Serial Killer Round 63: La Fiesta de la Muerte! | C'est fini!

[username sucks]

Spoiler: Adios, amigos.

After killing Armstrong, I had to go out and fight my own war. Only the game developers know what I meant by that, but the next step took me to Mexico. Donning the same brilliant disguise as the last time I was in Mexico, I set out to do some mysterious yet badass thing yet again, but it seems like Kev gave me the wrong directions. Instead of Guadalajara, I ended up in the Land of the Dead.

A very strange place... I couldn't contact anyone by radio, so I tried to find my way out on my own, ignoring all the festivities around me. The dead wanted me to hit the pinatas with my sword, but my sword is a tool of justice. Eventually, Jack let 'er rip, and soon I was slashing every pinata I saw.

In this candy-fueled rampage, I didn't notice a familiar zombie sprinting to me until he tackled me with enough force to make me drop my sword and send me flying. In a daze, I looked up and immediately recognized my attacker, even with his rotting skin and the gaping hole in his chest.

"Armstong? How are you still alive!?" I asked in shock, unable to fight back because this was a cutscene.

[HEADING=3]"Necromancy, Son!"[/HEADING] He yelled as he ran and kicked me, sending me flying again. "Someone here wants you dead, and they brought me back to make it happen!" He picked up the Murasama blade and used it to cut out his own metal arteries in his chest, which he then used to tie me up and hang me upside-down from a tree while I was still incapacitated.

Finally I came to my senses. "Armstrong, what the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm just joining in on the festivities, Jack!"
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"None of the Pinatas-
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"Can take a hit-
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"And I don't want to ruin the party for everyone else-
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"By breaking all of them!"
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING][HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING][HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING][HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]

He kept hitting me for hours while ranting about his dream for America, and I was unable to break my nanomachine (son) reinforced bindings. After what seemed like an eternity, he stopped.

"Well Jack, it's been fun." He said, picking up the Murasama blade from the ground and holding it awkwardly. "Swords aren't my style, but it's time to crack this pinata open!"
[HEADING=1]*Slash*[/HEADING]

@vulpez: I'm sorry that I'm leaving you behind... Please, go on without me...

 

[vulpez]

Spoiler: Adios, amigos.

After killing Armstrong, I had to go out and fight my own war. Only the game developers know what I meant by that, but the next step took me to Mexico. Donning the same brilliant disguise as the last time I was in Mexico, I set out to do some mysterious yet badass thing yet again, but it seems like Kev gave me the wrong directions. Instead of Guadalajara, I ended up in the Land of the Dead.

A very strange place... I couldn't contact anyone by radio, so I tried to find my way out on my own, ignoring all the festivities around me. The dead wanted me to hit the pinatas with my sword, but my sword is a tool of justice. Eventually, Jack let 'er rip, and soon I was slashing every pinata I saw.

In this candy-fueled rampage, I didn't notice a familiar zombie sprinting to me until he tackled me with enough force to make me drop my sword and send me flying. In a daze, I looked up and immediately recognized my attacker, even with his rotting skin and the gaping hole in his chest.

"Armstong? How are you still alive!?" I asked in shock, unable to fight back because this was a cutscene.

[HEADING=3]"Necromancy, Son!"[/HEADING] He yelled as he ran and kicked me, sending me flying again. "Someone here wants you dead, and they brought me back to make it happen!" He picked up the Murasama blade and used it to cut out his own metal arteries in his chest, which he then used to tie me up and hang me upside-down from a tree while I was still incapacitated.

Finally I came to my senses. "Armstrong, what the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm just joining in on the festivities, Jack!"
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"None of the Pinatas-
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"Can take a hit-
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"And I don't want to ruin the party for everyone else-
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]
"By breaking all of them!"
[HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING][HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING][HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING][HEADING=1]*punch*[/HEADING]

He kept hitting me for hours while ranting about his dream for America, and I was unable to break my nanomachine (son) reinforced bindings. After what seemed like an eternity, he stopped.

"Well Jack, it's been fun." He said, picking up the Murasama blade from the ground and holding it awkwardly. "Swords aren't my style, but it's time to crack this pinata open!"
[HEADING=1]*Slash*[/HEADING]

@vulpez: I'm sorry that I'm leaving you behind... Please, go on without me...

Spoiler: Adios, amigos.

.....Dear killer,rest assured that when i'm through with you, you won't know which way to lean to fart.

Sincerely, your end-bringer.

P.S. Hell hath no fury like a vulpez scorned

 

[DoPo]

Alas, poor username sucks - I knew him well. Well, not really. He sort of walked in and got killed. I found it rather rude, really - he didn't even stay for coffee. Or tortillas. Or a tacos. Or enchiladas.

I'm hungry. And I ran out of Mexican foods I know.

 

[Dr. Thrax]

Sweet fucking christ!
I just barely avoided that goddamned massacre!
Good thing there was this giant pile of confetti for me to jump in..

 

[Headsprouter]

Stop grieving, silly humans and help me decide who to vote for! If we spend this whole ordeal mourning our dead we'll drown in our own tears before long! So think for me, dammit!

