The end of the road

[holy_secret]

Obligatory song.

So you feel there's no point in life? Then think, what brings joy in your life? If you really feel nothing does, take a walk. Take it and I guarantee you that you will feel better and feel enlightened. However there are others way to see how awesome is life in the fullest, perhaps take up a sport/martial arts or meditation/yoga. Religion also changes lives to be better and give meaning.

You can also make goals, whether or not they're something you've been meaning to do is not important. Keep going for that goal, no matter what happens. When that goal has been reached you have a sense of achievement and that my friend feels quite good.

Or you can start listening to Music or try to laugh as often as you can. Laughter, Music and Exercise are 3 very important and simple things in lives that make you generally feel better and it keeps you healthy!

Me? I listen to music all the time and my mood definitely improves. You can pull through man, never give up!
[sub]My advice may not be the most sound but if you never try, you'll never know.[/sub]

So I shouldn't drop out of the U?
Thanks for the tips man. Appreciated.

 

[Nouw]

Obligatory song.

So you feel there's no point in life? Then think, what brings joy in your life? If you really feel nothing does, take a walk. Take it and I guarantee you that you will feel better and feel enlightened. However there are others way to see how awesome is life in the fullest, perhaps take up a sport/martial arts or meditation/yoga. Religion also changes lives to be better and give meaning.

You can also make goals, whether or not they're something you've been meaning to do is not important. Keep going for that goal, no matter what happens. When that goal has been reached you have a sense of achievement and that my friend feels quite good.

Or you can start listening to Music or try to laugh as often as you can. Laughter, Music and Exercise are 3 very important and simple things in lives that make you generally feel better and it keeps you healthy!

Me? I listen to music all the time and my mood definitely improves. You can pull through man, never give up!
[sub]My advice may not be the most sound but if you never try, you'll never know.[/sub]

So I shouldn't drop out of the U?
Thanks for the tips man. Appreciated.

No, definitely not. But I feel after re-reading your story you could have a minor attitude change that will give you the utmost respect of others. Don't let others ruin your day, and by others I don't mean assholes because they probably feel the same way that you do.
"Why would he/she do that? Can't he/she be more understanding?" If you be the bigger man and apologize or let them 'win' that will make you feel better and the person!

 

[holy_secret]

It's so strange. I just met someone I've been chatting with online for more than three years. It was 10 minutes ago. Am on the train now around this on my phone.
It was like fireworks. We just rushed to each other and hugged as if we hadn't seen each other for so long. We talked for a long time and just had an amazing time.

Is this fate? I'll take any shred of hope there is.
How do I make him not run away when he realizes how broken I am?
I hope this isn't off topic. This thread is the only thing that keeps me going these days. Sometimes I just hang here and press F5 till I see an answer.
Just want to thank you guys again. I hope the apathy comes later than sooner so I can keep appreciating your efforts.

 

[Melian]

I'm glad to be here for you man, just PM if you need anything!

 

[The Man With the Soap]

It's so strange. I just met someone I've been chatting with online for more than three years. It was 10 minutes ago. Am on the train now around this on my phone.
It was like fireworks. We just rushed to each other and hugged as if we hadn't seen each other for so long. We talked for a long time and just had an amazing time.

Is this fate? I'll take any shred of hope there is.
How do I make him not run away when he realizes how broken I am?
I hope this isn't off topic. This thread is the only thing that keeps me going these days. Sometimes I just hang here and press F5 till I see an answer.
Just want to thank you guys again. I hope the apathy comes later than sooner so I can keep appreciating your efforts.

I think you should probably abandon the whole "fate" philosophy. It seems to destroy your outlook on things when something bad happens. Just accept the fact that "shit happens" and it's all just random. There's no malicious force in the universe that's out to get us. It's all just influenced by so many factors beyond our control, that to us it is essentially random.

 

[IZRA]

It's so strange. I just met someone I've been chatting with online for more than three years. It was 10 minutes ago. Am on the train now around this on my phone.
It was like fireworks. We just rushed to each other and hugged as if we hadn't seen each other for so long. We talked for a long time and just had an amazing time.

Is this fate? I'll take any shred of hope there is.
How do I make him not run away when he realizes how broken I am?
I hope this isn't off topic. This thread is the only thing that keeps me going these days. Sometimes I just hang here and press F5 till I see an answer.
Just want to thank you guys again. I hope the apathy comes later than sooner so I can keep appreciating your efforts.

nice going there. funny how those "Coincidences" happen.

i do want to make you aware of the questions that you are asking yourself.


for example:

Is there really happiness, or is it meant to be temporary?

