*sigh* I just walked away...

[crimsonshrouds]

Their is this girl I know that I cared for deeply, heck, I loved her. She was in a relationship with a guy who emotionally abused her by threatening harm against himself whether it be committing suicide or telling her he was no longer going to get his GED or go to college.

He helped her during a bad time after her last breakup and made her promises about getting her back together with a guy who she loved but didn't share the same feeling as long as she went out with him.

Now I was just friends with her and she is a really good person but she is too trusting and caring of others. I tried my best to just be a good friend but i saw the effects this guy was having on her so i talked to her about it and she told me that she was going to break up with him but she didn't want to hurt him. They ended up getting in an arguement over the phone and she broke up with him. He kept telling her for several hours he was going to kill himself because she broke up with him.

Tonight, he got a friend of his to call me (he fucking stole my number from her phone) and his friend was aparently was supposed to call me because his paranoid ass thought I was going out with her. I'm Not exactly sure why he had this girl call me.

He then calls telling he's got an axe to grind with me because i had pointed out he had bene emotionally abusing her and aparently he had finally convinced her to go back out with him.

This point I have had it so i cut ties with her and im walking away from. I can only take veiled threats for so long before im tired.

In walking away from a good friend... Am i doing the right thing. I tried my best to get her to stand up on her own two feet but im not sure if their is more that i can do...

 

[CouchCommando]

hey you've got to live your own life, can't live other peoples lives for them ,more power to you.

 

[replingham153]

dude, she is a good friend. what more do you need in life. stay with her. she seems really nice. just stay with her, please!

 

[grimsprice]

I would never leave an innocent, over-trusting friend in the hands of such a raging psychopath. It would be a matter of honor for me.

However, i've always been a sucker for the hurt seals and the infirm. (whatever realm their infirmity happens to be in, physical, mental, emotional, etc.)

 

[pyrosaw]

hey you've got to live your own life, can't live other peoples lives for them ,more power to you.

Words spoken from a true genius. But if you really must, you could stay and argue so MAYBE you could keep the friendship. Remember, Thers always alcohol.

 

[Blindswordmaster]

A good soldier knows when to pack his shit in. You gave it your all, you should be proud of that. I'm very sorry that you had to walk away from a good friend, but some people need to learn the hard way. The burnt hand is the best teacher. I personally would have met with this guy and, if needed, beat the living shit out of him. But that's just me. Just don't make yourself completely unavailable. If shit goes down, everyone needs a back-up plan. That's all I've got.

 

[Chainsaws_of_War_2]

Sometimes after you've given all you got you just have to let life take it's course. It seems to me you worked your ass off trying to help this girl out, the only other option would be to get a restraining order on the guy since he's obviously hurting her mentally.

My advice, you gave it all you got, but no one is asking you to keep giving it. You do what you want because you want to, not because you feel obligated to.

 

[BonsaiK]

Their is this girl I know that I cared for deeply, heck, I loved her. She was in a relationship with a guy who emotionally abused her by threatening harm against himself whether it be committing suicide or telling her he was no longer going to get his GED or go to college.

He helped her during a bad time after her last breakup and made her promises about getting her back together with a guy who she loved but didn't share the same feeling as long as she went out with him.

Now I was just friends with her and she is a really good person but she is too trusting and caring of others. I tried my best to just be a good friend but i saw the effects this guy was having on her so i talked to her about it and she told me that she was going to break up with him but she didn't want to hurt him. They ended up getting in an arguement over the phone and she broke up with him. He kept telling her for several hours he was going to kill himself because she broke up with him.

Tonight, he got a friend of his to call me (he fucking stole my number from her phone) and his friend was aparently was supposed to call me because his paranoid ass thought I was going out with her. I'm Not exactly sure why he had this girl call me.

He then calls telling he's got an axe to grind with me because i had pointed out he had bene emotionally abusing her and aparently he had finally convinced her to go back out with him.

This point I have had it so i cut ties with her and im walking away from. I can only take veiled threats for so long before im tired.

In walking away from a good friend... Am i doing the right thing. I tried my best to get her to stand up on her own two feet but im not sure if their is more that i can do...

Answered in the Relationship Problem thread, at the following link: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=42#7318775

 

[crimsonshrouds]

I would never leave an innocent, over-trusting friend in the hands of such a raging psychopath. It would be a matter of honor for me.

However, i've always been a sucker for the hurt seals and the infirm. (whatever realm their infirmity happens to be in, physical, mental, emotional, etc.)

the problem is im in love with her and im emotionally and physically exhausted from all this. I actually thought she was free from him when she finally broke up with him. But she went back to him because she doesn't want him to ruin his life.

 

[JWW]

In the words of Maurice WIlliams and the Zodiacs, "stay". She sounds nice, I'd stay friends with her if I were you.

 

[Stryc9]

There really isn't much more you can do. People are going to do what they're going to do and there isn't much anyone else can do about it.

My two best friends who have been on and off for the last couple of years split for what I'm sure is the last time about a month ago. During the entire time things were really shaky between them I encouraged them both to work it out as much as I could but in the end it didn't do any good. The best I can hope for now is keep a strong friendship with both of them from now on.

The best thing you can do is take a step back from your situation and still try to be a friend to this girl but don't get as involved in her problems with this asshole she's seeing. Hopefully she'll eventually come around and realize the guy is a dick and get away from him. If she's as good a friend as you say she is be supportive but not too supportive.

 

[Extra-Ordinary]

Wow, that must have been... I can't even compare it to anything. It must have been especially hard since you really liked this girl.

 

[grimsprice]

I would never leave an innocent, over-trusting friend in the hands of such a raging psychopath. It would be a matter of honor for me.

