Teacher Insults (film script help)

[tthor]

I am writing a short film script for my Film/TV class at school. My film's premise:

Premise: A shy unpopular teenage boy (Matthew) unintentionally develops an alter ego with a mind of it's own. He starts out liking this alter ego because it is everything he is not; confident, outgoing, and quite popular. He eventually begins to hate this alter ego, because his own beliefs and morals are at conflict with the alter ego's 'morals'.

What I need help with, is that i am having difficulty writing the scene where Matthew's alter ego first begins to appear. My idea is to have a scene where Matthew is in class, with a somewhat bitchy teacher, who this day seems to single out Matthew for abuse; Matthew (or atleast his alter-ego), would say something very clever and very insulting to the teacher (insulting enough to maybe get him detention,). Whatever he says would have to be very uncharacteristic of Matthew's character, so much so that it somewhat surprises his friends. (the problem here is that I am not very clever, and thus am not good at writing clever dialog)

What i need help with, What is something very clever/insulting/uncharacteristic that my character Matthew could say to a teacher? feel free to set up the scene, like 'teacher says this, then Matthew says that,' etc.

 

[Lilani]

I don't feel there's enough information here to run with, though I know the best insults are done in context. Is the teacher male or female? What do they look like? What do they wear? What's their love life like, and how much do the students know? If we're talking a bitchy female then you could run with some lonely cat lady or dragon lady stuff, and if it's a bitchy, fat guy going through a divorce you could do something with Matthew giving him some advice to bathe in Aqua Velva to get overpower that nasty burnt nacho smell emanating off of his unwashed sweater.

My advice is to just develop the characters of the teachers and go from there. Find out who they are and what their boundaries are. What bothers them and what doesn't. The key to making your characters believable is to believe in them yourself :3

 

[Canid117]

Why not just give the kid super powers and make the teacher a super villain then at the end have it all have just been a day dream.

 

[Ih8pkmn]

coughfightclubcough

Sorry.

The kid could say this when he gets kicked out: I'll talk to myself, it's the only way to guarantee intelligent conversation.

BA DUM TISH!

Ok, that's a good one. Mind if I use it in my everyday conversation?

OT: Hmm...

Here's one that nearly got a kid expelled last year:

"If you're so fucking smart, how come you get paid the same as the girl who sucked me off last night?"
(it was something to that effect; I don't remember the exact wording)
You could hear the teacher yelling from the other side of the school.

 

[spartan1077]

Just make him call her a ***** or something along tose lines. Insults aren't usually super creative. Just have him stand up and yell
"You Fucking ***** whore"
or something along those lines. That'd get him detention.

 

[dfcrackhead]

"Stfu ***** trolololo"?

Oh wait, you said clever umm... "Thats what she said"? no... "Your mom"? no....

Uhhh....

"Suck my balls, Mr.Garrison" Thats pretty good, but I think it's been done before....

My brain died, but maybe this will help: http://tinyurl.com/64p6w8f

 

[viranimus]

coughfightclubcough

Sorry.

The kid could say this when he gets kicked out: I'll talk to myself, it's the only way to guarantee intelligent conversation.

BA DUM TISH!

Dayum Ninja

Yes..this sounds entirely too much like a softer around the edges tv version of fight club, Perhaps with some of the teenage faux angst of twilight sprinkled in.

Keep in mind that is purely based on the very limited description given. You might well have a work on your hands that would make Shakespear blush. But the desription sounds bland and disinteresting, which ironically, basically makes it perfect for TV

 

[tthor]

coughfightclubcough

Sorry.

The kid could say this when he gets kicked out: I'll talk to myself, it's the only way to guarantee intelligent conversation.

BA DUM TISH!

i've actually never seen fightclub, tho i did come across some of the general premise of it when i was research things along the lines of 'split personality disorder' for my script i'm writing... now that i think about it, maybe i should have rented that movie to help me write my script lol. I had rented Youth In Revolt to help me think of how to write this script, tho i wasn't a huge fan of the film...

 

[tthor]

I don't feel there's enough information here to run with, though I know the best insults are done in context. Is the teacher male or female? What do they look like? What do they wear? What's their love life like, and how much do the students know? If we're talking a bitchy female then you could run with some lonely cat lady or dragon lady stuff, and if it's a bitchy, fat guy going through a divorce you could do something with Matthew giving him some advice to bathe in Aqua Velva to get overpower that nasty burnt nacho smell emanating off of his unwashed sweater.

My advice is to just develop the characters of the teachers and go from there. Find out who they are and what their boundaries are. What bothers them and what doesn't. The key to making your characters believable is to believe in them yourself :3

the details of the teacher aren't important to any other part of my script besides this one scene, so the teacher can pretty much be made into whatever works to best suit the alter-ego's insult. tho i guess my own personal vision of the teacher would a badlooking single old bitchy woman

thank you for the advice, i think this might help me

 

[Wrists]

"For fuck's sake, so you're stuck in a pointless, draining job...why do I have to take your shit just because your [insert spouse here] doesn't want to touch your [insert appendage here] anymore?"

