So parents have kicked their 16 year old out!

[saoirse13]

So, as the title says. I have a relation who is about 16, possibly 17 (I'm not too sure as I haven't actually seen her in a few years) and her mother has apparently kicked her out of the house. Now I don't actually know the full details, but apparently my teenage cousin does not get on with her mother very well, and are continously arguing and the like. However, from what I can gather, I don't actually think my cousin is really that rebellious. she does not do drugs and if she has then the odd joint would be the most she would have done, she does not drink and she is a pretty good kid, (maybe she has missed the odd curfew). Now her parents are together and her father is pretty upset about the whole thing. There is alot of other factors to this story, but not to give too much detail there is a pretty big age gap in her parents. And personally i feel this may be a major factor in the whole story.

I think along witht the rest of the family that this is way over the top reaction, and that the father should put his foot down and tell his wife that their daughter is their priorty not some stupid feud between a mother and daughter. Shes a good kid with less than a year left of high school.

Anyway, i would just really want some of your opinions on this. Do you think (like me) that there is something more to this, do you think its over the top or that the father should stand up for his daughter, or do you think that the daughter should just get on with it and probably deserves it?

EDIT: The mother is in her late 50's the father coming close to his 80th. The girl (from what the father knows and has told me) is a pretty good kid, yeah like any other has had the odd night where she drank alcohol, came home late and that kind of thing. But her grades are outstanding and consistant, she has never (in the words of her father) done anything she should be ashamed of. Now, the worst troble this girl has ever gotten into was not telling her parents about a concert. Her father has very rarely had any problems with her, however in the last 2 years her relationship with her mother has went down hill rapidly

 

[Erttheking]

I have a really bad, and I mean a really FUCKING bad relationship with my sister. She's in an...interesting situation somewhat familiar to this ok she hasn't been kicked out (in the US you can't do that until the kid is legally an adult), but you said that there are some differences, so I should keep my mouth shut before I loose my temper. I'm very biased when it comes to stuff like this, so my opinion is probably tainted. Although to be fair it sounds like this girl is nothing like my sister...though I should warn you that outward appearances can be deceiving sometimes. You may not know her as well as you think you do. A lot of people like my sister, and I'm pretty sure that they don't know half of the shit she's done.

 

[CannibalCorpses]

Sometimes people need to spend some time apart to remember what they actually like about each other. I used to hate my dad with a passion until i moved out and then we started to get along better so it might end up being for the best.

Also, is the mother hitting that age bracket where lots of women start turning psycho for a few years? That might explain why the father isn't getting involved directly...

 

[saoirse13]

I have a really bad, and I mean a really FUCKING bad relationship with my sister. She's in an...interesting situation somewhat familiar to this ok she hasn't been kicked out (in the US you can't do that until the kid is legally an adult), but you said that there are some differences, so I should keep my mouth shut before I loose my temper. I'm very biased when it comes to stuff like this, so my opinion is probably tainted. Although to be fair it sounds like this girl is nothing like my sister...though I should warn you that outward appearances can be deceiving sometimes. You may not know her as well as you think you do. A lot of people like my sister, and I'm pretty sure that they don't know half of the shit she's done.

No i will admit I don't know very much about her, but from what I have been told by her father and the like, my own opinion (which may be biased) is that there would need to be a serious reason to kick a kid out. Granted she is not extremely young, and yes she probably has done things that would warrent her mother to be angry and pissed off with her but I mean if she is not into serious drugs, or being extremely rebellious then maybe its a bit over the top. This is in the US and I think thats why it's become such a huge deal with the whole extended family. (though most of the extended family do not live in the US) I know what teenagers are like. And maybe I'm wrong in saying this, but what 16-18 year old doesn't have a rebellious phase, I myself got drunk a few times stayed out late and smoked when i was 17, and fair enough it did cause arguments but not to the point that i was kicked out. I have my own opinion or speculationon the subject however, it's my personal opinion that the father should go see his daughter and get to the bottom of what exactly is going on between her and her mother.

