So I had my heart ripped out...

[Eternalsun]

Kill him. Rip his heart out and eat it. Then you'll be together forevrr

 

[ThePantomimeThief]

I got dumped about three weeks back by a girlfriend who I loved and wanted to move in with, so I can understand how devastating this can be. It's been extremely difficult trying to move on with it now but I have been listening to music (loud), getting on a fitness regime to try and boost my self-esteem, retail therapy (bought a fender strat, some games and DVDs), doing stuff I've wanted to do for ages (I went to an aquarium because I am the coolest person in the universe), and getting on with stuff I have to do (writing my masters thesis). All of it's helping a little bit, and in particular I'd suggest more cathartic activities like music and artistic expression. But yeah, it's gonna be really tough, and time is the best healer - just try and keep busy and do stuff to feel better in the meantime

 

[Mimssy]

No one can truly tell you how to get over someone, but I find that time eventually numbs the feeling to the point where you can find someone else.

I was dumped by my gf of 2 years and although that was a year ago, I still have some feelings for her, I have gotten over her enough to ask out other girls.

None of the other girls have said yes yet which doesn't help at all!

Yikes! On the behalf of women everywhere, sorry that we can be a bit awful at times. That's rough.


OT: It sucks, it really really does. As with all forms of grief, try to keep busy. Try to find happiness in the little things around you. Time will help. You just have to want to move on and try to get over it. The hardest thing is to be happy alone when you've been depressed a lot. Putting all your strength and joy into another person doesn't end well. I've been there. Just remember that you're worth being loved and don't close yourself off to others.

 

[Mimssy]

Kill him. Rip his heart out and eat it. Then you'll be together forevrr

Actually, fuck my suggestion. This one is waaaaay better. Wish I would have done this during my bitter stage of the break-up. Now I've made peace with my past. Man, I could eaten someone's heart...

 

[Altorin]

I could tell you a sap story of my own I'm working through. I wish I had the closure of actually saying goodbye and having it be done. She insists that we be friends, which basically means our relationship continues as it has for the past couple weeks, cause that's all we've really been through that.. but I still love her so much that it hurts me that I'm losing her, and it pains me that its happening so slowly.. it's like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

I don't blame her really - I know that she loves me - but really sometimes love isn't enough.. I get that, I have nothing to offer her but my love. It's so fucked up though.. for almost 4 years, she was so sweet, almost all the time.. then suddenly, she'll get distant.. I overcompensate a little, try and reconnect us, and she says I'm smothering her.. so I freak out a little, try even harder to reconnect us, because the thought of us falling apart is absolutely alien to me... This continues until finally, after 2 weeks of basically her being pissed at me all the time for being there, and me being isolated and alone, we break up.

Then immediately get back together when the pressure is off due to us "not being together anymore". It's a fucked up cycle, and it's going to give me a heart attack eventually. This is actually really the last place that I can talk about this stuff.. I can't talk about it on my facebook, because when her family sees it, they either take my side, or she thinks they do (I'm not sure which sometimes).. So I give her the benefit of that privacy when I can.. sometimes things will slip through and then she'll ***** at me about airing her dirty laundry on my facebook, even when it's just something small like "What's the matter Matt?" - "Relationship woes."

I still love this girl.. when she's sweet, she's super sweet, and for the longest time, that's all she was to me.. I put 4 years of my life into "sweet dani" and to see it disappear like this over and over makes me feel a little sick.. I think she is falling for her best friend (who's a guy) who clearly is in love with her. I don't know how to stop that, or even if I should, even though I think it's going to rip me apart like a woodchipper. The relationship she has with this "Best Friend" is unlike any other Best Friend relationship I've ever seen.. I don't sit there for hours listening to books on tape with my best friend, and require to talk to him before he goes to bed every night. My best friend doesn't say "I love you" to me every day. Yeah. Woodchipper.

