So, my family is homophobic.

[Strazdas]

My family is homophobic too. I NEVER reply to them comments about such things and eventually they stop pestering about it. Your case however seems to be more serious. In a perfect world, you would admit them to a mental institution. In reality - you run away from them like a plague and hope they die off someday.

 

[Joccaren]

Simple.
Use their arguments against them. Slippery slope of allowing gay marriage leading to pedophiles marrying children? Banning Gay Marriage will lead to banning straight marriage, and stopping all marriage all together.

Sure it probably won't work, but they're close minded bigotted people. If I had people like that in my family, I would personally move as far away from them as possible and just not talk to them ever. Yeah, extreme and you probably don't want to do that, but I cannot stand people like that.

You could try and get them to actually become open minded - there are a number of videos on Youtube by users like Qualiasoup on the subject - but its unlikely to work, as their close minded and bigotted.

So, yeah. Cut off all communication, show their arguments as idiotic by reversing them, or try and get them to actually open their minds.

Good luck bro, for any of them you're going to need it.

[Personally, just for added fun, after moving away to the other side of the world or something and not talking to them for two years, I'd call them up, tell them I'm gay, tell them to have a nice day, then hang up the phone. I'd also have a friend film their reaction for laughs later - worst idea in the history of bad ideas, but I'd find it funny enough to be worth it]

 

[joshthor]

My family is the same way. Here is a fact: they are family. You are probably in some way or another going to be in their lives forever. The problem with people in general is they have differing opinions. Freinds you choose, sure, you will have differing opinions with them, but generally you are freinds with people you actually like.

Family is different. Your brother can be a drugged out asshole, your sister could be a whore and your Dad could be a white supremisist. But they are still your family, and they will still try to be in contact with you. its natural. (NONE OF THESE ARE FACTS IN MY FAMILY - JUST STATING A POINT)

The best thing to do with family is to simply feel out thier opinions and to voice yours when it matches. someones kid is almost never going to convince the parent they are wrong. For instance - my dad is a search engine marketer, and absolutely amazing with the internet and computers, however, he is never going to be able to convince my grandfather that he should get a roku with netflix (my grandpa watches western movies all day long) because my grandpa is stubborn.

I have an uncle who legitimately thinks communism was (literally) created by the devil, and that the jews invent EVERYTHING (i tried explaining to him that while they certainly do invent some things the western world and japan/china invents most things - he did not agree - they are all thieves) and that soon they will make you put a barcode on your forhead in place of a credit card and if you take it your going to hell. arguing with him will do nothing. you can have the most well reasoned argument in the world and his response is "read the bible" regardless of weather you have a bible in front of him. he is still family though - i have to see him 2 times a year and its much more pleasant if you just talk about sports and cars.

 

[Carson Shindigg]

"If you can offer a single piece of irrefutable evidence as to why homosexuality is uniquely destructive, I'll agree with you."

Check-mate!

The problem with this is that they will use the same flawed arguments that homophobes always use and think they're right.

But you use science and fact to spread the love!

Hate to say it, but when people don't agree with an idea, they will even disregard credible scientific evidence. Here in Australia, I know people who feel the CSIRO (major national govt funded research institute) is full of bullshit, because the Labour government is providing funding. What they don't realise is that the same institute has been funded by successive governments for a while now, including the Howard Gov't, and research into some big issues may be ongoing through changes of government. (climate change being a sore point).

Sadly, those who disagree with the idea of climate change will disregard expensive and thorough peer reviewed credibleresearch. This is the same story with the biology behind homosexuality.

 

[Galletea]

Not much you can do about your family's prejudices. You can quote relevant scientific facts and bible passages to prove your point and they still won't agree with you. Tell them that you disagree with their backwards opinion, and leave it at that. You're either going to have to avoid bringing up the argument, or argue about it every time and still get no where.
At least you don't have to stay there forever. You can appreciate their good points better from a distance.

 

[Candidus]

I don't understand why you feel the need to tip-toe. If people like that disown you, what have you lost? Only the stigma of being associated with some very horrible people.

If you need them to live that's one thing, go ahead and eat their food and take their money until you don't need them any more. Using bad people to get by is fine. But tolerating and voluntarily remaining close to bad people, who make society worse by acting with discrimination informed by homophobic prejudices?

I'd discard my family for that and piss all over the ashes of those bridges, because my sense of duty and justice is stronger than any love I've ever felt, and my hatred of those who act contrary to the spirit of either is stronger still, no matter what their relation to me.

The more we shun and alienate people whose beliefs are disgusting, the more we isolate their cancer from the public space. As soon as you can put your family behind you, I recommend you do so.

As for challenging their beliefs, if you're determined to try... You obviously understand how fundamental the problem is - views aside, they don't seem too bright (as in poor education), they can't see for themselves the fallaciousness of a slip-slope argument, and I'd wager that although they speak hatefully about homosexuals, they probably *like* and take joy from the judgement they're passing and the sneering they get to do...

