slow and humiliating downward spiral into meaninglessness

[DiMono]

The articles, videos, and commentaries on this website have truly been an escape for me for a long time now.

Makes sense to me.

Also, if you're concerned about your life not having any meaning, there's only one thing for you to do: change it. Here's what I recommend (aside from moving this thread to the Advice forum... hint hint):

1) Make a list of things you don't like about your life. The order doesn't matter, just write them all down. Kind of depressing, right? Well, it leads us into:

2) Write down 5 ways you can change each item on the list. Again, the order doesn't matter, and it also doesn't matter whether you get someone to help you with it. Given your current mindset, I actually wouldn't be surprised, and in fact I encourage it. But if the person you get to help you is pessimistic, tell them you don't need their help, and find someone else who is in the right mindset.

3) Supposing you have 8 items on your initial list, you now have 40 in your second list. 40 things you can do to directly influence your current situation for the good. Figure out which items on the second list will be the easiest, or which ones you can start on first, and start another list where you put them in order. However, make the first item on this new list "Make a list."

4) So, you've got your list all in order? All the things from your second list are on the third one? Well, the first item on that list is "Make a list." I guess you're done that one. Now cross it out. You have just taken the first step toward getting your life back together, I'll bet you feel damn good about that line. Savour it. Remember it. Embed that feeling with the act of crossing things off your list.

5) Go out and conquer. You have a list, you have momentum, and you have the desire to kick some serious ass and right yourself. The door is now open, all you have to do is head towards it.

 

[feather240]

Anti-depressants are definitely your friend! Seriously, though, you look like you are in need of a therapist.

Anti-depressants suck! Mood Stabilizers FTW!

 

[Icarion (aka Stockholm)]

The easy way out is never good. no matter how much you think someone won't care, someone will be DEVESTATED by your suicide. That being said, it sounds like you've gone through alot os shit. now I cant identify with that kind of pain, but truly you're worth something. Like that other guy said the army *might* be a good idea, if you're able. Or apply for bankrupcy.

 

[adakias]

Fellow escapists, I write to you because there's no one else for me to write to. My life is coming to an end. Not in a literal sense, as in death is lurking around the corner - although I wish it was. No, my life is ending with a slow and humiliating downward spiral into meaninglessness. A spiral that started long ago and I'm just now beginning to circle the drain.

I am the walking definition of a loser. I've been rejected by almost everyone I've ever met my entire life. Peers, teachers, employers, co-workers, family. I've never had a real friend, not even once. I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm divorced. My ex-wife left me with a vast amount of debt that I cannot repay. I live with my parents because I can't afford an apartment anymore. I'm on the verge of losing my job. I never finished college because the divorce left me unable to handle the burden. I have no hope of getting another job that's as good as the one I'm about to lose (which isn't very good to begin with). I have no hope for a future.

I want to close my eyes and never wake up. The sad thing is that I'm too much of a coward to make that happen. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to lose my mind. I'm thinking about having myself committed. I think that maybe all of the people who rejected me were right. Maybe they somehow sensed that there's something broken in me. Something that can't be fixed. Maybe the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it.

I don't expect much in return for sharing my feelings with you. I simply needed someone, anyone, to share them with. The articles, videos, and commentaries on this website have truly been an escape for me for a long time now. All of you here have brought a smile to my face at times when nothing else could. Thank you for that.

I must be emotional right now, but I got a little choked up. Dunno why. ^.^;
I feel so bad for you, really. It's sad that these things happen. I can somewhat relate. I've always been so alone. I'm terrified of people, and I sabotage every relationship I have. It's such a painful existence, but somehow I've found that things get better. We suffer through such much, but there's always a silver lining... somewhere... I know it sounds corny and a little hypocritical coming from someone as gloomy as me, but I'm sure it will get better. It just has to.

I'm sorry you have to hurt, and I really truly hope that you find some relief. I think that all anyone truly wants in this world is acceptance, and I'm sure you'll find it. If you give up, you never will. I almost did, and I would have succeeded if it weren't for my mother, who stopped me before I could get out of the house. I was forced to get help, but it really is... well, helping.

I've gotten sad and angry, and all I personally ever wanted was a single moment of comfort, for someone to just stop and say that everything will be alright. I'm not sure that some stranger over the internet can really give you that, but I hope you find it someday.

I doubt I've helped much, but I really hope someone can. Just keep trying. Please.

 

[adakias]

Man up dude. Their is always someone who has it worse. I hate this oh cheer up bullshit. Life sucks get drunk and get over it. Who the fuck cares what people think of you. If you like you others will to. Start working out, it will make you feel better.

I'm sorry, but I really wish you wouldn't say that.
Pain is pain. Sure, there are a lot of things out there that are worse than what you have to go through, but people still feel bad all the same.
People are different and all. Just saying. I'm really not trying to be rude or anything... just, that seems a tad harsh, don't you think?

 

[HT_Black]

Usually, I would laugh my ass off, and then make an insulting comeback about people ramming religion down others throats, but in this case I'll make an exception, because having a religious connection really has been proven to help depression in many cases, as well as helping to prevent suicide and suicidal tendencies. Finding god really can give you hope, and help you cope, just make sure you're looking for him for the right reasons.

