So... I just found out my brother is gay.

[silverhawk100]

I make it a point to be nonchalant about it when I tell someone I'm bi to essentially force them into a position of "if you wanna be a douche about it, go ahead and make a big deal out of this, but you're gonna work for it." But I had to do the whole "dramatic" thing when I came out to my parents because, they deserve a little bit more than a "bi the way." Essentially their reaction was "great, in case you didn't realize this, we don't talk about sex stuff, why are you telling us this? Don't do it again." And I pretty much said "Thanks parents. Thank you for the strong validation of myself. Why DID I tell you?"

 

[Kurokami]

Today I was talking to one of my younger brothers and the topic of relationships came up, and after him mocking my non-existent love life, we started talking about his. He's always been fairly neutral when it comes to sex, so I've never really given much thought about it but when I asked him if he had a girlfriend, he instead told me that he was, in fact gay. Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret, perhaps some of the homosexual users of the Escapist can give me some insight on that.

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?

I'm fully with you on being honest about that kinda stuff, since I wouldn't mind much, actually I would probably prefer it since it opens up for a few more varried jokes and such. But in terms of family I suppose it's just a matter of not being entirely sure how everyone will take it. People can be confusing and alot of the time people don't know when to bring it up, I mean it did come out and he did tell you, didn't he?

Just my 5 cents worth, my uncle actually turned out to be gay, though my mom who isn't related to him by blood apparently new for ages, the rest of us including my father (his brother) only found out 3 or so years ago. (my parents are middle aged to give you some indication there)

 

[NOHC]

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?

First and foremost, he is still, and will always be your brother, regardless of his sexuality. Be there for him, for support, and someone to talk to when times are tough for him, just like brothers should.

 

[Strife17O7]

I confess that I have not experienced such..
If I did, I imagine I'd mostly just think something along the lines of "Huh...0.o Mmkay, I guess that'd explain a couple things."

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

Well, one of my cousins recently announced through a series of e-mails that she was a lesbian.

I thought about it for about 2 seconds and went on with my day.

Yep.

 

[Starke]

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?

Nope, I've known my brother was gay for years...

When my cousin "Krista" told me they were becoming "Kris" (I understand that Transgendered =/= gay) , I was a bit shocked, and told them I needed a moment.

We have a decent relationship, and I call him the older brother I never had (Which he really likes)

so she had a sex change?

I wasnt even sure that was physically possible..as female to male (if thats what happened)

your right in being Transgendered and gay isnt the same thing, I found it made alot more sense if I imagined them as (in this case...I think) a man but he has a females body

Female to Male is possible, I've met a few over the years. They can't reconstruct the genitals completely, and there was something about needing a plastic rod for sex that I honestly didn't really want that much information on. But the rest is just hormonal and surgical.

 

[Yokai]

When my cousin "Krista" told me they were becoming "Kris" (I understand that Transgendered =/= gay) , I was a bit shocked, and told them I needed a moment.

We have a decent relationship, and I call him the older brother I never had (Which he really likes)

so she had a sex change?

I wasnt even sure that was physically possible..as female to male (if thats what happened)

your right in being Transgendered and gay isnt the same thing, I found it made alot more sense if I imagined them as (in this case...I think) a man but he has a females body

Personally, I don't quite get transgenderism. I'm not even remotely homophobic and I have many gay friends, so I guess it makes me a horrible supporter of double standards, but I just feel sorry for them. I don't understand how someone could be so unhappy with their very genetic makeup that they feel the need to undergo traumatic surgery to change it. Couldn't they just, you know, act more feminine/masculine/whatever, rather than subject themselves to a flawed process that's more likely to alienate them from others? I certainly don't want to condemn anyone's choice, it just makes me sad when I see or hear about people who thought the change was necessary.

As for the OP: Yeah, I'd not have a bit of problem with it. I might be a little surprised if I had previously had them pegged as straight, but I certainly wouldn't react negatively in any way. Basically, good for them for coming out.