I don't think there's anything you can do but keep living differently to them in THEIR space. Accept homosexuals the way any civilised person accepts basically anyone. Buy a DVD by a homosexual comedian. If you have them among your friends, don't expose them to the beratement of your family, but keep seeing them and don't neglect to mention them when recounting your evenings because you're afraid of a confrontation. Etc etc. Just live like you should, and hide nothing. Be stubborn and brave. They'll either lash out or adjust.

 

[manic_depressive13]

My dad's a right wing fuckwit as well. I've had several massive arguments with him and now we don't really talk. It wasn't only because of political differences, but that was still a pretty big factor.

 

[EclipseoftheDarkSun]

Eh, just say "I don't agree, but don't want to argue about this as I see you've made up your mind."

That way you're not supporting their views, but you're still being civil.

Just be glad that they don't have the nuclear launch codes

 

[Candidus]

The problem isn't hatred towards the group you support. The problem is hatred. You can't condemn a group for condemning another group, basically.

"I hate you because you hate them."

You don't combat differing opinions with disdain and anger, else you're as bad as them. You share your opinion and attempt to change their mind. If it fails, you move on. The only time you intervene and cease their rights is when they harm people. Simply being homophobic isn't harming homosexuals. If they were to, say, preach on the street corner that gay people are animals that need to be eradicated, then they can be stopped, as they are creating a dangerous environment.

Simply: don't become the thing you dislike. Be a force of love, not hate, and that's the best you can do.

The people being discussed have said they'd disown a family member for coming out if he were gay. That's taking a prejudice and turning it into a discriminatory act, and is what in my mind gives the green light to the contempt exhibited for them and everyone like them in my post. Still, I actually think in my paragraph regarding how he might attempt to turn these people around, I almost mirrored your last sentence.

I'd like to say that I take your broader point, but I think the statement "You can't hate them because they hate someone else"/"Two wrongs don't make a right" is a frivolous moral anecdote which fails to accept the patent fact that two identical actions can have wildly different ethical ramifications.

So basically, I can't say that I do- but I don't entirely disagree with you either. It's complex.

 

[Shocksplicer]

I don't understand why you feel the need to tip-toe. If people like that disown you, what have you lost? Only the stigma of being associated with some very horrible people.

If you need them to live that's one thing, go ahead and eat their food and take their money until you don't need them any more. Using bad people to get by is fine. But tolerating and voluntarily remaining close to bad people, who make society worse by acting with discrimination informed by homophobic prejudices?

I'd discard my family for that and piss all over the ashes of those bridges, because my sense of duty and justice is stronger than any love I've ever felt, and my hatred of those who act contrary to the spirit of either is stronger still, no matter what their relation to me.

The more we shun and alienate people whose beliefs are disgusting, the more we isolate their cancer from the public space. As soon as you can put your family behind you, I recommend you do so.

As for challenging their beliefs, if you're determined to try... You obviously understand how fundamental the problem is - views aside, they don't seem too bright (as in poor education), they can't see for themselves the fallaciousness of a slip-slope argument, and I'd wager that although they speak hatefully about homosexuals, they probably *like* and take joy from the judgement they're passing and the sneering they get to do...

I don't think there's anything you can do but keep living differently in THEIR space. Accept homosexuals the way any civilised person accepts basically anyone. Buy a DVD by a homosexual comedian. If you have them among your friends, don't expose them to the beratement of your family, but keep seeing them and don't neglect to mention them when recounting your evenings because you're afraid of a confrontation. Etc etc. Just live like you should, and hide nothing. Be stubborn and brave. They'll either lash out or adjust.

The problem isn't hatred towards the group you support. The problem is hatred. You can't condemn a group for condemning another group, basically.

"I hate you because you hate them."

You don't combat differing opinions with disdain and anger, else you're as bad as them. You share your opinion and attempt to change their mind. If it fails, you move on. The only time you intervene and cease their rights is when they harm people. Simply being homophobic isn't harming homosexuals. If they were to, say, preach on the street corner that gay people are animals that need to be eradicated, then they can be stopped, as they are creating a dangerous environment.

Simply: don't become the thing you dislike. Be a force of love, not hate, and that's the best you can do.

While I agree that the diplomacy option is the best path, I just want to say that I have always hated the "If you hate the haters you're as bad as them."
Because you're not as bad as them. They're hating and discriminating against a group of people for no good reason. You're hating against them because they hate others for no good reason. It's a small difference, but crucial.

 

[DirtyJunkieScum]

I'm guessing you are still a teenager and live with them yes?

You could use the standard teenager tactic of just never talking to them. Huur.

