tactical dating

[Kpt._Rob]

To be honest, that seems downright sociopathic. The idea of manipulating people's lives and emotions, and deceiving them into a date seems disgusting to me. And I can not imagine how anyone would build a solid relationship on such a lie.

while im not saying that this is ok (fuck guy just ask her) if you do this and it were to work out then whatever works, because if it works than both people benefit

That kind of nonchalance towards moral issues is exactly why I have come to dislike utilitarianism over the years. If I beat up a homeless man, and as a result of my having beat up a homeless man, someone decides to take pity on him, and so he's given a second chance at life, that doesn't change the fact that I beat up a homeless man. It is not the outcome that decides the morality of an action, but the intent put into the action. If I manipulate someone, my intent is to manipulate them, if my manipulating that person happens to benefit them, that does not change the fact that they have been manipulated.

You may not have read my second post, but the point I tried to elaborate on in that post is that when you choose to manipulate someone, you stop treating them like a human, and start treating them like an object. You can't go back to the time before you've done that. You can start to treat them like a human again, but you can never erase the fact that at one point in time you treated them like an object. You can't build a solid relationship out of an act that degrades the humanity of the person with whom you wish to have a relationship.

 

[lizards]

To be honest, that seems downright sociopathic. The idea of manipulating people's lives and emotions, and deceiving them into a date seems disgusting to me. And I can not imagine how anyone would build a solid relationship on such a lie.

while im not saying that this is ok (fuck guy just ask her) if you do this and it were to work out then whatever works, because if it works than both people benefit

That kind of nonchalance towards moral issues is exactly why I have come to dislike utilitarianism over the years. If I beat up a homeless man, and as a result of my having beat up a homeless man, someone decides to take pity on him, and so he's given a second chance at life, that doesn't change the fact that I beat up a homeless man. It is not the outcome that decides the morality of an action, but the intent put into the action. If I manipulate someone, my intent is to manipulate them, if my manipulating that person happens to benefit them, that does not change the fact that they have been manipulated.

You may not have read my second post, but the point I tried to elaborate on in that post is that when you choose to manipulate someone, you stop treating them like a human, and start treating them like an object. You can't go back to the time before you've done that. You can start to treat them like a human again, but you can never erase the fact that at one point in time you treated them like an object. You can't build a solid relationship out of an act that degrades the humanity of the person with whom you wish to have a relationship.

that is different, when you beat up a homeless man you hurt him or whatever, doing what the op said has no downside, no chance for her to get hurt, and if you havent noticed general rules and relationship rules are DIFFERENT

throughout the course of our lives we are going to meet more people than well ever remember or care about, and as it stands girls are only going to take notice if you luck out, or make them notice, and while i said in my last post he should just ask her on a date their is a chance that she will say no, just because she niether knows him or cares, whereas start on some common ground, put himself into a position where she would notice, and then he has a chance with her

when it comes to relationships the ends justify the means, their will be trillions of people that are perfect for eachother and grow up in the same town, be the same age, and maybe even have some of the same friends, but will never even take notice of eachother or one will try but get shot down by the other, and yes in a perfect and fair world this would be wrong, but as it stands its not, and any chance that he has that could bring happiness to someone else along with himself he should take

edit: and your wrong about the end to, if he is willing to try this than she means something to him, and if hes willing to do whatever it takes, even if it is morally questionable, than he isnt treating her like an object, hes treating her as someone who means more than anyone else to him, which is pretty damn admirable as far as im concerned

 

[brunothepig]

And when she sees you hanging out with her original date and puts it all together?

I'll change it slightly then. Use dating sites. Then show up, don't tell her you are actually the guy that organised that date...
Purely hypothetical, honestly. I think it would be kind of pathetic to go this far...

 

[Mimssy]

"I think that A, you have an act and B, not having an act is your act."

Cookie for the reference. And seriously, guys? I'm not a girl, but I've dated enough of them to know that they will tell stories about what idiots you guys were after they've dumped your asses.

