So people think I'm gay...

[Amir Kondori]

There is something wrong here. No straight person has these problems. None. So perhaps you really are gay. Otherwise you are really screwing up in the messaging department.
You need to be vocal about it. It is obviously bothering, of course you have to decide if it is because you may be gay and afraid to admit it or if it really is just about people calling you gay all the time.
The thing is if you emphatically tell someone you are straight, they won't call you gay again. If they do they are a prick and you need to call them on it.
You need to ask yourself why this is happening. Because it doesn't happen to me. It doesn't happen to other straight dudes I know. So why you?

Oh yeah, this is a perfect time to trot out this lovely thing:
http://youtu.be/n4Yfmh0KQOY

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Am I actually gay?

Well...does male genitalia excite you? If not, then no. If yes, then yes.

I'm not sure what would make someone think you were gay...is it your voice? Not to be blunt or anything (ok, totally to be blunt), but do you speak in a particularly feminine manner? High pitch? Are your wrists perpetually limp? Do you comment on the hotness of males in your immediate presence? Some other homosexual stereotype that you just so happen to exhibit?

There are really two ways you can go with this. Either get a girlfriend and make a habit of making out with her in front of everyone you know for extended periods, while making lingering, aggressive eye contact with them, or, play up the gayness to absolutely flaming levels purely for the sake of fucking with people.

 

[Locke_Cole]

My father used to say the first time someone calls you a horse you punch him on the nose, the second time someone calls you a horse you call him a jerk but the third time someone calls you a horse, well then perhaps it's time to go shopping for a saddle.

But in all seriousness OP, why do you care what other people think? They could decide it for any number of reasons and you aren't under any obligation to change any aspect of yourself for them. Be yourself and if they have a problem with it after being told they're wrong, well, they simply aren't worth your time.

 

[UniversalRonin]

Actually, I once had my dad ask straight up if I was gay. It was a couple of years after I had been in a serious relationship that had gone wrong. I explained to him that I had been on a few dates here and there, and just not bothered to commit to anyone. A few years after that, he still has his doubts, but do I honestly care? Not really. Even if I was gay, would it matter in the 21st century? No. Not at all.

 

[ShipofFools]

If you want my advice, I'd say to stop care if people think you are gay.
That's easier said then done, I know, but hear me out:
So people think you are gay. So what? You know you are not, and when you find that special someone you want to share your life with, she will know you are not gay either. Those two people, you and your potential mate, are the only ones affected by your sexuality. What others think is of no importance.

And I tell this to everyone who wonders if they are gay, or are called gay, or whatever: How do you know you don't like male on male sex if you've never tried it?

No worries, sexuality is not as big a part of our identity as our culture makes it out to be.

You see, a few years back I was getting very confused. I think many males get confused like that; my contact with women was down to 0, but I had very close relationships with other men.
So I was wondering, you see, and I started to experiment a little. Nothing serious, mind you, just try to get off on gay porn (No dice) and I talked to my gay cousin about these matters, and eventually realised that, while I understand the attraction between two males, it just doesn't arouse me like heterosexual relationships do.

And now I know.
See what I'm saying?

 

[Dags90]

Even if I was gay, would it matter in the 21st century? No. Not at all.

Maybe not in the UK, but in the U.S. (and other countries I'm sure) it does. Most people don't assume I'm gay and it kind of bothers me. It's sucks when you get friendly with someone and then they start saying something homophobic (assuming you're straight) and it sort of taints your opinion of them and makes it awkward going forward. I've overheard so much homophobia at my current job that the idea of being out of work is entirely off the table, which sucks and adds unneeded stress.

Add into that more subtle forms of homophobia and stereotyping. Upon finding out I'm into guys I'm suddenly someone to ask about fashion. As the OP hinted at, even well intentioned people often treat LGBT people like novelties.

 

[thebakedpotato]

Does this mean I can post a multi paragraph self indulgent post on these forums every time someone assumes that I'm straight?

I mean... I kind of want to, but that would be a lot of forum posts. I mean, a lot. And I'm kind of tired of it. Especially when people spout off homophobic shit (Not you OP, but actual people who have actually done this in real life) thinking that I will be on their side.

 

[UniversalRonin]

Upon finding out I'm into guys I'm suddenly someone to ask about fashion. As the OP hinted at, even well intentioned people often treat LGBT people like novelties.

Wow! I hadn't thought about that last bit, but that happens over here too. and I'm sure the prejudice and overtly offensive homophobia must happen, but for the most part, the LGBT people at work as far as I can tell get treated the same way as anyone else. Granted I work in a department that's made of 4 straight guys, but as IT, we see most of the building, and get to know most of the people through out it on a least a friendly small talk level, and nobodies down-talked anyone for their sexuality with me. But again, to blindly play the freedom-to-be-whatever-you-choose-utopia card would be wishful thinking. For now.

And just as a funny bit of trivia, I've never thought about the fashion thing, because a few of the gay people I know groom themselves just as badly as a few of the straight people I know (me included- mr 7 day beard that hasn't been trimmed smartly yet and probably won't be till it's mr 14/15 day beard.). And a few of the straight people I know are just as grooming and fashion conscious as gay people are assumed to be.

