-BANG BANG BANG-
I'M COOKING!!!!
WHO THE HELL IS BANGING ON MY--
SWEET FUCKING CHRIST IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
I could not have possibly expected this!
H-hey!
What the hell are you doi--?!
Wh... What is that?!
A giant--?!?!
I'm in despair!
The fact that we live in a world in which such devices are used in executions have left me in despair!!
H-how did you even get such a thing?!
It's extravagance at its worst!
It's not even at the minimum cultural standards!
MERU, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU--
HOW THE SHIT ARE YOU ALL HOLDING ON?!
Just kidding, I'm totally ded, yo.
And I'm innocent as fuck.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -DED, not big surprise-
Well it took you boys long enough!
AND YOU WERE WRONG!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
[sub][sub][sub]Quite frankly, I'm surprised I lasted this long. ouo[/sub][/sub][/sub]
[HEADING=1]Dr. Thrax has finally been killed! Time for the medic and the killer to act![/HEADING]
Oh, yes. Small announcement. If anyone who is dead or not part of the game, I need someone to take over the job of GMing for me. With work, I'm really having a hard time finding the time to keep the game going at a steady pace. If you're interested, PM me.
Haven't I suffered enough? My former boss wants my head, my wife left me, I was kicked out of my house and left for dead in the streets... And now this?!?
How was I to know that my
would actually end up getting me killed? This was supposed to be a comedy anime, damnit!
And of all the places in hell for me to end up in, why did it have to be this mansion?
How did they know that skeletons were my worst nightmare? Did Orwell design this mansion? Hello? Can anyone answer me, please!
As I crawl into a fetal position and shit myself harder than a senile old man drunk on laxatives, someone or something opens the door. Could this be salvation, or damnation? Whatever the case, a chance to escape the bones is not something that I will pass. Here we go!
I sprint through the door faster than Shaggy high on Scooby Snacks, slam it shut, and proceed to grab anything within my vicinity that could block it. Namely, a chair, a sofa, two suits of armor, a casket with DIO ornately written on it, a human-sized GUNDAM suit and Cyborg Ninja. That should stop them. Now, where am I?
I am in a hallway. A very long hallway. A hallway of seemingly endless doors left and right. Any door I try to open is either locked or has its lock broken. Could this mansion actually be in Silent Hill?
I walk on down the hall, and
I come to a door, and I look inside.
Darkness. The hallway is well-lit, but it seems as though the light dies at the boundaries of the door. It gives of a very creepy feeling, and I would much rather continue walking down the hall rather than risk going in ther-
Wait, what is that sound?
I can hear a door getting banged in the distance, what could-
Oh no.
The skeletons.
They broke through.
They are running towards me, and fast! I could never hope to outrun them at such a pace. Now I have no choice but to proceed into the darkness. Damned skeletons!
The door closes as I enter. There is nothing in here. Well, no. I'm in here. So there's something. But there's nothing else. So, I have nothing to do. Hopefully being dead means that I won't starve to death, because I figure that I'll have to stay in here for a long time. Doing nothing.
But what is nothing, I wonder.
"Well," I say to myself, "nothing is nothing. It cannot be explained because there is nothing to explain about nothing."
"That's an interesting deduction." I hear a voice say. Suddenly, a part of the room is lit; a hooded figure, its features completely obscured, sits on a chair beside a table. "Care to discuss it further?"
With an inviting gesture, the figure points towards the chair on the opposite end of the table.
"Welcome to my parlour," it says as I sit down. "Do enjoy your stay."
"You said that nothing is nothing and there's nothing to explain about nothing. But isn't nothing something?"
"That's preposterous!" I reply with a bit of a chuckle, "How can nothing be something?"
"Ah, the fact that we classify nothing as nothing makes it something, doesn't it? It's nothing, but it's something in being nothing."
I stay silent for a moment digesting what was said. "If nothing is something, then I shouldn't feel depressed for doing nothing, because I'm doing something. But I do get depressed when I do nothing.
"That may be true," the figure replies, "But if something is happening you get even more depressed when that something finishes. Sometimes this leads to... suicide"
"Well... I conceide that point"
"Why did you commit suicide?"
"Why?" I answer somewhat shocked. That was an unexpected question. "I suppose it's because I felt really depressed about having no future after-"
"What I mean is, what did you hope to achieve by dying?"
"Oh... I suppose... it's because I had enough with myself and no longer wanted to be him."
"And what did you want to be?"
"...Nothing."
"Looks like that didn't quite work out for you, did it? You're still something."
"I suppose no- Wait. If nothing is something, then isn't it possible for something to be nothing? So since I am something, couldn't I be nothing? And thus, achieve my goal of being nothing by being something because something is nothing?"
"That's not how it works. To be nothing you have to leave the universe."
"...Which means that I will be something in nothing and the things inside of the universe will consider me as a something that is nothing at all."
"No, no, no. You will be nothing because nobody will know about you."
"So I'll be a nothing in something that you know nothing about, and if you know nothing about that something you therefore know something about it and that something is... nothing."
"No, you see you don't undestand. For it to make sense there's something you need to know-"
"Is that something nothing? Because I can say that I know that much"
"Look, just... just forget I said anything about nothing being something, ok?"
"So nothing is nothing."
"Yes."
"And nothing isn't something."
"Yes!"
"So... if it's nothing then why are we talking about nothing since there is nothing to talk about?"
A short while passed where nothing was said and the figure just sat there staring at me. At least, that's what I think it did. Obscured face and all.
"So, here's a fun little fact," the figure finally said in a mildly irritated tone "about skeletons."
Oh no.
"Eh, I would really like to not learn know anything about skeletons, please? They make me feel pretty uncomfortable you see. Oh, I know! Let's talk about this mansion instead!"
"Did you know," the figure continued as though completely ignoring my pleas "that there's a skeleton inside of you aswell?"
That last sentence completely broke my charade. I was now openly sweating, and my face was twitching from the anxiety.
"T-t-that's imp-p-p-possible." I muster with what little calm left in me. "I-I mean, have you s-seen what they l-look l-like? N-no way a ske-skeleton could be inside of m-me!" I let off a chuckle, mostly to reassure myself that what the figure said was wrong.
"Don't believe me, do you? Ha."
My hands start itching.
"Take a look for yourself, then."
Oh god, my hands, no, my entire body- it's melting! I'm melting! I'M MELTING! Oh, what a world, what a world! To think that there was an actual skeleton inside of me this whole time...
"That's what you get for annoying me. Have fun dying, you DORK."
I fall on the floor from the pain. Even as my body completely melts away, I still live and experience the pain. Oh, the pain! And all of that for questiong their statements? What... an... asshole!
There is nothing left of my body now, yet, there's still a bit of life in me. I find that I can still move my hand, albeit barely, even if there's nothing but bone left. It's funny, normally I would be terrified of such a revelation, but I am strangely ok with it, as though I knew the truth the whole time...
@Fractral: It's Hazegawa Taizo aka MADAO from Gin Tama. It's a very worthwhile comedy anime mixed with shounen. If you don't mind the amount of episodes, then I would definately recommend it. And thanks. After my last serious death, I wanted to do a funny one this time. Hopefully it was so.
Hey~
Another character from a comedy anime who tries to kill himself repeatedly!
'Cept my guy then complains when people interfere yelling at them "What if I died?!"
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I'm in despair!
