So, my girlfriend is in porn and I don't know what to do.

[Rangerboy87]

So.... I decided that not asking would be the smart, safe and generally best decision. For those of you who know me, this will come as little surprise. What will come as even less of a surprise is that I asked her anyway.

It's her. She started crying once I made it clear that I didn't mind, she got a bit better. She's still kinda bummed that I found out, but she thought it was adorable that I was so worried about bringing it up.

It was a few times thing, and she never really closed the door on doing it again, but it's not ongoing, if that makes any sense. She's not doing it anymore, but she wouldn't mind doing it again if she needs the money.

Glad things worked out for you both

I had been reading on this one for a few days, reading other people's helpful or "interesting" opinions before I chimed in with mine. But seeing as how the issue has been resolved, I guess I'll throw it in retrospectively.

I think you handled it the right way. My opinion was going to depend on how long you two had been together, how serious it was, and if it felt like you two might be in for a long haul (define "long haul" how you will).

If you two had only been dating a month or two, I would have said wait a little bit. She may not yet be comfortable enough to tell you this (I am going to assume she planned to tell you some point down the line if you two stayed together). Maybe in a few months, if things started really getting serious, you might have addressed it then. I think early in the relationship is a bad time to bring these kinds of big issues up. You two would still be trying to get to know each other.

If you two had been dating several months, and you felt like you two might be together for a long time (again, define that how you will), it might have been time to address it. You two have had more time together to really know each other and be comfortable addressing those issues. It definitely needed to be addressed though. Those kinds of uncertainties can really weigh down on a relationship.

Anyway, like I said, I think you handled it well. I'm sure she was terrified that the relationship was ending when you brought it up (which says a great deal about her feelings for you). I'm sure she wasn't quite ready to let that skeleton out of the closet yet; but at the same time, she's probably relieved to have it out in the open (no pun intended). If you are fine with her no matter what, that's all that matters. Wish the best for both you!

 

[MatParker116]

If its her ask if they need any extra models the money is pretty good.

 

[DolorousEdd]

Just make really, really sure. Then slowly bring the conversation over to sex and porn. There is only this or keeping it to yourself. If it really is her, try to talk about it as if it's normal (like how and why you come to do any sort of things). There really isn't much advice to give, I think you just wanted to get it into public...

 

[Panzer_God]

Just make really, really sure. Then slowly bring the conversation over to sex and porn. There is only this or keeping it to yourself. If it really is her, try to talk about it as if it's normal (like how and why you come to do any sort of things). There really isn't much advice to give, I think you just wanted to get it into public...

There are about 200 some odd posts that disagree with you. I got a lot of advice that I wouldn't have thought of otherwise and ended up making a completely different decision than I would have without you guys. Getting it out in public that the girl I'm dating is in porn was just a bonus.

 

[Britisheagle]

Best thread title ever. Just wanted to throw that in.

Agreed. Even better since it's on a videogame forum.

OT: If it was my girlfriend, I couldn't hack it. Yes, I'd talk to her first but I couldn't keep going out with her, with the knowledge that she has sex for a living. Does that make me possessive? If it does, so be it, I'm possessive.

I'm with you on this one. I couldn't cope if I found out my girlfriend has done porn. I know most lads, and possibley ladies, think it would be a dream come true the idea of sharing her with the world doesn't appeal to me.

Still sleep with her though, maybe moan if she wasn't up for doing stuff she did on said videos. Heh heh.

Jokes.

 

[znix]

It's not like it's a big deal. Thousands of girls are in online porn. Who really cares?

It's a bonus that you get an idea of what she might be into. Like if she's a repeat guest in the Monsters of Humongous Cock series

 

[Snowblindblitz]

So, there's this girl at school that I've been casually dating for a while now, and it started getting serious about a week ago. Yesterday I saw a banner ad on a website that linked to several pornographic videos. What caught my attention was an eerie feeling that I recognized one of the girls, so I clicked on the link. I'm 98% sure it's her, but I don't know if I want to bring it up or not.