 

[TheFiremind]

When I came out to my parents, my mom told me she hated me, and my dad told me he would rather see me dead than gay. My brother actually physically attacked me. I've been on my own since I turned 17 and I'm newly 21. I have a bf of going on 7 months now tho, and things are getting better. Just be there to support your brother with whatever path he chooses. It REALLY hurts not having ANY family to be there for you. When you hit rock bottom, knowing that you can't even count on the love of your own family... I almost killed myself. But, I pulled through, met Anthony, and I'm the happiest man alive. Poor as shit, but happy! XD

 

[binvjoh]

I would be utterly casual about it. "Cool story, bro. Seen any hot dudes?"

Edit: I've never been in this situation, but this is how I'd want to react.

This is how I like to think I'd react as well.

 

[bulldogftw]

When I came out to my parents, my mom told me she hated me, and my dad told me he would rather see me dead than gay. My brother actually physically attacked me. I've been on my own since I turned 17 and I'm newly 21. I have a bf of going on 7 months now tho, and things are getting better. Just be there to support your brother with whatever path he chooses. It REALLY hurts not having ANY family to be there for you. When you hit rock bottom, knowing that you can't even count on the love of your own family... I almost killed myself. But, I pulled through, met Anthony, and I'm the happiest man alive. Poor as shit, but happy! XD

Man, i feel truly sorry for what your family did to you i mean that is just terrible.
OT:I once had my mother say that someone i knew was gay (not out of hate) and I was just said "ok".

 

[Feste the Jester]

I learned one of my friends was gay. It really doesn't effect me, except now we discuss hot girls together.

 

[Orange Monkey]

I understand the need to keep it quite, I remember that before I came out to my friends I was absolutely terrified of the reaction, not knowing what they were going to say is like flining yourself off a cliff without knowing how long the drop is. But when they were all fine with it I slapped myself for worrying so much. The worst feeling is thinking they wil hate you for it.

By the way, is your brother a nice guy and/or cute? ;P

 

[Vault101]

When my cousin "Krista" told me they were becoming "Kris" (I understand that Transgendered =/= gay) , I was a bit shocked, and told them I needed a moment.

We have a decent relationship, and I call him the older brother I never had (Which he really likes)

so she had a sex change?

I wasnt even sure that was physically possible..as female to male (if thats what happened)

your right in being Transgendered and gay isnt the same thing, I found it made alot more sense if I imagined them as (in this case...I think) a man but he has a females body

Personally, I don't quite get transgenderism. I'm not even remotely homophobic and I have many gay friends, so I guess it makes me a horrible supporter of double standards, but I just feel sorry for them. I don't understand how someone could be so unhappy with their very genetic makeup that they feel the need to undergo traumatic surgery to change it. Couldn't they just, you know, act more feminine/masculine/whatever, rather than subject themselves to a flawed process that's more likely to alienate them from others? I certainly don't want to condemn anyone's choice, it just makes me sad when I see or hear about people who thought the change was necessary.

As for the OP: Yeah, I'd not have a bit of problem with it. I might be a little surprised if I had previously had them pegged as straight, but I certainly wouldn't react negatively in any way. Basically, good for them for coming out.

assuming your male how would you feel if you woke up one day, and you had breasts and yeah that other part (no more man sword)

ok mabye the first reaction might be AWSOME! I could explore myself ect...and be a lesbian totally hot!!

but that aside that your now expected to act all feminine, and if not then I supose you could go down the butch lesbian route, but would that really be you? in your head your not a woman your a man

I watched the movie Trasnamerica a while ago, and as I said before, I stoped looking at the main charachter as a man dressed as a woman, but instead a women, who had male genitals, which she said she found "disgusting" and repulsive,

I mean she was a woman not a gay man, or a man who dresses up as a woman, but she could never FULLY be a woman...who she was untill she had her body changed

I mean Id imagine they are happy when they are fully changed, and thats whats important

 

[Orange Monkey]

My friend told me he was gay. So I asked him..Scale of 1-10, how am I?
"2"
Fuck you dude.
"hahaha"

Hahahaha Oh god that was exactly what happened to me Word for Word XD

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I once was in a situation like this, I didn't even respond much. I was all "Yeah, whatever."

 

[Olpenmark]

I had a friend who turned out to be homosexual, I didn't really mind it all that much, I just told him that I weren't and that he shouldn't be planning on trying to make a move on me.

