Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[karcentric]

Granted, but it's in Chinese.

I wish my friends were interesting.

 

[Fjartholf]

Granted, mass murderers are very interesting.

I wish i had a power drill.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. You drill your hand into your skull on accident.

I wish for food that cooks faster.

 

[Padwolf]

Granted, but you will forget it completely afterwards.

I wish to have a new laptop

 

[karcentric]

Granted, but it doesn't come with any components.

I wish for more adventure in my life.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. One really high-pitched instrument deafens you.

I wish for pearly-white teeth.

 

[Padwolf]

Granted. But they will fall out in a year's time.

I wish for a piano

 

[A Satanic Panda]

Granted. Your teeth are made out of cyanide.

Damn it

Granted. It was used for cocaine smuggling. The police are on their way.

I wish I could grant my own wishes.

 

[Living_Brain]

Granted. Spin-offs of Jersey Shore.

I wish for less bugs, both electronic and physical.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, instead you get electronic spiders and physical spiders crawling all over you.

I wish for Pokemon.

 

[Dangit2019]

Granted it's miraculously bad.

I wish for a better graphics processor.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted but the rest of your computer is completely trashed by a gremlin.

I wish for a Pizza fight!

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Granted, you are catapulted out of the atmosphere in order to hurtle towards one. In a long time you will touch one. I hope you can hold your breath.

I wish for a super computer.

 

[karcentric]

Granted, but they are all smashed up when you open the pack.

I wish for another drink.