The Customer Is Always Wrong

[Lord_Ascendant]

*coughs up wad of phlegm and begins sordid tale*

I work at an Animal Shelter, and I don;t get a lot of guff. Usually I clean litter pans, cuddle kittens, let the cats out to stretch their legs and keep an eye on Bumbles and Crash, the two cats with Distemper (it makes them wobble and not stand straight). Now I work Mondays and Saturdays for one hour. Two stories, one good one not. I'll start with he bad one.

Monday, we are closed until 3 (when i come in to work) and I usually start by asking what cats are out so I can find them and put them in. (I know where they love to sleep) give Mindy the bipolar cat a tickle, stick toys int he cadges and go get gloves to start work. My partner comes in after me and, well she is no help at all she dosent do any work and gets yelled at by my boss Cindy a lot. Well she is in the Iso Room where the Puerto Rican dogs are being kept inside for 12 day quarantine (I had to scrub the cadges that day so I needed my boos to unlock the Iso Room) SO she is in there talking to Bumbles and Crash. I go into the kitchen to grab a box of rubber gloves and get the scrub brush, I peek back in to see if shes there. She's holding Bumbles (hes fully, back and white and green eyed. a cutie) well she puts him down when I say my usual "Tema, come here and help me scrub down the cadges would you please?" and she says the usual "No thank you. HI KITTY WITTY!" then I say "T, Bumbles can NOT be out of his cadge becuase Crash is gonna..." too late, Crash darts out of his cadge and starts ramming into things and skidding on the linoleum. I have to chase poor Crash down and stick him into his crate, shut Bumbles in there too and hive my partner a withering look and she says "Cindy, can I let the cats out!" and she gets a "No" and I say "She let Crash out and I just caught him." my boss comes running in to look at Crash, he's fine and nibbling his food. My partner gets in trouble, again, and I have to babysit her AGAIN. And this happens all the time, not just poor Crash but with the kittens and the puppies. She leaves all the cadges open and then walks away. And I end up having to watch ehr and do my work. All becuase my partner is a dimwit. I know that's mean to say, but she is.

Good story. This is how I met my current girlfriend so hush and listen to mien tale.
*coughs for a minute*
Alrighty, Saturdays are slow days. We aren't open and I can clean the kitty boxes without having to shut the door and get stuck with bleach fumes. Some people ARE allowed in on Saturdays, friends of the Staff and stuff. Well I finished cleaning a few litter pans, went out to look at the clock and my partner that day is a girl my age, brown hair her name is Stephanie. I didn't know her then. I stuck my head out to look at the clock and someone was looking at the cats in the cat room while she was mopping the floor. She slipped past me to keep mopping and I stuck my head back in to make some small talk when I heard the front door open and shut. I said "Mail call!" loudly to tell my Boss that the mail was in. She said from the other room "Mail already came." so I say "Huh, that's odd." I look out the guy is gone and I say "hey Stephanie can you come with me for a second." and we both look outside. Down the block away a guy is shuffling away with one of our cat carriers. I say "Well butter up the other side and pan fry my buns" and run after the guy. My partner follows and we corner the guy and say "Whaddya think your DOIN??!!!" he says "I'm taking my cat back, my ex-wife stole it and tried to get rid of it on me!." so I said "Open the cadge please." and he does so. A heavy, black furball flies out of the cadge and onto the poor guys face. SO me and Steph are trying to pry the cat off of the guys face and keep his ears from getting clawed off. We get eh cat off, get him into his cadge and take him back. Turns out he was right, he took the cat home and we gave him some bandages and Steph used a sewing needle and thread to do some impromptu stitches. SO I'm sitting there and I say to her "You handled yourself very well, where do you live?" and the rest, friend, it be history. She has a different account of this but hers is more dramatic


OK first one, less customer, more "person who should help" the reason she lets all the cats out is to "play with everyone" and it starts fights and she claims its "OK becuase I watch them." and "Oh cats don't fight." LOLZ!

