So I had my heart ripped out...

[Girl With One Eye]

This is just another sad breakup thread, so if you don?t want to see/hear it, then turn away now.

Yesterday, the only person I have ever loved broke my heart. And I don?t even understand why. Even during the three hours that it took for us to say goodbye, he still kissed me and told me he loves me. I?ve barely slept and I can?t sleep because if I lay in my bed I just think about him, and it hurts so much. I?ve been in relationships before, but I?ve never cared about the other person. I don?t know how I?m ever going to find someone to love me, when I?m such a loser. I don?t have friends, or a job, or any purpose in my life. He was the person who gave me strength to make it through every day.

He said his reasons for breaking up with me, was because he has other issues like family problems, and he?s starting his masters at uni soon. So I guess I was the only existing problem he could get rid of. He said I have mood swings and my depression is getting too much for him. And every word he said was another stab in my heart.

I don?t know how I?m ever going to get over this, how can I get over someone when I love them so much. Even though he?s hurt me, more than I?ve ever been hurt before, I can?t even hate him.

How do you get over someone you love?

 

[Perhaps]

The best way to get over someone is to find someone else, I realize that's not always easy.

 

[TheComedown]

You have two options right now. Sit and mope around and become that loser you talked about, OR pick yourself up dust yourself off and move on. I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but that's it, those are your options, yeah moving on is hard and takes time but if you don't you'll self destruct and that's never pretty.

 

[GRoXERs]

Weeeellll... I haven't. My first college gf and I broke up when she went to India, and due to some stupidity on my part we couldn't get back together when she came back a year later. Fast forward a couple years, and I still can't get her out of my head.

Video games and booze make it hurt less, I guess.

My honest advice? Get a job, find a purpose, and maybe go back to school (not necessarily in that order). Not just to increase your dating pool, but because those are all generally good life choices and they are all highly distracting.

 

[TheNamlessGuy]

DELETED

 

[Vampire cat]

I dye my hair, find some cool clothes and look awesome. Thats how I deal. Then I'm awesome for 2-3 months until I've forgotten his name, and BAM; I'm over it OO.

 

[Bat Vader]

I am sorry that happened to you. He loved you so I am sure you will find someone else who will love you. I am really bad at this cheering up stuff.

On Topic: Yes, I did like a friend of mine but she was already in a relationship with another friend of mine so I let the feelings go. I must admit that I do try to avoid liking people mainly because I am a coward and I don't like the idea of being emotionally hurt.

 

[Rarhnor]

From what I hear, you weren't one of his top priorities, and thus you're better off without him. He wasn't being serious enough, to level your relationship as high as his own family. Keep that in mind.

How to get over it? Dunno. Videogames? Ignorance is bliss, right?

My honest advice? Get a job, find a purpose...

That, usually, only works for guys.

 

[Alakaizer]

I've been on one date in my whole life, up until a couple years ago I was convinced I was going to die a virgin, but I've still had (and lost) love.

Time isn't exactly a healer, in spite of the whole "time heals all wounds" thing people like to say, but it will dull the edge of the pain gradually. For now, take comfort in friends, or do something to take your mind off of him. If there is a favorite movie/TV show you have, watch it, if there's a favorite music you have, listen to it. When I'm low I like to watch LoadingReadyRun, or Futurama, or Hot Fuzz, or I'll listen to (it works for me when I need it) Linkin Park.

Losing somebody you love is kind of like having a deep cut, it won't get better if you pick at it.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I dye my hair, find some cool clothes and look awesome. Thats how I deal. Then I'm awesome for 2-3 months until I've forgotten his name, and BAM; I'm over it OO.

I was going to say just let time help you get over it but this sounds much more uplifting.

After my first long term relationship ended I thought I'd never get over it but now, it was nothing really. The relationship will always be important but they all have to end at some point.

Anyway, remind yourself of how great you actually are and that you don't need someone else there all the time to complete you.

 

[Nickolai77]

Sounds like your ex wanted to move on in life, i'm sorry for you though.

My advise is to make a better life for yourself. Try get back in contact with some old friends or make some new ones, start applying for jobs, find a hobby and pursue it (this may be a way to make friends.) If your focused on doing all the above, that may be a way of getting over him. I know it must hurt horribly, but what else can you do other than try to better yourself?

 

[gonzo20]

well ive never really been hurt by people i love (even my ex when she left me it was like "meh ok") so i cant really say much for you but i think if you just wait for a while and find a hobby you will get the right person

 

[Paksenarrion]

It's...it's impossible. I know the feeling. You want to yell and scream and turn your fear and loneliness into anger and frustration, but you can't. You'll start trying to find fault and cling to anything you can find, because the only other alternative is to accept that it was your fault, and you cannot live with that. You'll switch back and forth between rage and depression. You'll desperately try to find things to distract yourself, but years from now you'll realize you've withdrawn yourself from all but the most token social contact.

