*sigh* I just walked away...

[flaming_ninja]

"I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it."
-Morpheus, The Matrix

Show her the door, make sure it stays open just remember she has to walk through it.

 

[crimsonshrouds]

Tell her he's mentally abusing her, ask her if she REALLY loves this guy or is she just scared he'll kill himself, If she says she's scared then tell her that he's a dick and deserves it and she deserves better than useless fucks like him.

If you really truly loved her you would walk through hell for her even if you knew she would never have you!

I thought i had gotten through to her when the breakup happened and then earlier it seems that her guilt eroded everything i said away like i had been lying to her...

 

[Blair Bennett]

No. I'm sorry I'm being so blunt, and true, there is minor conflict of interest, but a little while back, I was in a very similar situation as your friend. I had been speaking with a person who would threaten to cause harm to his person, and because of this, I remained in what can only be considered a relationship with this person due to the fact that I genuinely feared for this person's safety. It quickly became the most uncomfortable and, I will admit, frightening relationship I have ever been involved in, and I am, to be honest, a worse person because of it. I now suffer from mild anxiety issues, self-doubt, self-loathing (though, to be fair, it's not as if that wasn't an issue before), as well as some other things I'd really rather not put on the internet, and I have difficulty engaging in even the most platonic of relationships. It ended about as badly as something like that could end, and that's probably a good thing. It wasn't a healthy position to be in. You need to remind your friend of why she ended it in the first place. Clearly she is unhappy as long as she is involved with this person.

I genuinely wish that someone had helped me deal with my own incident, and I really think that everyone would benefit if you helped your friend deal with, and eventually, separate themselves from this person.

But stepping back, a lot of people are correct in saying that she has to make the decision to leave again herself. But I seriously think you should remind her that there was a reason she broke up with him in the first place, and that clearly hasn't changed since.

 

[MelziGurl]

-snip-

This is why I hate "relationship" posts on anonymous forums and why this is the first one I ever post and will be the last.

Neither of us, not you, not me, can judge how severe the situation of the girl this thread is about really is. How damaging the guy in question is to her. I go with the description, and the description depicts it as worrisome. I do not know what your fiance friend was in, how much abuse the girl in question had to endure, so I won't touch this even with a ten foot pole.

You are jumping to conclusions, I am jumping to conclusions and for some reason you've decided to defend your fiance against something thats not there. Though I digress..

But I'll stand by my opinion that real abuse (and we cannot know if there is real abuse happening) is not to be ignored by friends. Whether that's mental abuse or physical abuse. You don't let your best friends husband beat her black and blue and turn a blind eye just because she still thinks he's the best thing since strawberry ice cream. Stepping up to that is not "unrealistic fantasies". It's human.

Though then again we can just say: Screw that. There's women's shelters for when it gets out of hand, let them handle it, it's their job.

Now get your panties out of the knot, I'm sure your fiance did the right thing and is Awesome with a capital A.

Quote the right person -_-

I am going off what you are posting, whether you meant one thing or another by it I went with what I understood so maybe you should think about what you're posting before you actually post it if you don't wish to recieve a negative impact.

I have nothing against your opinion, but you claimed my partner to be weak with no knowledge of what exactly he went through. Fucking oath I had every right to be pissed about that and people on Anonymous forums do not piss me off that easily. So maybe next time you'll gather some information before you give your candid opinion on something you had no knowledge of. I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at you conclusion on my fiance's situation. It wasn't a nice experience for myself, he or his friend and I assume you can understand that. But, if I had been in the same situation to him, I would have done the exact same thing and walked away because sometimes it is just not worth your own health to go through it.

 

[drdamo]

Sounds to me that the self-destructive emo is a hypocritical manipulative a-hole. Probably without even realizing it himself.
Since when is helping a single person an excuse to keep yourself blind and do as wrong as the wrong you tried to right?
I've been there myself and eventually i fcked it up, resulting in her and my best friend having a relation right now. And she deserved something better so i can't blame her; only myself.

Crying for attention with suicide is a sad way of saying that you hate yourself, are insecure of who you are, how you look and/or fail to see your own worth in general. This results in being affraid to lose your lover and your negative behaviour will only confirm this on the long run. A Selffulfilling prophecy.
An emotional black hole that seeks justification for being one, rather then looking into the mirror and admitting the problem. The only thing such people do is suck the life out of the living, making them as miserable as themselves.
The first rule of a happy life is to accept yourself and be able to enjoy it alone.
Relations are nice to have, but certainly not needed.

In short: This guy has issues that should be left to professionals.

 

[Oilerfan92]

You gotta still be there for her, like an earlier post said. Dont force her to do something, but make sure that option is there for her.

But at some point, you just gotta move on. Some things are out of your control. The girl i really liked is moving away.And its not like i can do anything. I feel horrible, but feeling bad doesnt make it better, dont let 2 lives get ruined.

 

[Mr Pantomime]

I would have to ask you, do you really think its a good idea to leave your friend alone woth this guy?

 

[Oilerfan92]

One thing for sure is dont cut her off entirely. IF something happens to her youll tear yourself apart.