Is love supposed to always end in complete and utter disaster?

these might pop in again to drag you down. and its only natural, since you had past experiences that support that, but the real issue is that you might be getting less than ideal answers.
for example: some people who experience heavy loss will come to the answer that "they been cursed" or "that just my fate", while others may go "this experience has made me a better person" or "is just a strech of bad luck". better answers come by asking better questions. instead of saying "why am i so depressed?" say "how can i be happier right now?". you be surprise of how attitudes change by simply asking a better question. try it.

oh, and just because we seem to be putting some emo songs, this is my fav emo song ever.

 

[rutger5000]

Goddammit man, Sorry man really don't know what to say. Goddammit.
Here's my best shot.
Okay I've got zero real life experience. You got that, my advice ain't shit. I let all the bad stuff that happened to me just happen, it never got to me. But I never experienced stuff that bad. Slightly abusive mother, but still loving that's the worst I've got.
Okay here's what I do. You need some comfort trust and love and you need it fast, I would join a close church. It doesn't matter whether you believe in God or not, you can lie about that, but you need the companionship of those kind of people. When you get back on your feet you need to decide whether you still want to be a member of that church. (Always keep thinking for yourself when it's about ethics or religion).
Also it might be an idea to take anger-management lessons. Whether you truly have anger-issues or not doesn't matter. You're family seems to think you have, so if you want be accepted into your family again, then you need to make them believe your facing those issues.
Whatever you do don't start drinking or doing drugs, start now and you'll never stop.
After all that take a vacation if your financial situation allows it, sound like you could use one.

Okay only apply the advice above if the one below doesn't seems better.
Judging from the reactions you left on replies you're a lot stronger then I could possibly imagine you to be. I don't think I would even be half the person you are if I had been through the same stuff.
Yeah going to another country and starting again sounds like a great idea. Take a few classes about the culture you'll move into, so that you can make friends easily. When you're in the new country find a shrink so you can go through your whole life story with him/her. It's important that you'll have someone to talk to about all that. I don't think you need the actual mental help, but you do need someone to open up to, and that's a shrinks job.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

ohhh Dude....
I'am now sitting here for just about an hour thinking about what to write to you - thing is: I cannot even remotely grasp what you must have gone through and how you managed to pull yourself out of that shit only to be hit by yet another tragedy. I'am so sorry....

I can only tell you two things:

Know that there is yet another Escapee that is supporting you with this post.

...and

Do not let yourself down - There is hope and happiness to be found. You just have to look for it.

 

[Nouw]

It's so strange. I just met someone I've been chatting with online for more than three years. It was 10 minutes ago. Am on the train now around this on my phone.
It was like fireworks. We just rushed to each other and hugged as if we hadn't seen each other for so long. We talked for a long time and just had an amazing time.

Is this fate? I'll take any shred of hope there is.
How do I make him not run away when he realizes how broken I am?
I hope this isn't off topic. This thread is the only thing that keeps me going these days. Sometimes I just hang here and press F5 till I see an answer.
Just want to thank you guys again. I hope the apathy comes later than sooner so I can keep appreciating your efforts.

Chin up high, have a smile and go in feeling good. That's a way life says "Here's a taste of what's to come." Remember, try not to think that life is shit. That is good too but if you understand that and move to 'life is shit but that doesn't mean good things can't happen.' you have one of the most positive outlooks on life! You can't control what happens but you can control what happens next.

Be proactive! Don't wait for something good to come, you are the driver in your life, not the passenger!
[sub]Perhaps chatting to someone in this thread? We won't bite! And I sometimes thrive on things like these too >.>[/sub]

 

[holy_secret]

It's so strange. I just met someone I've been chatting with online for more than three years. It was 10 minutes ago. Am on the train now around this on my phone.
It was like fireworks. We just rushed to each other and hugged as if we hadn't seen each other for so long. We talked for a long time and just had an amazing time.

Is this fate? I'll take any shred of hope there is.
How do I make him not run away when he realizes how broken I am?
I hope this isn't off topic. This thread is the only thing that keeps me going these days. Sometimes I just hang here and press F5 till I see an answer.
Just want to thank you guys again. I hope the apathy comes later than sooner so I can keep appreciating your efforts.

