So Neptune is sitting on your couch...

[The-Epicly-Named-Man]

I would say "What the f*ck are you doing on my couch, you crazy f*cking toga wearing tramp! I'm calling the guards!" Then in the inevitable 3 hour wait for someone to show up we'd probably end up discussing something to do with Irish history/ evolution/ the future of the Catholic church/ existential philosophy/ the evolution of the English language, all topics I generally bring-up in day-to-day conversations and irritate people with.

 

[emeraldrafael]

walks over and say hey, ask if he wants something to drink, and if he says yes say water right? justto be a dick, then get him whatever he wants and join him. Maybe he's a Penguins fan.

 

[sumanoskae]

I'd say hi, cook him up some lamb, and ask him about getting rid of a few people. Then I'd respectfully request that he not put the world under water.

 

[SilentCom]

I would stand there feeling very confused. Then I would probably say hi. Then I'll probably watch some TV with Neptune and ask some questions as to why he is on my couch watching TV.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Me "Have you been there all day?"

Neptune, "Yeah"

Me "I thought you had that interview today for the vacant deity position in that new cult that's started up"

Neptune, "Yeah, but I didn't feel like going, besides the money was nowhere near what a god of my stature deserves"

Me, "Yeah 2000 years ago you where a big deal, but your pantheon became obsolete and you haven't had a job since. Beggars can't choosers."

Neptune, "It's not my fault, I tell you the monotheist ruined this business, especially that show off Jesus. So he came back from the dead and then he's a big deal. I mean what does he have that I don't"

Me, "Well, for one thing he doesn't go round creating storms and sinking ships"

Neptune, "Where fun it that?"

Me, "Times change, people tend to prefer less vengeful deities, maybe you should try a more peaceful approach like Buddha"

Neptune, "PEACEFUL! I am lord of the sea and like the sea I am cruel and unforgiving. I mean when have you ever seen a peaceful sea."

Me, "Fine sorry I brought it up. Still if your not going to get a new job you could a least do something about the damp you've been causing and clean all that damn seaweed off the floor, where not at the bottom of the sea now."

Neptune, "Fine I'll clean up"

Me, "Good"

Neptune, "[small]thought soon you will be buried at the bottom of the sea for your insolence you puny mortal[/small]"

Me, "You say something Neptune?"

Neptune, "Oh Nothing"