Self Harm and You

[Eamar]

Ehh not at the moment, going to in the new year but willing to wager my GP will be dismissive or throw drugs I won't take at the problem, since that's the quality of medical care in my area.

My dad's a GP, and he freely admits that 9 times out of 10 they know fuck all about mental health. As others have said, push for a referral. Believe me, it's worth it.

Also don't necessarily be too keen to dismiss medication out of hand. It's definitely not the right treatment for every person or disorder, and of course there are downsides, but when prescribed by someone who knows what they're doing (so again, a psychiatrist, NOT a GP) they can be life-savers. I know I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle to most (I have a condition that absolutely does require medication), but do think seriously about it if it's offered.

 

[kommando367]

I do enjoy pain, but I prefer it inflicted by others because I have too much self-control to deliberately harm myself.

21, Male, Straight

 

[EightGaugeHippo]

Yes, I used to years ago in high school, cutting, stopped, regretted ever doing it.
Nothing is uglier than an arm covered in scars.

Why? Because I was a fucking attention seeking little emo gobshite,
who was too dumb to realize the world isn't out to get me.

Most recent self harm was a suicide attempt 2 years ago. That was a genuine depressive episode.

Since then I realized if I wanted to die, I would have died already.
So fuck everything and smile.

19, Male, Straight.

Spoiler

open letter to any current cutters, please stop while your ahead

 

[[REDACTED]]

I've never cut myself, but I did engage in some self-harm as a child, mainly tearing out clumps of my hair and bashing my head against walls. I don't think I actually wanted to do myself harm, though. I've always had some nervous ticks, and they simply became more wild and panicked the worse my depression was. It was caged-animal behaviour, not a conscious decision on my part.

I'm a mostly straight male, currently 16 years old. I was 6-8 years old when it was at its worst.

I would self harm after seeing plastic beach knowing the good albums that had come before

Suicide crosses my mind frequently in these kinds of times but I lack the .44 necessary to fulfill that desire.

Good to hear you're getting better and that I have a bastard to vaguely relate to.

If you're seriously contemplating suicide, then please, talk to someone. No matter how hopeless you feel, you are far from alone. There are countless people out there who are more than willing to help. If nothing else, get in contact with a suicide prevention group, like Samaritans.

I realize that when you've reached that point, optimism can come across as shallow or even condescending. I won't pretend I know your circumstances, but I can understand what you're going through. When life feels like a pointless, painful, unending slog, when the things you used to enjoy only serve to remind you that you can't anymore, it's far too easy to disregard the possibility that anything could change.

Escaping from that pit isn't easy. I fact, it could be the hardest thing you ever do. But I know from experience that it's worth it. No matter how awful it is right now, life will always have more to offer.

If at any point you want to talk about it, I'd be more than happy to listen. I just hate seeing another person going through this horrible shit, and I want to help in any way that I can.

 

[FalloutJack]

Interesting topic. Uhhh...

Man, straight, and 32.

{1} Have I? No, not really. The only reason I have any degree of masochism is that other people who have tried to hurt me have failed miserably, and then I practice my other trait: Sadism.

{2} Since I haven't, lemme change this to 'Why not?'. I have a formidable self-esteem, the kind that tells others who would try to drive it down to fuck off. People giving me a hard time have low self-esteem themselves, and therefore need to drag down others before them. Well, that's not for me.

{3} Uhhh...pass. Can't answer 'Too what ends?' if I haven't.

{4} Aaand...still no, and actually I try to get others off of self-abuse, 'cause I know people and it's not pretty.

 

[Seagoon]

Personally I've never self harmed or wanted to but I've had some pretty close experiences with it. Since coming to my new college, I've come into contact with a lot of people suffering from depression and self harm, the most notable of which ended up being my girlfriend. Having such an intimate relationship with someone who self harms was pretty fucking intense especially since she used me to vent her insecurities and ended up depending on me way too much - made worse by the fact that I'm naturally over empathetic and had a deep desire to help her. It sounds so horrible to say, but getting into a relationship with a cutter was a really bad decision and its only served to show me how fucking awful and ugly depression really is.

17.

Male.

Heterosexual. (But fuck that, labels are for losers)

 

[Aesir23]

Female, 25, Straight.

I was incredibly depressed for a variety of reasons during the period of time that I had been cutting, even to the point of having suicidal thoughts and very nearly making an attempt on my own life. The anxiety disorders probably didn't help either. Cutting was essentially a release from those emotions, especially when they became overwhelming for me at that point in time.

That was years ago and, as cheesy as it may sound, I genuinely think that I came out of it as a stronger person with more empathy for what a person may be privately going through. Essentially just being more accepting as a whole.

Obviously there are things about my life that I still wish I could change but after going through that and coming out of it in one piece, it has definitely reminded me that problems are not always permanent.

 

[Nokturos]

Never. I've known a lot of people who did, and I sort of understand the impulse, but I don't think I'll ever share it.

22, male, straight.

 

[Ryan Minns]

Never done it but I've met far so many people who have. In my youth I was the type that used to think those who did it were weak and pathetic but as I've gotten older I am VERY ashamed of that belief. I've met far too many wonderful people who do it and most of them are some of the strongest people I know.

