Think of the best guitarist and she is a guitar. thats basically what i think when i hear her talk to him over the phone.grimsprice said:
*sigh* I just walked away...
- Thread starter crimsonshrouds
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Don't pack your things.
Girls/Women can be god damn irrational and ruin their lives by hanging on to idiots like that, and too many of them never quite manage to get out of the hole they dug themselves. Now I don't know how old you are, or how old she is, but even if you haven't reached the 20th yet, there is an actual chance this will not end well for her.
Show her how a relationship is supposed to work. Show her that it's damaging to actually believe she has the duty to stay with a guy that threatens to hurt himself otherwise.
I know you can get through to her, but you have to be persistent, because for some god forsaken reason she truly deeply believe she is doing the right thing, and that all the exhausting mental abuse she is receiving is perfectly normal. And yes, it is mental abuse. I personally wish I would have had someone intervene on my behalf. Instead I had to find out the hard way.
Please, don't walk out on her. If you walk Through Hell and High Water with her, you'll be rewarded. One way or the other.
Girls/Women can be god damn irrational and ruin their lives by hanging on to idiots like that, and too many of them never quite manage to get out of the hole they dug themselves. Now I don't know how old you are, or how old she is, but even if you haven't reached the 20th yet, there is an actual chance this will not end well for her.
Show her how a relationship is supposed to work. Show her that it's damaging to actually believe she has the duty to stay with a guy that threatens to hurt himself otherwise.
I know you can get through to her, but you have to be persistent, because for some god forsaken reason she truly deeply believe she is doing the right thing, and that all the exhausting mental abuse she is receiving is perfectly normal. And yes, it is mental abuse. I personally wish I would have had someone intervene on my behalf. Instead I had to find out the hard way.
Please, don't walk out on her. If you walk Through Hell and High Water with her, you'll be rewarded. One way or the other.
Your partner wanted to kill himself after trying to help another girl out of a relationship? The he was clearly not strong enough for the task; though the OP seems to have a firm grasp on things.MelziGurl said:
Seriously though, people don't seem to understand that relationships like these can/will ruin lives. Standing by idly is... *shudders* But of course, if the one intervening can't handle the stress themselves, then its best left to someone else.
What drama...
Seriously, you and him, but more important; you and her need to talk. Don't give up on her, since it's not HER fault her abusive boyfriend is threatening you. If he threatens you, get evidence (if it's phonecalls, record them, text messages; save them) and report to the police.
That would probably be the best course of action as it would probably make him stay away. If not, the law is sure to take bigger action against him, both to your own and your friend's profit. She seems like a nice and caring person, and I believe that helping her would be the right thing to do. And the way you described it, I can't help but think you are a bit of a coward for just cutting ties with her like that. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
But then again, I'm not you, nor can I imagine myself in your situation.
Seriously, you and him, but more important; you and her need to talk. Don't give up on her, since it's not HER fault her abusive boyfriend is threatening you. If he threatens you, get evidence (if it's phonecalls, record them, text messages; save them) and report to the police.
That would probably be the best course of action as it would probably make him stay away. If not, the law is sure to take bigger action against him, both to your own and your friend's profit. She seems like a nice and caring person, and I believe that helping her would be the right thing to do. And the way you described it, I can't help but think you are a bit of a coward for just cutting ties with her like that. A friend in need is a friend indeed.
But then again, I'm not you, nor can I imagine myself in your situation.
Oh.... well if you don't see any hope. Then there probably isn't any. I'd still give it one more try.crimsonshrouds said:
Maybe try some dramatic hollywood stuff. Say "I'm not going to watch him poison your life (insert friends name)!!! *turn around and walk off into the dark rainy night*
Basically, he was head over heels for her, was trying to "show" her what a good relationship could be and all that jazz. It turns the situation in a massive emotional roller-coaster and an unnecessary one at best. I strongly believe that it is not a solution to ANY problem. This girl (who he has retained contact with) treated him like a knight in shining armour, someone that she could go to ONLY when things went wrong. In the end, the result was me trying to pull him out of depression and I do not wish that upon anyone. How is it a weakness to be heartbroken? Answer me that, because that is what it was for him, it was heartbreak and anyone who has been through it should know that it is not a weakness.Anah said:
I only met this girl back in March, she is lovely and we are friends but what she did to him actually hurt. Yeah, I'm fucking pissed that anyone would say that what he (or anyone else for that matter) went through was a sign of weakness, that's just plain and utter crap. Long story short, it's a bullshit solution.
No, being heartbroken is not a weakness. You're stepping up to defend your partner against an insult that wasn't there. But it takes a certain amount of thick hide to drag someone you love, or even just care about a little, out of a difficult relationship and not everyone has that. More so, it shouldn't be done for personal gain (ha, then I get to be with her!), because the reward might not be the girl herself, but knowing that you gave her a chance to have a normal relationship.MelziGurl said:
It's a selfless act, not suited for everyone.
