tell me some bad jokes

[kinggamecat]

What's worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage bin?
1 dead baby in 10 garbage bins! Or none, because no dead babies is worse than one dead baby.

NOT MY JOKE DON'T KILL ME!

 

[Danoloto]

Why did the mushroom go to the party?
He was a fungi

No? ok, then how about this one:
1st guy: "Two zombies are walking along the street"
2nd guy: "Dude, this is no time for jokes..."
1st guy: "No seriously, there's 2 zombies walking on the street, RUN!"

Two zombies are walking along the street.
First zombie says: "Brains"
So the second zombie says: "Brains"
Oh, you've heard this one already... darn

Err, ok, for an encore then:
A Brit, a German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.
So the barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"

 

[wooty]

Lets all face it lads, Gadaffis death was a dead sirte!

 

[neonsword13-ops]

Spoiler: What do you call a bobby-pin that falls down a girl's shirt?

A booby-pin

Hell Ya.

EDIT: In the spirit of Bo Burnham...

 

[wooty]

Lets all face it lads, Gadaffis death was a dead sirte!

 

[Finbark]

What's worse than a rainy day?

Rape.

 

[Madman123456]

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

I've been suffering from Alzheimer-Bulimia. I eat large amounts of unhealthy Food but i forget to puke afterwards...

Bulimia! Twice the Taste, no Calories!

Remember that Scene from "Pulp Fiction" when John Travolta accidentally shoots the Informant Guy and Travolta and Jackson get splattered with Blood and Pieces of Brain?
The Informant gave them a Piece of his Mind...

 

[Dethenger]

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

 

[kickyourass]

I've got two for you.
#1 So a Priest, a Rabbi, and an Imam, all walk into a bar, the bartender turns and asks, "What is this a joke?"

#2 Why is a balloon, alot like Virginity?
One little prick and it's gone.

 

[newwiseman]

Here are a couple classics.

When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend, he was an alchoholic... I called him Dad.

I had a Cat named Foot Steps. He died in quick sand.

 

[sergnb]

what's brown and sticky

a stick

what is soft but sounds metallic if thrown against a wall

a baby with a fork stuck in his eye

What goes ass-first and looks at you in the eye before dying

A baby in a blender

 

[rekabdarb]

Well we could just link a list of steve jobs death jokes.

Here's a racist one.

What's the definition of Confusion? Fathers day in Harlem.

Here's a bad one.

What is Helen Keller's favorite Color? Corduroy!

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Left the plunger in the toilet/moved all the furniture around/stepped on her brail books with golf shoes

 

[Snotnarok]

Joke 1: A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Joke 2: A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"

 

[Falcon123]

So there are two muffins baking it an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Boy it's getting hot in here." The other freaks out and screams, "OH MY GOD, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

There are two snowmen sitting in a field. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, do you smell that?" The other sniffs the air and says, "Yeah it smells a lot like carrots."

Two peanuts were walking across the street. One was assaulted.

I can keep them coming

 

[Mojo]

Why cant women ski?
Cause it doesnt snow in the kitchen.

 

[AbyssalSanhedrin]

I'd love to contribute but I'm terrible at telling jokes; I always seem to punch up the fuckline.

 

[JasonKaotic]

Q. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. The holocaust.


That's one of my favourite anti-jokes.

 

[The_Amazing_G]

Q:What do you call a chicken coup with 4 doors?
A: A chicken Chevy!

 

[The_Amazing_G]

Let's see if I can remember this...

2 guys walk into a bar...

The first guy says: I'd like some h2o!

The second guy says: I'd like some h2o too!

THE SECOND GUY DIED.

that one's actually pretty good

 

[AstylahAthrys]

I love Anti-jokes.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.


So an Irishman walks out of a bar...


What's sad about the black man driving a Cadillac driving off a cliff?
He was my friend.


What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot, you racist.