Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[MrJKapowey]

Granted, should be arriving at around 300mph when you are next in an area with NO overhead cover...

I wish for...MORE TIME GODDAMN IT!

 

[SkyeNeko]

granted, you now have 100 lonely years spent in your house with no provisions.

i wish i had more sleep.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted, but you won't wake up.

I wish I had a Spanish teacher again.

 

[Wintermoot]

Granted, but you won't wake up.

I wish I had a Spanish teacher again.

granted but she teaches like shit and flunkes you
I wish I had a super gaming computer that upgrades itself

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. It reaches sentience, upgrades itself with a machine gun and starts hunting you.

I wish for a bag of explosion-flavoured jelly babies.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, but they are expired.

I wish I'll pass the quiz I'll have to do soon.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. This will arouse feelings of jealousy in the heavily armed spectators.

I wish it were Halloween.

 

[Ice Car]

Granted, but candy has been banned in your state/town/area.

I wish for the following wish to not be corrupted. I wish to have a million dollars.

 

[Valkyrie101]

You can't have two wishes. The first wish was granted, but the second wish was invalid. You receive nothing.

I wish for a Japanese maid.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but its a robot that strangles you in your sleep.

I wish for water.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you get one small drop.

I wish to break a world record!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, but that record is number of times stabbed before dying.

I wish for neutrinos.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you have to catch 'em first.

I wish for an heir to my throne!

 

[superbatranger]

Granted, but he fails terribly.

I wish I did not have to work today.

 

[Ice Car]

Granted, but a local maniac breaks into your home and kills you as soon as you get up.

I wish for a new laptop that works and functions properly and is immune to being "corrupted" by "viruses"

 

[Eumersian]

Granted.

Spoiler: Here ya go!

You can't accidentally download a virus, because it can't get internet! Perfect solution!
Also, it totally does go on your lap. Just be creative.

I wish I had something that couldn't be ruined. Even by the boredom that comes with perfection.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, you cease to exist.

I wish for another chance to grab Amanda's ass.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. It'll grab you back.

I wish for a pet cookie monster.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

It sure will! lol

OT: Granted, all your cookies are now monsters. You have to eat them to survive!

I wish for the ability to play the drums.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted, but as is the stereotype, you are now incredibly stupid.

I wish for my two front teeth.