Dumb ex-boyfriends make for great stories!

 

[SimuLord]

"I think that A, you have an act and B, not having an act is your act."

Cookie for the reference. And seriously, guys? I'm not a girl, but I've dated enough of them to know that they will tell stories about what idiots you guys were after they've dumped your asses.

Dumb ex-boyfriends make for great stories!

As long as a girl's not telling play-by-play stories about her sex life with the guy, I don't mind hearing them.

Protip for the young guys out there: Listening to her talk about what she didn't like in her past relationships helps you avoid doing the same damn fool things yourself!

 

[Tdc2182]

Ehhh... If someone is suspecting a date with a person, they are not likely to blow them off. This isn't the 90s, most people don't go out with random people. Usually, there is a connection between two of them.

 

[Tdc2182]

Roofies or chloroform... I am a traditionalist.

thats just rape

Not if you yell surprise.

 

[Good morning blues]

OP's idea is great. There is literally nothing that women love more than being treated like an obscure puzzle in a Monkey Island game.

 

[Tipsy Giant]

of course you could show up on time as her date, be charming and relax in the knowledge that if you alone, is not what she wants, it never will be and no amount of trickery will change that

Why do people always think they need tricks? this is why 90% of dates end alone, because someone tries something stupid

 

[qeinar]

*Sniff* *Sniff* is that the sink of horrible desperation?

I think it is.

Seriously, what's with the need for elaborate plans to date some one?

Well, at least with elaborate plans you can monologue the poor girl like an evil super villain about how your plan was so cunning.

My exact thought after reading this thread.. xD then you can make her the guilty one "the only reason you ever loved me was becaused i tricked you into loving me!" xD

Anyways if your only out after geting laid elaborate shemes are awesome (just look at barney stinson from "how i met your mother" (i know he's gay irl though..)) but if your looking for a serious relationship you should try not to trick someone into loving you. : p

 

[Ekonk]

Probably a lot like a tactical nuke.

Anyway, this doesn't seem really healthy. Accept it guys, there is nothing tactical about love, and thus tactical dating has nothing to do with love.

 

[qeinar]

First you gather some information through Tactical Observation then tactically use that information to make it seems like you tactically have a lot in common with her, tactically.

hmm that would be a low risk operatiion.. if your discovered you'll just have to pull out.. <.< oh also i've perfected the original tactic:
instead of geting a friend to set up a date with her, get him to assault her as a masked robber in a dark allyway, then you conveniently pass by and save her from this mystery masked robber. As thanks for saving her you ask her if shed like to go out for a cup of coffe..

Or you could try just asking her out..

 

[Kpt._Rob]

*snip*

that is different, when you beat up a homeless man you hurt him or whatever, doing what the op said has no downside, no chance for her to get hurt, and if you havent noticed general rules and relationship rules are DIFFERENT

throughout the course of our lives we are going to meet more people than well ever remember or care about, and as it stands girls are only going to take notice if you luck out, or make them notice, and while i said in my last post he should just ask her on a date their is a chance that she will say no, just because she niether knows him or cares, whereas start on some common ground, put himself into a position where she would notice, and then he has a chance with her

when it comes to relationships the ends justify the means, their will be trillions of people that are perfect for eachother and grow up in the same town, be the same age, and maybe even have some of the same friends, but will never even take notice of eachother or one will try but get shot down by the other, and yes in a perfect and fair world this would be wrong, but as it stands its not, and any chance that he has that could bring happiness to someone else along with himself he should take

edit: and your wrong about the end to, if he is willing to try this than she means something to him, and if hes willing to do whatever it takes, even if it is morally questionable, than he isnt treating her like an object, hes treating her as someone who means more than anyone else to him, which is pretty damn admirable as far as im concerned

No, doing what the OP says requires her to get hurt. The method the OP describes is for her to get stood up so that she's emotionally vulnerable enough that she'll be open to a date. Now I don't know if you've ever been stood up before, but I have, and it sucks. Playing with someone's emotions like that is sick, whether or not you want to have a long term relationship with them (though to be honest, I feel like if you're not at least curious about the option of having a long term relationship with someone, you shouldn't date them in the first place, because people will get hurt in that situation as well). And yes, people do get hurt all the time in relationships, and we do often have to try lots of relationships before we find the right one, but that absolutely does not excuse that sort of behavior. People aren't toys to be played with, treating them as if they were is the very definition of sociopathy, that is, treating humans like objects because of a failure to recognize that they are themselves thinking feeling entities.

