The bad boy approach: does it really work to start a relationship?

[Sir_Auron_the_Badass]

Being someone who has been rejected by every girl I tried to ask out, I naturally went to my friends for advise on how to get better at flirting and starting relationships. Many of my friends commented that though I'm a really nice, thoughtful guy, girls typically want to date guys that are more assertive and a bit aggressive, so I should try the bad boy approach. The thing is, the information I find about this approach makes it seem like it goes against my very nature; I'm definitely not a pansy, but I have never really felt that cocky or assertive, and I have never felt comfortable insulting others (even if it's just a light one for a tease), so I of course feel skeptical that this will work for me.

So the question is, does this approach really work, or is it just a cliche that bad boys get all the girls? And if it does work, what are some of the best ways someone like me could start off with this method in order to feel more comfortable using it more naturally?

Any helpful comments and suggestions are appreciated by everyone, especially any women willing to give their opinion on the matter.

 

[SpartakRB]

It is a cliche that bad boys get all the girls, because they don't. It probably depends how old you are to an extent - it certainly seemed that all the girls went for so-called 'bad-boys' back when I was a teenager and to a large extent younger girls do seem to do so. Even then, those who have ended up with 'bad boys' soon enough tend to get fed up of it.

When it comes to relationships, there is no point whatsoever in trying to be someone you're not. All that will happen if you try to be a 'bad boy' is that you'll come across as someone who tries too hard, and at best end up with a girl who isn't suited to you. I know 'be yourself' is a bit of a cliche in itself but it really is the best advice. Just don't over-think things - spend time with your friends, have a laugh and do the things that you enjoy and soon enough you'll come across someone who takes an interest in you, and it will be worth the wait!

At the end of the day, people talk a lot about confidence/being cocky, but being seen as a person who just enjoys life and is comfortable with himself will make you more attractive in to the opposite sex in my experience.

 

[ReservoirAngel]

The way it works is this:

If you want casual sex with strange women, going the bad boy (a.k.a 'bastard') route would generally work

For a relationship though...you always want to be yourself and be honest. Never start out a relationship pretending to be somebody you aren't, as you can never predict how it'll work out when the truth is revealed. Starting off as a jerkass is good and all, but being a jerkass will attract women who like jerkasses, so when you are revealed to NOT be a jerkass, they can quickly go off of you.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

It's not the "bad boy" that works, it's their self-confidence that gets them girls.

 

[ace_the_poet]

Depends on the type of girl you want - are you interested in a girl who is interested in guys who are aggressive and assertive, or are you interested in a girl who's interested in you?

 

[Simalacrum]

Basically? Don't ever lie to yourself. It's not a good idea, just be yourself! If girls can't accept you for who you are, then thats their problem, you shouldn't have to change just for them

Just have patience dude, girl's are all different after all... sure, some of them might like the assertive and aggressive type, but I'm damned sure that isn't the case for everyone out there. Just be yourself!

 

[Zaverexus]

Just don't. The kind of girl who goes for that is not the kind of girl you want if you are any sort of decent intelligent human being

 

[Melian]

I've never ever been interested in bad boys. There was a guy when I was 16 who thought that the more hard-ass routine would work in sweeping me off my feet. And while he was busy being tough, I fell hard for one of the nicest guys I've ever met, who is now my husband. Long story short: good guys get the girl, most of the time.

 

[PleaseDele]

It's not the "bad boy" that works, it's their self-confidence that gets them girls.

This is truth. If you haven't found the site AskMen.com I think you should look at it up some time. I've found that even if it's superficial at times, it has helped me gain more confidence due to the many columns and top tens they have.

It offers no guarantee at all, but maybe you can find some tips that are close to your personality.

 

[dmase]

There is a quote I came across awhile ago that said the one that cares less wins, when it comes to relationships.

Never go into a conversation or first meeting expecting to find a girlfriend or having too much interest, keeps your hopes from being dashed and keeps you more approachable when talking to that person.

