So My Girlfriend is pregnant.....

[RantingLombax]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

 

[Episode42]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

Abortion. If you really can't take care of a child, then it seems to be the obvious route. If one or both of you don't believe in it for whatever reason, then i suggest you start buying baby stuff.
The simple fact is, it's not a problem that's going to suddenly disappear, you need to figure out what you both want to do as quickly as you can.

That's about the best advice i can give you.

 

[SckizoBoy]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

That depends on a few things...

1. Do you intend on staying with your girlfriend (pregnancy notwithstanding) in the future (foreseeable and otherwise)?
2. Are you financially secure?
3. Do you know if your (or your girlfriend's) parents would be willing to help in caring for your child? (And by association, do you get on well with your families?)
4. Are you and your girlfriend in full-time employment/education?
5. What does your girlfriend want to do? (if she's as undecided as you, that's fair enough)
6. What are adoption agencies like where you are?
7. Do you live with your girlfriend/own or rent your own place?
8. Does your girlfriend's family have any underlying medical issues regarding pregnancy?

I can give you a better response if you can answer the above. And DO NOT CONSIDER ABORTION until one, you are adamant that you do not want this child, two, your girlfriend is adamant that she does not want this child and three, the options for adoption are beyond shit.

 

[RantingLombax]

1. Do you intend on staying with your girlfriend (pregnancy notwithstanding) in the future (foreseeable and otherwise)? Yes
2. Are you financially secure? It's gonna be tough now. we both have jobs
3. Do you know if your (or your girlfriend's) parents would be willing to help in caring for your child? No idea. Probably(And by association, do you get on well with your families? Yes for the most part
4. Are you and your girlfriend in full-time employment/education? Im the only one in college
5. What does your girlfriend want to do? she has no idea either. (if she's as undecided as you, that's fair enough)
6. What are adoption agencies like where you are? Again no idea
7. Do you live with your girlfriend/own or rent your own place? Yea
8. Does your girlfriend's family have any underlying medical issues regarding pregnancy? i would have to ask.

 

[RantingLombax]

1. Do you intend on staying with your girlfriend (pregnancy notwithstanding) in the future (foreseeable and otherwise)? Yes
2. Are you financially secure? It's gonna be tough now. we both have jobs
3. Do you know if your (or your girlfriend's) parents would be willing to help in caring for your child? No idea. Probably(And by association, do you get on well with your families? Yes for the most part
4. Are you and your girlfriend in full-time employment/education? Im the only one in college
5. What does your girlfriend want to do? she has no idea either. (if she's as undecided as you, that's fair enough)
6. What are adoption agencies like where you are? Again no idea
7. Do you live with your girlfriend/own or rent your own place? Yea
8. Does your girlfriend's family have any underlying medical issues regarding pregnancy? i would have to ask.
(double post my bad)

 

[artanis_neravar]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

How far along is she? Also

And DO NOT CONSIDER ABORTION until one, you are adamant that you do not want this child, two, your girlfriend is adamant that she does not want this child and three, the options for adoption are beyond shit.

Ignore that part, consider adoption along with the rest of your options because that is the only way you can reach a fully informed decision. Do not let other people personal feeling get in the way of your own choices. Whether you want to have an abortion or keep it or put it up for adoption is completely up to you and your girlfriend.

That being said my advice is to take it one step at a time. Don't worry so much about whats going to happen in 10 months, think about what needs to happen in the next couple weeks, doctors appointments, telling your families, etc. Pick a time where you and your girl can sit down and talk about your options weight the pros and cons of each, and most importantly support each other.

 

[brunt32]

From the sound of it buddy with the survey above that you're probably prepared for a child, however here comes the next point which is the biggest question you've got to ask yourself, do you actually want a child? If the answer is no then you need to confront your girlfriend and explain to her. Options are available for both of you, if she doesn't like the idea of abortion then maybe adoption is the way forward. If you do wish to care for your child then all that you're going through is a phase that we all go through, the moment of fear that pumps your body when you hear it! No one thinks they're ready, because most of the time we aren't ready but at the end of the day as long as you and your girlfriend love the child you can bring it up and hopefully have a beautiful life with your child.

