That sounds like the worst pick-up ever. XDRobXSIQ said:
Okay, not the worst but definitely cringe.
So what's the Social consensus on a guy giving a girl his number?
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Okay, not the worst but definitely cringe.
I'd feel kind of weird asking someone in retail out at their work. Not saying that she's only chatting out of obligation or anything, its quite likely she enjoys the talks, but it is kind of her job to engage with customers so it might get awkward.
By internet law you trying to exchange words with a woman who is not related to you is sexual harassment already, and should any kind of physical contact happen we are right up to sexual assault. Wouldn't want to call the internet police on you...
OT: If you can strike up a pleasant lengthy conversation several times over then it shouldn't be a problem asking her out. But this is one of the hardest approaches to take, people in retail put up with customer shit every day for 8-12 hours and it is extremely unlikely they want more of your shit on top of it all.
OT: If you can strike up a pleasant lengthy conversation several times over then it shouldn't be a problem asking her out. But this is one of the hardest approaches to take, people in retail put up with customer shit every day for 8-12 hours and it is extremely unlikely they want more of your shit on top of it all.
I'm a female and I've worked as a cashier before, and unless we are or are very close to the status of "friend I'd like to hang out with" I would definitely lose the number and avoid giving mine out at all costs. Though I will say offering your number is definitely the less threatening action. This puts the power in her hands, so if she's really interested she can contact you, but if she isn't then she doesn't have to be afraid of you harassing her all the time.LegendOfLufia said:
It might go well, it might not. I'm not making any promises. But given the kind of creeps I had to deal with when working as a cashier, my biggest piece of advice to you is to put the power in her hands and if she's giving a hint, take it. If she doesn't contact you, don't pursue it further. If she "loses your number" it was not accidental. Also realize this may or may not affect how awkward your store trips are from now on, lol.
Yeah, another women here that used to be a cashier. I agree with most of the people above espically Lilani.
There is nothing wrong with giving her your number, at least assuming you live in the U.S. In fact, that's actually preferable as you are not distracting her from her job by chatting too much or bothering her. The worst case scenario though isn't her never calling it, but refusing to take it. Which I've personally done many times. Don't assume she will take it just to be "polite". She might also be in a relationship already or just, you know, not interested.
There is nothing wrong with giving her your number, at least assuming you live in the U.S. In fact, that's actually preferable as you are not distracting her from her job by chatting too much or bothering her. The worst case scenario though isn't her never calling it, but refusing to take it. Which I've personally done many times. Don't assume she will take it just to be "polite". She might also be in a relationship already or just, you know, not interested.
Was just about to say exactly this, can't agree more.FalloutJack said:
Best advice I can add on, as an ex cashier, is that every shop obviously gets busy peak times and very quiet times, go to her during the quiet times where chances are she will stand bored by the desk waiting for something to happen and casually strike up a conversation, you guys now have time to talk a bit more properly and the fact that she doesn't have a whole line of customers behind you to focus on means things will be more chilled too. From there on out, do what FalloutJack said and ask to hang out.
You're kinda screwed on that thing if this happens to be a super-market though... Gonna have to stick to small talk then
Have fun man!
So are cashier kind of like bar maids on the sense that you cannot hit on them/ ask them out. The no man land of dating ? Just out of curiosity , if you were single, there would be no way a person could hit on you while you were tending a cash and it pay off?Lilani said:
It's not so much the occupation as the situation. Everybody has different comfort levels, but myself and most other women I know aren't too keen on accepting the flirtations of random people in retail as a cashier just because we like to know people better before giving out personal information. Cashiers see a LOT of people every day, and if I had responded to every guy who flirted with me or asked for my number at least a hundred random people in the world who I know nothing about would have my number.LegendOfLufia said:
Again, not every woman is like this, but most I know like to get some kind of a friendly relationship established before engaging in flirting. And being a cashier is simply not a good situation in which to learn that much about a person, plus it interferes with doing work. This rule also doesn't just apply to being at work--even in social situations I would be very put off by a guy who immediately started flirting with me as opposed to just getting to know me as a friend.