 

[similar.squirrel]

I used to know this one guy who literally had women queuing up to get inside his pants, and all he did was make 'that's what she said' jokes and faux-sexist statements. It had gotten to the point where someone tried to fellate him whilst he was passed out.

Anyway, it seems to work, but you may get stuck being an irredeemable douchebag.
I could never do it, not because of moral issues, but because assertive and loud are not functions I was born with.

 

[zombiesinc]

So the question is, does this approach really work, or is it just a cliche that bad boys get all the girls? And if it does work, what are some of the best ways someone like me could start off with this method in order to feel more comfortable using it more naturally?

Any helpful comments and suggestions are appreciated by everyone, especially any women willing to give their opinion on the matter.

'Bad boys' may get the girls (I honestly don't know, I don't pay attention such these sorts of things), but they will always lose the girls in the end. The self-confidence is important, when it comes to anyone, but the rest? Garbage.

It's more likely that you've been 'rejected' (that word's too harsh) because those girls simply weren't attracted to you. Of course things like confidence help, but only to an extent. Confidence is simply a tool that allows you to express yourself and let people see who you are. Who you are is what someone will be attracted to. Don't try a different approach to get girls, just be yourself, as cliche as that is.

 

[WingedIncubus]

Oh, it definitely works - IF you get it. Certainly works for me.

Bad boy approach is a straightforward manner to reach for sex, then you decide afterwards if you keep the girl. For that you need to be convincing: stereotyped, styled clothing, really bad ass attitude, cocky confidence, a great shape, and communicating direct sex-appeal.

You could start by working on your clothing style. Find something that's stereotyped as "bad boy" that fit your looks. Look at how real-life bad boys and womanizers dress and style themselves : Colin Farrell, Axl Rose, rock stars, hip-hop artists, gangsters, pimps, beefcakes, MMA fighters, and emulate their style to fit your self-image.

Work on your bod, it's important. Work out, and cut fat to get those six-packs. You won't be credible if you look like a roundface skinny or a fatso. You need to pack some heavy muscle. Bad boy approach is all about being physically dominant and giving no shit about what people think of you. You're aura should be of danger and unpredicability, yet approachable enough that you might be tamed.

Find a compatible lifestyle that fits with the image you want to create. Are you a musician? Why not a garage band? Going out in nightclubs, rolling like a pimp in the streets, and so on?

Finally, really, REALLY work on your confidence. You're gonna be tested the hell out of you to see if you really are that tough, both by males and females. Especially females, they know how to smell a wannabee. You ARE going get some guys threatening you to see if you are the real deal or just a fake. If you were rejected daily, chances are that you are known around as a dweeb. It won't work on those who saw you before, unless you take some time disappearing and coming back changed. So get far away from those who know you and work heavily on becoming a MFing bad ass.

It can be done, but let's be realistic: it'll take a whole reframing of your point of view, your beliefs, you self-image. That will take months if not years of work on yourself.

Keep in mind that girls that go for bad boys often are not after relationships, but a booty call. Quite a few of them in fact will have boyfriends. So don't expect having a girlfriend, because most times you'll only have Mollies and hoes.

 

[LetalisK]

It seems a lot of people think being a "bad boy" works because you're a jerk, but that's not why. There are two primary reasons being a "bad boy" works. Said bad boys usually have confidence and stand up for themselves. This is self-explanatory. The second big part is that a bad boy is more likely to pursue as many options as possible. He doesn't let rejection get to him and moves on to the next opportunity. Even the most desirable of men get rejected often. The difference is knowing how to move on. Being able to do this and having confidence do not require you to be a bad boy.

