So, on a scale of 1-10, how bad is this?

[agrajagthetesty]

It's bad. He violated his friend, both physically (evidently so) and emotionally (by destroying the trust of their relationship). If I ever found out that a friend had done that to me, the friendship would be over, no exceptions. I'd also warn all my female acquaintances about that person.

 

[Mr.Pandah]

Heh. At least some people got my joke.

 

[Random berk]

I'd give it an eight. While what he did was all kinds of wrong, at least it didn't cause any negative impact to the girl. To call it anything higher I'd say she'd have to have been awake while he forced himself on her (so either full on raped her, or murdered her basically) for a 9 or 10.

 

[Rockus]

. . . Why would he tell you this?

 

[DoubleTime]

That's sexual assault and she seriously needs to know. It would be best if he told her, but if he doesn't you should consider telling her so at least she knows and can protect herslef in the future.

I know he was drunk, but that's not an excuse. What happens next time he's drunk and she passes out? Especially so if she's not aware of the danger?

 

[Raykuza]

Well, if you want to play it that way, they both chose to get drunk. Together. And I don't particularly want to think of this as a legal matter, because these three people are all friends and (I assume) civilized adults that don't need to immediately litigate in order to solve this issue.

I do think that most of the people posting must be overreacting teetotalers if they really think this guy is a truly bad person for doing something stupid while he was drunk. People do stupid shit when they get drunk. I think he should probably tell her what he did and apologize, but even if he doesn't I still wouldn't think any less of him.

#1. Last time I checked getting drunk did not mean you were free game for anyone who feels like sexually assaulting you.

#2. Being friends and being civilized does not mean that sexual assaults just get rolled under the carpet. And if they are, it's not the assaulter, or the assaulter's friend, who gets to make that call. It's the victim.

#3. "Doing stupid shit while drunk" is supposed to stop well before assaults. I guess we can just forget everything people did while they're drunk, though, eh? Let alone come clean about them, lest the victims of our mayhem think any less of us.

What I meant when I said that they both chose to get drunk together was that they both opened themselves to opportunity for either one of them to do something they might regret. If you're old enough to drink, you're old enough to understand the potential consequences of drinking. I don't believe that he had harmful intentions. I don't believe that he's a bad person. I already said that I think he should tell her and apologize (which entails taking responsibility for your actions), and I never said anything about sweeping anything under a rug.

I do think that the intoxicated should be held responsible for their actions. I just don't think that his actions were cause for such a great alarm. If he did insert anything anywhere or rape her, that would be a different story. Drunk drivers should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, etc, etc. Even drunk drivers aren't bad people, just bad decision-makers.

I really do think that this can all be solved amicably like this:
"Hey, remember that time we got drunk? I felt your breast when you were passed out, and I'm really sorry. I hope we can still be friends."

"Oh really? That's kind of weird. I'd rather you not drink around me anymore."

"Okay. I'll respect that."

"Thank you."

Done.
Not a big deal.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I'd give it an eight. While what he did was all kinds of wrong, at least it didn't cause any negative impact to the girl. To call it anything higher I'd say she'd have to have been awake while he forced himself on her (so either full on raped her, or murdered her basically) for a 9 or 10.

She was sexually assaulted...how was there not any negative effect? Or are we setting the precedent that anything that happens to you while you're unconcious is fair game because you're not awake for it?

Like, say, if someone fondled your kid while they were asleep, all bets are off? They were asleep! No harm no foul!

 

[Tzimiskis]

Well what ge did is disgusting but wasent he drunk as well?

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I really do think that this can all be solved amicably like this:
"Hey, remember that time we got drunk? I felt your breast when you were passed out, and I'm really sorry. I hope we can still be friends."

"Oh really? That's kind of weird. I'd rather you not drink around me anymore."

"Okay. I'll respect that."

"Thank you."

Done.
Not a big deal.

Could be that's how it would go. The fact remains, though, that he doesn't get to run that script in his head and decide he doesn't need to tell her. That's her decision, not his. And if she decides to view it as a sexual assault, she has every right...legally and ethically...to do so.