I think you should probably abandon the whole "fate" philosophy. It seems to destroy your outlook on things when something bad happens. Just accept the fact that "shit happens" and it's all just random. There's no malicious force in the universe that's out to get us. It's all just influenced by so many factors beyond our control, that to us it is essentially random.

You mean I'm supposed to accept that all that has happened to me has just been for nothing?
That might work for you, but the thought that everything is just a bunch of random shit happening is just too much for me. How can I have hope if I don't have belief in that things happen for a reason?

Am at the doctor's office waiting for my appointment with a shrink. Hope they don't lock me up or whatever.
Should I ask for pills? I've never believed in them really.

I hate this feeling. Everything feels okay right now. It's like I'm walking around with the colors faded and the sound almost on mute. The only thing I hear when I go to bed is the sound of my heart beating.
I wonder when the next steps happen. I wish I wasn't so aware of this crap.

 

[holy_secret]

"you're very defensive and hard to talk to. I'll give you two weeks off from work"

I am so pissed of I don't know what to do. I am so fucking pissed off. Those damn shrinks did not even let me tell them even half the crap that I told you guys. Was just a sterile interrogation.
I'll answer you guys later on. Just want to thank you again for the responses. They help immensely.

 

[Nouw]

So the 'shrink' told you that? Well if you really are getting two week off from work you can spend the time re-building your spiritual well-being.

Perhaps regularly meditating? It really does help calm the soul...

 

[Sneaklemming]

Hey dude,

I was reading alot of these responses and Im going to go against the grain of alot of them.

Well, not me exactly, but someone more convincing.
It has a very business focus in the beginning, but it broadens out, and you'll see why I'm recommending it to you. (Its the middle bit you want)

I hope this will help.

 

[holy_secret]

Hey dude,

I was reading alot of these responses and Im going to go against the grain of alot of them.

Well, not me exactly, but someone more convincing.
It has a very business focus in the beginning, but it broadens out, and you'll see why I'm recommending it to you. (Its the middle bit you want)

I hope this will help.

Hey man. Just want to say that this video really made me think. It really did...
I'm actually smiling now. You made me smile. Thank you man. This is really good stuff.

When the middle part came, it was like someone walked up to me and shone a flashlight right into my eyes. Wow.
Thank you!!!

 

[holy_secret]

So the 'shrink' told you that? Well if you really are getting two week off from work you can spend the time re-building your spiritual well-being.

Perhaps regularly meditating? It really does help calm the soul...

I'll take all the time I need then. I really don't want to fall into that hole I fell into in 2008. It sounds so damn strange to say, but I know how it is and how I'll react. Kinda...even though this is completely different and feels more cruel and suffocating than anything.

What kind of meditation were you thinking of? Any recommendations? I'll try anything that might make me more stable.

 

[holy_secret]

I just don't understand. You guys say "don't give up". Why? Give me at least one good reason why. Why should I go on?

Remember the last guy who gave up? Neither does any one else. That's why.

I've been thinking of moving away. Just pack my bags and leave everything behind me and start anew. I speak Swedish, English, German and Spanish, so I think I could go pretty much anywhere.
Is this a good idea?

Yes, yes it is. If a new start is what you need, and it certainly sounds like you need it, the yes. You have everything to win and as you say yourself, not much left to lose.

If you seek it out, things will change and get better. But only if you go ahead and makes the changes yourself.

I see that you are a broken man, but broken things can be rebuilt, and made better. So start rebuilding.

I was thinking of that. Do you think it would be a good idea to make a new thread later on (when I'm ready for it) to ask for the community's opinion on where I should go?

How would you suggest I start rebuilding? I know it is what I have to do, but I just feel that there is no ground for me to stand on. It feels like building someone on no foundation. It just isn't possible.
Thank you for your answer man. I know I'm spilling out a thank you everywhere. I really mean them. I really appreciate this. Thank you!

I don't see a reason to live anymore.

No reason to live means no reason to die.

I lost the (at that time) love of my life, multiple good friends (one only a week ago), both parents, several other relatives, etc etc... plus gone through many other non-entertaining things like domestic violence, sexual assault, and more. I'm still here, and I'm not planning on going anyplace any time soon, and not only that, my life is quite frankly awesome now. I get what you're going through, I've been there more than once, but it's not the end of your story.