 

[saoirse13]

Sometimes people need to spend some time apart to remember what they actually like about each other. I used to hate my dad with a passion until i moved out and then we started to get along better so it might end up being for the best.

Also, is the mother hitting that age bracket where lots of women start turning psycho for a few years? That might explain why the father isn't getting involved directly...

Not entirely sure of the mother's exact age though i think she is roughly in her mid 50's however the father is somewhat older and we are talking a couple decades. I was like you though my father was not around, I had an uncle who was like the father figure though i hated him for ever trying to hold any authority over me, we fought on a regular basis and never agreed on anything, though he never would have kicked me out (i live with my mother, uncle and grandmother)

 

[CannibalCorpses]

Sometimes people need to spend some time apart to remember what they actually like about each other. I used to hate my dad with a passion until i moved out and then we started to get along better so it might end up being for the best.

Also, is the mother hitting that age bracket where lots of women start turning psycho for a few years? That might explain why the father isn't getting involved directly...

Not entirely sure of the mother's exact age though i think she is roughly in her mid 50's however the father is somewhat older and we are talking a couple decades. I was like you though my father was not around, I had an uncle who was like the father figure though i hated him for ever trying to hold any authority over me, we fought on a regular basis and never agreed on anything, though he never would have kicked me out (i live with my mother, uncle and grandmother)

She sounds a little too old for what i was thinking. It does sound like the father needs to step in and try and sort it out but without knowing what the final straw was it's hard to judge. There will always be more to the story than we know and often it's not what has been said that's important but the way it was said. Is the mother particularly religious? That can often have a destructive effect on relationships with younger free spirited teenagers. My mother has recently started turning towards god and it has put a lot of strain on our relationship (though i'm hardly a teenager anymore (33)).

You mentioned a big age gap between the parents and that could explain it. Perhaps the daughter saw something she shouldn't have and getting kicked out was the mothers defence to getting caught. Pure speculation of course but i'm throwing up ideas as they come to me. I have noticed that older women become more sexually active in their 50's and perhaps the father can't provide what she needs.

*slaps himself for speculation on top of speculation* I'll leave it at that before i cloud your judgement with possibilities that are very likely nowhere near the truth.

 

[omega 616]

I got kicked out at 17, lived on a couch for 2 weeks, then grandparents for a year, followed with a homeless shelter for 3 years and topped off with my own place for nearly 3 so far.

Some people just clash, the kid might not do drugs or drink but she may leave the place a mess, not do things around the house etc.

Failing the father putting his foot down, she should stay moved out but don't stay on the street or anything. Crash on couches or at other family's homes.

Then you can start looking for friends to get a place together, Joey and Chandler style ... hell, any sitcom has this set up.

 

[Phantom Kat]

Sounds like there's more to this story, especially if the father is really upset about it. It's kind of expected that teens get into arguments with their parents and it would have to be something incredibly serious to kick her out.

 

[Kinguendo]

my mum expected everyone to leave home at 16-18.

i did.

i take it this is a US thing ? (given 16 is not a minor over here)

I thought it was in the US too, then I checked as its just a click away and nope. Evidently the OP is a fellow Brit, which is bad news because it is getting COLD outside. Well, it is in Yorkshire anyway.

I dont really have any point of reference, my Brother is a bit of a dick but even with the conflict he had with my Father he never got kicked out. He did "run away" a few times as some kind of pointless gesture, often breaking windows on his way out, but he never got kicked out. I cant think of a social situation that would result in that, maybe I was raised in a family that forgives faster than it enrages?

EDIT: Oh wait, correction. The OP is a fellow Brit according to the profile... however the Cousin is American.

 

[Razorin Faust]

Getting kicked off at 16, still in school, is critical.
Their obviously more than you can tell us. But at this point this might sign the kid for a straight line into failure.

I really hope her dad step up and calm down the issue.

I know it's silly of me, but maybe you could ask you're parent so mediate on the matter.

Best of luck to her.

 

[Monsterfurby]

Isn't that illegal? I know it is in this part of the world.

