Stupid NPC tricks.

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Reed Spacer

That guy with the thing.
Jan 11, 2011
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Now, we all know that your standard NPC has the mental capacity of a thrown brick, but what has an NPC done in a particular game that has almost literally made you drop your controller in awe and say out loud "What is this, I don't even..."?

In my case, it was Skyrim.

I was fighting off a pair of cultists, when that twit from the Companions comes up and offers to let me join as I'm fighting.

Needless to say I got my skin roasted off.
 

Paprik

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Jun 7, 2013
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I love it when in Skyrim a follower gets stuck and doesn't follow. I mean why even call it "follower" if it literally can't perform it's advertised function half the time?
 

Tanis

The Last Albino
Aug 30, 2010
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ANY ESCORT MISSION EVER!

I don't know what it is about path finding and AI, but it never seems to work.
 

Bad Jim

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Nov 1, 2010
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In the original Tomb Raider, there is a T-Rex on level three. You can just jump around avoiding him and shoot him to death, or you can duck into a cave which lets you shoot from the safety of an elevated position.

But there is also a little known third way to defeat him. Simply jump/climb onto one of the slightly elevated blocks and the T-Rex just gives up. Because at a vertigo-inducing eighteen inches above the ground, you are shooting from an elevated position and therefore the eighteen foot high T-Rex cannot possibly reach you.
 

cthulhuspawn82

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Oct 16, 2011
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The thing I hate most about NPCs is their insistence on running into battle. You're trying to be stealthy, or fire from a defensible position, and they "LEROY JENKINS" their way right into the middle of the bad guys.

It was especially bad in Sacred 2 where I teamed up with a soldier so we could head to a cave and rescue his friends. After joining me, he ran off to attack a nearby group of monsters, once it they were dead he ran to the next group of monsters and so on. I followed him halfway across the continent before he eventually died to attrition and the quest was failed.
 

BQE

Posh Villainess
Jun 17, 2013
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When I was playing Pokemon Black 2 and one of the NPCs was following me around and "helping" me, I ran into a shiny volcano camel. To my horror, it was in dark grass and another random pokemon was in the fight and I learned at that very moment that it is impossible to throw a pokeball when two enemy pokemon are in the field. I silently prayed to the fates that this NPC would spare the camel and take out the other one so I could catch it.

NOPE.

Full power attack blasted the camel in one shot to my horror, I stared at the screen for a few minutes before coming to my senses enough to end that fight.

'Twas a sad day indeed.
 

Itdoesthatsometimes

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Aug 6, 2012
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I do not like the moral choice npc. The one who runs up and asks for food or water, when there are four other npc's that are visibly in the same if not worse state as him. If I am role playing why am I not providing for all. So, I have to chose to not provide for any. But now I probably missed out on a quest, or something. The moral choice is no longer a moral choice, it has become a question, "Do you want this quest opportunity?".

A funnier npc experience I had was, when one of my ME2 team members ran under me while I was climbing stairs. This forced me up in between invisible bounding boxes in mid air. I had just finished a hard mission (or at least long) I was worried that I would have to start the mission over if I reloaded. I was forced to reload as there was no way out of the invisible bounding boxes. I reloaded and did not have to restart the mission I was happy. But oddly enough as I was walking up the same steps (further away from the wall), a team member walked under me again. I did not get stuck anywhere that time, though.
 

TheSYLOH

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Feb 5, 2010
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Empire Total War.

I ordered a cavalry unit to reposition on the battlefield.
Turns out there was some kind of pike obstacle in the way.

They could have gone 10 meters to the right. They were neither charging nor underfire.

But no, they apparently decided that life in the Russian cavalry was not worth living and 20% of them impaled themselves on the inanimate obstacle.
 

Pink Gregory

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Jul 30, 2008
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First mission in Conflict Global Storm.

So we heard a tank/APC thing coming, so I positioned Connors (heavy weapons chap) on a gantry overlooking the compound on which it was going to be entering, equipped him with a LAW or similar bang bang rocket boom thing, and went about my day organising the other three blokes.

Tank comes, Connors pulls out a grenade. Needless to say, he didn't make a good choice.
 

likalaruku

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Nov 29, 2008
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Oh, I've got one.

We've all had to do an escort mission with a suicidal NPC who runs directly at the first monster he or she encounters.

Well, in TERA, there was this one lady who ran into battle with no weapon or magic & was drawing aggro on 3 large mobs that were surrounded by 3 or 4 smaller mobs, & so I was forced to button mash my way through 12-15 mobs all at once & was shocked that I didn't die immediately.
 

