Revealing problems with girls? (I guess that could be a title...yeah sure, why not?)

[Doitpow]

So this is going to be hard to phrase without sounding like a lecherous ass, so I'll just come out with it.

Some girls I go out with have real trouble getting naked...which is sad.

Now I backtrack and try and defend myself. So a few of the girls I've gone out with have real problems showing me certain bits of their anatomy, various parts not the same each time. My problem here isn't that I'm desperate to see glorious full frontal/rear nudity all the time, but rather that I don't like the idea that I might make people self-conscious, especially at times when such a problem is a little off-putting(if you get the implication). Ah it still sounds awfull...bugger.

So my general questions are,

How do I voice this without sounding like I'm a pervert? (I actually have talked about it a little, but I get a general 'don't want to talk about it vibe' each time)
How can I make them feel less self-conscious?
and (that most generic of internet questions involving relationships) Is this common?

Would rather a girls opinion, but it's a free internet I suppose....

 

[Snowalker]

Well, whilst I completely understand what you're saying, there is no good way to say it. And thats basically my comment, cause I have no further input other than just trying to keep this thread from seeming "Lets not talk about this" because this could be an interesting topic.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

First, you might want to move this to the Advice forum.

And there is not really any good method to it. Each girl is different, and you probably will end up looking like a pervert.

I say make her feel comfortable and have her do the action herself.

 

[nomzy]

*snip*
desperate to see glorious full frontal/rear nudity all the time.

Well there's the problem. Stop being desperate.

 

[Thebiggestpanda]

If you're talking about what I think you're talking about; the first thing you need to realize is that women are self conscious. Pretty much all of them. If a girl you're romantically involved with is reluctant to "show you the goods" when you guys are gettin down, it typically means that she is not satisfied with herself physically. This can and does lead to the anxiety of your lover potentially rejecting your body which is something everyone would hate to experience. Just try to make her feel comfortable in her own skin and let her know that you think she's better than chocolate cake.

A lot of girls are like this; theres nothing wrong with wanting to see your partners body but remember that you gotta be patient with these things.

 

[Dastardly]

The surest way to not make someone feel self-conscious is not to treat them as though they are self-conscious. Usually, you're not "making" them self-conscious. There's a reason that descriptor contains "self," after all. Things you do that may contribute to it, though:

1) Admiring celebrity women too often. This may make her think you'll compare her to them, and she won't measure up.

2) Over-complimenting her. This seems counter-intuitive, but it may make her think you have an unrealistic belief of her beauty, and she won't want to ruin that with reality.

3) Emphasizing that you don't find imperfections "ugly." While it may be true, making a point of this makes her think, "There are imperfections, and he knows!"

4) Failing to realize that some women just don't like to be naked, just as some men don't prefer nude women. To some people, being completely naked makes things look very.... medical, for lack of a better term. A little lingering cloth helps keep things sexy--both in feel (for her) and in view (for him). Sometimes. Your mileage may vary.

5) Asking for it too much, or applying too much pressure. That's too much from HER view, not yours. When someone pushes for something like this, it can make her feel like you want to "inspect" her, check for flaws, or something else you're afraid she's hiding. This may not make sense to you, but to her it does--"If he didn't think there was something to look for, why would he push so hard?"

Basically, you do more to hurt things by overstating your case. Let it happen, and be prepared for it not to.

 

[Eri]

Treat her like chocolate cake

Fix'd ;O

 

[Doitpow]

Well there's the problem. Stop being desperate.

Wow, you sound like a real catch.

I think if the general tone of your post is any sort of indication of your personality, I can see why females are hesitant to undress in any way in your presence.

Wow, came off even worse than I thought I would...

a bit of background might help my flagging self esteem. The girl I am currently with is someone I care about a great deal, and have been with for a long time. I am not in any way trying to pressure anyone, I'm trying to get to the route of something that I feel is my fault.
oh well.

