Tales of Really Dumb Teammates

[Gorilla Gunk]

The other day I was playing BF3 and this helicopter was tearing us apart and I'm trying to shoot it down (Not doing a good job because I don't have any launchers that can lock-on and the guy flying the helicopter is really good) when I look over and see one of my squadmates also trying to shoot down the helicopter.

With a sniper rifle.

Ten minutes later we're about to lose and I look over and he's still trying to shoot down helicopters with his sniper rifle.

 

[Tohuvabohu]

Also BF3.

I was killed by a sniper who was laying on some rock on the edge of the map. So when I respawned, I made a blood oath to kill that tosser before I did anything else. Luckily, the ignorant bastard was still in the same exact spot, and I managed to sneak up on him.

When I got close, I noticed something strange.

Next to the sniper. Was a bush.

Next to the bush. Was another sniper.

A sniper from my team.

At first I thought the 2 knew each other and decided to chill together while they did nothing but score kills. But both snipers seemed to be genuinely completely unaware that someone was right next to them the entire time.

I've seen a lot of stupidity regarding snipers. Noobs and all-around shitty players seem to be attracted to snipers like flies on shit. (And spies in TF2. All those times I was on a team with 4 snipers and 4 spies simultaneously....)

 

[setting_son]

The other day I was playing BF3 and this helicopter was tearing us apart and I'm trying to shoot it down (Not doing a good job because I don't have any launchers that can lock-on and the guy flying the helicopter is really good) when I look over and see one of my squadmates also trying to shoot down the helicopter.

With a sniper rifle.

Ten minutes later we're about to lose and I look over and he's still trying to shoot down helicopters with his sniper rifle.

In fairness to the sniper; a good one can often take the pilot out and down the chopper in one shot. Maybe he's a good sniper having a bad day?

My personal bugbear are people who rush for the helicopters, load up with passengers and then fly straight into the scenery. I know everyone has to learn but there should be an offline mode for it in my opinion.

 

[Sirron Kcuch]

MW2. I love the sneaky sniper. Not OP, and fun to play. However, my teammates were always respawning on me and shooting randomly, giving away my position.

*sigh*

 

[Chimpzy_v1legacy]

I've had many instances of extreme stupidity, but one in particular stands out.

Back when I still played competitively in a TFC clan this one guy wanted to join us. So we set up a mock ctf match of a 4-player offense team vs a 4 player defense team as a trial. I was defense leader at the time and did my business as usual: assigning positions to my teammates and coordinating the defense of our flag. He wanted to play Medic, so he got assigned to offense (Medics were primarily flagrunners in TFC, as opposed to more of a support role in TF2). We assumed he knew what was expected of him.

The guy did terrible and got utterly demolished by my teammates and me, never once getting anywhere near the flag or even fragging one of us. He was a total beginner who seemingly had no idea what he was doing. So when his trial was over, the rest of the clan leadership and me pretty much unanimously agreed not to let him join. We told him and then he started raging against me:

"WTF, your team never went for our flag. You just stayed in your base. CAMPERS!"

Que the ragequit and me facepalming. Yes indeed, in a game called Team FORTRESS, the key to successfully defending an objective inside a base is to leave said objective unguarded and run out into the open. That's some exquisite defensive strategy.

 

[Mister Six]

Even worse are those who once they get to the spot they want bail out of the helicopter letting it either fall or a mad scramble for someone to switch spots for the pilots seat.

 

[aprildog18]

BC2: I was about 40 feet to the side of the tank to make sure no one would try to bum rush and C4 the tank. I see the tank get traced and driver ditched the tank. I tried to get to it but the enemy got there first and drove off with 100% hp.

Also: spotted an enemy running up the hill in Atacama Desert (I think that is what is called). I spotted an enemy next to them and four of our snipers still got knifed. They also seemed unfazed of the bullets whizzing past them when I was trying to kill him with a PP2000.

 

[Terminate421]

I was playing Halo: Reach when this guy was on the enemy team. I watched him fire rockets at his own team, kill them, then attempt to pick up the flag they had stolen from us. In essence he took out the enemy team for us and saved us from loosing a flag.

 

[Neverhoodian]

I've seen a lot of stupidity regarding snipers. Noobs and all-around shitty players seem to be attracted to snipers like flies on shit. (And spies in TF2. All those times I was on a team with 4 snipers and 4 spies simultaneously....)

Oh God, don't remind me. Spy is my favorite class to play in TF2, yet I hardly get a chance anymore because four other players are always Spies (and they usually suck at it).

I've also seen an increase in worthless Engineers as well. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed an Engie building and upgrading a sentry gun at spawn, then SLOWLY carry it the entire way to the front lines (making them a prime target for Spies and Snipers). Meanwhile the enemy team has already waltzed in and taken the objective.

Bravo, Engie. You might as well have been AFK for all the good you did.

 

[Wolfram23]

My favorite is probably the people that get the Viper - you know, the Huey that holds like 6 people with 2 gatling guns? Right, so the guy flies straight towards an objective, so the gunners have nothing to shoot but air, and then bails. With a full chopper. Usually I'm pretty quick to F1 that shit, but by that point you're just sitting there getting targeted. Stupid people!