 

[CoL0sS]

I have a really bad, and I mean a really FUCKING bad relationship with my sister.

Seems to me we're in the same boat. Is there a club or a help group we can join ? Maybe a super villain association ?

OT: She may actually be better off for it. Saves her many potential issues that living in such tense environment can bring. On the other hand, if kid has nowhere to go, it'd be easier to just hand her a gun, noose or assorted pills.

 

[Gizmo1990]

So, as the title says. I have a relation who is about 16, possibly 17 (I'm not too sure as I haven't actually seen her in a few years) and her mother has apparently kicked her out of the house. Now I don't actually know the full details, but apparently my teenage cousin does not get on with her mother very well, and are continously arguing and the like. However, from what I can gather, I don't actually think my cousin is really that rebellious. she does not do drugs and if she has then the odd joint would be the most she would have done, she does not drink and she is a pretty good kid, (maybe she has missed the odd curfew). Now her parents are together and her father is pretty upset about the whole thing. There is alot of other factors to this story, but not to give too much detail there is a pretty big age gap in her parents. And personally i feel this may be a major factor in the whole story.

I think along witht the rest of the family that this is way over the top reaction, and that the father should put his foot down and tell his wife that their daughter is their priorty not some stupid feud between a mother and daughter. Shes a good kid with less than a year left of high school.

Anyway, i would just really want some of your opinions on this. Do you think (like me) that there is something more to this, do you think its over the top or that the father should stand up for his daughter, or do you think that the daughter should just get on with it and probably deserves it?

Without knowing more I cannot comment much but I have been through something similar. I never got on with my parents all that much but I have 2 twin sisters about 4 years younger than me. My parents liked them more than me but I was ok with it as they were always at work so I looked after my sisters and we are close. Once I had a good enough job and some money I moved out and had little contact with my parents, just my sisters. Despite my releationship with them I always throught I could count on them to look after my sisters. That changed about 9 months ago when one of my sisters told them she was a lesbian. My parents are Christian, said she was unnatural and kicked her out the house. They told my other sister to forget her so she told them to go to hell and left with her sister. My parents then phoned me and told me a I had to choose between them and my sisters. I told them to go fuck themselves, phoned my sisters and told them to come stay with me.

Based on what you have said it seems that the mother is in the wrong. If there were a problem with the daughter then the dad would not be so upset.

 

[Soundwave]

Is it possible that the mother is an alcoholic? More speculation, I know, but I've known some children of alcoholics who've gone through the same thing.

 

[Legion]

Anyway, i would just really want some of your opinions on this. Do you think (like me) that there is something more to this, do you think its over the top or that the father should stand up for his daughter, or do you think that the daughter should just get on with it and probably deserves it?

Without having spoken to all three involved I don't think any of us can give you a valid opinion on the matter.

I'd say it's most likely:

There is more to it than you realise, and the girl is probably not as innocent as she appears.
That the father is afraid of upsetting the wife by disagreeing, so is probably slightly cowardly.
The mother either has issues or the argument between them is a lot more than the standard teenage drama.

Unless the girl as done something wrong however, the father should get a spine and the mother needs to get her priorities straight and try mending her relationship rather than destroying it.

Your acquaintance does know that, being a minor, they're not legally allowed to pull a move like that, right?

You do know that not all countries have the same laws right? The word 'minor' doesn't exist in England like it does in the US. You are legally allowed to work, join the military (but not serve on the front line), leave home and get married at 16, as that's when compulsory education finishes.

Isn't that illegal? I know it is in this part of the world.

Frowned upon perhaps, but not illegal no.

 

[neverarine]

I'l be entirely honest ive known a couple people to be kicked out, or too voluntarily leave their parents before graduating high school, most of them where kinda friendly with drugs and not all the great of people either though :/ they usualy end up being forced to bum off friends at their houses since they cant get a job good enough yet and cant afford to go anywhere....

my opinion, regardless of if the facts you know are biased, the father should put his foot down, the mother is an adult and should act like one the daughter ought to be let back in at least until she graduates high school and is able to get some footing elswhere