So people think I'm gay...

[Silverbeard]

Am I actually gay?

Gayness is not a physical thing that can be tested for or measured. Some people who think that they are gay later decide that they are not.
Case-in-point: An acquaintance of mine (biologically male) decided to settle down with another biologically male companion and they lived together for three years during which I was out of touch with him. A few months ago I met him during a gathering and he told me that he had left his mate and was now married to a woman- and quite pleased with the relationship. At the time, I did not think it proper to ask him about his previous setup but who knows? Maybe he was not really gay and just thought so.
Perhaps the same thing applies to you but in reverse?

Regardless, I do not think that you should care very much about what others think in this regard- unless you are looking for a bit of a tosh. You will only have a problem if your perceived orientation becomes a pretense for others to inflict bodily harm upon you. My advice: Join a boxing gym and buy a tazer or two!

 

[CrashertheSmasher]

Dude the only one who knows if you're gay or not is you. I've been in the same position you have been in several times. The only thing you can do when someone asks if you're gay is tell them no.

 

[cthulhuspawn82]

I had to deal with this from people who point out that they have never seen me with a girl. It seems ridiculous that I have to point out the fact I have never been with a guy either.

The next time someone accuses you of being gay just stand up and shout, "Don't you see, this is exactly what they want; to turn us against each-other, to make us start doubting ourselves. Maybe you're the homosexual."

 

[Plasticaprinae]

You're >adorable< my god. Im not meaning it in a condescending way, but like seriously. You're so darn cute with you're... not looking for casual sex and and dog icon... it might be mostly the dog icon.

People who are acutely aware of their own sexual identity will probably try to pin your sexuality in weird ways. It might be that you look vaguely like a gay man that was on tv once, so they project that man onto you. And everyone likes cute things, but some people still think its wrong for a man to show that he likes the adorable and fuzzy. Or maybe they think you sit when you pee.

But i don't think you should change yourself for them. You should do what makes you happy. Don't pretend to be something you're not, it'll attract the wrong people.

 

[Asita]

I always found these kinds of scenarios a bit silly. Aren't *you* supposed to be the one that figures what you like and what you don't?

Yeah, though people tend to have a lot of confidence in their "gaydar's" ability to find people in the closet, and enough people have come out after not only dating the opposite sex but marrying them and having children that there's no real way to prove a false positive. This is especially true when they believe that gay people have reason to fear coming out (which is unfortunately true in far too many cases). Introduce them to your S.O. and you're using them for cover. Introduce them to your biological kids? Proves NOTHING other than the fact that you did the nasty, and that doesn't mean you were actually attracted to your partner. Show them your porn stache? 'Uh-huh, now where's your REAL one?' Though I am loathe to phrase it as such, really the best way I can describe it - in many cases - is as a witch trial; you're assumed to be 'guilty' until you confess, regardless of whether it's true or not. It's quite frustrating, really, if only because those convinced of it might inadvertently torpedo your relationships by trying to convince others (your [prospective] S.O. included) that the relationship is based on a lie.

 

[Tanakh]

I will skip the whole thread sides your OP and say you sound gay as heck, not a bit homosexual tough.

 

[deserteagleeye]

This was back when I thought I had everyone around understand my grounding in sexuality. Even though I vastly preferred girls I thought for a while it would be funny if made flamboyant gay jokes back in high school. I would make facetious flirting jokes with some of my guy friends to make them feel uncomfortable but they thought I was serious. I thought I was being ironic enough that people could tell I was joking but I just ended up wierding people out, so I never did that again.

Although in Secondary (High) School, I suffered from a severe lack of sleep for a long time on weekends and I had people thinking I was a stoner because of how tired I looked, that was fun. I even had teachers think I was narcoleptic because I kept dozing off in class.

Spoiler: Hey we got a lot in common here...

I had that same problem during my 2nd half of high school. It was a problem until college where now I only have 2 school days a week. Feels good man.

 

[The Lugz]

So Escapist, help me out here. Have you guys ever had someone question your sexuality? Or perhaps insist you come out of the closet when you never hid there in the first place? How did you or would you deal with it? I really want to see all perspectives of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this unfortunate chronic case of misplaced assumptions.

You're effeminate, it's not illegal it's just difficult for the lesser mortals to reconcile.
basically, don't act gay and a nice 'fuck you too' never hurts, just to hammer the point home... call them out for asserting your identity/gender role for you, pretty simple really.

tip, take a chill pill and don't let it bother you. why? simple,
people are bastard coated bastards with fluffy bastard centres concealing little bastard razorblades.
in plain English, if people have a way of rattling you they'll do it for the lols.

 

[Asuka Soryu]

My parents have questions why I never look at other people of the opposite sex in anyway besides a regular glance, but outside of the generic YouTube idiot comments, I've never had my sexuality brought into question.

I think it helps that I keep distance from people and have a somewhat odd personality.

 

[BishopofAges]

I never try to assume I know such personal things about people. Even though the past couple years has put it in the front row of people's thoughts, I still consider sexual preferences to be very personal.

