So Anita Sarkeesian and the ME3 ending are drowning in a whirlpool...

[Grimh]

I would take the Gunsealion with me on a crime-spree that would go down in legend.
We bond through this deeply and become true brothers in crime.
Having made more money than we could ever hope spend I then unexpectedly but inevitably sell out Gunsealion and take all the money for myself. Being a full supporter of the death penalty he does not protest when being judged to recieve it. Partly because he thinks I will break him out, unaware of my unforgivable betrayal. I plan a break-out with him up until the day of the execution, where I have even taken the place of a guard right there in the same room as him. But it was, as you would expect, a ruse to make sure Gunsealion would not sell me out.

I would then move to a tropical paradise and live the rest of my life in obscene luxury.

Or so I thought.
The years go by as my mind gets more and more wracked by guilt. How could I have done this? There was more than enough money for the both of us to live like kings! I'm pretty sure he probably was endangered animal as well. I mean you don't see many sealions made out of guns around. But most of all he was a friend...
I start seeing things. Silhouettes in the corner of my eye, the vaguest but instantly recognizable hints of a sealion made out of guns.
I would fall deeper and deeper into a dark pit of guilt ridden insanity.
Then at my lowest I find a receipt in my old coat inner pocket. It was from that time! I would remember that talk we had in that diner right before our biggest heist yet that was totally not a rip-off of a tarantino movie or anything and I just couldn't take it anymore.
I venture out to the most dramatic cliff I could find and plunge from into the watery grave below.

Calling out my regrets to Gunsealion as I plummet, I see it beneath me.

A whirlpool.

 

[Varrdy]

I think the OP means that, should the sea lion save ME3's ending then it would make said ending less shit (pre-Extended Cut) and that would make me very happy indeed!

Sorry Anita. I kinda get where you're coming from but your obnoxious implications that I am somehow guilty of something just because I have white skin and a penis is not likely to make me want to rescue you. Besides, if I had you rescued you'd accuse me of being a White Knight or some bollocks like that. Also you'd expect me, being the sexist, bastard man-pig that I obviously am, to let you drown anyway so who am I to defy your expectations.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to play my new ME3 ending that doesn't give me the rage!

 

[VanQ]

Easy. anita. she would be saved by a man..she would become a damsel in distress, and it would just be hilarious to see her reaction to that.

honestly I don't have anything big against her, even if I occasionally do think she acted like a twat about something or had an "agree to disagree" moment, while the me3 ending was kind of a slap in the face to the first two games and even after the extended cut, I still think the game suffers too much from the ending.

Anita's entire career relies on her being a damsel in distress. Where have you been the last 5 years?

This scenario needs more white people.

Anita isn't enough white for you? She's pastier than a glue factory.

 

[Hazy992]

Let both of them drow and go have a fun time with the sea lion instead. He deserves better. Go make a sea lion happy today!

 

[Silvanus]

I'd turn 360 degrees and walk away obviously.

You'd be moon-walking, then. Ow!

 

[Signa]

I'd save the ME3 ending and then throw $100,000 at Anita so she can build a life raft with it. Everyone wins! get out of it because she can get out of anything with $100,000.

 

[V da Mighty Taco]

I, Captain Fuckwad, am here to ruin everyone's fun by being completely serious!

I would obviously have to have Anita saved, because I really wouldn't be able to live with myself for letting an actual human being die, especially one who's greatest crimes are arguably being a bit of a prick and making shaky arguments about video games on the Internet. Not even Phil Fish deserves to die, and he's the most hostile person I can think of in this entire industry by a country mile. ME3's ending, on the other hand, isn't a living thing and from what I've seen really was a piece of crap (I don't play ME), so letting that die would be fine by me.

Being a brony would have no effect in any way, so sayeth this brony. Either way, one should not be willing to let another person die.

Captain Fuckwad, out! >

 

[Godhead]

I would tell the Sealion to save Anita. I don't agree with what she says most of the time, but she is still a person.

Captcha: Butter side down

Fuck it, let the world burn.

 

[Ishal]

If we kill the ME3 ending, do we get a new one? Or will this simply stop people from talking about it? Because I want the ME3 ending to live on forever in infamy. Never forget. Never let those fools at Bioware forget.

You and I can go into the breach together. I'm afraid I can't allow the ME3 ending to be changed. It must stand as an example of what happens when games get it in their head that they can tell stories as good as other mediums.

Any attempting to change it must go through me.

As for Anita? And the rest?

I don't care.

 

[Pyramid Head]

I'd save the Mass Effect 3 endings. Anita doesn't actually stand by any points, and we'd be better off if someone actually really discussed sexism in gaming instead of vaguely bringing the topic up to profit off the controversy. And we could also use someone to get the kneejerk scumbags who issue death threats to people who disagree to come out of the woodwork so we can nip that problem in the bud. Anita has contributed absolutely nothing.