Good luck pal, its going to be a tough one.

 

[SckizoBoy]

1. Yes
2. It's gonna be tough now. we both have jobs
3. No idea. Probably. Yes for the most part
4. Im the only one in college
5. she has no idea either.
6. Again no idea
7. Yea
8. i would have to ask.

Regarding 8, it probably won't matter, the problems I'm thinking of are rare (though it's happened to two of my acquaintances).

There's enough there that says that yes, it is going to be difficult, but you'll be able to manage. However, that statement is contingent on your girlfriend having a sufficient maternal leave payment clause in her contract (you have a part-time job?). Once she's back to work, financially, you'll be fine, so it's just a matter of time to take care of your child. Hence, enter grandparents (since daycare can be a right pain in the wallet), provided they live close by.

Thus, the question is not so much about the cost of living when you have the child, but whether you and your girlfriend are ready (and/or willing) for parenthood. And I think the only people who can honestly answer that are... well yourselves (especially should the confirmation be unconscious).

Regardless of what you decide, best of luck.

 

[artanis_neravar]

From the sound of it buddy with the survey above that you're probably prepared for a child, however here comes the next point which is the biggest question you've got to ask yourself, do you actually want a child? If the answer is no then you need to confront your girlfriend and explain to her. Options are available for both of you, if she doesn't like the idea of abortion then maybe adoption is the way forward. If you do wish to care for your child then all that you're going through is a phase that we all go through, the moment of fear that pumps your body when you hear it! No one thinks they're ready, because most of the time we aren't ready but at the end of the day as long as you and your girlfriend love the child you can bring it up and hopefully have a beautiful life with your child.

Good luck pal, its going to be a tough one.

Oh and to extend on this

1. How old are you?
2. How mature are you? (I'm sure you can't really answer this but give it a shot anyway)
3. Are you prepared to take a brake from school?
4. How well do you handle lack of sleep?
4a. By that I mean do you get snippy or lose focus or what?

 

[Lilani]

I can give you a better response if you can answer the above. And DO NOT CONSIDER ABORTION until one, you are adamant that you do not want this child, two, your girlfriend is adamant that she does not want this child and three, the options for adoption are beyond shit.

Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you.

 

[RantingLombax]

thanks guys for the advice. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you.

I spent about fifteen minutes ruminating about a response after the first reply opened with a one word sentence which really rankled at me. After posting, I wanted to forget I posted for about an hour when someone quoted me and showed how much of a dick I was.

I know that abortion is as much of an option as anything else, just one I don't think should be taken lightly especially in cases such as these where there is a lot of stability (in all senses of the word).

Perhaps my past experience of attempting to have a child blur my judgement, it probably does, but if so, I'm sorry.

 

[Episode42]

Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you.

I spent about fifteen minutes ruminating about a response after the first reply opened with a one word sentence which really rankled at me. After posting, I wanted to forget I posted for about an hour when someone quoted me and showed how much of a dick I was.

I know that abortion is as much of an option as anything else, just one I don't think should be taken lightly especially in cases such as these where there is a lot of stability (in all senses of the word).

Perhaps my past experience of attempting to have a child blur my judgement, it probably does, but if so, I'm sorry.

Hey, the guy was asking for advice, that's my advice. I've seen far too many unloved and unwanted kids grow up with parents who resent them simply because they didn't want an abortion.
I'm not going to say it's the correct thing to do, no-one is going to know that for about 18 years, but this is an option that should be considered.
Especially when the opening sentence contains the term 'We are scared'
Having a child should be something that is planned, rather than an accident. Even when it's between two people who are in love.

To be honest, i think the option of having an abortion should be considered before you consider if you want to look after a child for the rest of your life.
But then i don't have any kids and am constantly told i'm a cold hearted bastard.

Not trying to start an argument, just saying, ke?
I'm sure the OP will let us know what they decide.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Hey, the guy was asking for advice, that's my advice. I've seen far too many unloved and unwanted kids grow up with parents who resent them simply because they didn't want an abortion.
I'm not going to say it's the correct thing to do, no-one is going to know that for about 18 years, but this is an option that should be considered.
Especially when the opening sentence contains the term 'We are scared'
Having a child should be something that is planned, rather than an accident. Even when it's between two people who are in love.