Ironically, she did cheat on me, but not with him, some other female friend of hers had a short fling with her when we were in a rough patch (which at the time I didn't really see it as more then a doldrum, she was considering breaking up with me). When that came out, she begged me to break up with her, told me that she'd been a horrible person and didn't deserve my love. But we worked through it, or so I thought. Worked through it enough to cope maybe.. I don't really trust her anymore - in the long run that is - I doubt that she'd be able to lie and tell me that she wasn't cheating again if she was.. but in the long run, in the dark corners of my head where only bad things lay in wait.. yeah, she's cheating on me in there..

You might think "what a pathetic sod", and you'd probably be right, but not in the way that you think.. yes, I'm pathetic, but not for taking her back, wanting her back, loving a woman that's hurt me pretty badly recently and who seems to be doing it almost on purpose these days (although it's just that horrible cycle playing over again.. I smother, she pulls away, I smother more). I'm pathetic because I can't foresee happiness without her. So I'm a wretched person right now, stuck in a zone of anti-happiness. I've tried to see happiness after her. I've tried to talk to women recently - I didn't do it too much before, partly because I didn't want to put myself in a situation where infidelity was a possiblity, but mostly because I'm just very shy, and have never really been good at talking to women in a friendly setting (make it romantic and I have some pretty charming mannerisms, but as friends? Awkward.) But recently I've started to talk to women, trying to see myself in a situation where I might be with them.. not sexually per se, but romantically... and it's hard to do.. you're with someone for as long as I am and you still love that person to death and they still deep down love you? It's really hard to separate yourself in that scenario.

I just don't see it. This girl, is literally perfect for me, in pretty much everyway, except for this recent problems, we have been inseparable. We're still inseparable, but something seems wrong most of the time now.

 

[Emperor Platypus]

I could tell you a sap story of my own I'm working through. I wish I had the closure of actually saying goodbye and having it be done. She insists that we be friends, which basically means our relationship continues as it has for the past couple weeks, cause that's all we've really been through that.. but I still love her so much that it hurts me that I'm losing her, and it pains me that its happening so slowly.. it's like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

I don't blame her really - I know that she loves me - but really sometimes love isn't enough.. I get that, I have nothing to offer her but my love. It's so fucked up though.. for almost 4 years, she was so sweet, almost all the time.. then suddenly, she'll get distant.. I overcompensate a little, try and reconnect us, and she says I'm smothering her.. so I freak out a little, try even harder to reconnect us, because the thought of us falling apart is absolutely alien to me... This continues until finally, after 2 weeks of basically her being pissed at me all the time for being there, and me being isolated and alone, we break up.

Then immediately get back together when the pressure is off due to us "not being together anymore". It's a fucked up cycle, and it's going to give me a heart attack eventually. This is actually really the last place that I can talk about this stuff.. I can't talk about it on my facebook, because when her family sees it, they either take my side, or she thinks they do (I'm not sure which sometimes).. So I give her the benefit of that privacy when I can.. sometimes things will slip through and then she'll ***** at me about airing her dirty laundry on my facebook, even when it's just something small like "What's the matter Matt?" - "Relationship woes."

I still love this girl.. when she's sweet, she's super sweet, and for the longest time, that's all she was to me.. I put 4 years of my life into "sweet dani" and to see it disappear like this over and over makes me feel a little sick.. I think she is falling for her best friend (who's a guy) who clearly is in love with her. I don't know how to stop that, or even if I should, even though I think it's going to rip me apart like a woodchipper. The relationship she has with this "Best Friend" is unlike any other Best Friend relationship I've ever seen.. I don't sit there for hours listening to books on tape with my best friend, and require to talk to him before he goes to bed every night. My best friend doesn't say "I love you" to me every day. Yeah. Woodchipper.