Honestly though, it doesn't even have to be done on your own. Folks recommend the authorities, and depending on how severe the threats are (which none of us can judge), that is an even better option.
Between you and me it boils down to one thing:
You defend your partner because he was burnt trying to help himself.
Me, I try to make a point that she needs help, because I know what its like to be in a relationship only out of fear for the other person.
The weird thing is that a similar thing happened to me like 2 weeks ago. Not the part where I loved the girl, but the part where she had a boyfriend who was a pansy that threatened self harm and whatnot. She eventually left him and she seems a lot happier now.
Honestly I think you need to keep trying. The boyfriend is not a child (I assume). If he threatens to not graduate from highs school, that is his choice. All the more reason she should break up with him. He's going to end up at a dead end job delivering pizzas or something.
Honestly I think you need to keep trying. The boyfriend is not a child (I assume). If he threatens to not graduate from highs school, that is his choice. All the more reason she should break up with him. He's going to end up at a dead end job delivering pizzas or something.
Stupidity is very hard to cure, if she is this blind as to see what is going on around here you are better off without..
And chances are small that you are ever gonna be more than friends with her, if you have fallen into the "friend" category, it is very flocking hard to get out of that one and into "potential boyfriend" category..
You have evidently help her as much as any person can/should be expected to do..
And chances are small that you are ever gonna be more than friends with her, if you have fallen into the "friend" category, it is very flocking hard to get out of that one and into "potential boyfriend" category..
You have evidently help her as much as any person can/should be expected to do..
Im no saint i had a niggling thought that maybe in the future she would go out with me...Anah said:
-edit- I think my love for her is what has lead me to being this exhausted.
You make an opinion based on a situation you know nothing about. He never did this for himself, he truly wanted to help her. If it was all personal gain, then I doubt he would have ended up as depressed as he did. Your opinion draws from the fact that you were the victim, and your solution to the problem just seems like one of those unrealistic fantasies that you see in movies. Everything he did, he did for her. It boiled down to this...SHE DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE THIS GUY! My fiance never walked away from her as a friend, he just walked away from her problems and it's been the best thing for him and sometimes your own happiness takes a front seat to those you hold dear.Anah said:
I think you should have stayed with her and let the other guy kill himself, no competition then ;D
Stand up for yourself and your friends. That guy she was dating was nothing more then a self-centered attention whore who has a SERIOUS case of one-itis.
Personally I'd punch him and tell him to "wake the fuck up"
Personally I'd punch him and tell him to "wake the fuck up"
crimsonshrouds said:
This is why I hate "relationship" posts on anonymous forums and why this is the first one I ever post and will be the last.MelziGurl said:
Neither of us, not you, not me, can judge how severe the situation of the girl this thread is about really is. How damaging the guy in question is to her. I go with the description, and the description depicts it as worrisome. I do not know what your fiance friend was in, how much abuse the girl in question had to endure, so I won't touch this even with a ten foot pole.
You are jumping to conclusions, I am jumping to conclusions and for some reason you've decided to defend your fiance against something thats not there. Though I digress..
But I'll stand by my opinion that real abuse (and we cannot know if there is real abuse happening) is not to be ignored by friends. Whether that's mental abuse or physical abuse. You don't let your best friends husband beat her black and blue and turn a blind eye just because she still thinks he's the best thing since strawberry ice cream. Stepping up to that is not "unrealistic fantasies". It's human.
Though then again we can just say: Screw that. There's women's shelters for when it gets out of hand, let them handle it, it's their job.
Now get your panties out of the knot, I'm sure your fiance did the right thing and is Awesome with a capital A.
Tell her he's mentally abusing her, ask her if she REALLY loves this guy or is she just scared he'll kill himself, If she says she's scared then tell her that he's a dick and deserves it and she deserves better than useless fucks like him.
If you really truly loved her you would walk through hell for her even if you knew she would never have you!
If you really truly loved her you would walk through hell for her even if you knew she would never have you!
1. That guy isn't going to do anything if he really was hurting on an emotional level enough to kill himself or intentionally mess up his life than there is no way he would be able to talk about it. Those kinds of things aren't easy to admit let alone talk about calmly. I should know.
2. You aren't doing anything wrong it's your friend who has to realize that she is only holding everyone down by staying with him. she will never be able to move on with her life. he will never move beyond petty jealousy and paranoia. and you will lose a friend.
yeah Think that's it...
2. You aren't doing anything wrong it's your friend who has to realize that she is only holding everyone down by staying with him. she will never be able to move on with her life. he will never move beyond petty jealousy and paranoia. and you will lose a friend.
yeah Think that's it...