 

[Kopikatsu]

Treat her like chocolate cake

Fix'd ;O

So you put her in the fridge and never, ever look at her again? Because that's what I did with my chocolate cake. Actually, it's been in the fridge so long it turned into a giant cookie THING

Anyway, you're sounding like a pervert 'cause you probably are one. Think about naked girls less. Think about nuns! Old, chunky, hairy nuns! Unless you're into that kind of thing. Then there's no hope.

Edit: Realizing that isn't helpful...

Sex isn't vital for a relationship. It's possible to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship (and married!) without ever having sex. I would know~

tl;dr, sex is icky. Hug more.

 

[Intergalactic 5555]

you sound really full on with girls dont be so direct and the easiest way to get a girl on your side and do what ever you is to do what ever she wants seriously that thing works like a charm and do it with a smile on your face i dont mean that in a really sadistic way or makikng you be a slave to women i just mean what ever they want/need/say/ask anything go along and you will get your treat of seeing a girl fully naked it just takes time . Peace

 

[jamradar]

Well this is um... awkward.

*turns away from computer and whistles to self*

Question #1: You cant.
Question #2: Be patient.
Question #3: Dont know.

 

[Eri]

Sex isn't vital for a relationship. It's possible to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship (and married!) without ever having sex. I would know~

tl;dr, sex is icky. Hug more.

However, Most relationships cannot go on with no sex at all, perhaps a minute few, but professionals and even most non professionals agree, you need your physical needs met.

 

[bl4ckh4wk64]

Well there's the problem. Stop being desperate.

Wow, you sound like a real catch.

I think if the general tone of your post is any sort of indication of your personality, I can see why females are hesitant to undress in any way in your presence.

Wow, came off even worse than I thought I would...

a bit of background might help my flagging self esteem. The girl I am currently with is someone I care about a great deal, and have been with for a long time. I am not in any way trying to pressure anyone, I'm trying to get to the route of something that I feel is my fault.
oh well.

I dunno, I didn't get the vibes that you were some arrogant pervert. It felt as if you see yourself as the problem and you're asking for help. As for the original topic, I haven't had that problem, so I don't really have an answer for you. I do wish you luck and that things work out for the best.

 

[BGH122]

just as some men don't prefer nude women

Huh? I'm guessing you're female.

Sorry, bit of a thread hijack, but I had to point out the absurdity of this post. I'm not female so I can't really comment one way or the other, not that I accept the idea of there being 'female' perceptions of things and 'male' perceptions of things, but societal pressure does tend to polarise peoples opinions within genders.

 

[Dastardly]

just as some men don't prefer nude women

Huh? I'm guessing you're female.

Sorry, bit of a thread hijack, but I had to point out the absurdity of this post. I'm not female so I can't really comment one way or the other, not that I accept the idea of there being 'female' perceptions of things and 'male' perceptions of things, but societal pressure does tend to polarise peoples opinions within genders.

Nope, I'm a guy.

And the fact is that culturally, men and women on average behave along certain norms. I've simply pointed out what were some possible factors. Of course, I believe they can apply equally to both genders, but for the purposes of this thread, we're talking about women getting naked for men--unless I misread?

I just don't feel the need to put a disclaimer in front of every view I express, I suppose.

(Of course, we could also get into the very different ways in which the male and female brain process the same information--not issues of "better" or "worse," but different methods, speaking scientifically.)

 

[Episode42]

You do realise there isn't some amazing word or combination thereof that will get your girlfriend bending backwards over chairs and crawling about on the carpet. Female low self-esteem is horrifically difficult to try and 'fix'
Seems to me, your choices are 1. Accept it's not going to happen 2. Wait until she is comfortable around you, which potentially may never happen.

 

[Patrick Dare]

I think I agree with thebiggestpanda and dastardly.

Also, you shouldn't feel bad for asking this. I don't see why some of these people are calling you a pervert. It's perfectly natural to want to see your g/f naked, especially if you're sexually involved as it sounds like you are. People, it's not like he's asking how he can go out to bars and trick drunk girls into sleeping with him or where he can get some GHB to slip in their drinks or going around asking girls to flash him, lay off.