The Art of Conversation

[jezz8me]

There is a time in many conversations where there is just silence. I know the key to continuing is open ended quaestions and all that jazz but what are some questions you guys like to ask in order to get talking hopefully into a somewhat meaningful discussion?

 

[Vesus]

This may make me sound like some sort of self righteous arsehole (I am one btw) but I find the best thing to talk about is yourself (to an extent).

Nobody likes a self indulgant douchebag of a hedonist, but in all truthfulness the topics you're most familiar with are the ones at home, so you find a balance. You start talking about your general interests and experiences and before long, if the other person wants to converse, you strike up a conversation about a topic you can talk about.

For example, you could start talking about a concert you went to recently, which would evolve into a conversation about music. Doesn't sound awkward and wouldn't put the person out of place as much as a question like "what music do you like?" (only applies if the other person is shy, or unsure about starting a conversation.)

Course this just works for me, and I've never looked at any studies or read any books regarding this, but I did have the same problem as yours and this has seemed to fix it.

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

personally i talk about the first thing that catches my eye, ill just work it into a conversation im having and presto, instant topic change and the convo continues where it would normally have ended.
or natural progression where if we're talking about, for instance types of music ill ask what bands someone likes in that particular genre then just go from there about what i think of the bands they say, they'll probs ask what bands i like and you just go on and on and on and on and you get the idea.

 

[jezz8me]

yea i am good with that it is more when you know the person but conversation is going nowere what then

 

[WlknCntrdiction]

i would do the same tbh, its no different if you're talking to someone you dont know cause you're still talking about the same things though they may not be as enthusiastic as you about the topics you talk about, but thats the joy of meeting new people, different people with different interests

 

[Whitto]

if I'm really stuck for something to say, i just ask: "so what do you think?" when they reply with "about what?" I just say "anything, whatever interests you" it usually gets the conversation going again.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Or; "So how about the weather? [Descriptive Word] isn't it?"

 

[Kaisharga]

Well, the effort isn't necessarily all on the questioner; the answerer also has to 'play back' in order for a conversation to go smoothly. There's actually a symptom of schizophrenia as recognized in the DSM4 which indicates the type of awkward-silence conversational behavior. I don't remember the name of it off the top of my head, but it's the kind of thing that, while their responses are technically correct and complete, are not very good for conversational flow. The kind of thing that ends up being:

Q: Oh hey, long time no see! How've you been?
A: Fine.
-Awkward silence-
Q: ...All right. How's the wife and kids?
A: They're okay.
-Awkward silence-
Q: Hey, did you hear about that cool new thing that's recently become relevant?
A: Yep.
-Awkward silence-

You can see where that's going. The questions are perfectly open-ended and generally would lead to a discussion, but it stops dead in its tracks if BOTH people are not working towards it.

 

[AnGeL.SLayer]

Mmm, awkward moment of silence. Fun stuff. I always mention the silence and that usually breaks the tension. Which is why there was a moment in the first place, most of the time. You shouldn't have to work toward a conversation...it should happen naturally. If you have to work at it then something is wrong on one side or both. The ideal then would be to talk about the main problem and stop skirting around it. If it's just being shy, talk about that.


^_^

 

[Duck Sandwich]

One thing you can do to keep a conversation going (or start one) is ask about the other person's future plans, be they long-term or short-term (ie. "So, got any plans for Friday?" or "So what do you plan on doing once you finish High School/College/University?"

There's also the ol' "talk about stuff you've both experienced (ie. classes you've both taken, teams/clubs you're both in, movies you've both seen, etc)" although that doesn't really count for much if you have little/no common experience with them.

 

[Kraj]

hmmm. i am an antisocial socialite >__> Most importantly though, I'd say be yourself. An uncomfortable conversationalist is very often a bad conversationalist.

 

[stompy]

I just talk about topics that have either recently happened (and thus, are hot' news'), or topics I'm familiar with, like gaming. Yeh, I tend not to talk to a lot of people...

 

[cleverlymadeup]

i like to talk, i know a lot of stuff and i like to find out new things. i can carry on a good conversation that goes off on odd tangents from where it originally started

my issue is that people don't know how to have a conversation and expect you to talk all the time and be the one to carry the conversation, so i notice that a lot of conversations with people kinda fall flat

 

[jezz8me]

i agree with cleverlymadeup i am quite like that but in many cases the conversation goes nowhere especially when using non personal forms of communication ie phone, text, msn.

One silence breaker i have always loves is "So, what do you think of the situation of afghansistan?"

 

[L.B. Jeffries]

"Hey, do you want a beer?" usually leads to conversation.

 

[Divinegon]

Best thing I find to work when silence hits in is grab the last topic you indulged into, try to find a event of your life that dwells inside that topic or is at least similar then zoom out of it, giving your opinion about how that makes you feel and by then, you probably already voiced something else that can be used as a topic or the other person also found something he/she could use.

But it's a truth: People love talking about themselves. They love even more people who listen to self-rants without feeling aggravated. Grab two persons like that and conversations will pretty much transform into a turn based game of "About me". And it works splendidly.

 

[Anarchemitis]

Isn't a significant portion of talking the body language?

 

[werepossum]

For breaking awkward silences, I recommend whispering either:
"Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. We'we hunting wabbits."
OR
"I forgot - what are we listening for?"

That should get a giggle or at least a smile from most people, but you'll still need an interesting topic after that.

I also agree with Vesus. If both parties are young and/or shy, he or she probably has the same plan - to get you talking about yourself. So you get vapor lock. If you talk about your future plans and the uncertainties - say, you know you want to do something with animals but you're undecided between veterinarian and big game hunter - discussing these with the various pluses and minuses and your motivations for each may get her talking. You're asking her opinion within a finite framework; she doesn't risk being thought stupid if she's discussing things you've already approved.

That's assuming this is relationship-based, or at least potentially. Usually people who aren't painfully shy don't have such conversational problems without the high stakes of a relationship. If it's just friends, you can get away with things like "what about that global warming? Yep, this shit's all going to change when I'm emperor."

 

[Melaisis]

Something that goes beyond the bounds of the following:

"Hey."
"Hi."
"How are you?"
"Not bad, you?"
"Same. You been up to much?"
"No, you?"
"Nope."

...Aaaaaaaand cut.

I mean, why initiate a conversation if that's all it is going to bloody amount to!?

 

[Cordelia]

As many people have mentioned, the one topic virtually all people love discussing more than any other is themselves. Their life, their opinions, their day to day activities. People will tend to like you more, or at least feel more positively towards you, if they feel as though you are interested in them. The easiest way to kick-start a conversation is simply to ask the other person a question, though sometimes that's easier said than done, especially in a social setting.

For parties and suchlike, where you're likely to try and make small talk with people you don't know or only know slightly, it's good to have a backup set of questions, like, "What's the worst job you ever had?" or something along those lines. Rather than just come out and say it like that, you can couch it as "some friends of mine and I were talking out the worst jobs we've ever had...I think the winner so far is (make something up)." You can then either ask them what theirs is, or they'll naturally suggest it.

You can also just do something really silly. Again, let's say you're at a party...try to figure out, from the current guests, the best people to be stranded on a desert island with. Or figure out who would play them in a movie. Or which room in the house is the best hiding place for the zombie invasion. Whatever. Unless the person with you is a total drip, you should be able to get some spark of conversation going.