Salvaging a Relationship

[Vorpals]

Ok, before you flame me to ashes and cinders, here's a few disclaimers:

1. I know people don't care, but I have seen success in these threads.

2. You're all smart.

3. This is an internet forum.

4. Prepare for a lot of text.

Anyway, long story. This is about a girl I have known since 4th grade. Back then, she could've been my only friend in the world.

Two years later, with my idiotic 6th grader mind, we were on the bus and I wrote her a note to shut up, because she was annoying me for some reason unknown to me. Needless to say, it didn't go well (she broke into tears), and from then on our communication was as sparse as water in a desert. I think I apologized, though. Yes, I am a jerk.

A year later and a year ago, I asked her to dance with me at a party, she said yes, and we sort of just gazed at each other with smiling faces for the length of the song. I asked her to dance again and she repeated her answer.

A few other parties and dances later, our talking remained the way it had a year ago: very little.

Today, it's the same; sometimes she smiles at me when we make eye contact (although I've heard that's pointless), but when I try to talk to her, she seems shy and awkward around me and me only apparently, making attempts at conversation seem futile and unwanted. I have done some dick-headed moves in the past before, but for some reason I think she's either forgiven me or forgotten about it. A funny part is that if I'm in an arugment and she's in the vicinity, she will jump to my side.

I acknowledge the fact that I don't know too much about women and their ways, that I may be missing something obvious (as usual), and that she may just be being polite.

Also, she could have pity for me for some reason, but I can't see any reason beyond being regarded as an annoying prick when I'm not.

What do I do or say to make it so that we aren't so awkward around each other, so I have more of a conversation with her rather than "Hi"?


Also, what do you think she thinks of me, honestly?


Thanks in advance.

Edit: Yes, I am 14.

Update: I'm not sure if this counts, but we just had a very nice IM conversation, and she knows she hasn't talked to me in a while and sounds like she wants to talk more.

Woah, hearing a lot of people say she likes me back made my self-esteem soar, although Necro has a point: I screwed up, but I feel I need to be more optimistic about this...

Edit 2:
Clarifications 2.0:

> She's not a shy person at all. She's very popular in school and I'm not very popular at all, although a lot of people enjoy my company. I'm just regarded as annoying because of the way I behaved in 6th grade, the same grade I sent her that note.

> After I danced with her the first time, any other time I asked her to dance and she accepted (everytime), she didn't really seem to care and looked at other people, but that's just me.

> In that one IM chat, when I asked her about her "awkwardness" around me, she said that's just her way of saying hi, even though I doubt it.


Edit 3 (dang):

Haven't asked her out. I've talked to her a few more times, but they've been pretty short-lived, and she still expresses that milieu of either indifference, shyness, etc. She's smiled at me a few more times, but that's about it.

Those smiles and kind gestures could be pity, but I really see no reason for pitying me beyond being unpopular. I'm bringing this thread back to life to get more opinions.

I'm not saying your opinions are invalid, but the mixed opinions are confusing me.

 

[CIA]

She likes you.


Thats all I got, sorry.

 

[Trivun]

I honestly don't know. By the way, since I'm British I'm not sure what year 8th Grade is, so if someone can convert to age or UK school year that would be a great help in terms of my answer. As to a potential answer, I think you need to talk to her and actually say to her, "we need to talk". It sounds cheesy but going on like this won't help either of you in the long run, or indeed short term either. You need to ask her yourself and be completely straight and honest with her, otherwise you won't find out. I've been in similar situations loads of times and things have always been straightened out through rebuilding communication. Talk to her properly, find something to talk about if it's too difficult now.

 

[Berethond]

Right, like CIA said. She likes you. A hell of a lot. Grats.

 

[Berethond]

I honestly don't know. By the way, since I'm British I'm not sure what year 8th Grade is, so if someone can convert to age or UK school year that would be a great help in terms of my answer.

He's somewhere between late 13- early 15 years old.

 

[Trivun]

I honestly don't know. By the way, since I'm British I'm not sure what year 8th Grade is, so if someone can convert to age or UK school year that would be a great help in terms of my answer.

He's somewhere between late 13- early 15 years old.

Right, thanks. That could make it slightly more difficult to handle this in a mature way (not because younger people are immature, simply due to lack of experience), otherwise my answer (above) remains the same.

 

[btfx]

Make a move before she does (on someone else). You'll regret it when she's smooching a bigger jerk with a prettier face.

 

[Vorpals]

Update: I'm not sure if this counts, but we just had a very nice IM conversation, and she knows she hasn't talked to me in a while and sounds like she wants to talk more.

Woah, hearing a lot of people say she likes me back made my self-esteem soar, although Necro has a point: I screwed up, but I feel I need to be more optimistic about this...

Thanks for the input, and I'm going to edit this into the main post.

 

[Berethond]

It sounds more like she likes you than anything else as others have said.

I'm sort of wondering what you could have possibly written on that note to make her feel so bad though if that's actually the reason behind this all.

I can imagine.

I had bad times.

 

[Berethond]

It sounds more like she likes you than anything else as others have said.

I'm sort of wondering what you could have possibly written on that note to make her feel so bad though if that's actually the reason behind this all.

I can imagine.

I had bad times.