I do sincerely believe that there is no reason for anybody to live, so you have to create your own reasons. To use an analogy that a gamer will instantly get, life isn't like Call Of Duty where there's a fixed objective and path, and your goal is to figure it out and then get there, nor is it like Space Invaders where the goal is to just keep doing the same shit over and over while it gets progressively harder each time until you finally die or have had enough. Life is more like Minecraft, where you get thrown into a world, have to learn the rules as you go (or look them up, or get as much help from others as you can) and then it's up to you to make your own fun and purpose in the world. As shitty as life is, life is fucking awesome, and you owe it to yourself to stick around just to see what further things you can get up to. The people you know didn't stick around and that's a shame, but you've still got those positive experiences that they gave you and the lessons you learned when you were together. You can cave into despair or you can draw on that stuff and use it to better your existence. To make that castle of gold sometimes you have to punch some wood. Good luck.

So how should I create the reasons to live when the reasons for my existance are gone?
Sorry to question you, I am just really confused right now. I just want to know more of what you have to say.
But you're right...somehow... Life is awesome when it is awesome. It is shit when it is shit, but being in the state I am in now means that sometime, I must have been really happy. That kinda makes me feel a little better.
Thank you for your long answer. I liked the video game analogy

hi there. you been throuht a tough road haven't you? and i like to point out that you made it this far.now that takes skill and some balls.

another point i want to make is that many here will try to cheer you up and give you you reasons to live on, this simply showing empathy for a fellow human being. its a natural reaction, but perhaps not the "answer" you are looking for. however , i like you to imagine what would Erika think if she saw you right now? would she not want to cheer you up? would she not want something better for you? i would hallucinate that she would. this is , even if i dont know you, what i want for you. i want something better for you.

Mike and Erika ,i think they wanted better for you, so do we.

pm me if you need anything

Kinda much, yeah. It's been a long road. I just wish every year wouldn't have a season finale made to inflict the biggest possible drama/destruction.
And...she'd probably kick my ass so good. Like literally. Scary Sakura-powered women are not to be messed with.
Mike would probably...Just hold me and keep me trapped in his arms until I would stop fighting it and just fall asleep. He was the truly the best friend there ever was... He knew me in and out. I wish it would've worked out somehow. I wish everything would've worked out. I wish I could go back one year ago when I was happy. Would I have changed anything? No. It was perfect. My life was perfect. I was happy.
I miss them so fucking much.

Thank you for mentioning them by name. Don't think anyone else had the guts to do that.
I just want the world to know of these two perfect souls. My loved ones.

 

[Sneaklemming]

I'm just curious, but this thread hasn't moved in the time people have been posting, it's not being bumped up.

Is this a moderation feature or a bug?

 

[Nouw]

So the 'shrink' told you that? Well if you really are getting two week off from work you can spend the time re-building your spiritual well-being.

Perhaps regularly meditating? It really does help calm the soul...

I'll take all the time I need then. I really don't want to fall into that hole I fell into in 2008. It sounds so damn strange to say, but I know how it is and how I'll react. Kinda...even though this is completely different and feels more cruel and suffocating than anything.

What kind of meditation were you thinking of? Any recommendations? I'll try anything that might make me more stable.

I'm no expert but I can say that Tae Kwon Do has made me a much more peaceful and calm person. Try look for some meditation or Yoga/Martial Arts classes or something in your University.

If I'm wrong about how your life works, just try to look for Martial Arts to work in. And of course Yoga too...
[sub]I can recommend some books for you if you want >.>[/sub]

 

[holy_secret]

I'm just curious, but this thread hasn't moved in the time people have been posting, it's not being bumped up.

Is this a moderation feature or a bug?

I've wondered the same thing. Am I being singled out?

So the 'shrink' told you that? Well if you really are getting two week off from work you can spend the time re-building your spiritual well-being.

Perhaps regularly meditating? It really does help calm the soul...

I'll take all the time I need then. I really don't want to fall into that hole I fell into in 2008. It sounds so damn strange to say, but I know how it is and how I'll react. Kinda...even though this is completely different and feels more cruel and suffocating than anything.

What kind of meditation were you thinking of? Any recommendations? I'll try anything that might make me more stable.

I'm no expert but I can say that Tae Kwon Do has made me a much more peaceful and calm person. Try look for some meditation or Yoga/Martial Arts classes or something in your University.

If I'm wrong about how your life works, just try to look for Martial Arts to work in. And of course Yoga too...
[sub]I can recommend some books for you if you want >.>[/sub]

Thanks for the tip, man. I've been going to the gym for a workout the whole week. It feels really good. I never thought it would make one feel so less weary.
Show me the books. I'm willing to do anything that sounds like a good idea.