 

[irani_che]

what if your freind does show up and gets the girl?

 

[Flying-Emu]

To be honest, that seems downright sociopathic. The idea of manipulating people's lives and emotions, and deceiving them into a date seems disgusting to me. And I can not imagine how anyone would build a solid relationship on such a lie.

These were my thoughts as well. It's like what Jackie from "That 70's Show" once said;

"You can't base a relationship on a lie... you have to start with the truth and sprinkle the lies on as you go."

 

[lizards]

*snip*

that is different, when you beat up a homeless man you hurt him or whatever, doing what the op said has no downside, no chance for her to get hurt, and if you havent noticed general rules and relationship rules are DIFFERENT

throughout the course of our lives we are going to meet more people than well ever remember or care about, and as it stands girls are only going to take notice if you luck out, or make them notice, and while i said in my last post he should just ask her on a date their is a chance that she will say no, just because she niether knows him or cares, whereas start on some common ground, put himself into a position where she would notice, and then he has a chance with her

when it comes to relationships the ends justify the means, their will be trillions of people that are perfect for eachother and grow up in the same town, be the same age, and maybe even have some of the same friends, but will never even take notice of eachother or one will try but get shot down by the other, and yes in a perfect and fair world this would be wrong, but as it stands its not, and any chance that he has that could bring happiness to someone else along with himself he should take

edit: and your wrong about the end to, if he is willing to try this than she means something to him, and if hes willing to do whatever it takes, even if it is morally questionable, than he isnt treating her like an object, hes treating her as someone who means more than anyone else to him, which is pretty damn admirable as far as im concerned

No, doing what the OP says requires her to get hurt. The method the OP describes is for her to get stood up so that she's emotionally vulnerable enough that she'll be open to a date. Now I don't know if you've ever been stood up before, but I have, and it sucks. Playing with someone's emotions like that is sick, whether or not you want to have a long term relationship with them (though to be honest, I feel like if you're not at least curious about the option of having a long term relationship with someone, you shouldn't date them in the first place, because people will get hurt in that situation as well). And yes, people do get hurt all the time in relationships, and we do often have to try lots of relationships before we find the right one, but that absolutely does not excuse that sort of behavior. People aren't toys to be played with, treating them as if they were is the very definition of sociopathy, that is, treating humans like objects because of a failure to recognize that they are themselves thinking feeling entities.

when it comes to dating (this kind of thing hes suggesting seems to imply that hes in highschool and this is true of that time more than all others) to a girl who doesnt know you, an object is the only thing you are, they will judge you on what she thinks of you based on what she has heard, and what you look like, before two people have talked they mean NOTHING to eachother and generally one of those two people couldnt give less of a damn what happened to the other

in the end what you are implying is that if you are in a relationship everytime you say something to make the other person happy you are a "sociopath", everytime you do something you dont want to do you are a "sociopath", everytime you alter your behavior around her for her you are a "socropath" because thats not truthful, to be honest i think this plan is going to fail, and i think your right to a degree that playing with her emotions is shady but playing with eachothers emotions is what happens in relationships half the time and the girl will be just as guilty of doing something like this at one point or another to does it redeem him? no, but its just how it is

the only reason that he would even do something like this is if HE truly CARES about HER (unless its just to fuck her but that doesnt seem to be the case) he cares about HER EMOTIONS he just wants to be able to be around HER and to make HER HAPPY, maybe you disagree but if he cares that much and is willing to do something like this to get her is the opposite of treating her like an object