That's all the skill 5 and a bit years of drama gets you, the ability to swear and think of mild insults in your head...and yet I'm proud of it.

EDIT: Blast, didn't see "single" in the teacher description, ah well, I suppose I can substitute "your [insert spouse here] doesn't" for "no one wants to...."

 

[Lilani]

the details of the teacher aren't important to any other part of my script besides this one scene, so the teacher can pretty much be made into whatever works to best suit the alter-ego's insult. tho i guess my own personal vision of the teacher would a badlooking single old bitchy woman

thank you for the advice, i think this might help me

No problem, I'm glad I could be of help Just remember though: if the characters are shallow, the insults will probably come across as shallow, too. John Lasseter from Pixar has a saying: At Pixar, they like to sand the underside of the drawers. They think out every detail, even the stuff that probably won't make it into the film--and if it does people probably wouldn't notice. But they know that people love their films, and love to watch them again and again because of all of that depth. Having well-thought-out minor characters is one of the keys to an engaging story.

Because in life, everybody has a backstory. Nobody is a "minor" or "major" character, when you think about it ;-)

 

[joebthegreat]

But if anyone's a minor character, it's that simple-minded teacher.

 

[Polyintrinsic]

you could use the famous, "those who can, do; those who can't, teach" in some sort of way.

 

[Adam_P42]

You could have the protagonist ask to use the washroom by using the word can and the teacher responding i don't know can you and then have the alter ego jump in and insult the teacher

 

[Worgen]

just have him crap on a desk and run out with his pants down, that seems to be something tv would do.... altho I might be watching the wrong tv, ok its what comedy central would do

 

[AnthonTheSkabot]

"I understand that you have the social life of a hikikomori monkey, but just because you haven't felt much beyond [insert phallic produce here] for the past thirty-seven years doesn't mean you should take it out on me, also, can I go to the restroom?"-Matthew.

Also: this sounds a lot like Youth in Revolt.

 

[SouthpawFencer]

"Considering that you use the word 'um' more than the word 'the' in your lectures, I hardly think you're in a position to criticize." (footnote 1)
"Does your [spouse] have to tie your shoes for you in the morning?"
"Well, bearing in mind that the smartest thing to come out of your mouth this year was [Principal's name]'s dick..." (footnote 2)
"Were you hired due to an anti-discrimination law? Because I didn't know that being a moron was considered an alternative lifestyle these days?" (footnote 3)
"There's more space between your ears than between galaxies." (footnote 4)
"You are so full of shit that it's leaking out of your ears" (footnote 5)
"You're full of something, and it's not wisdom."
"You're direct evidence that God has a serious quality control problem." (footnote 6)

Footnote 1: Plagiarized from the website of a former student of the school district that I work in.
Footnote 2: Plagiarized from the movie The Limey [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165854/]
Footnote 3: Plagiarized from the webcomic Something Positive [http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01252005.shtml]
Footnote 4: Plagiarized from the Darkwing Duck episode Twin Beaks [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHHNT4UXQyA]
Footnote 5: Plagiarized from the webcomic The Last Days of Foxhound [http://www.gigaville.com/comic.php?id=31]
Footnote 6: Plagiarized from Superior Court Judge Leslie Light [http://www.thefreelibrary.com/MOTHER'S+DAY+DOUBLE+KILLER+RECEIVES+DEATH+SENTENCE.(News)-a083823669]

 

[tthor]

"Considering that you use the word 'um' more than the word 'the' in your lectures, I hardly think you're in a position to criticize." (footnote 1)
"Does your [spouse] have to tie your shoes for you in the morning?"
"Well, bearing in mind that the smartest thing to come out of your mouth this year was [Principal's name]'s dick..." (footnote 2)
"Were you hired due to an anti-discrimination law? Because I didn't know that being a moron was considered an alternative lifestyle these days?" (footnote 3)
"There's more space between your ears than between galaxies." (footnote 4)
"You are so full of shit that it's leaking out of your ears" (footnote 5)
"You're full of something, and it's not wisdom."
"You're direct evidence that God has a serious quality control problem." (footnote 6)

Footnote 1: Plagiarized from the website of a former student of the school district that I work in.
Footnote 2: Plagiarized from the movie The Limey [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0165854/]
Footnote 3: Plagiarized from the webcomic Something Positive [http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01252005.shtml]
Footnote 4: Plagiarized from the Darkwing Duck episode Twin Beaks [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHHNT4UXQyA]
Footnote 5: Plagiarized from the webcomic The Last Days of Foxhound [http://www.gigaville.com/comic.php?id=31]
Footnote 6: Plagiarized from Superior Court Judge Leslie Light [http://www.thefreelibrary.com/MOTHER'S+DAY+DOUBLE+KILLER+RECEIVES+DEATH+SENTENCE.(News)-a083823669]

lol this is good stuff