Arnoxthe1

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Dec 25, 2010
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Auto-aim for bots. You can see an especially egregious example of this nonsense in the first Black Ops. Even on the lowest bot difficulty, if they're near a doorway and you just run through it, they will IMMEDIATELY open fire or knife you if you're close enough with absolute perfect aiming.
 

Brian Tams

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Sep 3, 2012
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Halo 3. The part with the fleet of Mongooses (Mongeese...?). I had a marine on the back with a rocket launcher. The NPC had locked onto an enemy that was located through a brick wall that I was currently driving right next too.

Still didn't stop the marine from trying to dig a hole with a rocket. Broken Halo physics ended up spinning me off the damn cliff. Fuck you, Marine. FUCK. YOU.

EDIT-Just remembered one from a ways back that also featured a Halo marine with a rocket launcher.

You know in the Halo 2 campaign, after driving the tank across the bridge? Well, along the way I had picked up a pair of Marines with rocket launchers. So, anyways, you get to the end of the bridge, and you're forced to go on foot through a very cramped tunnel.

Stupid morons fired a rocket in the face of a grunt at point blank range, and ended up killing not only themselves, but the entire squad! Why did the aliens both to invade, when the Marines were so insistent on committing mass suicide? All the really had to do was drop off explosive devices for them to kill themselves with.
 

mrdude2010

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Aug 6, 2009
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Empire: Total War. If you're not really careful with troop placements, your units will end up shooting each other in the back. In the after battle stats you'll notice the number of troops lost is less than the enemy's kill number.
 

GundamSentinel

The leading man, who else?
Aug 23, 2009
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Reed Spacer said:
In my case, it was Skyrim.

I was fighting off a pair of cultists, when that twit from the Companions comes up and offers to let me join as I'm fighting.

Needless to say I got my skin roasted off.
Oh God, yes. There's that random event when a guy (thief) runs up to you, gives you a weapon and asks you to hold on to it for him. This idiot thought it was a good idea to do that while I was fighting a dragon. I survived that, but then the guy chasing him starts a conversation with me as well. *facepalm*

Another one: in the Assassin's Creed games, guards like to bump into eachother while chasing you, throwing their buddies to their deaths. Especially hilarious at the water's edge. Guys in AC seem to be very good at teamkilling in general; it seems they shoot eachother more often than they shoot me.
 

NiPah

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May 8, 2009
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In the original Starcraft;
If you were Terran you could build a building to block off an entrance, and as long as there was a marine on the other side the enemy would pace back and forth trying to attack getting shot to hell in the process. This only worked on melee units, but it was funny as hell seeing groups of 12 zealots frantically running back and forth.
 

Olas

Hello!
Dec 24, 2011
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Oh Lydia, your time as my forced slave/servent girl partner thing[footnote]I always found this incredibly weird, and wished there was a way to tell her she can go free.[/footnote] came to such a quick end. If only you were smart enough not to walk directly into swinging axe blades in that one dungeon.

I'm talking about Skyrim btw.
 

Aesir23

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Jul 2, 2009
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NPC AI is the number one reason why I never play with a follower. I prefer a stealthy style of play, shooting arrows from the shadows. Having a follower messes that up quite badly to say the least. Thank goodness for the Convenient Horses mod.
 

hittite

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Nov 9, 2009
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Years back, playing Neverwinter Nights. My big dumb paladin went dungeon crawling with a rogue since he needed someone dispos- I mean clever to deal with traps. We get to the bottom of a dungeon and start fighting the boss. I forget what it was but it had some psionic attacks and was really annoying. About halfway through the fight, the rogue decides it's the perfect time to run off and disarm traps. Meanwhile the boss is stun locking me with psychic attacks, leaving its unmarred and completely stabbable back completely unguarded. This lasted for several minutes.
 

Hero in a half shell

It's not easy being green
Dec 30, 2009
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Playing the new Medal of Honor reboot.

Your teammates all have predetermined paths they follow exactly, so if you get to a piece of cover first they will happily run up and push you out of it. Considering I was playing in hard mode and as soon as you leave cover on the front line you're toast, I died quite a bit from this.
Also because they only tend to move forward once you have moved ahead of them they will constantly run right in front of you while you are firing to get to their next scripted piece of cover.

The AI was so inflexible in that game it got pretty embarrassing. Nothing like the old Medal of Honors in any way.
 

Fijiman

I am THE PANTS!
Legacy
Dec 1, 2011
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The dog in Fable 3. The amount of pure stupid that emanated from that piece of shit gave me many headaches. I can't even begin to describe it, it's so bad.

Oh, I almost forgot Baird and Cole in Gears 2. Baird is a suicidal shithead and Cole is a complete coward.