 

[Aurora219]

I work for an electricity supplier. I get about one of these calls a week:

Customer: You've sent me an electricity bill
Me: Okay, and is there a problem with the invoice?
Customer: I never agreed to be supplied by you. I didn't sign a contract.
Me: That's fine sir, do you want me to request our Sales team send you a quotation so you can get the best deal? You can decide who you want your supplier to be and find the best deal.
Customer: That's beside the point. You've sent me a bill for hundreds of pounds which I didn't agree to. How can you send me a bill when I've done nothing but tell you my name?
Me: I'm afraid when you took on responsibility for the site, you also took on responsibility for the electricity supply. The invoice cannot be disputed on these grounds. You've used the electricity and you need to pay for it.
Customer: HOW DARE YOU SEND ME A BILL FOR ELECTRICITY WHEN I DIDN'T SIGN A CONTRACT WITH YOU!
Me: I understand you weren't expecting an invoice, but with all due respect, what would happen if nobody signed a contract, should I just pack up and go home now? You're on a default rate and I suggest you sign a contract with a supplier as soon as possible.
*Customer hangs up*
*I write a snide note about the conversation on the system and produce another invoice just to make sure the customer gets the hint*

 

[Lord_Ascendant]

Repost from copy thread cause I'm stupid and didn't see this.

I've worked at a Subway in my student centre for a year now. Lemme tell you this...I have pretty much seen everything that makes working the Lunch shift a living hell. These people are sent by Satan themselves, and only people from Subway can experience some of these:

-I just cleaned that a minute ago! Now you spilled soda all over it!

-No, we do NOT carry Elk meat.

-It is not called "Salad", it is called "Lettuce".

-You would NOT Want it if we carried Cabbage - I seriously doubt you know how that tastes.

-If you say "Salad Dressing", I'm going to give you a really odd look since there is no such thing as "Salad Dressing".

-This is Subway - WE DO NOT CARRY BEER. The place right here has a liquor license.

-This is not a bakery, we do NOT Sell crossaint(sp) rolls, and we are not allowed to give "Fresh Baked" bread in the morning.

-We do NOT give discounts for giving you day-old-bread we're supposed to use first. Again, this is NOT A bakery.

-We do NOT sell bagels, because there are two bagel places in this building. They open way before we do. Get something there.

-We do not give Student Drinks.

-I just cleaned that!

-Turn off that cell phone please.

-PLEASE don't complain about Subway being slow when half our staff is working on a 30 foot party order or when there are only two people working the line for about 50 people and there's no sign of the customers slowing down anytime soon.

-PLEASE don't text in the middle of the line.

-Soembody is talking to you - STOP THE FREAKING TEXTING!

-We do NOT carry Ketchup.

-Because we do not carry ketchup, PLEASE don't make us go to all the trouble of toasting a foot long Ham and Cheese and then just leaving when we don't have Ketchup. You just made us waste food.

-If you're getting six foot longs, CALL AHEAD PLEASE. Don't make 40+ people wait in line.

-You do not want that bread that just came out of the 500+ Degrees oven. Seriously - you do not.

-When you just say "I'll have a meatball sub", you ALSO need to say how long you want it and on what kind of bread.

-When you say "I'll have a six inch on white", you ALSO need to say what kind of sandwich it'll be.

-We do NOT Sell hamburgers - there is a hamburger grille upstairs.

-We also are NOT allowed to sell pizzas because of how much it'd gum the line up, and because there is a pizza place right there.

-We did not carry Swiss cheese the last time you asked us yesterday, we are not going to start carrying it now.

-PUT THAT DARN CELL PHONE DOWN.

-If you say "Chipotle Mayo", then you best expect Mayonaise on it since it is NOT mayo.

-We do not carry Okra - Do you see it on the vein?

-I do not even know what a Gherkin is - do you think we carry it?

-Spinach is NOT a kind of lettuce.

-Bacon and Cheese are NOT Vegetables.

-We do not care about how much better Quiznos does it - you're still coming HERE and getting it TOASTED.

-There is nothing that annoys us more than people who cannot make up their mind.

-SPEAK LOUD AND CLEAR. If you just grunt when I ask what kind of bread you want, I am going to ask AGAIN.

-Your friend is RIGHT there - you don't need to be YELLING AT THEM because we hvae to talk over it.

-You don't HAVE to talk through your boyfriend and have him order everything - unless you suffer from Chronic Mumbling Syndrome, you can talk as well.

-PLEASE DON'T HOLD UP THE DARN LINE BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!

-There is no such thing as Bacon made from Roast Beef.

-STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE WITH YOUR TEXTING!

-I just cleaned that!

-We do not serve Fries - we have Chips.

