Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. But since that was all you wished for, you get NOTHING!

I wish I had an emu.

 

[MrJKapowey]

Granted, but this emu is terminally ill and will die shortly after you gain a true emotional and mental bond with it. Dammit I'm cold.

I wish Wilfred Owen's 'Anthem for Doomed Youth' and 'Dulce et Decorum est' weren't so damn hard to analyse!

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted, but you also have to read the complete Divine Comedy in the original Italian.

I wish I had a ginger ale right now.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but it's flat..

I wish I had a car of my own.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted!

Spoiler: Here ya go!

I wish I won the lottery.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Too bad you're this guy.

I wish for a giant marshmallow.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but it's stale.

I wish there wasn't such a thing as "Reality Tv".

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. Reality TV is just reality now.

I wish I was in a hot tub right now.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but there's no water in it.

I wish I had the ability to teleport.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. However, you can only teleport into my refrigerator.

I wish I had a teapot.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Oh! What kind of food do you have in there right now?

OT: Granted, but it doesn't boil water.

I wish a millionaire gave me five million dollars.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Just three month old milk. I need to go shopping. -.-

OT: Granted, but the government has increased taxes! You don't get a penny.

I wish the poster below me would finish my rock mechanics homework for me.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but my complete lack of knowledge of how rocks work causes me to screw up the paper. Causing YOU to get an F.

I wish I had a job.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. You get a job as a geologist.

I wish I had a taco right now.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but it's a pink taco.

...with pickles.

I wish I don't recieve probation for this post.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted, but we will all hate you forever.

I wish I had a higher post count.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you never get past 4998.

I wish for a pygmy polar bear.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted, but it's actually giant. And brown. And hungry.

I wish for moar monies!!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but before you can spend it or put it into a bank the Grammar Nazis kill you.

I wish for flint.

 

[Last of the Chinchillas]

Granted. It's on the end of that spear in your leg.

I wish for a giant brick of chocolate.