Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's a buzzkill for you...

I wish for bacon pancakes!

 

[Bizzaro Stormy]

Granted, the pancakes bake on the griddle so bad that you have to throw it away.

I wish for an open minded partner in crime.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, they will get only you arrested while they escape scott-free...

I wish to make a second [Adult Swim] mixtape!

 

[FliedLiverAttack]

Granted. But it's so terrible that even you don't want to see it.

I wish that my final project for CIM wasn't as time consuming.

 

[Dalek Caan]

Granted, you are frozen in time. Now you need not worry about time every again.

I wish for a tame baby raptor.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the raptor will grow up to eat you later... because she's that clever of a girl and you're no Chris Pratt...

I wish for a bigger book shelf!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted. It comes in 46,000,000 pieces, you have to assemble it yourself, and the box won't fit in your house.

I wish for unmatched hand-to-hand combat skills.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it can't save you from the bullet in my gun... *bang*

I wish my friend would find the one!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted. Your friend finds and knows with absolute certainty that this is the one. Too bad "the one" doesn't notice them back. Ever.

I wish to have controllable, accurate, reliable, non-lethal, non-painful powers of self-teleportation.

 

[FliedLiverAttack]

Granted. You can teleport 1 whole Planck length with no strings attached.

I wish for a high five.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's too high for you to reach...

I wish to bring back an innocent member of society!

 

[Fractral]

Granted! I'm sure Hitler was merely misunderstood, anyway.

I wish that Log Horizon's third season was already out.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it will be overshadowed by MOAR SWORD ART ONLINE!!!

I wish to attend the fancy award show!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted. They don't treat serving staff well.

I wish to be wiser than all other humans.

 

[FliedLiverAttack]

Granted. I'll just put down a chair behind this 5' concrete pillar.

I wish Battlefront hadn't been handed off to EA.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, it's handed off to THQ... I'm sure they'll do it justice in this day and age...

I wish to keep it fresh and clean!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted. Too bad everyone wants to make it old and filthy. Hope you didn't have any other plans this lifetime.

I wish I was an actual djinn.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, the djinn will constantly scare you both shitless and frozen for the rest of your life...

I wish this was a neverending story!

 

[tilmoph]

Granted, this is now a perpetual time loop that you are aware of but can't change.

I wish anything I wrote became true.

 

[FPLOON]

Granted, you'll lose the ability to write anything... because you typed up this wish in the first place...

I wish the Mighty Ducks were a Football team!