-Please do not say "yes" when I ask if you want Chips or a drink and then say "WAIT I didn't order those!"

-a $5 foot long deal does NOT Apply to six-inches.

-PLEASE don't sing that stupid $5 foot long song.

-Be nice to the person behind the counter - we do this for shit pay and we don't wanna be here any more than you do.

-If you call me some white racial slang, I am going to ask you to leave due to disrespect. There IS such thing as racism against WHITE people.

-And the reason your $5 foot long is not $5 is because of TAX. Everybody has to pay it.

-When I say that a Chicken Bacon Ranch is no longer a $5 foot long, that does NOT mean you will still pay $5 for it. $5 for how much stuff goes on that is Grand Theft.

-You can NOT get a $5 foot long that's "Half BMT half Tuna".

-Please turn that iPod off.

-Do not get angry at us for not speaking loud enough when you're wearing $50 headphones that I bet are noise-canceling.

-Take those Earbuds OFF.

-TURN THAT CELL PHONE OFF DAMMIT.

-We do not make Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches.

-we do not carry Pumpernickel.

-We do not carry Donuts.

-If you just say "Sauce" when we ask that, we're gonna ask "What Kind?".

-There is a sign that shows all the sauces in front of your face - READ IT.

-There is a sign that lists all the foot longs that are still $5 in front of you - READ IT.

-There is also a sign that shows the "Sub of the Day" on the vein.

-And last but not least, please don't ask what kind of cheese we have when there is one of thsoe signs in front of you like all the others.

-If you don't know what something is, just say "Whatever that stuff is next to the thing I DO recognize". don't point to it since we can't see it from your point of view.

-PLEASE do NOT ask if we're still doing the $5 foot long deal when we are wearing $5 foot long TEE SHIRTS and you're standing RIGHT NEXT TO A $5 FOOT LONG BANNER THAT IS AT LEAST TWO METERS TALL!!!

-PLEASE do not ask if we're doing Breakfast sandwiches if you're standing next to a "Serving Breakfast" and you're walking in at 8:30 AM.

-When someone in a Subway uniform is eating a sandwich or coming out of the bathroom, they are NOT Slacking off from work - they are on BREAK.

-If that burned cookie is at least good enough for you to shove in your face, it's edible.

-We haven't carried Peanut Butter cookies since march - we aren't gonna carry them now especially after someone got an allergy triggered because it was processed in the same factory as a peanut butter cookie.

-IF you order 6 loaves of bread, you WILL Be charged.

-If you order a "6 inch Fresh Baked Bun", you WILL be charged for it.

-To the Children: SHUT UP. Mommy's busy since you likely can't order for yourselves.

-The end of the line starts at the end, you do NOT order at the register unless you are ordering a Party Sub for later.

-Please don't ask us to make the special kind of white-wheat-braided bread for a 30 foot party sub that you're gonna pick up within an HOUR.

-Please give us at least one day's notice before ordering a party sub.

-TURN OFF THAT CELL PHONE. I don't care if your dad just died, you can at least step out of the line for a few minutes for a call that's so important.

-And if you're holding up the line to have phone sex, then you best be going back to the end of the line since we're gonna ignore you.

-Asking if you want it toasted or if you want a copy of the receipt is a simple Yes or No question. And if you just answer with a grunt or a squeak, we'll have to ask again because that is not an option.

-We do not sell sixteen inch sandwiches.

-You seriously want to toast the Mustard? Good luck it's only gonna be about 600 degrees when you bite into it.

-Because we have Meatballs, that does NOT mean we have freaking spaghetti.

-We do not sell PEPSI products when we have COKE all over the soda fountain.

-If you don't see a kind of chips there, then that means we don't have it.

-We can NOT toast a salad. Why would you even want that in the first place?

-And no we can't stir-fry it either. Do you see an oven for that?

-We also cannot toast a wrap.

-This is SUBWAY. We do not serve, of all things, TACOS. Especially when there's a Taco Bell upstairs.

-Yes yes I know. You fought in Vietnam. Yes we know you lost your leg to Agent orange and have probably suffered extreme lung damage. Yes we know you were spat on because the idiots back then thought you actually WANTED to be drafted. You still have to pay for your food like the rest of us.

-Being in the Special Forces or being an Air Force Veteran also does not mean you get a discount.