I can too, I've had a bad experience with notes and a friend as well >_>;

Well I don't do notes.

REALLY bad experiences with dreams. Other people's dreams. Or more specifically, my actions in other people's dreams.

 

[Phoenix Arrow]

I don't understand grades so... let's say you're 14. Not that it matters but it helps me put things in a big picture.

Basically, I think the issue here is that she likes you in the more than friends way, but I don't think she has forgiven you and seeing how close you were beforehand, this has led to her feeling like she can't trust you.
If you care about her, make it up to her. It really is that simple. Make her feel like you're a person she can open up to and trust. If you don't enjoy subtlety, then just come right out and talk to her about it face-to-face.

 

[Vorpals]

I don't understand grades so... let's say you're 14. Not that it matters but it helps me put things in a big picture.

Basically, I think the issue here is that she likes you in the more than friends way, but I don't think she has forgiven you and seeing how close you were beforehand, this has led to her feeling like she can't trust you.
If you care about her, make it up to her. It really is that simple. Make her feel like you're a person she can open up to and trust. If you don't enjoy subtlety, then just come right out and talk to her about it face-to-face.

Sounds like a good plan, and thanks for the input...

I think I'll just talk to her more, make up for what I did (somehow), and maybe even ask her out.

Looking at the over-the-intertubes conversation we had a few minutes ago, I think I can talk to her more openly now.

 

[ElephantGuts]

Well, I wouldn't think that something you did in 6th grade would be a serious roadblock in your relationship, especially something as small and stupid as that. If you're really worried about it, I suggest you just bring it up and face it. Just be casual and say something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I was pretty stupid back then." As long as it isn't hanging over your heads it won't be a problem, just establish that it was a stupid little thing that didn't mean anything. Then work your magic (assuming you have some in the first place). Good luck and Godspeed (I love saying that).

EDIT: I laughed at your avatar. Thought I would let you know.

 

[Beffudled Sheep]

Notes... really? Seriously? Why a note? You could of changed the subject if she was annoying you about something you didn't care about, but no, you gave her a note that pretty much said shut up. I never understood kids even when i was one. But on topic, she likes you... A LOT. You should make a move, and by that I mean talk to her for more than 10 seconds and then make a move.

 

[Archemetis]

Really, I'd like to believe that a meaningful relationship can bloom at any age for any person and something that doesn't work for one person, doesn't necessarily dictate what will happen for another, so really, any advice i give is invalid.
But damnit i'm dedicated to my posts so i'll muster up genuine and enthusiastic advice!

Firstly, something that happened years ago especially soemthing as (forgive me for saying) trivial as a note declaring your annoyance for whatever reason will not have a dramatic affect on current events or social standings, unless the offended person REALLY likes their grudges...

Secondly, all this jumping to your aid in an argument or heated discussion or even just a fury driven disagreement isn't uncommon between people who, despite one pratically tiny hiccup, have been friends for years.
I'm not saying there couldn't be more to it then that, it's just more likely.

Thirdly, If she isn't doing much to initiate conversation with you, then (for lack of a better term) man up and get a discussion started yourself (unless you've tried, i can't remember if that was mentioned or not, in which case, just try harder). Of course you have to realise that people who've been friends for years can and likely will just drift appart for whatever reason, happens to a lot of us. But really, that's the key, you have to motivate and often inspire yuorself to get things running first to quote something i heard once from a wise chinese kid i knew in school.

"Bitches love the confident alpha-male type!"

And besides, you two have danced and share shy, cute little stary-eyed moments together, I say it's on due course, then again i might be wrong, it soemtimes happens, but trust me I tend to read women (never act on it but i can do it anyway...) and really, it sounds like it has all the hallmarks of an infatuation, so maybe, yeah, go for it.

Unless you didn't want to and just wanted to know?
That's always good.

Hope I helped.

With fond salutations,
Gargantuan wall of text.

 

[Vorpals]

Well, I wouldn't think that something you did in 6th grade would be a serious roadblock in your relationship, especially something as small and stupid as that. If you're really worried about it, I suggest you just bring it up and face it. Just be casual and say something along the lines of "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I was pretty stupid back then." As long as it isn't hanging over your heads it won't be a problem, just establish that it was a stupid little thing that didn't mean anything. Then work your magic (assuming you have some in the first place). Good luck and Godspeed (I love saying that).

EDIT: I laughed at your avatar. Thought I would let you know.

Thanks for the input, and yes that does sound like a good way to apologize.

 

[Turtleboy1017]

Just suck it up and tommorow, just say something along the lines of "We never had a real down-to-earth relationship, but I would like it if that changed. Want to go see a movie?" Of course doesn't have to be asked like that, I once saw some guy at my old high school say "I think your hot, let's go fuck" No joke, and even more suprisingly she said yes. (He was just trying to be funny... good thing she got it!)

Oh and for the apology thing just tell her you were acting stupid... some say that a real sign a woman likes you is if she gets annoyed at smaller things. And DAMN my ex got pissed off over small things...

 

[Necrophagist]

My advice - fuck her, and fuck her sister. Preferably at the same time. And I'm being completely serious, not flaming what so ever. Get the play while the game is good son. You can have serious relationships when you graduate college. Just relax, have a good time, and get some of that while it's there.