Salvaging a Relationship
- Thread starter Vorpals
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No, sadly enough.EchetusXe said:
Clarifications 2.0:
> She's not a shy person at all, she's actually very popular in school and I'm not, although a lot of people enjoy my company.
> Not everytime we make eye contact we smile, just sometimes.
> After I danced with her the first time, any other time I asked her to dance and she accepted (everytime), she didn't really seem to care and looked at other people, but that's just me.
> In that one IM chat, when I asked her about her "awkwardness" around me, she said that's just her way of saying hi, even though I doubt it.
This will be entered into the first post, and thanks for all the feedback guys!
Best way to get things rolling. Just walk up all casual, say "Remember when I wrote you a note telling you to shut up?" "Yeah" "Well I was a dick, do you wanna hang out?"
Something like that, with a big old smile on your face.
I find that no matter how badly I screw up, all I have to do is walk up to someone with a stupid grin and apologize and they ALWAYS forgive me.
NOTE: BY BADLY SCREW UP, THAT MEANS ANYTHING UP TO MURDERING THEIR FAMILIES. NO AMOUNT OF SMILES CAN GET THAT KIND OF FORGIVENESS.
Something like that, with a big old smile on your face.
I find that no matter how badly I screw up, all I have to do is walk up to someone with a stupid grin and apologize and they ALWAYS forgive me.
NOTE: BY BADLY SCREW UP, THAT MEANS ANYTHING UP TO MURDERING THEIR FAMILIES. NO AMOUNT OF SMILES CAN GET THAT KIND OF FORGIVENESS.
Don't ask for advice on girls from me, the person who just broke up with a girl he's been out with twice before, lost his virginity at 15, actually turned down the fittest girl in his year and got his nose broken for accidentally sleeping with someone elses girlfriend. I'm crap at this shit. You figure it out. But I bet you she fancies you. Or she thinks you fancy her.
I wouldn't assume that she likes you romantically. I don't know this girl (obviously), so I can't give much of a read (nor can anyone here, incidentally). Part of me wants to go into game theory stuff, but it'd be boring as hell, so ask yourself this:
Does she act differently around you than around other guys? Ignoring the dances, does she smile as greeting to other guys, jump in to defend them, ect.? If her actions toward you are legitimately different from her actions toward other guys, you'll at least know that she feels *something* different for you. The next question is whether that someone is a good something.
She could be shy and reserved around you because she likes you and doesn't want to be too obvious about it. But, her actions could indicate that she feels... Responsible for your well-being (and not in a good way). The stepping in to defend you in arguments, and dancing with you, could be seen as more an attempt to make sure that you aren't either attacked, or lonely.
I'm not drawing a conclusion, just offering you the possibilities.
Does she act differently around you than around other guys? Ignoring the dances, does she smile as greeting to other guys, jump in to defend them, ect.? If her actions toward you are legitimately different from her actions toward other guys, you'll at least know that she feels *something* different for you. The next question is whether that someone is a good something.
She could be shy and reserved around you because she likes you and doesn't want to be too obvious about it. But, her actions could indicate that she feels... Responsible for your well-being (and not in a good way). The stepping in to defend you in arguments, and dancing with you, could be seen as more an attempt to make sure that you aren't either attacked, or lonely.
I'm not drawing a conclusion, just offering you the possibilities.
Around other guys, she is MUCH more outgoing and talkative.Seldon2639 said:
She smiles at people in general, but only if she talks to them, like everybody else.
I don't know if she jumps in to defend them in arguments, but I think I made an exaggeration there: It's more like in homeroom if our group decides to play Silent Speedball (a silent game of pass) and some guy decides to peg me in the spot he shouldn't, she's all like "That's not very nice , why'd you do that?!"
What do you mean by "responsible for my well-being"? I can understand the lonely part, because I can give off the impression of a loner very easily (although I have good friends), but that I don't understand, and clarification would be nice.
Edit: Now that you said it, girls used to always have this atmosphere of pity for me when talking to me for reasons unknown, and that could be related to it. Ugh, that wouldn't be good.
IF you want my advice which you probably dont, i will say 2 things
1 - Its clear that you like her and therefore your story is going to be atleast slightly biased, empthasis on the slightly though and therefore you need to actually decide for yourself if she likes you and anyone on here wont be able to tell without an unbiased opinion of the situation.