I suppose as a straight guy I never really think about the more subtle stigmas that go along with LGBT. And as a centre-left person politically speaking, I never really think about it because we all bleed red, whether we're Male, Female, LGBT, Straight, Black, White, Asian, or whatever you happen to be. But again, Male, White, Straight of a fairly average build, with mousy brown hair and blue eyes, of course it's easy for me to not have to think about subtle prejudice. What are people going to judge me for?

 

[Angie7F]

A lot of my hairdressers are so gay.
But they are not really gay.

I think a bit of femininity that makes people think you are gay can be good in some trades.

 

[antidonkey]

My sister in-law thought I was gay until the day she got the wedding invitation in the mail. She based this assumption on the fact that I never showed any real interest in dating.....anyone. Oddly enough I've had a gay guy hit on me for that exact same reason. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I just find it bit perplexing. Now that I'm divorced I find myself right back into the old method of not being interested in dating. It seems the amount of shit that I don't give is quite substantial.

 

[BeeGeenie]

You could try treating it like a joke. Next time someone asks you (or tells you), laugh and say something like "People always think that, and I think it's hilarious! Besides, haven't you ever noticed that effeminate guys are always surrounded by girls? It's great!"

That way, there's no way they can mistake defensiveness for being in denial.

 

[Ieyke]

Hey everyone. How are you tonight? I'm pretty ok, except for one thing...

For the fifth time in my life, someone has told me that I'm gay. Not implied. Not asked. Told me that I'm gay.

And I'm officially tired of it.

For context, I have always considered myself a heterosexual male. I'm a little bit awkward and don't find myself in the arms of a lot of lovers. Part of it is because I put a lot of stock on romance while another part is that I've gotten so jaded about relationships and people in the last few years that I don't particularly care to put myself out there anymore.

So I don't approach a lot of women in bars or around town. This in combination with my style of dress (geeky but semi-fashionable) has led most of my acquaintances to just assume that I swing for the same gender.

People have always accused me of being gay. Always. In high school, I did a lot of arts/music related activities and was very driven to succeed in these areas. This came with a certain degree of criticism (mostly homophobic language and accusations) that I simply dealt with. I became jaded and cynical but I survived.

But things have changed. I'm a different person than I was back then. My hobbies no longer include the more "effeminate" activities that I used to enjoy. I just live my life the way that I wish to.

Last year, I had an acquaintance ask me in a bar if I was gay. He looked me in the eyes and swore that he wouldn't judge me if I told him the truth. I stared at him, partially confused by the liquor in my system and partially stunned by the question. I told him I was straight and wrote it off as an isolated incident.

Less than a month later, I was enjoying a drink with my boss at the time when he mentioned how much effort he put into keeping a diverse work environment. When pressed, he pointed at me and told everyone in the room how ok he was with gay people.

But...but I'm not gay...

After this very public reveal of how people viewed me, I had to seriously think about a lot of things. Was the way I presented myself too effeminate for the industry I work? Has my lack of involvement in women the last couple of years been so wrong?

Am I actually gay?

I wrested questions like these for months until I finally spoke with a good friend about these new-found insecurities. The first question that she asked me was if I had ever been attracted to another man. I told her I hadn't. The second question was if the thoughts rolling in my head had originated from myself or if it had been because everyone just made assumptions.

I told her the latter. I had never even considered a same-gendered attraction before people had started telling me that was what I should prefer. I moved on from there, just taking the good intentioned attempts to "get me out of the closet" in stride.

Things quieted down for almost a year. Tonight, it started again when a new friend told me how awesome it was to have my gay perspective on the situations in her life.

I'm tired of it. I don't identify as gay but everyone else seems to think that I am. I just wish that I knew how to definitively tell everyone that I don't roll that way.

So Escapist, help me out here. Have you guys ever had someone question your sexuality? Or perhaps insist you come out of the closet when you never hid there in the first place? How did you or would you deal with it? I really want to see all perspectives of this. I'm tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this unfortunate chronic case of misplaced assumptions.

Man, don't let anyone tell you who you are.
I'm much more romantically focused, deeply devoted to one person at a time, don't date like....ever, and basically all of my real friends are women.

I've had my sexuality questioned in the past, but nowadays everyone around me is very aware of the fact that there are a handful of women who are my closest friends, 3 of which I love, and I mostly don't give a shit about the rest of mankind.
It also helps that I'm a huge viking of a guy - huge natural strength and over 6' tall.

But yea, I kinda lucked into a reputation and body that deflects people from wondering about my sexuality, but otherwise I'm not far removed from how you describe yourself.

When you don't approach life the way ordinary people understand, they don't know what to do with you and attempt to fit you into a category that makes sense of what they know.

Most guys are obsessed with sex and simply move on to the next woman if one gets too complicated, and most guys like "manly" stuff instead of "artsy" stuff... As if any of that has fuck all to do with someone's sexuality...

Seriously, just tell the people you care about enough to want to keep around "This is how it is - ", and just ignore the rest of them because their opinions don't mean jack shit.