Teaching kids about homosexuality

[badgersprite]

How hard is it to say, "also, some people out there like people of the same gender"? Is that really corrupting anyone?

At age seven, kids at my Christian school were already throwing around "gay" and "lesbian" as insults. We knew what those words meant. Everyone did. And I still didn't give a thought to my sexuality until I was a teenager, despite knowing homosexuality existed. I didn't think about whether I liked boys or girls, I was too busy watching Power Rangers and playing Tekken with my best friend. Kids don't care about this stuff in anything more than a very removed, idle way. They don't even think about it.

Kids don't get their circuits scrambled as easily as paranoid anti-gay propaganda would have us believe. There was a gay couple living down the street from me for most of my childhood, and I still didn't give a thought to the fact that I might be a lesbian (and I am) until I was in high school (I think that would be junior high in the US), the same time any kind of sexual feelings begin to develop in the average kid. And no one else who grew up in my street magically turned out gay either.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

It's up to the parents to decide how unprepared they want their children to be for reality.

 

[thewaever]

"The talk" is all about educating the kid so that they can keep themselves safe from:
* diseases
* unwanted pregnancies
* sexual bullying
...right?

Even if you strictly confine the conversation to sexual mechanics, even if you are 100% certain that your kid is straight, & for the exact same reasons you would talk about heterosexuality, you NEED to include homosexuality in "the talk."

Straight boys sexually bully other straight boys all the time.
Bullying preys on ignorance & fear. If you wait until the kid comes to you with questions, you're way too late.


Let me put it to you this way, would you rather your kid learn from a responsible adult who knows what (s)he's talking about? Who can help guide the kid to a happy, healthy life?

Or would you rather your kid end up like Asher Brown? ...or become one of the bullies that killed him?

A complete education is the only answer.

right, but at 7? really?

Yes.

Asher Brown was 13 when the bullies killed him. It takes alot to push people to commit suicide. They didn't start bullying Brown when he was 13. They'd been bullying him for years.

Obviously, if the parent feels comfortable talking to a 7 year old about sex, then they ought to be comfortable talking to them about... sex. Homosexuality is no different from heterosexuality. If you're going to talk about sex, talk about sex.

Serenegoose said it best:

I would. Kids are smart. Don't talk to them about something they'll find out about on their own, they might get the idea there was some kind of reason behind that omission. Prejudices form, massive fuckup. Best way to go about it is just to be up front about the fact that love, biology, and all that stuff isn't sacred, it isn't special, and it probably will happen. The idea of childhood innocence is a pervasive evil I'd have no part in maintaining, this idea that somehow knowledge corrupts and should be avoided.

 

[Josdeb]

I totally don't see why not.
Hell, it would've helped me out a bit... (Gay teenager here)

but whether or not your homosexual would have been irrelevant as a 7 year old (or at least most 7 yr olds).

What I think should be done with people your age, is when parents have "the talk" when kids are between 10-13, they should throw in homosexuality, etc.

Interestingly, I've found most homosexuals come from families who are completely open to it or completely against it. So it would be interesting to see how many kids would "turn out" to be homosexual after that discussion. (I am not saying that homosexual is a choice, but I do not believe it's purely genetic [my research into the matter has proven that such a thought is naive]; instead, it require a genetic predisposition mixed with how a person was nurtured... this, by and large, is how individual human personalities and preferences are typically made, I have found no reason to assume homosexuality is different).

You obviously aren't gay then.
I was already attracted to some of the older boys around me when I was young. Maybe 9 or 10, but that was still around the time when I started to learn about sex and sexuality.
And by the way, it is ignorant to say you can teach one without the other (Not saying you have, just saying in general)

Also, can I see the study? I like to see research and stuff done and compare it to how I grew up and whatnot. (I'm not calling you out on being wrong or anything, I'd like to see it.)
Also, what do you classify as nuturing that leads to homosexual behaviour? I've heard a lot of people refer to this and all I can think of is dressing a boy in pink and buying them dolls. What does the "nurture" aspect mean?

Also, "my age"?, errrr, you realsie "teenager" extends from 13 to 19, right? I'm 18... Just sayin'...

 

[lettucethesallad]

I totally don't see why not.
Hell, it would've helped me out a bit... (Gay teenager here)

but whether or not your homosexual would have been irrelevant as a 7 year old (or at least most 7 yr olds).

