Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. It ends with her getting angry and beating you up.


I wish for my own fairy godparents.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. They curse you with the head of a field mouse and the feet of a chicken!

I wish for a paid holiday.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. That will be $10.000 then

I wish people would just keep their trash with them until they see a garbage bin instead of just tossing it on the street.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. THE BINS - THEY EAT PEOPLE!

I wish I could do a really good handstand walk.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you can only handstand walk off a steep cliff...

I wish for a colorful wedding!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. Everything will be in your most disliked color.

I wish I was the avatar.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. You are now frozen in place with a silly face and a big balloon!

I wish I had the new GTA game.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you will always be too young/too immature to play it...

I wish to be on SNL!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted! All the jokes that night are at your expense.

I wish I could speak Mandarin.

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted. Mandarins are coming out of your mouth when trying to speak.

I wish you would just go to hell.

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Nice here, isn't it? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!

I wish for a remastered Tiberian Sun soundtrack.

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted. It was remastered by the same lady who restored that picture if Jesus.

I wish for an orange for a head.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, your head will be used to make my next glass of OJ... (Orange you glad you didn't say banana?)

I wish to see the potential Community reunion when I grow up!

 

[Barbas]

Granted. They're all fat and addicted to Gouranga, though.

I wish for some dope comedy.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will only leave you confused instead of laughing...

I wish to teach the next Keyblade Master!

 

[Rabbitboy]

Granted, unfortunately he is an annoying little shit. And the stress causes you to quit the job.

I wish for something interesting to happen.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you were too late to see it happen firsthand...

I wish to ruin the next three wishes!

 

[Barbas]

Granted, but for this you must pay a terrible price: seven minutes in the broom closet of doom!

I wish for an upgraded car.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will still be last year's more deadly model... (When will [REDACTED] learn about car safety?)

I wish to keep it short and simple!

 

[Barbas]

Granted. Nobody understands what you're talking about now.

I wish for a deserted island.