Stats for real-life items!!

[Daniel_Rosamilia]

Now, I just clocked Elder Scrolls III (GODDAMN THAT LAST BOSS IS A *****!!!!!!), but it got me thinking: what stats would we put on items in real life?

I thought, for the ugg boots, it would go like this (most Australians should get this one)

STATS
+100 to bogan looks
-20 ability to speak coherently
-15 looks

Special abilities
1 rat tail to character

 

[hittite]

Double barreled sawed-off shotgun

+50 communication skills
+200 Negotiation bonus
-50 legality

Special ability- "boom stick"
Instantly end argument in your favor.
use: two (2) per day

 

[grimsprice]

BERET

+30 Arrogance
+20 barter with weed dealers
-5 friends

 

[TheLordofPie]

Computer
+30 to nerd
+200 to hand to crouch strength
- infinate to social life

 

[Booze Zombie]

http://twodogsmc.homestead.com/files/booze.jpg

Booze:

STATS
+80 pain resistance
-20 perception
-20 speed
+30 intimidation skill
+30 strength

Special abillities
Allows character to sleep anywhere.
Any actions taken under the effects of Booze don't effect alignment.

 

[Kiriona]

BRUCE CAMPBELL

+100 Cheesy one-liners
+20 cult value
-10 nerdiness

Special: 'Come get some.' Immunity to soul swallowing. Instantly cheesy, yet cool, lovable persona, and the ability to assemble a death machine out of scrap metal from a car trunk.

 

[Sleekgiant]

iPad

Stats
+500 fanboy points
-500 cool points
+1 funny name

Special abilities
Costs tons of money and can't multi-task

 

[Aerodynamic]

50+ Energy
20+ Strength
10- Hunger

 

[Sir Kemper]

The Escapist:

+50 Gameing related knowledge

+20 Nerdiness

-180 Free time (Depending on your nerdiness)

-500 time spent sleeping (Depending on nerdiness)

------------------------------
Special Stats: +1 Ego and E-penis increase based on post count, Multiple of Ego

 

[CloggedDonkey]

smart car

Spoiler

+5 to mobility
-20 possibility to get laid
+50 "I'm saving the earth" idea

special ability: "a smooth 15 miles an hour". move at decreased speed, but all stresses of the outside world are gone do to you saving the planet.

 

[Mray3460]

Wrist Watch
+24 Timeliness
-10 Modernity

 

[mrbones228]

+100 energy
+50 awareness
10% chance of addiction.
Special: inhibits sleep for 6 hours

 

[Worgen]

game box
-2 to space
+5 to happiness
+20 to items

 

[GnomeThief]

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/2008/11/01-07/coffee.jpg


Coffee

+20 perception
+20 speed
-10 thirst

Special Effects
Caffeine Rush: With excessive consumption the character gains massive additional bonuses to perception and speed for as long as this mode is active. At the end of the effect the character suffers penalties to perception, speed, and endurance.


EDIT: whoops sorry, didn't notice someone had done this one already...

 

[F8L Fool]

http://gothamist.com/attachments/jen/2008_06_trjcon.jpg

Condom:

STATS
+50 Disease Resist
+15 Intelligence
-10 Sensitivity
+10 Stamina


Special Ability
-Alignment bonus to allies and opposite sex
-Temporary immunity to poison

 

[Brad Shepard]

+10 charisma
+2 weight
+25 nerdiness

 

[Danish_4116]

Thick Rimmed Glasses
+>9000 Nerd
-1000 Sex Appeal
+80 Protection of eye from sharp objects.

Special:
Limited to no vision when unequipped

Causes people to want to try them on to impersonate you and remark on how blind you are because they can hardly see through. +100 Stealth when attempting to pickpocket wearer of your glasses.

 

[dancinginfernal]

Crowbar

STATS

+10 Physical
+15 Strength
+100 Freeman-ness
-(1-10) Headcrabs


SPECIAL

Can open locked doors.
Can remove headcrabs from zombies.
+13 Stupidity if causes death of rebel.

 

[Souplex]

Souplex's large metal fortune cookie that opens to reveal his fortune collection:
+40 wisom (Stats cap at 100)

 

[Daniel_Rosamilia]

Trilby hat
+10 coolness
-10 L.O.S

Note: If combined with black suit and sunglasses, coolness modifier is quadrupled, but L.O.S is brought down another 10