-You may be in the ROTC, but you're still paying as much for your food as everyone else is.

-Women do NOT. GET. A BLOODY DISCOUNT.

-If you don't see an M&M cookie on display, then we likely don't have it.

-Please don't pay for a $20+ order with pennies.

-From living in an age in which pretty much every food service place has a huge sign reading, "We do not accept bills larger than a 20", you should know that by now.

-"No checks" means exactly what it says - WE DO NOT TAKE PERSONAL CHECKS.

-I just told the last 4 people that we are out of herbs and cheese bread. And no we are NOT gonna hold up the line so we can make you some fresh bread.

-You think you can do better than we are? Get back here, put on some gloves and get to work.

-I know it's 8 AM, but that's no reason to talk in mumbles and grunts like you're drunk off of your ass.

-No, our meat is not raw.

-The oven has been turned off hours ago. We are nearly closing. We are NOT going to wait an hour for the oven to warm you up and then cook you something "Fresh".

-No, you may not purchase cookie dough from us.

-We don't carry T bones. What do you think this is, a sit-down?

-There is a yellow sign that says "wet floor", and it is placed in the middle of the floor in plain view. If you fall down because you didn't see it, it is not our fault for irresponsibly mopping the floor. Nor is it the water's fault for refusing to evaporate.

your blood pressure must be insane

 

[shadowstriker86]

yep. lots of them. i think the best one i had to deal with was the "penguin lady" when i used to work at disneyland. fat retarded lady who always came to the park and argued with people that she knew more about disney stuff than anyone. no one had the heart to call security cause she was fat and had to walk all the back to the parking lot. that is of course before i came in. i was working on the peter pan ride when she came waddling through the line, screaming that she can cut because she's disabled until she got to the front. i stopped the cars from coming in and told her that she's gonna have to go to the back of the line and act like an adult (btw 2 things you are NEVER supposed to do as a disney employee, identify the idiocy of guests, and make them suffer for it) she started screamin up a storm as i called security and waited for 10 min. while she wailed and screamed like the fat cow she was till security escorted her off the park premises. Later on i got yelled at by my manager cause i wasnt supposed to call security for somthing like that (on someone who just cut in front of at least 78 people while making kids cry?). So i said if she wants to fire me i'll take it up with human resources. ive never seen a manager shut up so fast.

 

[Firia]

Back to the cinema for a positive finale

a customer came out of a screen and (rather apologetically) pointed out that the wrong film was probably being played in the auditorium he was in. i poked my head in and low and behold Deathwatch instead of the Hey Arnold! movie.

Long story short: horrific scenes of mustard gas deaths instead of cute american animation.

instead of screaming and shouting that we had harmed his children or that we were going to be sued, he calmly pointed out that mistakes happen and if we could put the right film on that would sort the problem. We did that, refunded his tickets, refunded his drinks/snacks, apologised to his kids (who were actually crying when they came out of the screen), gave him a bunch of free tickets and he even thanked us on the way out for handling things professionally and consideratly.

It swings both ways, this pendulum we called respect.

I like this story, and the last part is SO true! Gotta give it before you can expect to get it. Respect!

 

[dantheman931]

Back to the cinema for a positive finale

a customer came out of a screen and (rather apologetically) pointed out that the wrong film was probably being played in the auditorium he was in. i poked my head in and low and behold Deathwatch instead of the Hey Arnold! movie.

Long story short: horrific scenes of mustard gas deaths instead of cute american animation.

instead of screaming and shouting that we had harmed his children or that we were going to be sued, he calmly pointed out that mistakes happen and if we could put the right film on that would sort the problem. We did that, refunded his tickets, refunded his drinks/snacks, apologised to his kids (who were actually crying when they came out of the screen), gave him a bunch of free tickets and he even thanked us on the way out for handling things professionally and consideratly.

It swings both ways, this pendulum we called respect.

I like this story, and the last part is SO true! Gotta give it before you can expect to get it. Respect!

I would start a thread about good customers, but I don't think it would last long, sadly.

 

[dantheman931]

This happened the day after an armed robbery that took place across town. A customer was waiting for his service to be completed, and he was reading a newspaper. All of a sudden, from nowhere, he said "F***in *slur against Mexicans*, comin here and robbin us hard-workin Americans." (Except it came out more like "merkins." A merkin, in case you were unaware, is a pubic wig, but I digress.)