The ME3 endings though? Sure they sucked, but think of the fun we had with them. That hilarious cupcake pseudo-protest, all the fanboy rants, and some really funny Critical Miss jokes. I'd say the ME3 endings deserve a bit of a break now.

 

[springheeljack]

Even though I dont always see eye to eye with Anita(or give a shit about her at all) I would definitely choose her over a terribly disappointing ending

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Easy. anita. she would be saved by a man..she would become a damsel in distress, and it would just be hilarious to see her reaction to that.

honestly I don't have anything big against her, even if I occasionally do think she acted like a twat about something or had an "agree to disagree" moment, while the me3 ending was kind of a slap in the face to the first two games and even after the extended cut, I still think the game suffers too much from the ending.

Anita's entire career relies on her being a damsel in distress. Where have you been the last 5 years?

This scenario needs more white people.

Anita isn't enough white for you? She's pastier than a glue factory.

avoiding the shit storm? -_-

at least trying to...occasionally I catch wind in a video showing something she did or said and I either say "yeah, no shit" or "oh god..really? that's what you're going with?", but I just drop it after that so I don't get sucked into it.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I seem to recall the whirlpool era of Escapist Off Topic posts vaguely...

Neh.

 

[RoBi3.0]

I feel that this is a oddly specific scenario. So mush so that it is probably in reference to something. Can someone please explain the inside joke to me.

---------
keep in mind that I probably don't understand what is actually going on in this thread, but taking it at face value I would of course save the actual Human being. It doesn't matter how good or bad that person is.

 

[tilmoph]

Ok, someone needs to define "saving" the ME3 ending; does that mean make it not shit, like actually variable based on your choices for the last 2.99 games like it damn well should have been? Or do we just mean saving it from the sarlaac of time, whence it will be removed from the collective memory of this universe? Cuz if it's definition one, then "Sealion, use your guns to explode ME3 to safety!" If it's definition two, meh. "Sealion, use your guns to flip a coin. Heads save ME3, tails, fuck it, nothing lost".

In either case, I will then ride my new Sealion of Ethics out to the waters of madness, to hunt down the origin of the Zombie Apocalypse Apocalypse and blast that bastard out of universal continuity. Then we blast Gawker, cuz when a court tells you to stop sharing someone's sex tape, and fines you everyday to get you to stop doing that, and you ignore it cuz you're maing money from, then have the stones to yell at other people for sharing nudes, then turn around and leak more fucking nudes you need a good Sealioning via 16-inch naval cannon (yes, my sealion has 3 quad turrets with 16 inch battleship guns, what guns did your sealion have?). Also, the sealion is concerned with ethical journalism, so this should make us both happy! Then we go to work on the polticians.

Oh, Sarkeesian is there too? Huh, like usual, I didn't pay attention to her. Battleship Ethical Sealion was way more interesting anyway.

 

[RedDeadFred]

I feel that this is a oddly specific scenario. So mush so that it is probably in reference to something. Can someone please explain the inside joke to me.

It's in reference to a series of threads a couple years back (I think, could be more or less) that involved you having the choice of saving one thing or another from a whirlpool. I think they were fairly harmless for a while but then one thread Specifically in the case of whether or not someone would save their pet, or a complete stranger.

Answers mostly consisted of people:
Finding a loophole so they don't have to properly answer the question
Loving their pet and saving them
Valuing a random human over their pet
Raging at the people who saved the pet
Losing faith in humanity over a contrived moral dilemma

It was fun. I tried to search up the thread for you, but I think it might not exist anymore. Oddly enough, I look back on it now as if it was a silly little argument between friends (at least, compared to the more recent shitstorm).

The reason a lot of people (myself included) have joke answers and/or completely avoided the question is because we know of the dangers these threads present. Pretty sure the OP is fully aware as well since he picked three of the most fantastically toxic topics from recent years and combined them into one.

It was a test from the OP (probably just a joke actually, but let's go with test since it's more fun), and judging from the fairly tame responses in this thread, I think we passed.

Edit: Forgot another popular answer! Some people said they'd save their pet, not just because they love them, but also because maybe the stranger is a rapist/killer/pedophile!

 

[Siege_TF]

I'm not much of a swimmer, but I'd rescue Sarkeesian for the same reason the X-Men rescue bigots (to rub it in their faces).

 

[Thaluikhain]

I'm not much of a swimmer, but I'd rescue Sarkeesian for the same reason the X-Men rescue bigots (to rub it in their faces).

...

You are one of those sexist elements in video games that Sarkeesian keeps complaining about?

Actually, if games keep improving, it's only a matter of time before the tropes start becoming self aware, I guess.