Where to begin:
People who take up BOTH sides of the Escalator. Everywhere in the world people stand on the right, or run up the left hand side, DON'T BLOCK PEOPLE IN A RUSH!
People who tell me I should get an iPhone/Blackberry/Android/Can with a piece of string. Seriously, why should I? If I do, will that validate your decision to get one, you bellend?
People who blame their shitty luck on immigrants/migrant workers, never mind the fact that the people who complain clearly have no intention of finding a job at all or even have the qualifications to work because you dropped out of school when you were 15 to focus on your music but your lack of money and three kids is all because of the brown people!
People who try to argue that the moon landing was fixed. Seriously, read a fucking book you moron. Same goes for the assassination of JFK and 9/11 being an inside job.
People who ask for custom made burgers in McDonalds. If you want a Big Mac with no pickles, lettuce or relish then MAKE ONE YOUR-FUCKING-SELF! Don't go to the busiest fucking FAST FOOD restaurant in town and hold up the queue for half an hour!!
People who smoke. It's your life and everything but if I have to cough because you've just blown smoke right in my face, don't look at me like I'm the one poisoning everyone around you!
People who like football. Alright, people who judge others for NOT liking football. No, I don't care how many caps Steven Gerrard got as captain of Liverpool. Who the fuck cares? You can name every single member of the Chelsea squad? Congratulations, can you tell me the line up of the Astonishing X-Men? No. But I'm the sad one? Hypocrite. And while we're at it, people who wear football shirts when they're not playing football. Better yet, people with ACTUAL player's name on their football shirts. You're cosplaying you gimp, and badly, no way is Beckham as fat and bald as you.
Reality TV fans. Did I see X-Factor on Saturday night? No, I have a life.
People who do Movember. Seriously, I can see you're growing a moustache, just because it's the ONLY time of year you do something for charity doesn't give you the right to preach about it every five seconds. We both know you're only doing it so you can get more likes/retweets on whatever social media you use...
People who think Facebook and Twitter "matter". You didn't like my status, why not, I thought we were friends, I'm going to delete you! Fucking good, you vapid shallow ****! Get your self respect from somewhere else, not just how many people "like" that you just burnt your toast because you're such a spaz, OMG!
Vegetarians. Yes I do know where my burger came from. The Supermarket, the same place as the cabbage you buy that makes you fucking stink.