I can be a kind of insecure person at times, for reasons that, on reflection, I probably shouldn't worry about at all. Still, there are times when I can't shake the feeling, and there has been at least one really eating at me for a while that I want to get off my chest (but don't feel secure in doing so where the subjects of said insecurities would see what I have to say). That's why I'm making this thread, more or less.
I'm not very good at making friends. I'm fairly shy, and I rarely start conversations, even when I have something in common with whoever I might want to talk to. As such, I have a very limited number of people I'm close to, at least outside the internet. On the internet, I make much looser friendships that I don't consider as strong as my "irl" friendships. I'm typing all this because the insecurity I've been dealing with lately (and the one I deal with most often) has to do with friendship.
See, the one friend that I keep in most regular contact with is super busy these days with work and driving lessons and all that. Occasionally she'll call me or text me but the few times she's said "let's hang out on such-and-such a day," I'd sit around that whole day and not hear from her at all even though I expected to be waiting for her to call me (considering we hadn't set a time and she had to work that day). I don't know if I should have tried to call her... probably, but this has happened before and I've been completely unable to contact her. At this point I don't go out of my way to talk to her because it doesn't seem worth the effort.
As far as friends over the internet goes, that's a whole other ballpark. Lately I almost haven't been chatting with the people in my contact lists at all, but not necessarily because I don't want to. See, I'm pretty much always the person to start the conversation, and almost always the one to try and revive it when it dies, and I'm sick of it. However irrational it may be, I feel like the other person should be putting in SOME effort if they want to be friends with me, and when a chat client is the only form of communication I have with them I feel that they should, at least sometimes, initiate conversation. At least if they actually care/want to be my friend. I often feel bad about thinking that way, but it's hard to be okay with this when I consciously decide not to start a conversation with someone myself for at least a day and don't hear a single thing from them (for about two or three days straight, no less).
I've rambled way longer than I should have though. To incite discussion here's a question for you guys: do you have any insecurities you can't seem to shake? Do you feel justified for them, or think they're just plain silly?
I'm not very good at making friends. I'm fairly shy, and I rarely start conversations, even when I have something in common with whoever I might want to talk to. As such, I have a very limited number of people I'm close to, at least outside the internet. On the internet, I make much looser friendships that I don't consider as strong as my "irl" friendships. I'm typing all this because the insecurity I've been dealing with lately (and the one I deal with most often) has to do with friendship.
See, the one friend that I keep in most regular contact with is super busy these days with work and driving lessons and all that. Occasionally she'll call me or text me but the few times she's said "let's hang out on such-and-such a day," I'd sit around that whole day and not hear from her at all even though I expected to be waiting for her to call me (considering we hadn't set a time and she had to work that day). I don't know if I should have tried to call her... probably, but this has happened before and I've been completely unable to contact her. At this point I don't go out of my way to talk to her because it doesn't seem worth the effort.
As far as friends over the internet goes, that's a whole other ballpark. Lately I almost haven't been chatting with the people in my contact lists at all, but not necessarily because I don't want to. See, I'm pretty much always the person to start the conversation, and almost always the one to try and revive it when it dies, and I'm sick of it. However irrational it may be, I feel like the other person should be putting in SOME effort if they want to be friends with me, and when a chat client is the only form of communication I have with them I feel that they should, at least sometimes, initiate conversation. At least if they actually care/want to be my friend. I often feel bad about thinking that way, but it's hard to be okay with this when I consciously decide not to start a conversation with someone myself for at least a day and don't hear a single thing from them (for about two or three days straight, no less).
I've rambled way longer than I should have though. To incite discussion here's a question for you guys: do you have any insecurities you can't seem to shake? Do you feel justified for them, or think they're just plain silly?