 

[Bran1470]

that's rape if she finds out she could put that's sick fuck in jail so he gets raped by 30 men at a time.

 

[Raykuza]

I really do think that this can all be solved amicably like this:
"Hey, remember that time we got drunk? I felt your breast when you were passed out, and I'm really sorry. I hope we can still be friends."

"Oh really? That's kind of weird. I'd rather you not drink around me anymore."

"Okay. I'll respect that."

"Thank you."

Done.
Not a big deal.

Could be that's how it would go. The fact remains, though, that he doesn't get to run that script in his head and decide he doesn't need to tell her. That's her decision, not his. And if she decides to view it as a sexual assault, she has every right...legally and ethically...to do so.

You're absolutely right about that. But take a look at the comment after yours.

that's rape if she finds out she could put that's sick fuck in jail so he gets raped by 30 men at a time.

I hope this isn't how she reacts because he certainly doesn't deserve this.

 

[Rin Little]

You're not overreacting at all. Your friend is a major fucking creep and needs to re-evaluate what "friendship" means to him. It doesn't matter whether or not he wants to make this friendship with her into a relationship, it just proves he has no real respect for her. I suggest you tell her what happened so she can steer clear from him and any other potential bad situations.

 

[zehydra]

Then what is the difference between rape and sexual assault?

There's not really any difference, technically they're the same thing. Sexual assault over here in the U.K. is just another term for rape, it's just "nicer" to say "sexual assault" on the news instead of "rape" because the word "rape" has negative connotations and would make the newscaster sound biased, so the term "sexual assault" is used just in case the person who is accused of it is innocent.

hm. Not according to Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rape

according to Wikipedia, "The United Nations defines it as "sexual intercourse without valid consent,"

This is the definition I have always known, that is, non-consensual sexual intercourse. Kissing, is not sexual intercourse.

 

[Pharsalus]

I don't think your over reacting, if he had been more drunk it could have gone further.

 

[UnknownGunslinger]

Am I overreacting?

Nope, that guy is a douche!

 

[Farson89]

Am I overreacting?

Not even a little bit, your friend has exhibited some very disturbing behaviour and you're absolutely right to be disgusted with him. He might not have raped her but molesting her while she slept is a warning sign that he may move on to more extreme actions. To be honest you should probably tell the girl what happened and cut your friend off.

 

[James Crook]

Ouch, your pal was really bloody drunk if he did this. He might have done it instinctively because he was a drunk and, if his best friend is a girl, that probably loved her a while ago and got friend-zoned somewhere down the line... (What? It does often happen).
When he was drunk, he maybe got some kind of cognitive bias (more precisely, a <url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wishful_thinking>wishful thinking bias) caused by the alcohol corrupting his train of thoughts. To speak clearly: his heavy drinking made him think she'd be okay with this, or that he secretly liked him, an assumption which, of course, would sound completely ridiculous to him when sober.

However, I want to clear something out for the rest of this discussion: what is the eye colour of this friend of yours? If it's blue, he's clearly in the wrong, as blue-eyed people can absorb a higher amount of alcohol without getting intoxicated to the point their decisions are completely fucked, as in they wouldn't do it when sober, which would confirm the statement "he abused/took advantage of her".

 

[probunk]

Beat that friend up, badly. That is well over the/a line. Tell the lady involved, in fact; she deserves to know.

 

[Dense_Electric]

So I'm going to be the one person not calling for blood (that's fucking unprecedented) and ask, how does she feel about this (or does she even know)? Despite the claims of all the white knights in here, not everyone views being groped as the WORST THING THAT COULD EVER POSSIBLY EVER HAPPEN EVER. If she feels violated, then yes, I would say your friend overstepped his boundaries and probably deserves some sort of punishment. If she really doesn't care, then everyone needs to cool their jets and not try to solve a problem that doesn't exist.

Beat that friend up, badly. That is well over the/a line. Tell the lady involved, in fact; she deserves to know.

Case and point.

 

[RedxDecember]

He should really be ashamed. It's sick. It's a violation of trust. She was vulnerable and he took advantage of her. Even in a intoxicated state it is a disgrace. Your reactions are just.