My first thoughts about it came to be: "If someone thinks you're gay because of how you carry yourself, that'd be as strange as assuming someone is a furry because they own fuzzy slippers..." to which the thought continued, "... the fuzzy slippers are in your room, which is very personal, and for someone to go inside and make judgments makes them seem very insensitive when it comes to social boundaries."

I've never had my sexuality questioned, personally, and I hope people figure out that making false assumptions can land them in hot water.

 

[Adventurer2626]

This has come up for me a few times though nowhere near as much as for you. I mostly just went with a polite "no" and continued on with my day. Problem is a lot of people, probably most, form stereotypes in their heads of what's what and tend to stick to them. Also a problem is when you're close to the person and you have to refrain from calling them out as an ignorant dumbass to protect your relationship with them. Especially when they really don't know any better. In America it's apparently NOT OKAY to dislike sports, beer and vocally objectifying women. If you're not an alpha male and don't have a girlfriend a lot of dudes are gonna assume. I don't have a super awesome fix for you. Just keep politely reminding the people you respect, dismiss the others as ignorant fools and keep being you. If you're looking for a hetero relationship, then be a bit more transparent and vocal about it. Maybe the smarter ones will catch on.

 

[William Ossiss]

So... ever wonder if you're A-sexual? I mean, you do not like men. Not into the dating scene. Awkward question time; are you sexually active?

 

[FPLOON]

For context, I have always considered myself a heterosexual male. I'm a little bit awkward and don't find myself in the arms of a lot of lovers. Part of it is because I put a lot of stock on romance while another part is that I've gotten so jaded about relationships and people in the last few years that I don't particularly care to put myself out there anymore.

I'm basically on the same boat as you, however for me personally... I have never had any sort of relationship with anyone in my life so far... Sure, there was this one girl that had a crush on me, but her reasoning for this particular crush mainly boiled down to how I acted rather than who I really was as a person (and not just some black Jim Carry with an Afro).[footnote]Granted, I didn't find out this sort of reasoning until over a year after she moved and her cousin basically told me upfront... *facepalm* But, I digress...[/footnote]

I can't say I want to date anyone, but I really don't have the drive to actually do that anymore... The more I wish I had that drive again, the more it reminds me how my best friend (who was less of the dating type than me... and still is...) got to date three women during our entire high school year...[footnote]That and time, but the first reason always sticks out more than the other... (Stupid internal jealousy...)[/footnote]

So Escapist, help me out here. Have you guys ever had someone question your sexuality? Or perhaps insist you come out of the closet when you never hid there in the first place? How did you or would you deal with it? I really want to see all perspectives of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this unfortunate chronic case of misplaced assumptions.

Well, I would be lying if I said I haven't. I have been debunked twice (one from my actual gay friend the the other from a female associate who was also bisexual) about being gay, however I was most likely to be a closet bisexual, since I would be comfortable with any type of relationship I would be in whenever that time comes... Usually, I come off as a straight man who's more comfortable living the single life. I also come off as not the type of person who would want to date in the first place, however that's where I draw the line and yell out calmly explain that its not even the slightest bit true...

With that said, I stopped caring if anyone was straight, gay, or bi... It didn't matter since I have already told myself that anyone I would try to flirt with would already be dating someone and I would just come off as some sort of desperate, lonely man who's just dead inside...

However, during those moments where I was questioned... I basically ignored them and/or told them that it wasn't any of their business... Now, looking back, I was kind of an asshole during those situations. I know I could of handled those encounters better by just kindly explaining my situation and try not to have it linger longer than it needed to... I never liked when people think they know who you are based only on general appearance... but, that more a personal preference... And, given the current attitude that I adapted so far, no one should ever jump to conclusions like that; you're better off waiting until that particular person brings it up naturally and/or tells you who they are attracted to. If you really that curious, then ask them the opposite of what you want to ask them... If you think they're gay, then ask if they're straight and visa versa...[footnote]Granted, this is all based on my current attitude so far... and I will not be surprised if I feel like I came off as an asshole when I reflect on this in the future...[/footnote]

 

[A.A.K]

No. I generally play out the stereotypical 'macho' archetype; from dress to mannerisms. The closest I get to effeminate interests/hobbies, whatever...is my interests in art, philosophy and poetry. Which... 2/3 I've used to get laid anyway..
and I've slept with most of the women in my circle.

The one time someone has questioned my sexuality, was also took it too far.
I was with a mate of mine, he had a mate who worked as a bartender in a gay bar and he needed to pick up a few things.
Whilst he was talking to him a man came up to me asking me if I wanted a drink and he proceeded to ask what I got up to.
I told him I wasn't interested and I'm just waiting on my mate to finish up. I was polite and thought I made my point.
When I turned around he grabbed my ass and told me I shouldn't be so defensive in a place like this.

To which I told him I thought I made it clear I wasn't interested; and that if he touched me again I'd slam his head into the counter top.
No-one else tried hitting on me, and the evening went well.


and before you ***** at me for being abrasive...deal with it. I'm civil and polite with everybody, and telling him to bugger off would have been my reaction to anyone; regardless of sexuality. I can appreciate a male being hit on in a gay bar, fair enough, but I told him I wasn't interested and he grabbed me.