 

[Malbourne]

[HEADING=1]USERNAME SUCKS HAS BEEN TRAGICALLY MURDERED.

TIME TO VOTE FOR YOUR SUSPECT![/HEADING]​

 

[DoPo]

Stop grieving, silly humans and help me decide who to vote for! If we spend this whole ordeal mourning our dead we'll drown in our own tears before long! So think for me, dammit!

Hmm, let's see what we know so far - it wasn't me who killed him. I've got alibi - I was killing a completely different person at the time, so I couldn't have possibly killed username sucks. I've got a strong suspicion, that the killer wasn't username sucks either. This leaves us with a reduced pool of suspects.

Tell me, what did you do around the time username sucks was being murdered? I find it rather suspicious you come here and talk about all of us dying so...spontaneously. And it's interesting how that that method of us dying doesn't trace back directly to you. Similar to...how username sucks was murdered. Hmm... Have you already planned this? Are you here to murder us all?

 

[Headsprouter]

Hmm, let's see what we know so far - it wasn't me who killed him. I've got alibi - I was killing a completely different person at the time, so I couldn't have possibly killed username sucks. I've got a strong suspicion, that the killer wasn't username sucks either. This leaves us with a reduced pool of suspects.

Tell me, what did you do around the time username sucks was being murdered? I find it rather suspicious you come here and talk about all of us dying so...spontaneously. And it's interesting how that that method of us dying doesn't trace back directly to you. Similar to...how username sucks was murdered. Hmm... Have you already planned this? Are you here to murder us all?

Ha, well for your information Mr Smartipantz or "DoPo" IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!

You know one thing people do when they're trying to conceal the truth? Talk too much. And my eyes see two paragraphs of unnecessary information! Some might even say you might be trying to use me as a scapegoat! You see this man, here, fellow humans? A PRIIIME suspect!

 

[username sucks]

Don't worry, I can still talk to you guys from beyond the grave. Because of necromancy, son.

 

[dalek sec]

I don't know who to vote for as the killer, there's no clues...

 

[username sucks]

@Dalek: Random number generators don't lie.

 

[dalek sec]

@Dalek: Random number generators don't lie.

But that doesn't tell me anything.

 

[username sucks]

@Dalek: I'm saying that you should make a random guess if you have no information. Never skip a vote on purpose.

 

[Malbourne]

Does this new banner lag anyone out? Should I overcome my narcissism and place it in a spoiler tag? Do piñatas bleed? Maybe some of ya'll can answer one of these questions for me!

 

[username sucks]

but still sad over user's death. I don't know why he was murdered.

Because the killer couldn't handle my swag. Seriously though, no reason to be sad about it. I know I'm not.

 

[DoPo]

I don't know who to vote for as the killer, there's no clues...

Hardly. There are some clues. See, the fact that username sucks was killed first, does lend itself to some analysation - he is in the middle of the list on the first page. Well, not EXACTLY in the middle but you can't have exact with an even number of players. So the killer could be starting from the middle outwards. This suggests that the killer could be towards the ouliers.

Alternatively, his username is almost the last in alphabetical order - if the killer did start in reverse alphabetical order, they missed vulpez. Rather suspiciously, I might add. Leading us to believe he is actually the killer.

There is a third option but the likelyhood is much smaller - it's neither of these theories and something different. But that would just not make sense.

Ha, well for your information Mr Smartipantz or "DoPo" IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!

No, I lost it, a while back. I think I dropped it in a taxi on my way to work or something. I did find this shiny new one lying on the street, though.

You know one thing people do when they're trying to conceal the truth? Talk too much. And my eyes see two paragraphs of unnecessary information! Some might even say you might be trying to use me as a scapegoat! You see this man, here, fellow humans? A PRIIIME suspect!

Exactly the words I'd expect...FROM A KILLER!

 

[dalek sec]

So when exactly does the fun start? D:

 

[username sucks]

Alternatively, his username is almost the last in alphabetical order - if the killer did start in reverse alphabetical order, they missed vulpez. Rather suspiciously, I might add. Leading us to believe he is actually the killer.

Aw naw, you did not just accuse my boyfriend!

 

[DoPo]

Alternatively, his username is almost the last in alphabetical order - if the killer did start in reverse alphabetical order, they missed vulpez. Rather suspiciously, I might add. Leading us to believe he is actually the killer.

Aw naw, you did not just accuse my boyfriend!

Aha, but doesn't he stand to gain the most, eh? From, umm, the...erm...ah! Life insurance! Yes, we call this thing a "motive", as he clearly stands to gain from your death.

 

[username sucks]

Alternatively, his username is almost the last in alphabetical order - if the killer did start in reverse alphabetical order, they missed vulpez. Rather suspiciously, I might add. Leading us to believe he is actually the killer.

Aw naw, you did not just accuse my boyfriend!

Aha, but doesn't he stand to gain the most, eh? From, umm, the...erm...ah! Life insurance! Yes, we call this thing a "motive", as he clearly stands to gain from your death.

*gasp* You're right!

@vulpez: You've got a lot of explaining to do, mister!

Wait a second... I didnt have life insurance...