Seriously though, if you are a teenager you will have a hard time getting them to listen and as you are largely dependent on them you can't do a huge amount about it. Don't feel you need to bite your tongue, but don't get yourself disowned just yet. I'd suggest trying to make yourself as independent as possible. Get a part time job, do well at school etc to put yourself in a good position in the job market when you leave... the general things you should be doing anyway. Then once you are a young adult you can argue with them any way you like and if they disown you then it won't really cause as much of a problem. You can even disown them if you like (but probably best not to, family can be useful even if they're dicks).

Finally there's the ultimate tactic that a friend of mine pulled (regarding racism rather than homophobia). Once he got married and had a kid, the first time one of them spouted off in his house in front of his child he asked his wife to take his kid out of the room and told them in no uncertain terms that they would never see their grandchild again if they ever spoke like that again anywhere near him and that they would never get to look after him alone. That really hits them where it hurts and as far as the raising of your own child is concerned it a very good idea, you don't want them contaminated with vile bullshit from anyone, let alone their grandparents.

 

[Shocksplicer]

I don't understand why you feel the need to tip-toe. If people like that disown you, what have you lost? Only the stigma of being associated with some very horrible people.

If you need them to live that's one thing, go ahead and eat their food and take their money until you don't need them any more. Using bad people to get by is fine. But tolerating and voluntarily remaining close to bad people, who make society worse by acting with discrimination informed by homophobic prejudices?

I'd discard my family for that and piss all over the ashes of those bridges, because my sense of duty and justice is stronger than any love I've ever felt, and my hatred of those who act contrary to the spirit of either is stronger still, no matter what their relation to me.

The more we shun and alienate people whose beliefs are disgusting, the more we isolate their cancer from the public space. As soon as you can put your family behind you, I recommend you do so.

As for challenging their beliefs, if you're determined to try... You obviously understand how fundamental the problem is - views aside, they don't seem too bright (as in poor education), they can't see for themselves the fallaciousness of a slip-slope argument, and I'd wager that although they speak hatefully about homosexuals, they probably *like* and take joy from the judgement they're passing and the sneering they get to do...

I don't think there's anything you can do but keep living differently in THEIR space. Accept homosexuals the way any civilised person accepts basically anyone. Buy a DVD by a homosexual comedian. If you have them among your friends, don't expose them to the beratement of your family, but keep seeing them and don't neglect to mention them when recounting your evenings because you're afraid of a confrontation. Etc etc. Just live like you should, and hide nothing. Be stubborn and brave. They'll either lash out or adjust.

The problem isn't hatred towards the group you support. The problem is hatred. You can't condemn a group for condemning another group, basically.

"I hate you because you hate them."

You don't combat differing opinions with disdain and anger, else you're as bad as them. You share your opinion and attempt to change their mind. If it fails, you move on. The only time you intervene and cease their rights is when they harm people. Simply being homophobic isn't harming homosexuals. If they were to, say, preach on the street corner that gay people are animals that need to be eradicated, then they can be stopped, as they are creating a dangerous environment.

Simply: don't become the thing you dislike. Be a force of love, not hate, and that's the best you can do.

While I agree that the diplomacy option is the better option is the best path, I just want to say that I have always hated the "If you hate the haters you're as bad as them."
Because you're not as bad as them. They're hating and discriminating against a group of people for no good reason. You're hating against them because they hate others for no good reason. It's a small difference, but crucial.

The don't hate the haters notion, is designed to end hatred. If you hate one group because they hate another group, you're effectively saying they are wrong and you are right, so your hate is 'correct'--the exact thing homophobes do. Bear in mind, I'm talking about opinion and not action here; so disliking someone for actually hurting someone is another issue. I'm just on about opinions.

Really, just don't hate people. You can dislike their beliefs and find their actions appalling, but hate doesn't help anyone, it just leads to more anger and more negativity.

I agree that hatred is a bad thing. I just think that the "You're as bad as them" concept is infuriating and stupid.

 

[Shinsei-J]

Eh, my family is horribly racist, sexist and homophobic. I've agreed to disagree with them on alot of points, so long as they at least show respect for other people values. I'm still trying to convince my mother to stop being so disrespectfull of lesbians.

 

[Yopaz]

Hmmm that's a tricky one...
You could educate them about what you know about homosexuals, that would probably help a lot since fear is born from the unknown, tell them how they're not a different race, it's just sexual preference, they don't spread aids any more than a normal human, and that they were born this way due to an imbalance (or balance rather, a little fuzzy on this part) of hormones.
Give them reasonable arguments so they can understand your point of view.
If all else fails..

Yeah, this wont work. The kind of people to say that if we accept homosexuals we will come to accept pedophiles are so far gone you're better off just ignoring them. Never try to start a discussion about homosexuals and if one of them start one do not get involved. Nothing good will come out of this.