What I think should be done with people your age, is when parents have "the talk" when kids are between 10-13, they should throw in homosexuality, etc.

Interestingly, I've found most homosexuals come from families who are completely open to it or completely against it. So it would be interesting to see how many kids would "turn out" to be homosexual after that discussion. (I am not saying that homosexual is a choice, but I do not believe it's purely genetic [my research into the matter has proven that such a thought is naive]; instead, it require a genetic predisposition mixed with how a person was nurtured... this, by and large, is how individual human personalities and preferences are typically made, I have found no reason to assume homosexuality is different).

I know a few people who're in the closet because of a strict family or religious reasons. The reason you may know more open homosexuals who came from families that were open to the idea could be because of that. If parents don't freak about it, it's easier to have the guts to go with what you want, even if it's someone of the same sex as yourself.

 

[Something Amyss]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

Who said encouraged? This is basically "gays exist."

 

[Josdeb]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

Who said encouraged? This is basically "gays exist."

They exist? Crap I should become one!
What? What do you mean blondes? What are they? I'm so becoming one of those!
European? Holy moley! Sounds different! I'm so moving there!
Cactus? I am a cactus!

I kid

Kids are smarter than a lot of people take them for. With their iPhones and their computers... Really, they're well informed. And I mean it.
I got out of school 2 years ago and I was involved in the school musical and I had a lot of time to spend with kids ranging from about 7 to 17. They're pretty sharp.
Yes we should shelter them from smoking and drinking and driving the car and eating rat poisions (until they are of age/whenever) but really, you send them to school? They're gonna meet people of different religions, ethnicities and *gasp* sexualities.
So let's just hope that they're cool with it
The kids I met were cool with mine

 

[Daveman]

tbh at that age (7) I think homosexuality is going to be harder for them to understand, whereas people have this enforced idea of what families are like from their own and those of their friends. I don't think it's particularly homophobic. It's like the time a guy wrote in a newspaper article about my home town saying it was racist and one reason given was that his kids (both under 11) hadn't been taught about the civil rights movement in history. Firstly this is stupid because the government sets the syllabus and is therefore the same across the country and secondly at that age kids wont be able to understand it adequetely, which is why it is taught at GCSE level (15/16). I feel the same idea applies. Although I definitely would tell them before 15, just not at age 7.

 

[Denamic]

[...]saying that it would be 'inappropriate' to tell her about homosexuality at such an early age[...]

Sorry, but saying that homosexuality is ever 'inappropriate' makes one a dumbass in my book.

 

[hudsonzero]

well also tell her about the birds and the birds then

 

[GreigKM]

If there is one thing this topic has demonstrated to me, it is the lack of understanding when in comes to all different sexualities, bisexuality in perticular. Society has some way to go, it would seem...

 

[Terminate421]

Its impossible to teach children about Homosexuality without someone making fun of you.

 

[Woodsey]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

You don't encourage something just because you're informed about it. You'll encourage people to be OK with who they are, you won't make them gay (man that phrase is laughable).


OT: Of course it should be taught. You don't even have to do it pro-actively, just have it there as a regular thing. That way you get people who just see a couple, as opposed to a gay couple.

 

[VanityGirl]

Why are they telling a 7 year old about sex? Did the child ask where babies came from?

I've always been told that you tell kids about the birds and bees when they ask the "Where do babies come from question?" (Or when you catch them with porn in their room! XD)

But to solve the gender dilema: Just say "When two people love each other very much..." then blamo! Problem solved.

 

[BrionJames]

No. Mostly because, I don't think they quite understand the concept of homosexuality at that age.

 

[Vivace-Vivian]

One of the main reasons for discrimination is a lack of understanding. Teaching someone about homosexuality won?t make them gay. Do you really think my mom taught me about homosexuality? No.

And yet.

 

[Dexiro]

No, I do not. I don't think homosexuality should be encouraged, unless it actually comes from the child itself, with as little as external influence as possible.

The same goes for the opposite- The kid will learn soon enough, and probably ask her parents about it- then they should tell her, naturally, as unbiased as they can. If she later finds out she is indeed actually queer, it would be better if she does not have any subconscious issues with it inherited from her parents.

But still, they should not be handled equally, as heterosexuality is still the norm- and the natural way to reproduce. If the children are gay, they will probably find it out themselves. The important thing is to then make sure they are neither ashamed or feel otherwise repressed.