There is a rather dangerous way to not feel the effects of grief and abandonment...

...pretend to be someone else.

You'll need to isolate yourself from everyone who knew you. Start a new persona. It gets easier over time. You'll find yourself becoming the role you play.

The dangers...if you still live with your parents, they'll be a constant reminder of who you were before; they'll become a reminder of that...event. You'll find yourself detaching emotionally from them, and from anyone else who knew you from before.

It's a constant battle with yourself. You end up just trying to live day by day. Or, if the memories keep haunting you, hour by hour, or even second by second.

 

[Steppin Razor]

About all I can really suggest for now is to pick something that you enjoy doing, such as gaming/anime/reading, and stick with it for a while. Also, as above users have said, finding a group in the area that have the same interests as yours could be a good idea too. While you may not become best friends with any of them, you will most likely make at least a single friend from there.

He said his reasons for breaking up with me, was because he has other issues like family problems, and he's starting his masters at uni soon. So I guess I was the only existing problem he could get rid of. He said I have mood swings and my depression is getting too much for him. And every word he said was another stab in my heart.

If he still loved you, why the hell would he get rid of you? The guy was a fucking dickhead, plain and simple. You may not want to believe it at the moment, and that's fine as I understand it hurts a lot right now, but the way he handled this was just fucked. You're actually better off without someone like that in your life, telling you that he loves you while doing the complete opposite of what someone that loves you would do.

But that's just my take on it. I'm fucking terrible at dealing with people, though, so I may be completely wrong here. Anyways, it sucks that this happened to you and I wish you all the best with healing from this.

Edit: And for the love of god, stay away from alcohol and the like. It's a very, very bad idea to start drinking when you're down in the dumps.

 

[Polaris19]

Its not a breakup but I deal with severe anxiety issues, and whenever I feel life is squeezing my soul too hard I remember that there are people out there who care about me, even when my mind is saying "your alone and you always will be" I know deep in my heart and soul thats not true.

The only thing that heals wounds like this is time. I can say that I'm sorry and that the guy is obviously making a big mistake.

In the meantime though just go out. Try something different, maybe something you always wanted to do but didn't. Or just go out in general. Find something that relaxs you and takes your mind off things for a bit.

I hope things get much better for you in the days to come.

 

[SimuLord]

The best way to get over someone is to find someone else, I realize that's not always easy.

Wrong. Absolutely wrong. The only thing "find someone else" gets you is a "rebound" relationship that inevitably leads to one of three outcomes:

1) You get what you needed out of it and break the heart of the poor sucker who got involved with you. This is how I broke a girl's heart after my divorce.

2) You get in a rebound relationship with someone who is an odious character but who you stay with because you don't want to confront the day you have to be alone. Inevitably you break it off and then the healing begins for real, but you wasted a bunch of time in the meantime.

3) You transfer a bunch of old leftover feelings from the last person on to the new person...which doesn't help. It only heaps a bunch of unrealistic expectations on the new person, who gets spooked, breaks up with you, and starts a whole new cycle of believing you'll never be loved again.

The correct advice would be "be single for awhile. Remember what makes you who YOU are, don't define yourself in terms of your relationships because it makes you codependent and reduces your attractiveness as a mate."

Of course, the correct advice is the hardest advice to follow. But I got divorced eight months ago. I've been through it. And yes...going it alone sucks HARD, even if you're as solitary a person as I am.

 

[Polaris19]

snip

Time heals everything- as hard as it may be to believe, especially after a heartbreak.

Look, you're not the only type of person in your situation. It's never easy, but you can lessen the pain by interacting with people who'll listen to what you have to say. I doubt you're as pathetic as you claim yourself to be, although with your understandable vision of things as they stand, it may be hard for you to accept that.

You have no friends? You have some here. I know it's not the same, but it's still something. You obviously made this thread seeking an outlet and some support, and that's what you're going to get. Trust me. Some of us are always here to help.

If you feel hollow when you wake up, if you're losing appetite and sleep, if his thoughts torment you everyday... release them. Rant, cry, write in a diary. Don't destroy yourself though, no matter what. I really doubt you're alone where you stand. If nowhere else, we're right here for you. Some of us at the very least.

The only way to get over someone you love is to gradually let go. I don't know the detailed cirumstances behind your separation, but you will have those scars healed in time. The best You can do is take steps to make it the least painful as possible.

I'm +1 on this. I'm new but I'm always willing to listen, and I'm sure theres others who will offer the same.

See your not alone. We're here for you.