Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[steeple]

Spoiler: granted, you get the one with the bees

I wish I knew how did it get burned...

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but the government kills you to keep you quiet.

I wish I was the dictator of Canada.

 

[steeple]

granted, but you overthrow yourself just so you wont be a burden...

I wish canada was considered a war-mongering nation (you know, just because it'd be weird)

 

[Robert632]

Granted. They take over the world and place all non-Canadians into slave labour camps, gassing those who show the slightest bit of rebellious nature, and nuking any camps that have even a chance of falling to the prisoners.

I wish that secondary sources were never used in Essays.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, you have to use Primary so you have to talk to old people all day.

I wish for a new pair on Runners.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get a new pair of socks on your runners. Your runners are still full of holes.

I wish the yappy dog next door would spontaneously combust from all the barking it's doing.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, he's in your house though...

I wish for a hidden missle launcher

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted but you can't remember where it was hidden.

I wish that the morning always started with a musical style song and dance.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, but you go deaf.

I wish to get wasted

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you're crumpled up and thrown away before you ever get used.

I wish for a pirate ship and a lovely wench.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. The ship sinks and the wench goes with it.

I wish for nice desk.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted it was on the ship.

I wish for a good day tomorrow.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, someone else has a really good day, while your day remains lousy.

I wish for a competent butler.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. Too competent. He is so good, that everything is always perfect, which, if that episode of the Twilight Zone is to be believed, bores you to death or something.

I wish to do something.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted here's a bunch of Mst3k Videos with the cometary on mute.

I wish for more stuff.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

granted, it crushes you.

I wish to perform FOOS RO DAH!!

 

[steeple]

granted, you can only do it on an empty field, with nothing to get blown to hell

I wish to breath fire (and look groovy while doing it)

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, yours is a groovy, groovy death.. with no one to witness it.

I wish for a rave party in my pants.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but the smell of vomit and spilled beer will last for months.

I wish for more pylons.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get so many pylons that you can't drive anywhere anymore. And yes, I know what kind of pylons you meant but I chose to go another route.

I wish for an electronic butler in my laptop.