The only way I would accept such flirtations is if I felt I knew them as a person pretty well. Personal information is a lot to ask of a cashier, or anybody in a service position like that. They already don't have the power to avoid you when they're at work, so personal information is taking away all of their power to avoid your attention if they don't want it. And again, with how many people flirt with women in service positions, we have to set some boundaries and standards or else our phones would be filled with people we know nothing about.
If you want to do the whole number thing, give her your number, don't ask for hers.
The problem with asking out people who work in retail is generally that they're not that person when they're not at work.
Not to mention what they have to deal with on a daily basis. You get flirty customers, customers who want to give you advice on your life, regulars who think that everyone who works there just adores them personally, and customers who you know not to get within arm's reach of.
If you're set on asking this girl out, see how she reacts if you suggest ever spending time outside work with her.
But, not to put you off, I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't happen. Most people I work with, myself included, are not the people they are paid to pretend to be behind the till.
The problem with asking out people who work in retail is generally that they're not that person when they're not at work.
Not to mention what they have to deal with on a daily basis. You get flirty customers, customers who want to give you advice on your life, regulars who think that everyone who works there just adores them personally, and customers who you know not to get within arm's reach of.
If you're set on asking this girl out, see how she reacts if you suggest ever spending time outside work with her.
But, not to put you off, I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't happen. Most people I work with, myself included, are not the people they are paid to pretend to be behind the till.
I'm going with this.Lilani said:
Especially since it takes no time at all. Just write it down on a receipt or something and then you can offer. If she doesn't totally recoil at the idea, you can even give her a piece of paper with your number on it.
It might come across as too aggressive if you ask for hers. And this way, if she takes your number AND texts you, you'll know she's definitely interested.
Give it a shot, why not?
She's at her job and isn't supposed to leave the register. You have an unfair advantage. That could be quite awkward for her with no way to back out.
Although I can't really suggest waiting until she leaves the building and accosting her in the parking lot either, because that's stalker shit.
Like Lilani said, giving her your number is better than asking for hers.
Although I can't really suggest waiting until she leaves the building and accosting her in the parking lot either, because that's stalker shit.
Like Lilani said, giving her your number is better than asking for hers.
I tried that once. I thought that I was having dates with this girl until it became really clear to me that I did not established a romantic intent before giving my number? And then it became quite awkward when she told me that she thought it was just a friendly thing between us. But that was me and that's not my point.
My point is that you should have the proper context between you two before giving her the number. Make sure that she's interested in you first by asking her out first. If she says yes, give her the number. If no?well?that's it.
Captcha: the dude abides.
My point is that you should have the proper context between you two before giving her the number. Make sure that she's interested in you first by asking her out first. If she says yes, give her the number. If no?well?that's it.
Captcha: the dude abides.
I have never once ever in the history of ever asked a guy for his number, nor have I ever called a guy who gave me his number, and never been without a boyfriend for more than 2 weeks. If he is actually really interested in this girl, he may be better off asking her what time she gets off work and ask her if she minds him coming to talk to her then. Then he can ask her out, and ask for her number then. Depending on cultural differences, it may be insulting to a woman to expect her to call him, or expect her to ask for a number. I am not what you would consider shy, but I would never consider a relationship with a man who I had to ask for his number, I have many guys ask for mine and are willing to call me so I wouldn't bother wasting time on one who didn't.Silentpony said:
I would never call a guy who gave me his number, and it would greatly educe his chances of dating me if he did just give out his number like that expecting me to call him. If she is at work his best bet is asking what time she gets off and ask if it would be okay if he came to talk to her then. Then when she is off work, ask her out in person, THEN ask for her number, that way:Phasmal said:
1) It shows he is interested in her enough to work things on her time by making time to come up when she is off work.
2) Not starting off with expectations of her to call because he told her to. She has no idea if she is interested in this guy until after she gets to know him better, so starting off expecting her to call him would be a really bad move. If he asks for her number after asking her out, and asking what would be the best time to call, it shows he is willing to not start off with expectations and demands.
A guy that gives out his number to someone that is at work gets marks in "not my type" before I ever got to know him.
Fair enough, different strokes for different folks.Lil devils x said:
Personally, I'm not comfortable giving out my number to people and would rather if someone were attempting to approach me that they give me their number so I could make that choice without giving out my information.
I suppose it really depends on the lady.
OP... dude, come on.