I don't have a problem with it, if she is, but I'm afraid of what impact it would have on us as a couple this early in the relationship, and even more afraid of what would happen if I ask and it wasn't her. What would you do in this situation?

EDIT: I am an American, in University and the girl in question is 21.

What exactly is the big deal?

You might want to go watch Chasing Amy and see why your being upset about this is pointless and stupid.

This. The older you get, the more you realize that when dating, most of your partners will have had sex with multiple partners and everything else.

The more you get hung up on this, the unhappier you'll be.

 

[Thumper17]

I think we need a link.... For science.

 

[newwiseman]

Sad how many people don't read everything before posting,

Glad it worked out for you, for what it's worth my suggestion would had been to talk about it. Always better to get things out than let thoughts fester.

 

[Webb5432]

Best advice I can give (and I give it a lot in relationships, although this problem is a first) is to talk to her about it when the time is right. Make sure that a) you want to know and especially b) you will still want to be with her either way. B) is extremely important!

Do not push it, and if she avoids it, then a) that's probably a "yes, I did. And am ashamed." in which case, don't push it any more, just tell her you still want to be with her either way. If she says no and you believe her, drop it there. I bet she'll bring it up again at some point in time.

Also, don't do anything demeaning like what JoesshittyOs said the other day. Just take it slow and steady, okay?

 

[Belated]

So.... I decided that not asking would be the smart, safe and generally best decision. For those of you who know me, this will come as little surprise. What will come as even less of a surprise is that I asked her anyway.

It's her. She started crying once I made it clear that I didn't mind, she got a bit better. She's still kinda bummed that I found out, but she thought it was adorable that I was so worried about bringing it up.

I think you did the right thing. If you had kept the question to yourself, you would've always wondered about it for the rest of your relationship. (And if your relationship happened to result in marriage, that would mean the rest of your life.) You probably figured this out and the temptation is probably what drove you to ask her in spite of not asking her seemingly being the smarter decision. Am I correct?

That said, I think asking her was the smarter decision. Someone earlier made the point that you should let her keep it a secret, because she doesn't want you to know if she hasn't told you about it already. And indeed, that sounds about right. But you've got to consider why she wouldn't want you to know. While you were afraid how she might react if you asked her, she was probably afraid how you might react if you found out about it. By asking her, you've established that you're OK with it and that she can rest assured that it's not going to be an issue with you. Perhaps then, this experience has only brought you two closer.

 

[deathzero021]

dude... i would laugh so hard if it wasn't her. just how sure can you be? there are billions of people on this planet - many MANY of them look very similar. you better be DAMN sure before you ask it about it. that would be incredibly rude if you were wrong xD

EDIT: oh so it is her? lol that would suck. at least if i were you, i dont think i could handle that but hell if it works for you than that's cool.

 

[Sheo_Dagana]

Soft ball the question out there! Be like "what's the craziest thing you've ever done for money?!" Make sure you go first. But honestly, who cares? I'd be in porn too if I had the body for it. Easy money.

 

[CrazyMedic]

Wait, you really can't tell for sure? That seems odd. Surely you'd know your girlfriend's face.

Casually dating and 'known for years' are different things, and not everyone's a hero with recognizing faces.

Especially not if in one of the pictures we're trying to compare everything's been rigged to ignore the face and... well, you know, emphasize other parts of the female anatomy that we've been biologically hardwired to want to look at.

... Informing the police might be an idea?

For what? "Help officer! I think this chick I'm dating may have made a few bucks doing stuff the church condemns!", that's never going to get listened to since it's not a crime or.... oh wait, America...

not really in america school is highschool and below so I think he assumed the person was underage.

 

[charliesbass]

Might want to watch the video a few more times to make sure it's her. Then bring it up in a normal conversation, just randomly.