 

[holy_secret]

Well...I can tell a short little story of when I came out to my sister.

"Hey. So...I need to tell you something."
"Okay. What is it?"
"I like to sleep with guys as well"
"Wow! That's so wonderful :-D Awesome!"
"Oh...okay. Not the answer I was expecting really."
"Well what do you expect a parade and 26 bloody trombones? It's not really a big deal but it is nice that you could be honest with me "

Smileys are used for emotional emphasis.

 

[JohnnyDelRay]

I'm glad if that's how more people are taking it. It shouldn't be such a big deal anyways. It should just be the way Morgan Freeman talks about racism. Just stop talking about it, the more we acknowledge it as a significant difference, the bigger issue it is, which is shouldn't be. I'd be more interested to hear stories about people coming out to their parents, and how they took it.

 

[Yokai]

When my cousin "Krista" told me they were becoming "Kris" (I understand that Transgendered =/= gay) , I was a bit shocked, and told them I needed a moment.

We have a decent relationship, and I call him the older brother I never had (Which he really likes)

so she had a sex change?

I wasnt even sure that was physically possible..as female to male (if thats what happened)

your right in being Transgendered and gay isnt the same thing, I found it made alot more sense if I imagined them as (in this case...I think) a man but he has a females body

Personally, I don't quite get transgenderism. I'm not even remotely homophobic and I have many gay friends, so I guess it makes me a horrible supporter of double standards, but I just feel sorry for them. I don't understand how someone could be so unhappy with their very genetic makeup that they feel the need to undergo traumatic surgery to change it. Couldn't they just, you know, act more feminine/masculine/whatever, rather than subject themselves to a flawed process that's more likely to alienate them from others? I certainly don't want to condemn anyone's choice, it just makes me sad when I see or hear about people who thought the change was necessary.

As for the OP: Yeah, I'd not have a bit of problem with it. I might be a little surprised if I had previously had them pegged as straight, but I certainly wouldn't react negatively in any way. Basically, good for them for coming out.

assuming your male how would you feel if you woke up one day, and you had breasts and yeah that other part (no more man sword)

ok mabye the first reaction might be AWSOME! I could explore myself ect...and be a lesbian totally hot!!

but that aside that your now expected to act all feminine, and if not then I supose you could go down the butch lesbian route, but would that really be you? in your head your not a woman your a man

I watched the movie Trasnamerica a while ago, and as I said before, I stoped looking at the main charachter as a man dressed as a woman, but instead a women, who had male genitals, which she said she found "disgusting" and repulsive,

I mean she was a woman not a gay man, or a man who dresses up as a woman, but she could never FULLY be a woman...who she was untill she had her body changed

I mean Id imagine they are happy when they are fully changed, and thats whats important

That's basically what I thought too, for a while. I guess I should explain where my perspective comes from.

Three years ago, a family I knew split up when the mother decided she was lesbian after being happily married to a man for twenty years. Immediately after this, their daughter, who had been quite comfortable with her femininity up to this point, suddenly got the idea that she was a man stuck in a woman's body. She went through the hormone treatment and such, but honestly, she still looks and sounds like a girl, yet gets very defensive when people refer to her as such. Now, before this, I would have supported her choice and done whatever I could to help her acclimate, but the fact that it occurred right after a traumatic divorce and sexual confusion among her parents makes me think her sudden transgenderism was the result of psychological stress as opposed to some deep-seated belief.

Essentially, she's been through the expensive and undoubtedly taxing operations and hormone treatments and such, but is still unmistakably female, and is now less happy than she was because everyone still refers to her as such. What I see is that she made a poorly-thought-out decision as a result of trauma, and now has to live with her choices even though the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. That's why I'm not entirely supportive of transgenderism, because it appears to be a mindset that can be brought on by outside influences and the processes involved can permanently alter a person, but not always in the way they intended. With our current medical knowledge it's impossible to completely switch genders, so why put oneself through an essentially cosmetic process with a variable success rate at the risk of one's entire identity? Maybe this girl was the exception to the rule, but it's something to think about.

Sorry about the rambly wall of text; this has been kicking around in my head for a while.