 

[MelziGurl]

Sounds to me that the self-destructive emo is a hypocritical manipulative a-hole. Probably without even realizing it himself.
Since when is helping a single person an excuse to keep yourself blind and do as wrong as the wrong you tried to right?
I've been there myself and eventually i fcked it up, resulting in her and my best friend having a relation right now. And she deserved something better so i can't blame her; only myself.

Crying for attention with suicide is a sad way of saying that you hate yourself, are insecure of who you are, how you look and/or fail to see your own worth in general. This results in being affraid to lose your lover and your negative behaviour will only confirm this on the long run. A Selffulfilling prophecy.
An emotional black hole that seeks justification for being one, rather then looking into the mirror and admitting the problem. The only thing such people do is suck the life out of the living, making them as miserable as themselves.
The first rule of a happy life is to accept yourself and be able to enjoy it alone.
Relations are nice to have, but certainly not needed.

In short: This guy has issues that should be left to professionals.

Well then, maybe it's not an issue of getting through to her but maybe trying to help her to help him. When you think about it, he's the cause of all this drama so why not put the idea to this girl mentioned in the op and try to get an intervention for the boyfriend. Kill two birds with one stone so to speak. Bring his parents in, bring a shrink in and organise a surprise intervention. Seems more logical to me.

 

[Anah'ya]

-snip-

Quoting fail--or maybe it was me trying to sneak out and get the last word in our back and forth, how's that for an option. Right. Both are lame. It was a fail.

Anyway.

Your a fiery (that's not an insult, that's a compliment) lass defending her significant other. Naturally that is respected. Though you seem to be thinking I mind the heated replies of yours, while I really don't. I find them somewhat amusing, actually. Not in the bad way, but in the way that confirms to me that relationship posts on an internet forum are the biggest fail since ... well, whatever was a big fail.

You never know the whole story.

 

[Secret world leader (shhh)]

Look at this, do you want this to happen to her?

No. I'm sorry I'm being so blunt, and true, there is minor conflict of interest, but a little while back, I was in a very similar situation as your friend. I had been speaking with a person who would threaten to cause harm to his person, and because of this, I remained in what can only be considered a relationship with this person due to the fact that I genuinely feared for this person's safety. It quickly became the most uncomfortable and, I will admit, frightening relationship I have ever been involved in, and I am, to be honest, a worse person because of it. I now suffer from mild anxiety issues, self-doubt, self-loathing (though, to be fair, it's not as if that wasn't an issue before), as well as some other things I'd really rather not put on the internet, and I have difficulty engaging in even the most platonic of relationships. It ended about as badly as something like that could end, and that's probably a good thing. It wasn't a healthy position to be in. You need to remind your friend of why she ended it in the first place. Clearly she is unhappy as long as she is involved with this person.

I genuinely wish that someone had helped me deal with my own incident, and I really think that everyone would benefit if you helped your friend deal with, and eventually, separate themselves from this person.

But stepping back, a lot of people are correct in saying that she has to make the decision to leave again herself. But I seriously think you should remind her that there was a reason she broke up with him in the first place, and that clearly hasn't changed since.

I think that this is the most helpful post i've seen yet, I've never been in a relationship but i know that if you really care about her you won't walk away, you'll be there for her no matter what this dick does to her. Have you tried confronting the guy, I think you should, don't beat the shit out of him (unless he provokes you in which case make sure his own mother won't be able to recognize him) just tell him what he's doing to her and tell him if he loves her he'll stop. And if that doesn't work don't give up. EVER.

 

[OddOzZy666]

I've been in the exact same disposition as you dude, like you, I walked away from someone I loved. Initially I missed her a lot, but in the end I realised it was for the better. I still don't know what happened between us, we haven't talked since May, but I still think that in times like these, you just have to move on, regardless of whether you think it was right or wrong.

 

[cystemic]

speaking from the female side of the spectrum, women are stupid, she'll just keep going back to him until he's milked her dry. Walk away now and perhaps you won't be hurt in the process

 

[Daipire]

I seriously think we need a Love and Relationships section in the forum.

OP: I'd say walk away.

 

[Vaar]

It depends entirely on your outlook on life as to what the 'right' thing to do is.

But theres two obvious ways to do this in some peoples best interests:

Stand up for what you believe is right, come hell or high water. You will never have a hard time explaining to others why you're doing a certain action, because you already have your reasons to belive what you're doing is the right thing to do.

Or

Aviod conflicts by being evasive or retreating from scenarios that will escalate. Most of the time this way you'll never be in shitfights like this, but you won;t get many rewards this way either, you'll either just have what you had before, or have lost something you walked away from because it was affecting you too much.

/ If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

 

[Master_of_Oldskool]

Cut ties with your friend because she's got a psycho ex? No way.I'm not saying get up in the guy's face and tell him you're here to stay or anything stupid like that, but keep hanging out with her. Besides, with this guy in her life, she clearly needs you.

 

[Sronpop]

If this was a video game, you would probably lose Karma.

 

[The Procrastinated End]

You probably shouldn't just walk away every time someone threatens you, that can lead to a very annoying future.