Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. Concentrate on a mental image of Susan Boyle naked.

I wish for some happiness.

 

[emenar]

Granted, but you also receive a lot of pain

I wish for a 5 foot non-meltable chocolate statue of a monkey

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. It's in the centre of a star.

I wish for an army of monkeys.

 

[SpaceSpork]

Granted, but they're not tame, and they're all veeery hungry . . .

I wish that my Minecraft texture packs worked D:

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but Minecraft itself has now been shutdown... Forever.

I wish for a solar explosion that results in the destruction of humanity.

 

[Robert632]

Granted, but they screw up and mistake your piece of candy with cyanide. Don't ask me how.

I wish for a little more time before school in the morning.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but that little more time throws off the universe's internal clock resulting in sentient Twinkies ruling the world.

I wish for my liver.

 

[Dango]

Granted, but you only tink it's your liver.

I wish for a hat shaped like a panda.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, it's an actual panda and it mauls your face.

I wish my dog would stop drooling all over herself.

 

[Valkyrie101]

Granted. It starts drooling over you instead.

I wish for dreams.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but you die in them due to the presence of a certain sinister force. Enjoy the agony!

I wish the console wars were over.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but now games cost more.

I wish there were enough almonds.

 

[Eumersian]

Granted. But unfortunately, THERE ARE NEVER ENOUGH ALMONDS!!!! So you destroy the universe as it fills up with almonds.

I wish fora video game. A normal, decent one. An OK one.

 

[AwesomeExpress]

Granted, but you've lost your sight.

I wish for that puppy in the window.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Granted. He has rabies and a taste for human blood.

I wish that Ben Stiller would get off my TV...

 

[Solo-Wing]

Granted but he is now on everything else.
I wish that sonic the hedgehog would finally die.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but he's been replaced by Knuckles the Echidna instead.

I wish for the end of the world as we know it.

 

[scorptatious]

Granted, and you feel fine.

I wish there was a zombie apocalypse.

 

[Link_to_Future]

Spoiler: Granted

I wish that I don't spend this Friday night like I spent the last Friday night.

(Cookie for reference. >.>)