 

[faefrost]

Well done. 9/10. You only missed one obvious gag. After it finally came out how absurd and fraudulent and what an act of malpractice his Autism and vaccines was, Wakefield lost his medical license. So it should be "while I'm not a doctor anymore, I still gotta eat"