That's the complete wrong way to go about it. You know how troubling it can be for kids that happen to be gay when they haven't been educated on the matter? It can make their life living hell for years.
They can be in denial for years thinking they're a bad person by default because they've only heard about it from friends, or even worse if they don't learn what being gay is at all soon enough it can really mess them up. And this is all over something completely natural.

Then you have kids that aren't gay growing up thinking it disgusting and unnatural as well because they haven't been properly educated on the matter. And with a lot of people that just causes homophobic bullying and improper use of the word gay.

I honestly don't see what there is to lose with teaching kids about homosexuality. I think it should be briefly touched upon in sex ed as early as possible, and then taught in more detail further into puberty when it becomes more relevant.

 

[Edorf]

I'd probably dip into it, just dont make a big deal out of it tbh. It's important to not teach kids them evil norms, they really kill your thinking :I

 

[Ringo Redux]

Alright, I've been one of those famous net-lurkers around these forums for a long time. But, I've never registered or posted until now, and it's because of this thread. Mainly for two reasons: one, the back-and-forth here is actually intelligent and respectful (and that's rare on the internet) and two, because I like hot-button topics to weigh in on (pardon my prepositional ending). Now, preamble out of the way for my first post at EM, on to the OP...

To me, it's amazing how fast the actual issue underscoring a question can get misconstrued. That is, this really isn't a simple question of "should the child be told that some boys and girls like other boys or girls?" The simple solution to that would be to ASK the child, "well do you think you like boys or girls?" In a simple, lighthearted way. But wait, what are most kids that age going to say, "I like boys and girls!" and have no idea what you just set them up to admit to. Point is, kids are smart, but they think simply (we should all be so blessed). Sexuality will barely register in terms of it's umbrella-like nature and the considerations therein. This is why homosexuality is such a powder keg in terms of what is "taught." You simply cannot teach sexual orientation.

So, why the issue here? It's because this is a discussion about familial political correctness, not lifestyle. I speak for what I have observed in the U.S., as I am not a globetrotter, by the way. That said, we have by and large become a society (I don't say "nation," because our nation is and will always be great) of people that are obsessed with catering to people's feelings and expectations. If we don't teach our kids to be sensitive to everyone else at the expense of self, we are wrong. We are horrible parents. We are not keeping up with modern societal evolution. Now, before this becomes a rant in the wrong direction, we'll get it back to the point. If it is expected that being gay is acceptable, it should be equally as acceptable for someone to NOT find it acceptable. Does that mean someone who doesn't approve of gayness should be militant, abusive, or condescending? Absolutely not. But it DOES mean that if they want to teach their child(ren) their opinions on the homosexual persuasion, they are entitled to do so. That is what parents do. End of story. They shape children according to their values and beliefs until that child can make decisions for him/herself. NO child is capable of making long term, life-appropriate (and I use "appropriate" with great hesitance) decisions at the age of 7, 10, 14 or even 18 in some cases.

The key issue here is not should it be brought up by the parents. Several posters have said that if the child brings it up then discuss it. I agree with this. But, if you are going to discuss it, decide from which point of view you are coming from. Biological? Religious? It doesn't matter as long as there IS a standpoint.

Sadly, the most pointed area of contention within a discussion like this would be trying to eliminate bias if you don't want it in this discussion. For example - a deeply (Christian) religious family might have the discussion (or not, for the reason of purposeful omission) and point out that being gay or "liking boys/girls" (as the situation dictates) is wrong. Fine. If that is their home and their child - their business. (As an aside, there is a world of difference between not condoning homosexuality and homophobia.) There could easily be a similar family that has the Family Stone approach of homosexuality is just a tendency, such as handedness (to quote the movie) and there is nothing wrong with it. Also their business.

My advice, as a heterosexual male, married, uncle, brother, whatever - is to say to your sister-in-law (speaking to the OP, here)figure out HOW you are going to discuss it if/and when you do. The WORST thing that can happen is that you discuss the concepts of sexual orientation to a child, saying homosexuality is okay if it is based in love, and then alienating them because it isn't what you believe. That is the absolute bottom line. Teach them what you want, but be clear about how YOU feel. Don't pretty it up, don't lie through your teeth for the sake of having a "politically correct" conversation in your own home.

/deep breath.

-R.