Normally I would have held my tongue, but for some reason that just hit me the wrong way. I very calmly asked him, "Would you feel any better about it if it had been a white man, sir?" I figured it was a mistake as soon as I said it, but wonder of wonders, he actually apologized and said something like "I'm just havin a bad day." Sometimes the universe is actually nice to you.

And the punch line? It turns out the robber was a white guy.

 

[abtrogdor]

Having spent three of my teenage years working in a McDonald's, I had my fair share of morons to deal with. The ones who would put through their order, and then at the last possible second before i cashed it up would go "and thats large", making me delete the entire fucking order and put it through again when i asked them if they wanted large and they said no. i would seriously get at least ten of these a day.

The retards who would ask for free stuff. yeah sure buddy, they don't let ME have free food, but why not? not like im gonna lose my job or anything. oh, wait....

The kid who took a dump in the playground slide.

Or one morning when I had to open the store on my own, and do not only the front counter work, but cash up in the drivethru and give them their orders as well, because my manager was too damn lazy to give me a hand. most of the customers were pretty good about it, but I had a few who were assholes about having to wait while i served the other fifteen people who got there before them.

I think the one I wanted to hurt the most was when I was on drive-thru one morning, and handed him the eftpos machine out the window so he could put his transaction through. when he was done, he simply dropped it out the window, so it swung by it's cable into the outside wall, smashing it and rendering the machine useless. And we had no spares. And the guy laughed when i told him what he had just done to me. i wanted to drag him from his truck and stick his face into the deep fryer. asshole! so, for the rest of the day i could take no debit or credit transactions, a phenomenon thet nobody managed to understand, and would give me shit about.


Seriously, i'm so glad i have a job now that i don't have to deal with customers any more. Fuck customers. For all you poor souls still working in fast food, I feel your pain, so I am always extra nice when eat anywhere like Maccas or BK.

My mum used to work for WINZ (thats like our welfare office here in New Zealand) in Porirua, one of the most horrible, ghetto-ass places in the entire damn county. the place got trashed on a regular basis by assholes who got their dole money denied for whatever reason. this one time, a guy left and came back with a machete and started smashing up all the computers. they called the cops and he got arrested.

My girlfriend works in the lingerie department of a department store, she's had some horror stories as well. the children who decide the changing rooms are bathrooms. or the customers who get angry and scream at her for no good reason. It doesn't help that most of her managers are uncaring assholes. Luckily she's friends with the security guards.

Her worst story is about the creepy guy they noticed coming out of the changing area and running out of the store, they went to investigate and he'd jerked off into a pair of women's underwear he'd taken off the rack. Needless to say they went straight in the bin.

 

[Notashrimp09]

These stories are always entertaining. There's also notalwaysright.com which is a website dedicated to this very topic.

I work in a dorm hall, and a girl came up to me during my night shift who got locked out of her room. After a semester and a half, she did not know her own room number, and guessed wrong.

For every one of these stories I read, however, I lose a little piece of faith in humanity. It's so sad.

 

[Erzengel]

Good lord this is a long thread. I worked at Wendy's for ~6 months, and was honestly surprised by how few idiotic customers we had. Then literally the day before I shipped out to the USAF, a customer drives up, orders a 32 oz Dr. Pepper. After I gave it to him, he asked for a straw, and when I went to hand it to him he threw the entire thing in my face. I was very calm about it, but my co-workers went out after him as he and his friends drove away laughing. They looked like they were ready to beat the crap out of the guys, but I was more concerned about BMT that I'd endure the next few months.

Then after being discharged from the USAF, I worked at Fry's Electronics (a large electronics warehouse-store on the western half of the USA) for ~10 months. Again, 95% of customers were fine. For the remaining 5% it was always a quick, "Here's my supervisor, talk to him/her."
I was told a tale about one guy who had a complaint, and when we kicked it up to the supervisor it happened to be a short, female one. He complained loudly that he didn't want to talk to "some kid", and so we kicked it up to a manager. Which happened to be the shortest manager in the store. He asked "God is this store run by kids or something?" I don't know if his complaint was resolved, but I have this happy belief he left an unhappy customer.

