Science and maths jokes anyone?

[UltraParanoia]

Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Why is potassium a racist element?
Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.

Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on
describing the sound to others.

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does
this taste funny to you?"

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."

7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."

6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says
exactly the way he/she says it.

3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is
about to pour the sulfuric acid

1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an
interest in federal buildings.

 

[Datalord]

Ok, so there's a farmer with a sick cow, so he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to cure his cow.

The biologist looks at the cow pies, reads something from a notebook, and concludes there is nothing he can do

The chemist draws some blood and urine, analyzes them, looks through a book he carries with him, and concludes there is nothing they can do.

The physicist looks at the cow, measures its mass, then scribbles on a piece of paper for two hours, then he takes a vial out his his pocket, measures a specific amount into another vial, gives it to the farmer and says, "Give this to your cow, and it'll be fine in a day, but it only works for spherical cows living in a vacuum"



If it wriggles, it's biology
If it smells, it's chemistry
And if it doesn't work, it's physics

 

[911 fox]

Knowledge is Power

Power Corrupts

Therefore Knowledge corrupts

i have a t-shirt that says that somewhere

edit: joke (sort of), two men bump into each other. ten years later one of the men dies in some random accident. the other man dies the same tie as the guy he hit ten years ago. (quantum entaglement, sort of)

also schrodinger was a dog person

 

[Vorpals]

Bookmarked this thread.

 

[itsnotyouitsme]

a penny, a nickel, and a dime are sitting on top of the empire state building. the penny and the nickel looked over the edge and jumped. why didn't the dime?

the dime had more cents.(sense)

 

[itsnotyouitsme]

we are all full blown nerds... D&D party anyone?

 

[The Paradigm]

Reading is knowledge
Knowledge is power
power corrupts
corruption is a crime
crime doesn't pay, so if you read, you'll go broke

Ach! NINJA'D

 

[historybuff]

This song is full of math jokes:

 

[Carlston]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says "No charge for you."

The neutron looks for his wallet and proclaims "I think I lost an electron outside somewhere." "are you sure?" the Bartender
asks. "yep, I'm positive!"

 

[Carlston]

A bartender gives the tachyon his scotch. The tachyon says make it a double. The tachyon orders a scotch. A tachyon walks into a bar.

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

Brrr! It must be 273.15 Kelvins in here! It's freezing!

I will kill you like Schrodinger's cat... maybe... maybe not.

And only slightly related:

Two chess players are at a convention and they begin arguing in a hotel lobby over specific chess rules.

The manager comes over and says, "Listen guys. You are going to have to take this somewhere else. I appreciate your passion, but I cannot stand chess nuts roasting over an open foyer."

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

we are all full blown nerds... D&D party anyone?

Yes please...

Oh wait - I already have a game on Wednesday nights, sorry.

 

[j0frenzy]

I don't know if these have been done because I haven't had the time to read the full thread, but:
Heisenberg is speeding down a highway when a police officer stops him. The officer asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg responds, "No, but I know exactly where I am."

---------
Knowledge is power (k=p)
Time is money (t=m)
Power= work over time (p=w/t)
Replace all the relevant variables (k=w/m)
Solving for money, we find the money is work over knowledge (m=w/k)
This means that as knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity despite the value of work.

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

if you have a sequence which starts with 1 and continually adds a half of the previous number, technically you end up with 1.9 recurring, but it is classed as 2

No technically if you did it an infinite number of times you'd get to two.

Two is the limit of this equation

I must contend that one will reach a semblance of "2" only in that the unfathomably small amount of discrepancy between two and 1.99..., is hardly beyond the minuscule effects of rounding.

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

I'm not sure if it's a joke per se, but my science teach told me to hold out my finger and close me eyes, and after getting a nice little (readrobably larger than intended) shock on my finger I open my eyes to see the man has produced his Tesla coil.

Oh boy.

*blinks*

lawsuit waiting to happen...

 

[Maze1125]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

if you have a sequence which starts with 1 and continually adds a half of the previous number, technically you end up with 1.9 recurring, but it is classed as 2

No technically if you did it an infinite number of times you'd get to two.

Two is the limit of this equation

I must contend that one will reach a semblance of "2" only in that the unfathomably small amount of discrepancy between two and 1.99..., is hardly beyond the minuscule effects of rounding.

1.999... and 2 are exactly the same number.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.85789

 

[Lion Ellus]

The Pessimist sees a glass as half-empty.
The Optimist sees a glass that is half full.
.The engineer sees a glass that is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

[Carlston]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and the bartender says "No charge for you."

You stole it from that robot in fallout 3, the robot that makes really bad jokes. :/

That was around LONG before fallout

 

[dietpeachsnapple]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

if you have a sequence which starts with 1 and continually adds a half of the previous number, technically you end up with 1.9 recurring, but it is classed as 2

No technically if you did it an infinite number of times you'd get to two.

Two is the limit of this equation

I must contend that one will reach a semblance of "2" only in that the unfathomably small amount of discrepancy between two and 1.99..., is hardly beyond the minuscule effects of rounding.

1.999... and 2 are exactly the same number.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.85789

My dear boy,

The degree to which you are attempting to earn the moniker "pretentious know-it-all" is only so painful as the flimsy footing you are intent upon starting this discussion.

First, when you want to provide a citation as evidence of your perspective, I do not advise citing yourself [thus the pretentiousness seeping in, hmm?] Second, I read through your mathematical proof and it is so riddled with qualifications and conditions that one naturally returns to the parsimonious beauty of 0.9999...=/= 1.

I would finish my statement by saying this is not the place to be having this discussion, nor is this the website to try and pick fights over advanced mathematics.

 

[Maze1125]

I don't get the infinite mathematicians joke xD

if you have a sequence which starts with 1 and continually adds a half of the previous number, technically you end up with 1.9 recurring, but it is classed as 2

No technically if you did it an infinite number of times you'd get to two.

Two is the limit of this equation

I must contend that one will reach a semblance of "2" only in that the unfathomably small amount of discrepancy between two and 1.99..., is hardly beyond the minuscule effects of rounding.

1.999... and 2 are exactly the same number.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.85789

My dear boy,

The degree to which you are attempting to earn the moniker "pretentious know-it-all" is only so painful as the flimsy footing you are intent upon starting this discussion.

First, when you want to provide a citation as evidence of your perspective, I do not advise citing yourself [thus the pretentiousness seeping in, hmm?] Second, I read through your mathematical proof and it is so riddled with qualifications and conditions that one naturally returns to the parsimonious beauty of 0.9999...=/= 1.

I would finish my statement by saying this is not the place to be having this discussion, nor is this the website to try and pick fights over advanced mathematics.

Wow.
I wasn't "citing myself". I was linking to my previous thread so that I didn't have to retype the same arguments and so that any discussion you wanted to make could happen in that thread rather than side-tracking this one. An event you have insisted on forcing anyway.

And yes, may argument was "riddled with qualifications and conditions", all mathematical arguments are, that's how we know that the arguments are rigorous and don't fail to take account other options.

But hey, if you want the dumbed down non-rigorous version, here it is:
0.999... is defined to be the limit of 0.9, 0.99, 0.999, etc.
That limit is 1 by the limit of geometric series.
QED