To be honest, i think the option of having an abortion should be considered before you consider if you want to look after a child for the rest of your life.
But then i don't have any kids and am constantly told i'm a cold hearted bastard.

Not trying to start an argument, just saying, ke?
I'm sure the OP will let us know what they decide.

That's fine, I've got nothing against either you or your opinion (now that I'm typing with a more level head). But when I read your response a part of me so wanted to launch into a ban-worthy rebuttal, pertaining to reasons I won't air here (so I settled for just looking like a douche).

While I am pro-choice, I am of the more, shall we say, 'preservation of life' slant, so even if the parents don't want the child, adoption should also be an option to be considered. However, in so saying, I'm torn, because I know of a few people who went through the foster-care system and it wasn't pleasant for them. Conversely, I know a few couples who adopted their kids and they're some of the best parents I know.

So, while in the long run an abortion may be beneficial for a couple over having the child they weren't ready for (for reasons emotional, financial or other), I believe an abortion should only be entered upon with an absolute intent without probability of hindsight. My experiences with such matters have made me somewhat waspish towards those who recommend abortion as the first option, so I apologise if I was a bit tetchy.

Still, the OP has enough sense about him to ignore or follow one or the other as he so chooses.

 

[jobu59749]

This is diverging into a discussion thread rather than an advice thread. Ultimately, here's the reality...what he wants...doesn't matter. It doesn't. If she decides to keep the baby, it's done...part of his life now. Welcome to women and their bodies. If that's the case, you need to accept the consequences of your actions.

I'm so tired of guys thinking that they can put a rubber on, or not on, and stick their penis inside a girl and think that from that moment...if anything happens...they aren't responsible or they can just make it go away. You...are...a...fool.

If this child does come into the world, you have two choices. Either you can be part of its life or you can make your donation with child support every month. Be an adult. Man up and take responsibility.

 

[Lilani]

Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you.

I spent about fifteen minutes ruminating about a response after the first reply opened with a one word sentence which really rankled at me. After posting, I wanted to forget I posted for about an hour when someone quoted me and showed how much of a dick I was.

I know that abortion is as much of an option as anything else, just one I don't think should be taken lightly especially in cases such as these where there is a lot of stability (in all senses of the word).

Perhaps my past experience of attempting to have a child blur my judgement, it probably does, but if so, I'm sorry.

It's good to see there are still people on the Internet who are not only open enough to admit that they are wrong, but also open enough to change their minds on things It's so easy to forget there are people on the other ends of all of these posts, and the culture we've formed here only encourages that sort of thinking. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet another person, and have a wonderful day. I only hope my wording didn't make me seem like a jerk, lol.

 

[Ando85]

This is diverging into a discussion thread rather than an advice thread. Ultimately, here's the reality...what he wants...doesn't matter. It doesn't. If she decides to keep the baby, it's done...part of his life now. Welcome to women and their bodies. If that's the case, you need to accept the consequences of your actions.

I'm so tired of guys thinking that they can put a rubber on, or not on, and stick their penis inside a girl and think that from that moment...if anything happens...they aren't responsible or they can just make it go away. You...are...a...fool.

If this child does come into the world, you have two choices. Either you can be part of its life or you can make your donation with child support every month. Be an adult. Man up and take responsibility.

Just like in your reply to my thread you resort to name calling and insults. I don't see where he is avoiding responsibility. He asks for advice and is taking the situation very seriously. How is that avoiding responsibility?

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Well, regardless the important thing is your making responsible decisions and actions and not just going "oops you fell down a flight of stairs" like what happened to a friend of mine, and yet her BF somehow wasn't charged with manslaughter.

 

[Svenparty]

DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING!


Actually you need to act fast and discuss the matter with your girlfriend regarding if you keep it, get rid or put it up for adoption. How old are you as this can effect how ready you are for this life consuming commitment.