Ironically, she did cheat on me, but not with him, some other female friend of hers had a short fling with her when we were in a rough patch (which at the time I didn't really see it as more then a doldrum, she was considering breaking up with me). When that came out, she begged me to break up with her, told me that she'd been a horrible person and didn't deserve my love. But we worked through it, or so I thought. Worked through it enough to cope maybe.. I don't really trust her anymore - in the long run that is - I doubt that she'd be able to lie and tell me that she wasn't cheating again if she was.. but in the long run, in the dark corners of my head where only bad things lay in wait.. yeah, she's cheating on me in there..

You might think "what a pathetic sod", and you'd probably be right, but not in the way that you think.. yes, I'm pathetic, but not for taking her back, wanting her back, loving a woman that's hurt me pretty badly recently and who seems to be doing it almost on purpose these days (although it's just that horrible cycle playing over again.. I smother, she pulls away, I smother more). I'm pathetic because I can't foresee happiness without her. So I'm a wretched person right now, stuck in a zone of anti-happiness. I've tried to see happiness after her. I've tried to talk to women recently - I didn't do it too much before, partly because I didn't want to put myself in a situation where infidelity was a possiblity, but mostly because I'm just very shy, and have never really been good at talking to women in a friendly setting (make it romantic and I have some pretty charming mannerisms, but as friends? Awkward.) But recently I've started to talk to women, trying to see myself in a situation where I might be with them.. not sexually per se, but romantically... and it's hard to do.. you're with someone for as long as I am and you still love that person to death and they still deep down love you? It's really hard to separate yourself in that scenario.

I just don't see it. This girl, is literally perfect for me, in pretty much everyway, except for this recent problems, we have been inseparable. We're still inseparable, but something seems wrong most of the time now.

damn man that sounds pretty bad. goodluck, hope you guys can figure it out.

OT:
I never had the 'pleasure' of falling in love so I prob have nothing usefull to say that'll ease the pain.

All I've got to add is.

"This is more then any of us can bear. But we will persevere."

 

[DC_Josh]

Went through somthing quite similar a few months ago when I split up with my partner of five years. I understand your pain.

Take some time to collect yourself, as much as you require. Then go and volunteer somewhere. I found that really helps.

A short and sweet answer!

 

[Imperioratorex Caprae]

This is just another sad breakup thread, so if you don?t want to see/hear it, then turn away now.

Yesterday, the only person I have ever loved broke my heart. And I don?t even understand why. Even during the three hours that it took for us to say goodbye, he still kissed me and told me he loves me. I?ve barely slept and I can?t sleep because if I lay in my bed I just think about him, and it hurts so much. I?ve been in relationships before, but I?ve never cared about the other person. I don?t know how I?m ever going to find someone to love me, when I?m such a loser. I don?t have friends, or a job, or any purpose in my life. He was the person who gave me strength to make it through every day.

He said his reasons for breaking up with me, was because he has other issues like family problems, and he?s starting his masters at uni soon. So I guess I was the only existing problem he could get rid of. He said I have mood swings and my depression is getting too much for him. And every word he said was another stab in my heart.

I don?t know how I?m ever going to get over this, how can I get over someone when I love them so much. Even though he?s hurt me, more than I?ve ever been hurt before, I can?t even hate him.

How do you get over someone you love?

You don't really ever get over people you love. You just move on to the next phase of your life, without that person. It never gets easy, it never feels good (even if the relationship was crap you still feel residual loss). Its like dealing with a death, the whole grieving process, denial anger depression acceptance.
Your best bet is to find something to occupy yourself with, and live your life as you want. Never base your life around another person because we mortals are fleeting at best and can be taken at any time. Attachment breeds codependency, and thus when you do lose the other part of that relationship, you lose everything.
I know nothing I say is helpful, or makes it hurt less, but you can survive it if you wish to live your own life and be your own person. And also, from personal experience, losing your first love isn't the end of the world. Its just the beginning. Time heals... etc.
Right now though, concentrate on enjoying your life and things will fall into place eventually. I met my fiance` by chance, I wasn't looking for anyone and had just got out of a 3 year bad relationship. So anything's possible.