 

[WingedIncubus]

It seems a lot of people think being a "bad boy" works because you're a jerk, but that's not why. There are two primary reasons being a "bad boy" works. Said bad boys usually have confidence and stand up for themselves. This is self-explanatory. The second big part is that a bad boy is more likely to pursue as many options as possible. He doesn't let rejection get to him and moves on to the next opportunity. Even the most desirable of men get rejected often. The difference is knowing how to move on. Being able to do this and having confidence do not require you to be a bad boy.

This, plus being styled, dressed, and stereotyped as one. Women are media-hungry, and they know what styles and what kind of guys are bad boys. They use what they see in the media as reference. Use that.

Women go easier for bad boys when they want a booty call or cheat on their boyfriends. Their dominance and overall-don't-give-a-fuck attitude arouse them and they can be thrown away afterwards. If you go for that approach, don't expect a girlfriend, except the ones who want to oh-so-change you for the better, or tame you. Expect living the life of a player, instead, if it works.

 

[LetalisK]

It seems a lot of people think being a "bad boy" works because you're a jerk, but that's not why. There are two primary reasons being a "bad boy" works. Said bad boys usually have confidence and stand up for themselves. This is self-explanatory. The second big part is that a bad boy is more likely to pursue as many options as possible. He doesn't let rejection get to him and moves on to the next opportunity. Even the most desirable of men get rejected often. The difference is knowing how to move on. Being able to do this and having confidence do not require you to be a bad boy.

This, plus being styled, dressed, and stereotyped as one. Women are media-hungry, and they know what styles and what kind of guys are bad boys. They use what they see in the media as reference. Use that.

Well....I would argue that the attributes that make a bad boy an actual bad boy work against the aforementioned two primary attributes. I would guess women who seek out the actual bad boy qualities instead of just taking them with the package are in the minority and have a couple screws loose.

 

[WingedIncubus]

Well....I would argue that the attributes that make a bad boy an actual bad boy work against the aforementioned two primary attributes. I would guess women who seek out the actual bad boy qualities instead of just taking them with the package are in the minority and have a couple screws loose.

Bad boys don't chase around good, busy girls in the streets during the day, they hunt during the night in high-energy-charged venues like bars and nightclubs. Most girls will be drunken, partying, fooling and flirting around. And for good reason, because the aformented guys are there having fun, drinking, and partying as well.

They are not in thinking mood, but feeling mood. Hence why styling yourself as one helps you, because they recognize within seconds whether you are the dangerous type or not, using their frames of reference, and whether they want to fuck you or not. From there, it's all sexual dominance, cockiness, and taking the lead. You're not there to talk, you're there to charge up the air sexually, play her buttons, and make her wet and quivering inside so that she brings you to her bed.

 

[LetalisK]

Well....I would argue that the attributes that make a bad boy an actual bad boy work against the aforementioned two primary attributes. I would guess women who seek out the actual bad boy qualities instead of just taking them with the package are in the minority and have a couple screws loose.

A bad boy don't chase around good, busy girls in the streets during the day, they hunt during the night in high-energy-charged venues like bars and nightclubs. Most girls will be drunken, partying, fooling and flirting around. They are not in thinking mood, but feeling mood.

Hence why styling yourself as one helps you, because they recognize within seconds whether you are the dangerous type or not, using their frames of reference, and whether they want to fuck you or not. You're not there to talk, you're there to charge the air up, play her buttons, and make her wet and quivering inside.

Point taken. Also illustrates why I hate bars for finding women.

 

[M Rotter]

Look being a "bad boy" means backing it up, so it youre not, dont fake it because people woould probably tell. People respond to assertiveness (which also by the way does not entail putting people down) because it shows that the person speaking knows what they think and is not afraid to express it. People are not psychic, they wont think that you are a shitty or boring person if you are shy, but if you dont say anything how can they talk to you? Im a shy person, but its learning that not every interaction (even with romantic interests) is not the end all be all. And i think the bad boy attitude really is about giving off the impression that youre not going to cater to whoever youre talking to, so if you keep some perspective youll achieve the "bad boy" attitude incidentally.