Be thankful you're a bloke. You don't have to sit around and wait and hope that the person you like asks you out, why do you want to put yourself in that position? Dating is a meritocracy, no one is going to put it into your lap, and it's unfair to put it into her lap and then SHE has to gather the testicular fortitude to ask you out, when you're the one who put it on her?
She then has to worry constantly that you're going to come back to the shop and ask why she never called you back and that'll make her nervous as well.
It's unfair. Just gather your nuts, go to the shop when it's quiet, make a joke about, I dunno, milk or something, and then say "Hey, I'm interested. Do you want to grab a drink after your work or something?"
If she says yes, enjoy your date. No worrying or wondering. If she says no, smile, laugh, say "Ah, well, that's fair enough. Have a nice day" and then leave her alone for a while. Get it over and done with, rather than worry both of you for days about whether the other one has lost the number or will you be angry or whatever.
It's bad because a man giving his phone number to a women is extremely passive; it forces the women to be the aggressor, and it makes the man look unwilling to put the effort in or weak or cowardly.
No one ever looks at a man and sighs "Wow, he's just so passive".
Romeo and Juliet was not "Hey, Juliet, here is my address, come stand under my window, I hope you get around to it".
People like it when the man is forward (polite, kind, willing to take "no" for an answer, but forward). Simply put, we expect a guy to grab his bullocks and act like a man.
From personal experience, it rarely works out except in the most passive and agonising situations for the bloke to be passive. In my experience in Asia and Europe, women expect a man to be... well, manly. Confident. Forward leading.
A man who nervously pushes a piece of paper into the girls hand and say "I-if you don't mind, you can call me" and then scampering away before getting rejected is just so... underwhelming.
Be thankful you're a bloke. You don't have to sit around and wait and hope that the person you like asks you out, why do you want to put yourself in that position? Dating is a meritocracy, no one is going to put it into your lap, and it's unfair to put it into her lap and then SHE has to gather the testicular fortitude to ask you out, when you're the one who put it on her?
She then has to worry constantly that you're going to come back to the shop and ask why she never called you back and that'll make her nervous as well.
It's unfair. Just gather your nuts, go to the shop when it's quiet, make a joke about, I dunno, milk or something, and then say "Hey, I'm interested. Do you want to grab a drink after your work or something?"
If she says yes, enjoy your date. No worrying or wondering. If she says no, smile, laugh, say "Ah, well, that's fair enough. Have a nice day" and then leave her alone for a while. Get it over and done with, rather than worry both of you for days about whether the other one has lost the number or will you be angry or whatever.
It's rooted in sexist behaviours, so I suppose I'm gonna slap down a trigger warning.Anja Bech said:
It's bad because a man giving his phone number to a women is extremely passive; it forces the women to be the aggressor, and it makes the man look unwilling to put the effort in or weak or cowardly.
No one ever looks at a man and sighs "Wow, he's just so passive".
Romeo and Juliet was not "Hey, Juliet, here is my address, come stand under my window, I hope you get around to it".
People like it when the man is forward (polite, kind, willing to take "no" for an answer, but forward). Simply put, we expect a guy to grab his bullocks and act like a man.
From personal experience, it rarely works out except in the most passive and agonising situations for the bloke to be passive. In my experience in Asia and Europe, women expect a man to be... well, manly. Confident. Forward leading.
A man who nervously pushes a piece of paper into the girls hand and say "I-if you don't mind, you can call me" and then scampering away before getting rejected is just so... underwhelming.
I think it works both ways though frequently, just women and men are passive/ aggressive in different ways.L. Declis said:
For example, A girl " makes eyes", she gives a man " the look" that lets him she is interested in him sexually. When I guy does this, sometimes it comes off as creepy, like " WTF is that guy staring at me like that?!" but when a woman does this it lets a man know she wants him. When guys do it, it doesn't always come off as sexy as much as it comes off as scary, like they want to kill you chop you up and stuff you into a trash bag or something.. it usually doesn't have the same effect.. The woman may not be the first to ask, but frequently she is the first to invite him to ask by the way she looks at him and other body language that is not usually what one would consider subtle, they way she touches herself, her hair, her lips makes a male know that she is interested. When a guy does that it doesn't have the same effect.