 

[Gorilla Gunk]

This may sound unfair but anybody that plays L4D without a mic automatically gets lumped into the "Shitty Player" category by default. Especially on the 360. The system comes with a mic people! If you don't have a mic that basically means I have to babysit you.

And I've gotten into so many situations where I've gotten into a helicopter on BF:BC2/BF2 only for the pilot to either crash in a no fly zone or right into the objective. Then again, the helicopter controls, again, especially on the consoles, are terrible. You practically have to be Rain Man to pilot that thing effectively.

PS. The title I gave this threads sounds awful and clunky.

 

[Kahunaburger]

Just picked up the Tribes: Ascend beta, so I am everyone else's dumb teammate. My latest "adventure" was trying to kill a tank with a spinfusor and promptly getting atomized. In my defense, it almost worked.

Also, my first flag attempt: I'm playing Scrambler (not an optimal flag-grab class, but also not irredeemably bad) and while I'm going around blowing up base defenses I happen to find myself traveling towards the flag at high velocity. "Shit," I think, "what's the worst thing that can happen?" and grab it. So suddenly everyone is trying to kill me, but I've actually got a decent head start and am still going fast. I try to use a voice command to say something along the lines of "take the flag from me!" or "shazbot!" In T:A, the "V" key is the "voice command" key and the "Z" key is the "drop flag" key. I derp up, hit Z, and finally realize why voice commands weren't working and that I no longer have the flag about 30 seconds later.

 

[octafish]

The other day I was playing BF3 and this helicopter was tearing us apart and I'm trying to shoot it down (Not doing a good job because I don't have any launchers that can lock-on and the guy flying the helicopter is really good) when I look over and see one of my squadmates also trying to shoot down the helicopter.

With a sniper rifle.

Ten minutes later we're about to lose and I look over and he's still trying to shoot down helicopters with his sniper rifle.

In fairness to the sniper; a good one can often take the pilot out and down the chopper in one shot. Maybe he's a good sniper having a bad day?

My personal bugbear are people who rush for the helicopters, load up with passengers and then fly straight into the scenery. I know everyone has to learn but there should be an offline mode for it in my opinion.

Indeed, oh what I wouldn't give for bots...

The classic revive the squad when they have just been cut down by a LMG/Sniper without eliminating the danger first so they can die again is always good.

Last night I was playing Karkand as RU and we were getting destroyed by armor. Absolutely cut to ribbons. Trying to cut off their resupply of armor my squad and another managed to take G and F in a hard fought battle and then as soon as the objectives were capped everyone buggered off. Even my own squad took off in a Jeep. I stayed and tried to camp the Tank spawn at G but I got steamrolled by two squads. This happened three times more times. The fourth time I convinced my squad to stay with me, and with an APC defending the bridge and a support and assault defending the river we managed to hold the US off for the rest of the round (1000 tickets, takes awhile). It got hairy at times, they did manage to get close to taking the points once or twice, but we prevailed. The RU team now with a steady supply of armor managed to overturn a 350 ticket deficit and take the win. My squad also took the top three spots on the scoreboard and we took the ace squad title. Sometimes you just have to defend.

 

[emeraldrafael]

I had a guy who scored a goal on us in hockey once. we pulled the goalie for a 6 on 3 empty netter, he went to draw back nd shoot, drew back in front of the puc and sent it flying back, scored a goal. I was ready to shoot him.

...

gaming wise though, I dont play often online with someone I dont trust and have played with before so i dont really have any stories of dumb teammates. though I know we were playing D&D once, and one of our guys triggered a trap purposely to make me lose an item I was carrying. So we sent him into to kill a boss, then left him alone to die. well worth it after we raided his body and made him continue the adventure naked.

 

[New Troll]

I actually just posted this story the other day in the Group, but the last time I played TF2 on a random server there where two kids (sounded around 10 on talk), one playing medic and the other heavy, who spent the entire match camped in base charging, running out the door uberred, just to turn back around and run back to base when it wore off. They never saw 99% of the battle. So annoying. And after that match I decided I'd ONLY play on servers with people I know.

But the KING of DUMB goes to an ex-coworker of mine. He was always a huge braggart about everything, but especially his gaming skills. So he eventually talked me into letting him join my Diablo 2 group. My friends and I played normally, taking our times, just enjoying the game, watching as he kept running past us. Eventually we worked our way to a very amusing surprise room filled completely with my coworker's corpses. We were laughing so hard, we decided to call it a night and my friends refused to play any game with my coworker again. And one of my best friends still keeps a screenshot of the room to throw in my face whenever I mention bringing in anyone new for anything.

 

[RJ 17]

Does "griefing" count as being a dumb teammate? If so, I fucking hate the random jackasses in CoD in games of Headquarters and Search and Destroy where in both game types you're expected to camp at a location and hold it down...then some loser comes up and crouches right in front of the corner you're in, blocking your shot and just sitting there waiting for you BOTH to get killed.

That and the jackasses who run around shooting to give away their/your position on the minimap.

 

[ResonanceSD]

Team Fortress 2, BLU team, Badwater spawn. Any occasion where there's more than two snipers, two spies, any engineers, and no medics.

Actually any TF2 map where there's no medic is beyond stupid.