The Conundrum of Relationships

[leviathanmisha]

Society is sexist, and people are raised with gender roles, often whether they like/realise it or not. If you want to live in mainstream society and meet girls, you either have to navigate sexism in culture, or get in touch with girls who reject these kinds of cultural notions.

He hit the nail on the head. The sad thing is, you won't find a lot of girls who reject cultural notions. Even in my case, I'm a tomboy, but even I understand that women are better suited to cooking and cleaning, and I do just that, but I don't raise a fuss about it, hell, I enjoy cooking!!

But yeah, it looks like sexism is here to stay, which kinda sucks...

 

[Yureina]

Its a huge reason why I have remained single. I am very insular and have enough of a hard time starting normal conversations with people, much less bringing up stuff of that nature. Do I have some personal confidence issues? a few, but nothing I can't solve. What it really comes down to is a shy personality that does not want to interfere with other people's lives or bother them. I prefer to stick within my own world. That... has cost me dearly over the past few years, but I have at least been able to exist in my own realm.

As for "gender roles" and "who should move first", I hate it. I absolutely can't stand such arbitrary concepts. I don't accept it and never have. But, either way, it would not matter what I thought because my naturally insular tendencies keep me out of everyone's notice, for better or worse.

 

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

Fuck dude, you're better off than me and I've got almost 5 years on you.

It was just a date, not even a girlfriend. Things quickly broke down after that.

Cheer up, I guess. I'm not really in a position to give advice

 

[Trivun]

Fuck dude, you're better off than me and I've got almost 5 years on you.

It was just a date, not even a girlfriend. Things quickly broke down after that.

Cheer up, I guess. I'm not really in a position to give advice

Hell, that's actually even better than me, too . Though to be fair, according to my parents I do often "fail to see what's right in front of" me. That is, girls are interested in me but I only realise much later, when it's way too late (part of my reasons for making this thread, as a matter of fact...).

 

[Betancore]

I don't think it really matters who does the asking, as long as someone does step up when they like someone else. Maybe it's because all the guys I'm into are quiet and geeky, but I'm always the one to do the asking. So it depends. I would like for other girls to do it too, though, so then at least it wouldn't seem so forward and weird for me ask.

 

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

Hell, that's actually even better than me, too . Though to be fair, according to my parents I do often "fail to see what's right in front of" me. That is, girls are interested in me but I only realise much later, when it's way too late (part of my reasons for making this thread, as a matter of fact...).

I'm 3 for 3 right now.
The first time, I was too much of a coward to ask a girl out, so it ended there.
The second, I manned up and got a date but then went too aggressively (including the dreaded ''l-word'').
The third, I just sent vague signals and waited for the girl to make the move.
She never did, and now we're not talking anymore.

:/

Safe to say, I'm not really in the mood for romance anymore. Not for a while anyway.

In response to that whole girls coming on to you thing,
I have actually noticed that two or three girls have been unusually chatty around me (yes, I consider that a signal. Nobody ever talks around me) but I wasn't really interested in them so I pretended like nothing was up.

:/

 

[Vlassic]

I'm a girl, and I've made the first moves in every relationship I've ever had except one. A lot of girls don't feel comfortable with that, so as a guy, you're usually going to have to do the pursuing.So maybe you should go after more aggressive girls that are more likely to make the first move.

I do know that I'm hoping my next relationship will be the result of someone pursuing me for a change. I'm not against going after a guy, I'd just like to know someone liked me enough to go after me for once.

 

[Jesus123]

1 out 100 Rule

Ask out 100 girls, 1 will say yes

 

[Naheal]

Its a huge reason why I have remained single. I am very insular and have enough of a hard time starting normal conversations with people, much less bringing up stuff of that nature. Do I have some personal confidence issues? a few, but nothing I can't solve. What it really comes down to is a shy personality that does not want to interfere with other people's lives or bother them. I prefer to stick within my own world. That... has cost me dearly over the past few years, but I have at least been able to exist in my own realm.

I've found that the ability to remain isolated from people to be a good thing. In fact, I often keep the "asexual" shield up just in case. When I do get the nerve to ask someone out, it goes well initially, but I find that I'm actually far more productive and comfortable on my own.

Maybe there's more to the "asexual shield" than it just being a shield.

As for "gender roles" and "who should move first", I hate it. I absolutely can't stand such arbitrary concepts. I don't accept it and never have. But, either way, it would not matter what I thought because my naturally insular tendencies keep me out of everyone's notice, for better or worse.

It's idiotic, I agree, but there's really nothing that a few people can do to change it at the moment.

 

[Mr Montmorency]

This thread has helped cripple my self-esteem almost entirely.

Thanks a lot, jerks.

Hi there. Have a beer.

You see this hat? This is your asexual hat. Put this on and feel free to join us in the corner. It's a party. WAAAEY! Yeah.

 

[Rarhnor]

For girls/women to reach sexual maturity earlier than guys, it would be logical for them to "make the move".
There's a lot of pressure on men to be the ones taking initiative, confessing, asking out and asking to marry. Relationship is partially development, and not the man's development.

Why this is, i don't really know. You could argue that society is sexist, but i think it's because guys are treated as simple, when we are at least as worried about these sort of things, as women are (we just don't show it). Women are, at the end of the day, more shallow than your average man.

Now, prove me wrong, and step me into the dirt, you narrow-minded sexists!

 

[ChicagoTed]

1 out 100 Rule

Ask out 100 girls, 1 will say yes

Never heard of that rule but it sounds like a interesting idea.

As for asking a girl out I guess I can count my lucky stars because my previous and current girlfriend asked me out instead. But I have to say alot of the preasure is usually on the male side sometimes in can be peer preasure which really doesn't help our nerves does it guys? Other times it could just be that the guy and girl both like each other but the girl is just waiting for the guy to make the first move.