My personal favorite was when Wii fit came out. We had a limit of 1 per person, and they were selling like... well, like Wiis. We couldn't keep them stocked for more than a day, and they were easily selling for twice as much on E-Bay. So a customer comes up with OUR ENTIRE STOCK in his basket. The cashier went, "Ummm. Sir, there's a limit of one per customer on these." He tried to get around this, so a supervisor came over. He said, "Uhhhhhh. Sorry sir, but it's one per customer. If you want one, fine, but not 50. We have to be fair to our other customers." He kept arguing, so we called over a manager. He looked at the basket, looked at the customer, and said, "No. You are the reason it's one per customer. Please leave." By this time a Loss Prevention Officer had taken up position behind the customer, just in case. He left.

Thankfully I've moved on to the game industry. Which doesn't mean I no longer have to deal with human stupidity. Even the best of us can get a bit... crazy when working 16 hours a day 7 days a week.

 

[dantheman931]

I have a McDonald's story! Ooo ooo, me next!

This group of three or four guys came in, ordered a huge amount of food, and paid. Just as they were leaving, one of the guys noticed the next person in line ordering and was like, "Hey, that looks good." The rest of the guys agreed, so they made us refund their money, throw all that food away, and re-ring them. And let me tell you, the registers at McDonald's are not designed to make refunds easy because, at least judging by my paltry couple months there, refunds are almost never necessary because customers are usually compensated with a replacement meal. Consequently, my drawer was almost certainly off that night; luckily the manager who pulled my drawer was the one who had done the refund, so he didn't try to blame me.

 

[dantheman931]

By the way, quick question. Am I wrong, or do shoplifters seem unusually fond of stealing condoms? When I worked at The Mart, that was easily the number one item that got stolen, at least judging by the number of empty boxes I found stashed behind stuff. The funny part is, about half the time it was the Magnums (plus-sized rubbers) that got stolen; I'm sorry, but wouldn't you want to be seen buying those?

 

[brynnflynn]

You poor thing. Your blood pressure must be, like, whoa.

My favourite story goes a little like this:

Couple of days after Christmas, I was working in GameStop. Dealing with the usual returns, when a woman comes in...
"Hi...*peers at nametag* James, I have a broken game here".

"Ok *takes game: a copy of Nintendogs* What's the problem with it?"

"It's broken."

"Uh...huh. Do you mean it doesn't work, it won't load properly...?"

"No, it's broken."

"Hang on, I'll check it. *fires game into DS. Works perfectly well* sorry, but this game is working perfectly well."

"No, the dog won't listen to my child."

"...what is the dog's name?"

"I gave it to 3 people who play this game, and they all said it's broken! The dog is called Lucky, but it won't listen!"

For those of you unfamiliar with Nintendogs, at the start of the game you have to teach the dog its name and how to sit down, using the microphone.

Queue 15 minutes of shouting at a bundle of pixels, attempting to teach it how to sit. It learned. I'm a 6ft 2" 18 year old man. I had to imitate the voice of a 10 year old girl. I hate people who refuse to accept their wrongness.

HOLY CRAP. I swear to god, the same thing happened to me! Except I'm a woman, and had to imitate the voice of a 10 year old boy. I spent ten minutes with the boy and his mother getting the buggering dog to listen.

/not a dog person
//even less of one after trying to get that damn thing to listen

 

[Ignignokt]

I love messing with Starbucks.

What's more epic is the fact that a very similar story unfolds at the start of the movie "Role Models"

What's even more epic is that there is no such drink as an orange mocha frappuccino except in the movie Zoolander. Which means that the story's more than a little bit made up.

Also, "It's America, speak American" is the dumbest fucking thing a human being can say short of, "I'm an Objectivist."

It took a long time before anyone else seemed to think he was making his stories up.

 

[tsb247]

Okay I know I was saying the one above was the last one but i do have one more.

Happened on Black Friday in 2006. A consumer walked in with a camera. At Best Buy we put a sticker on any electronics or anythign that can get mixed up with other merchandise.
We put the sticker on and I asked what we could help with.

Customer: We would like to return this camera.
Me: Do you have a receipt.
Customer: No. But that shouldn't matter.
Me: How old is it?
Customer: Four Years.
Me: I am sorry but our return policy is only 30 days and it needs to be in the original packaging with the reciept.
Customer: Well we don't have that!
Me: Well I am sorry we can't take the camera back.
Customer: Well why not Sears said that you would.
Me: Where did you buy the Camera?
Customer: Sears.
Me: Ahhh... yeah this is Best Buy.
Customer: I know.
Me: We can't take back merchandise that is sold from competetor stores... especially ones that are over our 30 day return policy and without a reciept.
Customer: I want to speak to your manager.