You need to have the right reasons, huh? How about "Not feeling like you're trapped inside the universal positioning machine from Restaurant at the End of the Universe?"

Seriously, though. Christianity's still around for a reason, and that's probably because it can make you hate yourself slightly less. You can get a bible for a buck down at Barnes & Noble--you might wanna grab that along with WANTED.

Yes, I am fully aware of the humor in purchasing both of those books at the same time.

 

[astrav1]

Fellow escapists, I write to you because there's no one else for me to write to. My life is coming to an end. Not in a literal sense, as in death is lurking around the corner - although I wish it was. No, my life is ending with a slow and humiliating downward spiral into meaninglessness. A spiral that started long ago and I'm just now beginning to circle the drain.

I am the walking definition of a loser. I've been rejected by almost everyone I've ever met my entire life. Peers, teachers, employers, co-workers, family. I've never had a real friend, not even once. I'm in my mid-twenties. I'm divorced. My ex-wife left me with a vast amount of debt that I cannot repay. I live with my parents because I can't afford an apartment anymore. I'm on the verge of losing my job. I never finished college because the divorce left me unable to handle the burden. I have no hope of getting another job that's as good as the one I'm about to lose (which isn't very good to begin with). I have no hope for a future.

I want to close my eyes and never wake up. The sad thing is that I'm too much of a coward to make that happen. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to lose my mind. I'm thinking about having myself committed. I think that maybe all of the people who rejected me were right. Maybe they somehow sensed that there's something broken in me. Something that can't be fixed. Maybe the world would be a better place if I wasn't in it.

I don't expect much in return for sharing my feelings with you. I simply needed someone, anyone, to share them with. The articles, videos, and commentaries on this website have truly been an escape for me for a long time now. All of you here have brought a smile to my face at times when nothing else could. Thank you for that.

You clearly have not read the works of Sartre

 

[DuctTapeJedi]

snip

Spoiler: internet hug tl:dr

I don't know exactly how you feel in your situation, but I, too, have had a major depressive episode. I was just a kid, but I was living with my emotionally/mentally/sometimes physically abusive mom, I was getting thrown out of all of my advanced classes because I couldn't remember homework, and the school counselor refused to acknowledge ADHD as a disorder, and all of my friends were slowly beginning to ostracize me. I was ten years old, and suicidal.
Then I started to go to counseling. I started taking prozac (sometimes there's a chemical element, that's what doctors are for)The change wasn't instant, it took about three years, but I'm actually happy now. You'd be amazed by how much it can help to just talk to some one about your problems. It doesn't have to be a professional, but I'd recommend it. Even talking here is a really good first step. Counseling doesn't mean you're crazy, or that there's something wrong with you, it means that you have the sense to know when to ask for help. It can be something as simple as a once a week appointment at an outpatient clinic.
Also, and I can't stress this enough, start doing volunteer work. Nothing helps your self esteem like knowing that you're really making a positive difference in the world. (You, undoubtedly, already are a positive influence to those around you, with volunteer work, it's just easier to see.)
I know that my story doesn't even come close to translating into yours, and I know from personal experience how annoying it is when people try to say "they know just what you mean." My main point is that it can get better, but only if you want it to. Maybe changing jobs could be a good thing. Maybe you could try to get a part time job, and finish your education at a community college. It sounds like you have good parents that could help you or even give you a loan until you get back on your feet. You could go to one of those credit agencies, or talk to your bank for financial help. There's no such thing as a hopeless situation.

tl:dr There's always hope, do volunteer work, and I cannot praise the benefits of psychological counseling enough. People do care about you, sometimes we just tend to forget that. You'll be in my prayers. (not sure if you're the religious type, not trying to be pushy)

And if my wall of text failed you, here's some lion cubs from the trip to Africa I went on with my church this summer.

 

[Treeinthewoods]

I don't know you, but I can tell you this...

I love you without hesitation because you are a good person, and you make the world better. How many people go through what you went through and come out as murderers, sociopaths or just complete assholes with no capacity to feel? A lot, but you didn't. You still feel, you still desire love and acceptance, you stayed human.

Choosing not to commit suicide has nothing to do with cowardice, you can't do it because deep inside you there is still a glimmer of hope. That hope won't die, because you are a good person through and through. Hold that hope, shelter it and let it grow.

I suggest professional treatment and medication if it is prescribed. If you go on meds be careful because you will feel like you don't need them after a few months, you'll try to quit and end up depressed again. Give up control of yourself for a while and let a professional help to rebuild you. Do what the professionals tell you.

It sounds trite and silly, but it will get better. It will get better. It will get better. Just keep repeating that and believe me, it really will.

 

[Phlakes]

I went through a phase like that. Luckily, it was easy for me to get out of it, because I realized-

No matter how depressed you are or how bad you feel, letting it control your life is a waste of time. Go find something you like to do and do the shit out of it.

 

[Dirzzit]

Right their with you my friend.

 

[Trippy Turtle]

m advice is to get family to help make sure you keep your job no matter what it takes with that you can just get stable enough to be able to earn more money for a decently stable life... other then that the guy that said something about a list sounded right.