However, i've always been a sucker for the hurt seals and the infirm. (whatever realm their infirmity happens to be in, physical, mental, emotional, etc.)

the problem is im in love with her and im emotionally and physically exhausted from all this. I actually thought she was free from him when she finally broke up with him. But she went back to him because she doesn't want him to ruin his life.

Dig deep for some extra stamina. Hike up your balls, and put your best "i really need to talk to you" face on. Explain to her that he's just manipulative. Her presence isn't magically making him emotionally stable, he'll be whoever he is whether she is there or not. Any claims to the contrary are just manipulation.

Maybe i'm asking a lot of you, because i've always been a great actor (though i'm terrified of stages). I can sell anything. And i've used it to help lots of my female friends deal with relationship problems.

 

[Virgilthepagan]

General neediness really isn't a replacement for actual feeling, and a threat of self mutilation is perhaps the strangest thing I've ever heard. Honestly at this point I wouldn't give up on her, try at least one more time, get it across that this guy is in your eyes a terrible influence on her, and if he says anything, let him, just call him out on it.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

I would never leave an innocent, over-trusting friend in the hands of such a raging psychopath. It would be a matter of honor for me.

However, i've always been a sucker for the hurt seals and the infirm. (whatever realm their infirmity happens to be in, physical, mental, emotional, etc.)

the problem is im in love with her and im emotionally and physically exhausted from all this. I actually thought she was free from him when she finally broke up with him. But she went back to him because she doesn't want him to ruin his life.

Dig deep for some extra stamina. Hike up your balls, and put your best "i really need to talk to you" face on. Explain to her that he's just manipulative. Her presence isn't magically making him emotionally stable, he'll be whoever he is whether she is there or not. Any claims to the contrary are just manipulation.

Maybe i'm asking a lot of you, because i've always been a great actor (though i'm terrified of stages). I can sell anything. And i've used it to help lots of my female friends deal with relationship problems.

For a couple weeks i distanced my self from her but stayed friends and then she begged me to come over to her house and then I got too involved now im just too tired of this...

 

[Estocavio]

I would have just watched to see how it unfolded - In fact, id have liked to see how it worked out without interference...

 

[MelziGurl]

I walked away from my best friend (at the time) when she lied to me about something big. Long story short, she was dating a mutual friend then stayed at another friends place over a long weekend (apparently she was only going for hot chocolate) and was well aware of the crush she had had on this person for years...then dumped the other person that same weekend. Now, it didn't need to be as much of a drama as it was. But when I confronted her over it, she became aggressively defensive, swearing and carrying on etc. Usually I would have believed her, but my gut told me otherwise and all she had to do was tell me the truth and we could have still been best friends today.

There is only so much you should be willing to take before you finally just say that enough is enough. Walk away, leave her to her own devices and see what comes of it. As for my situation, we are still friends but not the way it use to be. I also had to deal with the bad relationship drama, it just got too much.

EDIT: Also, to be able to help someone they must first admit to themselves that they need AND want the help. My fiance went through the exact same thing with a friend of his that he fell in love with. Basically, I think you're just her knight in shining armour, someone she can use when things go bad.

 

[grimsprice]

For a couple weeks i distanced my self from her but stayed friends and then she begged me to come over to her house and then I got too involved now im just too tired of this...

On a scale of 1-10, how lost to this guy is she?

 

[W0mbatman]

I don't think you should walk away permanently. Just take a breather. You don't need to be going through this. Don't get involved, and if you are, do what it takes to get out and keep her your friend, maybe even call the cops on the guy. This isn't your war, so don't let them make it your war. You've done all that you can, and you cannot interfere anymore.

I've been through a few situations similar to this. My ex girlfriend, whom I became best friends with, began dating a guy who is physically abusive, verbally abusive, and an all around jackass. She claimed she love him, then called me on the phone 3 days later in tears to say that he hit her. This went on for a bit. I kept telling her that she needed to get out. Hell, he was 20 and she was 17. He was a burnout, and by some miracle, she had convinced her parents to let him stay at their house. Somehow they didn't notice anything between the two of them. Every day I would tell her how he was a horrid person, she would get angry at me, saying it was what she needed. I would get angry at her and him until finally I couldn't take it. All I could do was push her in the right direction. It wasn't my problem, and I couldn't let it concern me. I had my own life and problems to sort out. So finally one day, I told her for the last time that he was bad for her, and I never heard about them from her again. I still talk to her and hang out with her, but in all honestly, I have no idea what's going on with then, if they're still together, if he ever moved out. I don't have the time or ability to care.

Another situation I had to back out of for a bit was when my ex and best friend started dating, all the while another one of our friends was being bitchy and conspiring against us a bit (don't ask), as well as leading on another one of our close friend's crushes. I don't know. That's all I could tell you. I got out of that so fast it's all I know. My ex and best friend wanted to pull me in because they were sort of fighting over me, plus they wanted me on their side against the conspiring friend and such, I don't know, it was a mess. But I literally just told them straight up NO. That I wasn't going to be a part of it and didn't need to be and to call me when they sorted it out. Two weeks later, things were fine and I began hanging out with them again without a scratch on me.

It takes a LOT to get out of something like that, especially if you're in as deep as this. Like I said, a report to the authorities might not be a bad idea. But you can't let problems eat you alive, ESPECIALLY not ones that aren't even yours.

There's actually an xkcd comic I refer to in times like these.
http://www.xkcd.com/383/

And a forum post that puts it perfectly.
http://forums.xkcd.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=18375&hilit=happiness#p526861

Like I said, you're already in pretty deep, but I don't think ending a friendship is going to solve anything. You can stay friends with someone AND look out for yourself, you just have to make sure you don't create unnecessary conflict.

WOW long post. Heh. May have gone a little off topic, but I guess I needed that too. Hope I could help.