2 - If you like her then you can ask her out and the worst she can do is say no, she's said yes to dances so i'd guess she'd probably say yes to that too.
3 - Dont worry about it whatever happens because no relationship you make at that age will last massively long and theres plenty of chances for much better relationships when your older.
4 - I wouldnt worry about the IM logging on and off, i used to do it all the time, log on and see if the person i wanted to talk to was on and then log off if they werent. Chances are she just wants to talk to one of her friends and doesnt check to see who else is on.
5 - Although its very cliché they're are plenty more fish in the see and probably much better ones since at the moment you've probably only got the selection of your class. You'll meet alot more girls in the future so feel free to completely blow your first few relationship attempts.
6 - I take no responsiblility for bad advice.
7 - Dont accidently spill paint in their eyes, it doesnt work out well. (personally experience
)
1 - Its clear that you like her and therefore your story is going to be atleast slightly biased, empthasis on the slightly though and therefore you need to actually decide for yourself if she likes you and anyone on here wont be able to tell without an unbiased opinion of the situation.
2 - If you like her then you can ask her out and the worst she can do is say no, she's said yes to dances so i'd guess she'd probably say yes to that too.
3 - Dont worry about it whatever happens because no relationship you make at that age will last massively long and theres plenty of chances for much better relationships when your older.
4 - I wouldnt worry about the IM logging on and off, i used to do it all the time, log on and see if the person i wanted to talk to was on and then log off if they werent. Chances are she just wants to talk to one of her friends and doesnt check to see who else is on.
5 - Although its very cliché they're are plenty more fish in the see and probably much better ones since at the moment you've probably only got the selection of your class. You'll meet alot more girls in the future so feel free to completely blow your first few relationship attempts.
6 - I take no responsiblility for bad advice.
7 - Dont accidently spill paint in their eyes, it doesnt work out well. (personally experience
)
Sorry to be a wet blanket, man. From what you've said, it seems like she's acting like a normal human being, maybe even a friend, to you. If I were you, I'd try to take an objective look at her behavior toward you (it's difficult, I know, but ask yourself whether you'd see it as anything more than possibly friendly if she were acting that way toward another guy).Vorpals said:
The responsible for your well-being thing goes back to the idea that she feels bad for you (pities you), and given her social status, wants to protect you. Since it sounds like you never really tried to make amends for being a jerk to her (and others) in the past, I'd bet she still sees you as maladjusted and pitiable.
I don't mean that as a pejorative, as it's unlikely that you find yourself pitiable, just as a speculation about her possible mindset. As before, I could be completely off base, so please don't take what I'm saying as anything more than one possible analysis. But, think about the end results of all of this:
You want to minimize your maximum harm, and maximize your minimal reward. The maximum harm is that she stops even being nice to you, and the minimal reward is that she continues to be nice. So, think about your three options:
-You could ask her out. At best, she'll say yes, and you'll be happy (maximum reward). At neutral, she'll explain that you misunderstood, and that while she wants to be friends again, she's not interested in a relationship (minimum harm). At worst, she'll laugh uproariously at the mere notion, and will stop even being nice to you (maximum harm).
-You could try (really try) to be friends. You do things like apologize for being a jackass in the past. At best, she's legitimately your friend again (medium reward). At worst, she'll still likely be civil and nice to you (minimum harm).
-You could do nothing, and let things continue as they are. At best, things continue like this indefinitely. At worst, she eventually grows tired of doing all of the work in the friendship (which is what it sounds like).
I don't know why she could feel sorry for me though. I'm not the most popular, atheletic, or not-geeky guy in town, but it just baffles me when I try to think of reasons to pity me.Seldon2639 said:
Edit 3 (dang):
Haven't asked her out. I've talked to her a few more times, but they've been pretty short-lived, and she still expresses that milieu of either indifference, shyness, etc. She's smiled at me a few more times, but that's about it.
Those smiles and kind gestures could be pity, but I really see no reason for pitying me beyond being unpopular. I'm bringing this thread back to life to get more opinions.
I'm not saying your opinions are invalid, but the mixed opinions are confusing me.
This will be edited into the main post, which has also been edited a bit as well.