Manager was the one that put the sticker on their camera. He told them what I told them... which they responded saying that was stupid and left.

Manager: Well that wasn't too bad.
Me: What do you mean?
Manager: You should of see the lady that came in angry we didn't sell 2X4s.

Wow... I often wonder how people can really be that dense.

 

[dantheman931]

I love messing with Starbucks.

What's more epic is the fact that a very similar story unfolds at the start of the movie "Role Models"

What's even more epic is that there is no such drink as an orange mocha frappuccino except in the movie Zoolander. Which means that the story's more than a little bit made up.

Also, "It's America, speak American" is the dumbest fucking thing a human being can say short of, "I'm an Objectivist."

It took a long time before anyone else seemed to think he was making his stories up.

I never saw Zoolander, and I figured he must be writing from another country or something where you can get an orange mocha whatever. (Starbucks sells different stuff in different countries, y'see.) That being said, yes, I feel a little bit silly now.

But I'll say it again: If you don't like Starbucks, or any other store, don't go there. 'Tis not rocket surgery.

 

[Ignignokt]

I love messing with Starbucks.

What's more epic is the fact that a very similar story unfolds at the start of the movie "Role Models"

What's even more epic is that there is no such drink as an orange mocha frappuccino except in the movie Zoolander.

It took a long time before anyone else seemed to think he was making his stories up.

I never saw Zoolander, and I figured he must be writing from another country or something where you can get an orange mocha whatever. (Starbucks sells different stuff in different countries, y'see.) That being said, yes, I feel a little bit silly now.

But I'll say it again: If you don't like Starbucks, or any other store, don't go there. 'Tis not rocket surgery.

I was suspicious up to his story about the porn shop and the super hot lady asking him for sex and to teach her employee the law. That put it over the top.

 

[dantheman931]

Wow, that just went on, didn't it? I'll post more later if anyone particularly cares.

Ugh, I used to work there too, and good lord did that happen a lot... People don't know their tire size, make OR Model? How the Fuck? Mine is EASY: 1992 Cadillac DeVille with a 4.9 Liter V-8, 275/70R15. Takes 5 quarts of Castrol High Mileage 5W-30. People would look at me surprised when I rattled off Engine code (V) AND License plate number as well. Of course, my favorite is to go in there and request the Fuel Injection cleaning for free because they ALMOST ALWAYS forget to ask me. Well, the ONE TIME I actually wanted it, they forgot, and I forgot until I was walking away... So yeah.

I used to wonder about people who didn't know their license plate number. Like, what the hell would they do if their car ever got stolen? (I must admit, I don't have my tire size or VIN memorized. But I at least know where to find them.)

Also high-larious: "I don't know my phone number, I never call myself." Apparently no one else calls you either if you can't give your number to anyone, ya putz.

One more. Customer comes up to my register with a pack of gum. I could tell something was up because of the way he was acting, i.e., way too polite, but I didn't think anything of it until he tried to pay with a $100 bill. This sets off alarms in Dan's skull, because that's a sign that the customer is going to attempt a quick-change (I can explain what that is if anyone needs me to), so I ask him, "Just checking, you're aware this is a $100 bill, right?"

The customer falls silent, pays for his gum with a normal-sized bill, and leaves. A few minutes later, I joke to my manager, "You know, I just prevented a quick-change. Give Dan a bonus." Manager asks what the hell a quick-change is, I roll my eyes hard enough to fire them across the room, and after explaining what it is, he says, "You got quick-changed?" Cue *facepalm* while manager pulls drawer like a madman and counts it to see how much money I lost, which turned out to be none at all--my drawer was off by less than 25 cents. Then again, this is the same manager who once pulled me back from lunch less than ten minutes after sending me because he forgot his other cashier was getting ready to leave, and he told me I had no choice but to skip lunch. I would have told him to spin on my mid digit, but I didn't want to make waves.

 

[dantheman931]

I was suspicious up to his story about the porn shop and the super hot lady asking him for sex and to teach her employee the law. That put it over the top.

I'll admit, that one set my bullshit meter all aflutter as well.