Straight, male, 27

 

[sagitel]

yeeesh! so many guys with problems. this is sad.(i am in no way insulting anyone. thought it may need clearing up) anyway. suicide has crossed my mind once but nothing after that. i sometimes smack myself in the face stop doing whatever om doing and start being productive but nothing more serious.

im 18 male straight

 

[xmbts]

Nowadays my anxiety attacks usually just leave me nearing tears and needing to remove myself from crowds more than anything.

Rhetorical question: how bereft of your heart your chest feels, as though it beats at nothing... :/

Yeah... happens a lot when I'm at the nadir (or not even that) of a depressive episode... reason? FUCK REASONS!

Mostly happens when I'm at work, so I have to force it down and pretend I'm not about to have a complete breakdown because my bosses will at best demand to know why if they even give a shit.

Saying "It's personal" doesn't get far with them.

 

[Alcamonic]

Does smoking for the purpose of self-harm count? Usually makes me feel better when I am feeling down.

25ish maleish bish.

 

[SanguiniusMagnificum]

Seeing as how my life is all sunshine and rainbows (well, most of the time) me harming myself during periods of stress, anger or grief amounts to watching the "Transformers" trilogy in a short period of time. It really helps to know that even though I have some issues, I'm not even close to being the human heap of volatile garbage that goes by the name of Michael Bay.

Straight, 17 year old male.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

Other than retarded teenage manliness competitions, no.

Too old for this shit, male, straight.

Also, hope whatever it is that's bothering you gets sorted out quickly.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Unfortunately, not. No, really, I mean that. I think it?d be a good release for me because I feel so goddamn empty all the time, but I hate that level of pain far too much to try anything further than a sharp scratch (plus, I wouldn?t want to get infected). When I was a bit younger, though, I used to slap myself in the face when I got really angry with myself. As for suicide, I?m too pussy to do that and potentially fail, or cause any emotional pain for my immediate family. It?d be much better if I was never born in this shithole of a world in the first place, but as I lack a time machine, I?m royally fucked.

Since it?s apparently impossible for me to cry unless I watch Grave of the Fireflies, I mostly ?deal? with my OCD, anxiety and depression mainly by browsing the internet, writing lists, doing Sudoku, for some reason. Of course, only a temporary fixture, and sometimes they aren?t enough to distract me from my horrible brain overdrive in the darkest parts of the mind when I?m bored, so there are times where I just lie down and sleep. Indeed, I have a therapist doing CBT with me who previously put me on Fluoxetine (which worked for a while) and now on Sertraline (which, frankly, is doing fuck all), but I don?t know when I?ll get better, if ever. My brain might just be wired wrongly.

I?m 18, male, and predominantly straight.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I went to a psychologist and told her that I thought I was depressed. She asked me if I ever self harmed. I said no, and she told me that she didn't think I was depressed. So I figured, hey, if they want me to cut myself, I'll cut myself. And so I did.

True story.

 

[sky14kemea]

22, gender-fluid/gender-confused (But let's say Female biologically), asexual.

I never know if this counts or not, but I used to scratch my arms with the sharp end of scissors a few years ago. I'm pretty bad with pain, so I was never brave enough to attempt anything with a blade at that time.

Anyway, earlier this year I did finally use a penknife, and still couldnt bring myself to do more than a few scratches that healed quickly. Except for one cut, that did go pretty deep.

After that I kinda panicked and ran around trying to fix it, which I did. It wasn't all that bad, actually. Bad enough to leave a little scar though.

No one IRL has noticed it, so I figure maybe it's time to come clean on here, since there's a surprising amount of people in the same boat(ish). I wish there wasn't so many of you. =[

 

[The White Hunter]

22, gender-fluid/gender-confused (But let's say Female biologically), asexual.

I never know if this counts or not, but I used to scratch my arms with the sharp end of scissors a few years ago. I'm pretty bad with pain, so I was never brave enough to attempt anything with a blade at that time.

Anyway, earlier this year I did finally use a penknife, and still couldnt bring myself to do more than a few scratches that healed quickly. Except for one cut, that did go pretty deep.

After that I kinda panicked and ran around trying to fix it, which I did. It wasn't all that bad, actually. Bad enough to leave a little scar though.

No one IRL has noticed it, so I figure maybe it's time to come clean on here, since there's a surprising amount of people in the same boat(ish). I wish there wasn't so many of you. =[

I believe there's a correlation, if not necessarily a causal link, between being the kind of personw ho engages with a lot of games, RPG's and anime and the like and actively discusses those things online and being the kind of person who would not necessarily be quite so socially accepted, which in turn likely causes feelings of unwantedness that can spiral out of control.

Or something like that.

Most of my cuts aren't too deep, there's nothing arund here practical for it so I mostly break up a safety razor or something, deliberately keep weapons out of my house.

 

[JoJo]

I've never really self-harmed, well, sometimes I've done a few minor things like holding onto a hot saucepan to see how much it hurt but that was more just curiosity since I've come to understand I have a relatively high pain tolerance rather than a deliberate attempt to inflict harm on myself. I don't really have much to add to this conversation, other than reading some of the posts here has helped me understand further why some people self-harm, which I've never been able to really understand in the past, so thanks for that.

Oh and if it matters, I'm male, 21, 50% gay, 50% straight and 75% badger.